Problem with Being Late Going to Babysitter

I watched kids for a long time, and I didn't mind if they went home or to the store or whatever, as long as they were on time at pick up. If they were supposed to be there at 5, and I had to be some where at 5:30 even being a little late would make me late. So how would you feel if you were at her house in the morning and for some reason she wasn't there? If she was only 10 min late then you would be late to work... So all I am saying is respect her time, she has a life apart from child care, just because she is home all day dosn't mean she dosen't have other things scheduled after work.

I am sorry but she was being NICE to you by not charging. You were late for no good reason whatsoever!
You should count your blessings in having a provider that is both honest and lenient with you. Many centers have a policy that they will terminate your contract if you are late three times AND charge late fees on top of that. To them it doesn't even matter if you are late for a good reason (work or traffic) or because you simply forgot what time it was.
Whether or not you want to actually spend time with your duaghter is of course your business, but I have to agree that 11 hours is a very long daycare day.
Good luck!

I think no matter who you are or what you are doing, being late is rude. Being late sends a message that you have no respect for the other person's time. Time = Money, especially in a business.

I know that the afterschool program at the elementary school here charges $5 for every minute past 6pm.

I would hope that you would want to get your daughter as soon as possible to spend some quality time with her but that is your call. I can't imagine leaving my child in a daycare that long. Fortunately, I have been able to be a SAHM/WAHM and active with my now 15 yr old. 11 hours for any child at a daycare is too much in my opinion. The baby girl wants her mommy.

I think you found a gem of a sitter to agree to the schedule you have. I'd never be late again and I'd also be making sure she knows how much I appreciate her.

I have to agree with Kate J. that 11 hours is a long time with someone else's child. She is probably cranky by the time you come. I am not trying to be mean... that is just a long day to care for another child.

Your sitter is being gracious by not charging you extra, but you really do have to put forth your best efforts to be on time, regardless of what you are doing at home. She agreed to 6 am to 5 pm, which is a long time for ANYONE to care for a child. If you can get there at 5:08, you should be able get there by 5:00. It's just a matter of budgeting your time and pulling youtself away from the task when it's time to go.

i think she has your daughter's best interest at heart. if it were me and i got off work earlier i would definitely be picking up kids not cleaning up. if you were late don't need to ask, give her extra each time. it puts her in a bad position to say yes you owe me 3 dollars and 75 cents. she won't do that. but you shouldn't ask, you're late you pay up.

I am shocked at the answers here. I am open 24 hours per day, 7 days per week. Does that mean because I'm open 24/7 that I owe it to all parents to come and go as they please? Absolutely not. In the past, I was open from 6-6 and 6-6...meaning 6am to 6pm was the day shift and 6pm to 6am was the night shift. I had to stop that because so many parents believed erroneously that they could use me for 5 12 hour shifts per week just because of the hours that I was open. That's crazy talk and not the reason I was open those hours. I was trying to avoid any cross over between shifts. I absolutely do agree that if a parent is not taking advantage the provider shouldn't care what a parent is doing. But TAKING 60 hours of the providers time when the parent isn't working those hours is wrong. The parent should take a day off and stay home and clean all day if it's that important.

First of all... Edited to add... In home caregivers are business owners. They are not employees for anyone. Most of us do not charge by the hour. We set our own rules. What this provider is failing to say is that she no longer wants to work 60 hours per week for this mother. It's excessive and abusive to both the provider and the child to leave the child 15+ hours beyond a normal full-time work week for frivolous reasons. A 4 year old child can help with the cleaning and does not need to be left at the providers for that anyway. This mother was not just 8 minutes late. In my opinion, she was an hour and 38 minutes late.

I think everyone that has answered this question needs to read what she said carefully. A normal work week is 40 hours. She's still working 45 hours. With drive time, the child is still needing to be in care 9 hours per day for the WORK ONLY. No daycare provider OWES the parents a 12 hour day. The 60 hours she worked for 20 years would put her child in care 13 hours per day with drive time. So now that she's only working 45 hours, she's still working 5 hours past what most parents work. The child needs picked up after work because the caregiver is only getting paid for a regular work week. Why would the parent just assume a 60 hour work week PLUS DRIVE time, which equals 70 hour work week for the provider with drive time is acceptable and normal?

