Weaning 20 Month Toddler

I have no advice on this topic (I didn't produce milk) but I wanted to say GOOD FOR YOU! making it that long!!!! You should be proud and not feel guilty!

Maybe after a long day apart what he wants more than anything is the physical closeness he got from breastfeeding. Could you hold him for a few minutes after you pick him up to see if that satisfies his needs? Good luck! (Please don't feel guilty- you've given him more than a lot of mothers have the ability to give. Many moms stop at 6 months or a year, or forego breastfeeding altogether- you've done a great job with something that is incredibly demanding of a person. Wean with peace of mind.)

Good for you for making it 20 months...and I dont know why these Moms feel so self righteous about breast feeding longer AT ALL. Dont feel guilty. I have read MANY articles that state after a few months the babies bodies mak his/her own anitbodies and there is no urgent medical reason to breastfeed. MY son only nursed for 3 months and he is top of his class in grades, excells in sports and is a Great, nice kid. ITs more about how you raise them and love them, NOT about how long you breastfeed...That all being said. I would greet him at daycare with a sippy cup of milk or juice or something to distract him from his Bottle!? Have your tried that. WE tired my daughter out at night when she was getting ready for bed and she was sooo tired she fell asleep without her bottle. And in the morning we gave her a sippy cup (that we let her pick out) with breakfast. we made sure no bottles were visible and acted as if the sippy cup was so important, and she moved on pretty quick! Good luck and congrats for breast feeding as long as you have!!!

Dear SR,
Although weaning is difficult, your child will respond to your convictions! If you convince yourself that this is necessary and it is time for weaning, he will come to the same feeling. More than the actual milk, especially at this age, a child mostly needs your warmth and to feel your heartbeat, to be assured he is loved and safe. Some children need more security than others. If you and your husband can find ways to snuggle your child close to your heart with out giving milk - without judgements about his needs - he will enjoy the warmth without the need for the breast....again it takes time and repetition with conviction, but not emotional frustration. Even though you feel you can't take his tantrums at daycare, tantrums are actually a healthy way for a child to move into the next step - like fevers, they are something to overcome by the strength of their own constitution. I know it makes it difficult for the adults to bear, but try to let him "let it out" whenever possible. If tantrums are way overcoming and comon for your child, you might need to seek professional help. But normal tantrums need only GREAT PATIENCE.
Our children are our teachers in many respects - and this is one of the lessons!!!!
Wishing you well - Happy Holidays and please know: this too shall pass!
J. Birns
Waldorf Educator/consultant and mother of two

Dear S R,
Please, please do not feel guilty about this.
I too had to stop nursing, at 15 months, due to medical reasons. I had to have an operation and they began injections beforehand that would have harmed my baby if I had caved and let him nurse. After the first shot, there just was no turning back no matter how much my heart ached for him.
I couldn't hold my son at all because he would literally try to lift my shirt up and cry for the boobie. I hated it. But I knew I was going to be in the hospital for a while and and there just was no choice in the matter.
I want you to know that he survived the whole thing with no ill affects and when I got home from the hospital, he was happy to lay in the bed with me and have his bottle and cuddle time.
I know the tantrums and crying are difficult to take.
I'm sure the people at daycare will be understanding and sooner or later, your son will be fine with realizing that mommy doesn't equal nursing. It takes time. Just hang in there.
Your baby will still love you, I promise.
Do not feel guilty.
They have to quit nursing sooner or later and my son is one that would have not wanted to quit regardless of the reason. We would have gone through it anyway at some point.

Take care of yourself and know that a healthy mom is what your baby needs the very most.

Very best of wishes!

When I weaned my daughter she also was not ready to "give it up". But I took her to the store and we bought a very special toy (a stuffed duck) and whenever she wanted to nurse, I'd bring out her "cuddle" and just rock her with it. The first week was the worst, but after that one week I was home free! So, whenever she wanted some mommy time we'd get her "cuddle" and rock for comfort.

First off - congratulations in making it to 20 months! That is a terrific accomplishment....and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for doing something so wonderful!

Secondly, I weaned my little one at 12 months...so it was easier than what you're going through. But, I thought I could still share some of my strategies. I would give my son mommy milk in a bottle....and hold him close. My guess is that it's not the milk that your little one wants...but the closeness, bonding etc. So, try to establish a routine that creates that. Once you have it, then he'll get the comfort he needs without the breast. Then, you can change to regular milk (or one of the other suggestions you've received). I'm not sure how long you have before you need to have him weaned...nor am I sure if your son is getting regular milk already. But, I thought I'd share my thoughts in case they help. Good Luck!

Does your son take a bottle? Can you give him a bottle when you pick him up at daycare? When I picked up my kid she always wanted to nurse first thing when she saw me, so I can relate. A bottle could help with the transition. Or perhaps his favorite treat snack.

Hi,

I just wanted to say thank you for the post. I am still nursing at 24+ months. We are looking at weaning in the next couple of weeks, after christmas so that my husband is home.

In addition to a lot of the suggestions mentioned here my pediatrition said have a simple conversation with him telling him he is a big boy now and that it is all gone.
He said it is amazing how much they understand. We also need to be consistant for him. Use the same language all the time and have your husband reinforce it with the same language.

He said be prepared for a week of gaurding, diverting and tantrums.

