Watching a 2 Year Old Full Time. More Questions!

I have a very good friend that watched a boy starting when he was 4 months old. She has 2 children of her own. She had some of the same issues (not behavior, but I'll get to that in a second). Mom was supposed to pick up the child at around 3, but since it was a daily rate, mom started coming later & later (while sometimes shopping), & once dropped her sick child off so she could go home & sleep. I know how that can make you feel frustrated. I think some of the prior posts are kind of mean. I'd call around to different daycares & see what some of their "rules" are (price, meals, etc.). I think if you're going to have a daily or weekly rate, set the hours (ie: 8-5) & a late/early fee. The $5 per minute is NOT unreasonable. You could mention an "early pick-up rate reduction" if you'd like, but I doubt they'll care. I'd also set a "year" of some sort, so you can renegotiate price & rules & such. They should definitely be providing diapers & wipes. And you should also consider food. Do you provide food or do they? As for the behavior issue. It is YOUR rules while in YOUR home. The parents need to know how their child is behaving, so they can "talk" to the child & enforce your rules. This is a tough age for all children with discipline & it sounds as though the child is testing you (in both ways). If you're going to continue the arrangement, "Love & Logic" (1st post); "1-2-3 Magic" & "How to Behave So Your Preschooler Will Too" are great books for discipline issues. And again parents need to be on board with it! Don't feel guilty about how you feel or talking to them. If they don't like what you have to say, then they'll find someone else & I'm guessing you won't mind that either. Good Luck Girl & let us know how it goes!

I don't mean this to sound snarky, but it sounds like a bad situation for everyone involved. I wouldn't want my child to be watched by someone who "resents" him and it doesn't sound like the extra bit of money is really worth it to you. You deserve to focus on your family and not to have the stress in your life and the child and his family deserves a nurturing environment where they know he's wanted and loved.

And, fwiw, I don't think it's unreasonable at all for a 2yo boy to still be in diapers. And any problem you had with the pay should have been addressed up front, in my opinion.

Good luck to you, I hope you can find a situation that is beneficial to everyone.

D., I agree that you need to let him go. You can find another child out there to watch that fits better with your family. It really is not worth the stress and your children will eventually pick up his bad habits and you don't want that either. I have been there and it is not fun. Good luck!

L.

Hi D.,
First of all the price of 125 per week for full time watching a rather difficult child is too low, that is why you have all the other issues. If you would get paid well, it would not be your business what the parents do in that time.
Also you have to request the parents to discipline the child, that is not your job.
G.

D. - You need to stop watcing this child immediately. I agree with the others that some people are just not cut out to watch children, do not think that this make you a bad mother, because it does not. More money is not going to solve the problem either. If this was your child, I'm sure you would not want someone watching him that feels the way you are feeling towards this little boy. You need to be honest with the parents that this not working.

On other note, he is only 2 years old. Yes you need to be working on discipline with him, but for you to say he looks at you like your stupid! I don't think a 2 year old is capable of those kinds of emotions. Remember this has probably been an adjustment for him as well, which is probably where a lot of his behavior is coming from. If he is behaving negatively towards you it is probably because he is feeling the negative feelings you have towards him and acting on those feelings. It is time to stop watching this child for his sake and yours! Best of Luck.

D.,

I too agree with some of the other advise given.

You have ABSOLUTELY no business caring for other children. I'm sure your a great mom to your children, however reading over your requests these last weeks concerns me.

You can not put a price on children. Most certainly not their care. I am a mother of 2 and run a licensed day care in my home. The children in my care are an extension of my home and i treat them as if they were my own.

The fact that you resent this 2 year old child, and have bitter feelings toward him because what one of his parents may or may not being doing, is reason enough that he should NOT be in your care.

How anyone especially another mother could RESENT a child for any reason especially over money makes me sick to my stomach.

For the safety and well being of this child, please call his parents in the morning and let them know that you will not be able to watch him any longer.

PS- Not being potty trained at 2 is PERFECTLY normal. And the fact that, that bothers you is just another reason why you have no business watching over him or any other child for that matter.