Personally, I would NEVER treat you that way in my home daycare. I mean I wouldn't say anything rudely. I would explain my intentions during the interview and give pleny of leeway before saying anything. I do notice when parents go home and change their clothes. I would only say something if it was an ever increasing pattern. The problem is this. When we don't say something about 10 minutes this week, it's 15 minutes next week, 20 the week after. When it's one day this week and we are nice about it, then it's 2 days the next week and 3 days the week after. If we keep a smile on our face, play the understanding daycare provider, then it turns into 30 minutes 3-4 days per week and 2 months down the road it's 45 minutes extra every single day. In time it's an hour. Eventually, it's early drop offs on top of the late pick ups.

This is not just some parents some of the time. My longest running parents take advantage of me CONSTANTLY. Most of the time I just take it on the chin and thank my lucky stars they pay me on time. But you better believe it's an ace up my sleeve if they start showing up late with the money. If they do they will hear about their chronic lateness and that they can't continue to treat me with such casual disregard. And please, stop calling her a babysitter! That's such a derrogatory term for someone that really cares about their daycare and their good name.

The fact that she was allowing you to work 60 hour work weeks does not mean that you have the right to use 60 hour weeks when you are working full-time only. I allow my parents to work long days. I also allow my parents to pay me for days when they need to clean the house or run errands. I don't care if they trade a work day for a cleaning day either. But if you are leaving her 8-9 hours per day and then cleaning another hour after that, I'd have a BIG problem with that too. I might not say much at first. I'd wait to see if you continue to take advantage. If I understand what you are saying about the hours you are working and what you are doing now, you are taking advantage and you aren't respecting her time at all. It doesn't matter that she has other kids there. What matters is how long your child is there and why.

There was no reason for her to question what you were doing. What you do while your paying for her services is none of her business.

However, I do understand that she would be annoyed if you were late, especially if you didn't have a good reason. She may have made plans or had an appointment and by your being late, you made her late.

WOW! There are bunch of naysayers on here - DO NOT listen to them. I swear people don't read the entire post.

You made it clear you have only been late twice - who hasn't been late. And really, 8 minutes, BFD! You offered her extra pay, she didn't take it, move on. This is part of the cost of doing business - she's not doing this as a favor.

It is NONE OF HER BUSINESS WHAT YOU DO BETWEEN 6AM & 5PM - period...the end! To those that think otherwise, it is NOT taking advantage if the woman is getting paid. It is not a babysitter's place to tell you when to pick up your child as long as you pick them up by closing time. She obviously agreed to the hours you have set - this is a business not a SAHM watching kids for friends. Since her business is taking care of kids - she needs to focus on HER job and not worry what you are doing during the time SHE IS GETTING PAID. Geesh, you've been using her for 2 years. She is lucky to have had steady work from you for the past two years. Really, it sounds like she is seeing an opportunity to get paid for the full day but wants you to her pick her up early now that you are done around 3:30. If she continues to think you need to pick her up early, you could always offer to pay her less - see what she says about that? I'm certain she wouldn't agree to that.

From another perspective, I do agree that you work way too many hours, but I understand, especially right now, beggars can't be choosers. 11 hours is way too long for her to be at the sitter's. You didn't mention if you are married or have a partner at home. If you do, where do they fit in the picture?

I had a hard and fast rule, if I was off work, my kids were out of daycare. But that is what worked for me, you are allowed to do with your free time as you wish.

So to answer your question...you are right!

At least you don't have to worry about being the worst mother in the world. Clearly, from some of the answers, that honor belongs to me...lol! I work long hours, often have to travel for business, and think nothing of leaving her at daycare for a couple of hours to do something that I can't do with a three year old to care for at the same time (and, yes, sometimes that something is a little bit of mommy time).

My daughter is usually the first one there and often the last to leave--her teachers give her so much extra attention that it doesn't bother me a bit.

Unless she has it stated in her policies that the price is limited to a certain number of hours (some places do), she has no business saying anything at all to you. Perhaps, because you've been a customer so long, she feels some sort of familiarity.

Being late is another matter. Any other business would lock the doors...but what is a care provider to do? HOWEVER, it happens (sometimes even when you leave the office EARLIER than usual...lol). As long as you don't make a habit of it, a courtesy call and paying a late fee is more than adequate.

This isn't the way I planned to raise my daughter. I wasn't planning on my husband walking out while I was pregnant. Luckily, I had a great job at a great company that doesn't bat an eye if I have to stay home with a sick kid or if I have to cancel a business trip. It also allows me to support my daughter...something her father had decided is optional.

