Ways to Encourage 4Th Grade Daughter to Not Be Sassy!

I love your goals; teaching respect without hurting her spirit.

It can be a bigger challenge when the child is getting different versions of parenting, but she can certainly distinguish at her age that different environments have different requirements.

The single best parenting book I've ever used is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. The book is filled with examples of how parents helped estsablished the conditions for the child to address a problem herself. And though we don't usually think about children in these terms, they can be creative problem solvers when given the respect and support to do so.

Plus, kids are more invested in solutions they think of themselves, and are more likely to work at making them a success. I've used these techniques with my grandson since he was around 2.5, and they are brillliant.

there is no reason she can't treat you with respect, despite how other people allow her to treat them. i don't know about "hurting her spirit", but a firm hand is probably called for. talking back or disrespectfully should mean loss of privleges, dessert, fun outings, early bedtimes...etc. you don't have to be mean or hurtful about it, but there has to be concrete consequences. you speak to me rudely and i won't really want to spend much "fun" time with you, for one.

I have absolutely no advice here...only a solid "good luck" because I'm going through the same thing with my 10 y/o (also 4th grade). I think a lot of it (not that it makes it ok, just more understandable) is the age, and all of the hormones that are likely going hog wild on their little bodies right now.

You might try talking to her just as she is doing to you so that she can see exactly what she sounds like. When she notices that you are talking differently and says something about it take the time to ask her how your words/ additude made her feel. Maybe she doesnt realize that what she is doing/saying is hurting your feelings. She is obviously picking it up from somewhere other than you so I would say that she might be totally oblivious to her sassy additude.