Respectfully- M.

D.,
I am sorry that you are going through this, but you don't sound like you have any business watching this child.

First off, no it is not unreasonable for him to be in diapers at two. Rushing this is not your business or concern.

I have 2 kids, 14 and 6 and have dealt with daycare workers for may years. I am a single mother who works in Denver and lives in the Springs and I have felt that many times I am at the mercy of people watching my kids. $125 a week, I agree is low, I was paying this 3 years ago when my daughter was in daycare (before organized preschool and daycare facility).

What I found is, is that you get what you pay for. It has been three years, and I am just now learning about some of the things she endured in daycare, being left in a car seat or crib all day, denied treats or attention due to the daycare provider focusing on her own kids, and once 2nd almost 3rd degree sunburn, because the woman didn't want the kids inside messing up her house before a baby shower (we had her prosecuted) etc... Don't become one of these providers!

If you are unhappy with the child or the situation, get out of it. Working for your husband's co-worker or friend is not a good idea, you are left with additional guilt.

I would say that if you are serious about being a provider, handle it like a business, get certified if you are not, get proper insurance if you don't have it, and start talking and networking with other inhome providers to set a fair market value for your services. Also, impose a late fee- I have to pay $5.00 a minute when i am late, and coming from denver in the winter that can be an issue.

You talk about your husband's business being important, start treating yours like it is as well, and then you will have a better experience.

As for the 2 year old, be fair, talk to some other providers and generically ask if they could take him, shop around for some options for the father (he is someone you will know after you make the break, remember that) and when you tell him this is not working out, give him some options or contacts, don't leave him hanging. If you have not mentioned your unease about the situation, don't just drop this bomb on him. I have been there too, when providers have moved, or decided to go back into the workforce and I have had to scramble for daycare.

Remember, in the future if you want to be treated like a professional daycare provider, you need to act like one. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, I admire those of you who can do this, and really feel that you deserve to be treated with respect.

Hi Ms D.,
The going weekly rate is anywhere from $100-$125 for full time. I run a daycare out of my home and I just raised my rate to $120 weekly for full time children. I have found that more than not when you watch your family and friend's children that they will sometimes tend to take advantage of you. To avoid this you must set the stage of what you will tolerate and will not tolerate and stick to it, thats the hardest part because you have to separate all feelings and emotions on your part in order to stick to it. Personally I let my parents know up front and they sign off on all my terms prior to childcare services. I advise them that I do not like to terminate childcare for any child, but I will do so if the child has discipline problems and will not follow the house rules after several attempts and/or up to 5 days to correct the problems with the child and then their parents. If no resolution has been made then childcare terminates immediately regardless whether or not the parent has other childcare set up.

I can only suggest to you that you must make it clear that either parent which ever is off first must come pick up the child promptly after work each day and must be on time every day no exceptions. You must also advise that they need to work on the child's discipline problem and if it's not resolved in what ever timeframe you want to give them, then childcare terminates immediately. When you go over this with the parents, have your husband present as well as both parents that way you have the support of your husband to lean on, and back you up, and there can be no misunderstanding between either party. Also even though you are friends with these parents, I would suggest having a written plan or contract in place so that when either party doesn't follow it then you can say that we agreed to this and your not doing what you said you would do, at which time you can terminate childcare immediately and/or given them notice as to the last day you will provide childcare for them. Since they are paying you to watch their child, you can consider them as your employer and your their employee so to speak. You know can approach your employer and advise of the situation and come up with a resolution together to correct the problem, or you going to have to terminate your employment. When you look at it that way it's easier to approach people. I know what I have suggested can be easier said than done, but I also speak from experiance and I have told my family and friends that I have watched children for exactly what I said above, and it goes so much smoother. I hope everything works out for you.

S.