If it means that I can spend two whole days just playing with my daughter, I'll happily let her spend a few extra hours at daycare so that I can clean, do laundry, and finish the grocery shopping. It is a familiar place with a familiar routine...something she likes. I get plenty of 3-4 day weekends to make up for the rest.

You aren't wrong, but it would be great to work this out with her if you want to continue to patronize her business. Don't justify or apologize...just offer to compensate her for her time and make it clear that her opinion on your parenting is neither needed or appreciate (in a nice way, of course).

This is how I see it when I find out that my parents are doing other things (shopping, going to eat by themselves, getting their nails done etc) I do feel a little takin advantage of my time with my kids is precious to and I would love extra time like that to do somethings for myself but I don't get it. Or maybe I'm just jealous that they get that extra time to themselves but I'm not one to call them out on it and I would have never said that to you. Just make sure it doesn't happen again and things should be fine!

I will be mad at the way she talk but then realize, that she cares about my baby. Other person would have be very happy for me leaving my baby as mush as possible ($$$).
No offense, I once had to work a lot and barely see my daughter, but you have to understand that she sees your daughter more than you do, and at least I would have a huge bound with the little girl and would want the best for her.
She is being with her for 2 years almost all day, she feels part of her family and with the right to tell you what she think is best for the girl.
Having a person that cares for your daughter, be able to work knowing that she is ok, is priceless.
If you needed to clean for one day that is fine, but I wouldn't rather clean than being with my baby.
You know what, I can't remember if my house was clean or not when I was 4, but I do remember the good times and love from my mom.
So if I was you, f*& the cleaning, and spend time with your kids, you are already working to hard (and the nany too)

I do not agree with what she said to you, I run my own preschool and childcare and I have late fees simple as that, I have been in business for myself for over 14 years now and learned that I had to grow a back bone and implement late fees and bounced check fees otherwise unfortunatel there are those parents who will try to take advantage of you. You are paying for childcare and it doesn't matter what you do during the hours you paid for, however I would be angry if my parent started picking up late in order to do errands etc, you do what you need to during the hours you paid for and then pick your child up on time. Some parents don't respect home providers enough.

Hi H.,

If she is paid for the hours of 6am to 5pm, it really is not her business what you do between those hours. She gets paid for it. Maybe you guys need to revise the schedule so that she only works until 3:30. I personally would not care whether you were working, or at home finishing up things that are hard to do with little ones around. I don't think you are in the least bit wrong. I don't understand why she's not ok with the arrangement. You probably should talk to her and clear the air, because it sounds like both of you have some expectations that are not being fulfilled, and communication will probably take care of the problem. Good luck.

K.

You are wrong for being late. Your caregiver was wrong for telling you that you should get your daughter earlier because you aren't at work. I think that the reason your caregiver mentioned this is because most parents feel terrible about missing out on so many things in their child's day. She gets to see all the development stuff and most of the first moments for the children in her care. She knows what you are missing out on and feels that after 2 yrs she should speak her mind.

I will now give you a hard time about spending so much time with out your child.
Seriously. I don't think that in the parameters of what you have told us that you are "wrong". Yes. You have paid for your time. Yes, the daycare (don't call it a babysitter) shouldn't give you grief about picking up with different clothes.
But.
Really. Why don't you want to spend that extra time with your family? It would be different if you worked 9-5 and were just doing your thing. But thats not what is going on.
This is why I would never be a care provider. I would constantly judge people like you.

Updated
For those who are answering now (July 10, after 10:30)......Know that the poster edited her question. She did NOT include the fact she made minimum wage before as well as a few other things that are now there. All she said before is that she leaves her 2 year old with a "babysitter" for 10+ hours a day, 6 days a week. Now she is changing her story for some reason. I stand by what I said before. I DO think it's weird/wrong/annoying that someone would leave their BABY with someone else that long for no good reason. If they were in SCHOOL, obviously, it's a little different. But babies need their mom. Enough said.

I worked at a day care while a senior in high school. There was a family with a girl in preschool and a baby boy. The boy did not sleep at all. He'd fight the sleep as if he would miss something. The parents said he was the same at home and even at night. I think they were starting an at home business also. Well, the girl would get picked up and then the boy picked up more towards closing. I could not stand to hear the women talk about 'how could they do that'. All I could think was 'are you that dense!?' I imagine the only time the girl had with her parents was when brother was still in day care. How much fun/work is getting done when you're stressed. Plus they're paying, so it's their choice.
So my answer...you're not wrong. You've gained an extra 15 hours of your life back! Do what makes you and your family happy.

