We Can't Agree on Discipline!

Forgetting to write her name on a worksheet, and giggling? If that's the worst she does, her teacher needs to lighten up.

I have no problem with grounding, if the offense merits it (I think I've only done it once or twice in my parenting career), but in this case the punishment hardly seems to fit the crime.

Hopefully she'll be done with this teacher in a couple of months.

But she'll live, and it's not worth having marital problems over. I agree with Catherine C.

Well, these were the second and third times this week that your daughter broke classroom rules. Apparently her punishment earlier this week didn't phase her much if she chose to break 2 more rules today.

Here's the thing about discipline. You and your husband don't have to agree on every punishment BUT you DO have to support whatever punishment the other parent doles out. Your husband chose to ground her for the rest of the day (hardly unreasonable IMO). If you choose to then go around him and un-do this punishment, whether or not he consulted you first, you ARE undermining his authority.

Bottom line, if you told her you were upset that she broke the rules earlier this week, and she seemed remorseful, yet chose to break the rules again, then your punishment was not effective. Maybe your husband's way will be more effective. Maybe not. But it's worth a try, right? It's not like he's hanging her upside down by her toes or something crazy and extreme. Back him up on this, whether or not you agree the specific punishment is what you would have chosen. Speak with him after she goes to bed tonight about how you would have addressed it, if you want, but realize that he is just as much her parent as you are, and his approach may be just as valid as yours.

I certainly don't think taking TV and video games away for just the rest of the dayis going overboard. Yes, she sounded remorseful to you...now maybe coupled with some consequences you will see improvements next week. Support each other as spouses....he doesn't have to "check in" with you before something so minor.

you are both parents and you have to stand united- I understand you might not agree with your husband but here is how it is. He was home she got in trouble he disciplined you were informed, he shouldn't have to call and consult you for this he is the dad. When my son gets in trouble at school he cannot play for the rest of the day no video games no friends there are consequences to actions

I think your husband was right, and he is a parent too and shouldn't have to consult for approval on every discipline tactic. Geeze, it's only for the rest of the day which is very age appropriate for her and what she has been doing. Really though, your daughter got in trouble more than once... which shows she could use a little more consequences at home.... the parent who is home at the time should be the one to handle it. Now unless it is some major thing, like she got in a fight or caught smoking or something major, then sure, you two should really consult together first and stand together but for something like this, yeah, I 100% side with her father.

If writing isn't working then what's the next step - AND do you teach her how to stay out of trouble? I think it was an alright response to a repeated infraction. One night of no TV isn't like a week without friends, phone or internet, which I would save for a big infraction. My SD was grounded for at least several days when she cut holes in all her school uniforms.

My DH likes to fit the crime. He took the cables to the video games when his son wouldn't get his work done on time. SS could look at the game, but not play it. Or when the kids got older and had to catch a bus very early, not catching the bus resulted in a steep fine because then one of us had to drive them. And whoever drove got the "cab fare".

I think you need to keep talking about discipline and even attend a parenting class or talk to her school guidance office about 7 yr olds if you can't otherwise agree. Very authoritarian parenting can produce results...but it can also produce fear and rebellion. You and DH need to keep working together to get the results you want in your kids.

And frankly, if you backed him up and let the consequence stick, what is he complaining about? That said, I think he was within his rights as a father to deal with the problem in front of him at that moment.

My husband and I can't always consult each other on discipline. The kids know that they could get a different reaction from one than another, although we tend to be fairly consistent. We just take enough turns parenting that if we had to consult each other, nothing would get done (he works/goes to school, I go to school, and we're often home at different times.) The biggest thing is that, most of the time, we don't interfere with each other's consequences (although there have been times when one or the other has stepped in, but even then, consequences are still pretty consistent).

As far as grounding, I do think that it's appropriate that the consequence fits the kid as well as the misdeed, but I also think that 1 day's grounding is not bad, even for the most sensitive of kids. I would call it maybe slightly excessive, but I wouldn't argue it this time. Like you said, she'll live through it (and a day w/o tv/video games can be GOOD for her anyway!). Sometimes, it just takes something a little more for a kid to realize that they need to take a better look at themselves.

I would talk to him (alone) about what should and shouldn't be done for future instances like this. Come to some sort of agreement so he doesn't have to consult you. I assume you want him to be an equal parent. Expecting him to call you and ask you if he can impose a consequence undermines that, which in turn undermines his authority, regardless of if you agree with exactly what he does. That's the bottom line.

I don't think she was grounded. To me, grounded means no play time. He took away the tv and video games for a day (not even a full day cause she was at school today). Sounds like an apt punishment to me. If you were to change the punishment, you would be undermining his authority.

Why do you think a loss of screen time is ineffective?

Do you consult your hubby before you punish? If not, then he doesn't need to consult you. To solve this, perhaps you could sit down (with the kids even) and come up w/ a list of behaviors and punishment. Then everyone is on the same page. You and hubby could talk beforehand about what you will lean towards as acceptable punishement for your girls. But then including them will also make them feel included.

He made the decision. He was home.
If you were the person at home, would you have consulted your husband? I think not.
Your 7 year old is playing you.
Your husband has her number.
You need to present a united front whether you agree or not. He made the decision, you need to back him up.
You can discuss it for the next time it happens, but at this point, he is right - you are undermining his authority by changing the punishment.
LBC

your daughter "beats herself up enough....." & she knows you don't believe in grounding....sounds to me like you are being played by your 7 yr old, which is very common. And do you really believe she doesn't know that you are mad at daddy for his punishment? after all he hung up on you & she was probably there or close by and could hear the discussion/arguement between both of you.

Does your daughter always cry her way out of a true punishment? Are you sure your husbands punishment is ineffective? why do you believe that? You don't ground so what would have been your way of punishing her?

I am sure your daughter is polite, etc BUT lets face the facts, she got in trouble at school 3 times in one week, so maybe she behaves better directly with you but the teacher doesn't see your daughter with mommy goggles. I think you & DH should have a talk with the teacher. And then address your daughter as a united front.

I think you husband was right in punishing her with a consequence as he saw fit & didn't have to consult with you first.

If the two of you have agreed to do 'punishments' then I think he is within his rights to do that. I don't see what he has to be upset about since you have not undermined his authority by talking to him without DD around. I personally do not think punishments work to motivate a child to behave well or to internalize the motivation so I do not do them. If you would prefer to use positive discipline, then yes you and DH need to have a discussion of the topic.