Honestly, it sounds like it just isn't working for your family and that's okay. I would be 100% honest with them on why. It you do decide to continue doing it I would set written ground rules with them. Like the time he needs to be picked up and the earliest he can be dropped off. You also have to understand that at a regular daycare if the dad gets off early he wouldn't be required to pick his son up until the time that the daycare closes. So taht's tricky. I would talk to them and if he gets off early and goes home, you can't get mad because he has paid you for the full day. Honestly, it sounds like it really isn't working. That's the problem with daycaring for other people. You have to establish fair ground rules from the beginning. Don't adjust the rate if he picks up his son early. You are being paid by the week and day not by the hour. The pay is a reasonable amount that they are paying you if they are including his meals. If you are paying to feed him it should be about $15 more a week. ALso, if you want to continue watching him for the money, you really need to be honest and talk to the parents about his behavior. If they don't know what's going on then they can't talk to him or help correct it. He is only two and toddlers can be very defiant, but there are definitely limits. YOu shoudl talk it over with your husband and see if you really need the money or not. If not then I wouldn't do it because it sounds like it is making your house full of tension! Good Luck!

Watch out for yourself and your children first,it does no one any good if you are stressed out about this issue and not the same person anymore.Tell the parents it is not working out ,more money isn't going to make the child or the parents behave better[like picking him up early]it is just going to make you feel guiltier if they pay you more.The stress stays and all the problems too.Its just not worth it,to sacrifiece your patience for your children and husband.They need to find a daycare.

I babysit in my home also. I am only watching one child but I get 30 dollars for an 8 hour day and that is the normal on what you should be getting for a child in diapers,
E.

I agree with some of the other responses that it sounds like you really don't want to be doing this. If that is the case, no amount of money will change that. For what it is worth my in home daycare provider charges $125 per week for childern 2 and older. Most that I investigated were in the $125 to $150 per week range. My advice would be if you are planning on providing daycare, whether it is for this child or others you need to determine what your prices are up front and stick with them. It isn't fair to want more money because the child is difficult. Also, if you have an arrangement that you will provide daycare from X time to X time (say 7am to 5:30pm) and they pick the child up at the agreed time, you can't insist they pick the child up earlier if they get off early. They have arranged daycare for a specific time frame and what they do during that time frame is their business. I leave work early on occasion to run a few childless errands before I need to get them at daycare. Finally, if you decide that the child is not fitting into your environment, you need to have that discussion with the parents. They will need to help reinforce your rules with their child so that he can fit into your environment or you need to tell them it isn't a good fit and they should look for another daycare provider. I hope this helps - Good Luck!

I know I ALWAYS say this on this list, but LOVE AND LOGIC!!!! It works, it works, it works! And it is not really "discipline" so you can use it with any kids (and even the adults--might help you talk about price to the fam) that are in your home. READ IT!! There's one called Parenting Magic for Early Childhood. I know you can get it from the library and the books are also on CD if you don't have time to read. TRY IT!

Tell them to find other care. Doesn't sound like you are liking this anyway. Why sacrifice your "wits" for something you don't feel comfortable doing

You are going to have a hard time "parenting" this boy all day if his parents are not reinforcing the same parenting style/rules at home. You can expect him to behave one way, but if his parents don't do the same at home, he is going to continue to behave as badly as his parents let him. I think $125 is low--the home daycares I have looked into were $150 or more for full-time 5 days a week care. If you think more money would make you more okay with the childs behavior, then ask for it. If you think nothing will make you ok with his behavior and you don't feel like parenting him in addition to your own kids, then tell them the situation is not working out. Don't get taken advantage of because you are afraid to stand up for yourself!!!

Hi D.,

I agree with the other mom's here...You should just tell this little one's parent s that he has behaviorial issues, and that you do not want to oversee his discipline! Tell them that you will welcome him back when he has some manners.

Best wishes, and God Bless you for trying!
C.

Honestly if you are already resenting your job, the right thing to do is tell the parents, this just isn't working for you. I think the wage they are paying you is fair but if you want more you need to tell them. It doesn't sound like that is the real issue here. Not everyone is cute out to watch other peoples children, I know that I'm not and that's OK. Because this is the child of one of your husbands coworkers I would just tell the parents its not working out.