I think you have been doing great and by the way there are studies out there that show benifits to health, both yours and the childs for breastfeeding longer than the few months to a year. Lower rates of cancer for you for one. I get scoffed at all the time but I am really going to miss it. I cried on the couch the other night because I dont want this time to stop. We have to stop for medical reasons too.

if this doesnt help sorry becuase I was pregnant... don't know if that makes a difference
I know at that age they are drinking milk and such so I just got her down to nursing for nap and nighttime, it sounds like after daycare is your equivalent... then I started introducing a different closeness routine... for us it was singing and cuddling, sometimes my daughter liked to have her face on my hand or shoulder and I would explain to her no nursing but we were still having that close time. Also for bedtime I just had my husband do it for a few days until she was accustomed to it.
good luck

Any possibility your husband can pick him up for awhile? Have Dad create a "leaving school routine" of some kind, then when you resume picking him up, follow the routine.

We went to a Christmas party last year, when my son was almost 2. My parents watched him and he asked for milk. My mom gave him a tippy cup. He yelled "Boobie Milk!!" My Mom told him, "I am sorry, but it is broken, it is all gone and does not work anymore." Belive it or not, he never asked again. However he does not drink plain milk at all. He will drink chocolate...

Hi there S.R.,
I will say for me, cold turkey seems like the key. I know this sounds like it doesn't have anything to do with your question, but my first daughter used a paci. I didn't want a 5 year old with a paci on my hands, so when she was about 1 1/2, we put all her pacies in a plastic bag and made a big deal of handing them over to my best friend's baby who is 10 months younger than her. I told her she was a big girl now and Bailey was a baby and needed her pacies since she was too big for them now. (Of course my friend just threw them away, but it was the symbolism we were going for!) We had some slight difficulties for a few nights, but it was over so quickly I hardly have a memory of it. So, of course, that's different than breast feeding weening, but the basic concept holds true. Unfortunately I was not a good milk producer, so my milk was dry by 3 months will all 4 of my girls. Yes, it broke my heart and I cried bitter tears! I will admit I am one of those who don't have a conviction about babies/toddlers breast feeding as long as possible. I feel like when they get old enough to ask for it and pull up your shirt looking for it, it's time to quit. Not a popular stance, I'm well aware, but there you have it. However, as I first said, I really do believe the cold turkey thing is the way to go. And I want to commend every single mom who has responded to you and said the closeness is what our babies really need continued. I read all the postings before mine and all mommies were very non-judgemental and supportive for you. I am proud of the mommies on this site and I send out kudos to every one of them. You all are wonderful to be so supporting and encouraging. Sometimes we already know what we have to do, but we just need some moral support and encouragement, and I am so happy that's what you've gotten. I wish you the best of luck with this transition, and I will assure you your child will be none the worse when it's over as long as you continue to provide that loving closeness all our children need, no matter how big they get. I'm 40 years old and I still need to lean on my mom's shoulder and feel her arms around me! We gain strength from our own mothers and in turn are able to pass it on to our own children. What an awesome circle! God bless!

Hi SR - Good job nursing 20 months. I am right there w/ you. My son is also 20 months and asks for "Mama Milk". I wanted to offer an alternative to chocolate milk: molasses milk. Raw milk is a good choice. And the Unsulfered "Barbados" molasses is sweet and yummy. It offers calcium and iron.
Again good job breastfeeding for 20 months.
Enjoy.
D.

We had good success with a "new special milk for big kids" which was carnation instant breakfast. It's choc full of nutrients and tastes like chocolate milk. We made a special time of chocolate milk and a book on my lap so it was still a nice time for him. I also was consistent about saying my mommy milk was all gone.

I know how hard this is. When I was about to wean my son at 13 months, it seemed easy, but then we took a flight and I had to breastfeed him on the plane, and then he got obsessed and seemed like a vulture and wouldn't stop EVER- he didn't even want to eat- just boob :-). To wean him around 20 months was really hard and my husband didn't help much- every time he saw me he burst into tears- I just had to have him cry it out- bottles, sippy cups, food- it was VERY hard but after 3 or 4 days and not one backslide! (do not feed him even once during this time-unless you want to keep one specific feeding)he did it and he was FINE. Use every distraction possible, milk bottles, cups, food, go outside, look at Xmas lights anything, it'll work.

My youngest son took to soy milk well. It actually has less sugar than whole milk, less fat, less cholesterol, etc etc. And the consistency and sweetness were more like breast milk, I think. Of course, some moms are real sticklers for cows milk, so that really depends on your beliefs there. We use vanilla or plain, and soy worked better than rice milk.

Please don't get stuck in the chocolate milk epidemic if you can avoid it. It's a good treat, but shouldn't be the only option.

My guess is that his tantrum is related more to needing closeness then actually needing milk. Breastfeeding creates a very strong bond, and he is just needing to recreate that closness with you because he hasn't had enough mommy time (being at preschool all day).

Try to find a way to fill this need with special cuddles or loves or a favored activity. You can be firm with him, "No milk honey, but we can have snuggle time [or prefered activity]!" --the ole distract and redirect ;)He will likely tantrum the first few times because change is hard.

You have medical reasons for weaning. If it needs to be stopped cold turkey, there is nothing you can do about that but to stop. However, if you do have some time to step it down, I would encourage that. Start with a little less time than he would normally nurse. Each day make the time less while at the same time introducing another bonding activity.

How ever you choose to work with it, I wish you well. I wish you health and hang in there!

When my daughter weened she only wanted "boob" in the mornings. I did it slowly and when she started to ask for "boob" I would get her a sippy cup of milk. She now is completely weened.

I haven't actively weaning my 21 month old yet, but I've been thinking about it, and I just checked out The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning by Kathleen Huggins from the library. It had different approaches to weaning. Good luck!