Jeeze people. How many of you have your children being cared for 50-70 hours a week by someone else? (Aka 7am- 2/ 3/4pm in elementary school, and then daycare until 5pm) = 10+ hours a day. Add in even 1 activity per week and you're looking at even more time away. Tone down the judgmentalness. Anyone know any military mamas who are on duty 10-12 hr shifts? Or on call doctors? Heck, we know the past 3 presidents have had kids and they can easily work 100+ hours a week. Should working parents have their kids taken away from them? Or be sterilized? SHEESH. All families are different, and it takes all kinds. Time alone does not equal a warm and loving family.

And you're right. You're paying for childcare. It's no one's business what you're doing during that time... Whether it's writing the great american novel, vacuuming, getting a massage, or asking if you want fries with that? I'm a SAHP who homeschools, and *I* pay for childcare. What I do with the time that I have paid for is MY business.

Yes, you were late. Mea Culpa... most of us have been late at least once. and we also try to avoid being late. Most places I know of have a $1 per minute late fee. The lecture was completely and totally out of line. Personally, I'd start looking for different childcare.

You're right. She's wrong. None of her business what you're doing, if you're paying her for certain hours. Maybe keep your business to yourself and just drop her off and pick her up without sharing your personal details.

I think everyone is giving you a hard time about working so much!!! My gosh. Yes you were late, I understand why she'd be upset about that. BUT if her hours are 6am-5pm...... Um, then what does it matter to her if you get off work at 3pm and pick up your daughter at 5pm? I work a normal 40-43 hr per week job. My daughter goes to school at 7:40am, then to after care and I don't pick her up until 5pm on most days. That is 9 hours too. Most working parents have to put their kids in some sort of child care for 8-10 hours depending on their schedules. So, to answer your question NO i don't think it's any of her business. If she is changing her hours, then she needs to tell you and you can make arrangements based on that.

You are wrong because you were late. My daycare charges 5 dollars per late minute. You were inconsiderate.

She is wrong to judge you for what you do.

HOWEVER, what you are missing it the whole POINT. The other kids go home and your daughter wants her mommy. Focus on that fact because it is the only one that matters. Do what you need to do but get there earlier.

I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to go home and run errands. However, you should pay her for the extra time (maybe in 15 increments). This way you don't have to feel guilty rushing and don't have to justify any of your time to her.

I think you are right. She is getting paid, not sure if by the hour, but I am sure it is just a standard rate for the day. And, not sure if my thought process will come out right, but if you did go to pick up your child early, it's not like you ask for money back because you got off early, which I understand the late fee charge of her's, but how would she feel if you started asking for money back. And I am sure she has more than one child she is watching, so what difference does it make to her, she would still be working. Just my thoughts :)

it really does not matter if you are at work or at home, if you choose to leave her that is your choice. I am not sure that is what she ment, but maybe she did. however most places do charge if you are late and they really want you to be on time.

She was way out of line to tell you how you can spend your time. It is not her place at all.

I think she was upset that you were at home & were late, that would have upset me too. Don't let it happen again. And maybe you can give her an apology card with a dinner gift card

I also see how you would want to take that extra time to get some things done around the house without your dghtr around. I would take the same opportunity. But I would hope you weren't leaving her there every time you got off early as that is a very long day for a little girl & I am sure that your dghtr would like to leave before the other kids do sometimes.

Otherwise you don't owe her an explanation about why you didn't pick up your dghtr & why your clothes are changed.

I agree, she should be happy you don't tell her, well, I'm picking my daughter up early, so I will not be paying you as much.............geesh......most sitters would be pleased. Are you sure it's not something else here going on with her?

If she was upset with you being late, she should have accepted a late fee from you. That's what other daycares do! Ours is $1 per minute that you are late.

Our daycare is open 5:30am to 6:00pm (it's on an Army post). I drop my daughter off at about 8am, and I get off work at 5. There's not a whole lot I can do between 5 & 6, but sometimes I'll run in a store real quick before I pick her up. They close at 6:00, which means I need to be there by 6:00 whether I'm working or out partying! haha

No judging from me on who's right or wrong... I know you're already beating yourself up for every choice you make as a mother, so just take a deep breath and remember that you have your children's best interest at heart :)

The only thing I will write is a quick suggestion (in case you were looking for one going forward). I have a hard time - with pregnancy hormones complicating things more - keeping track of the time when I'm busy or getting interrupted by little ones. I've taken to using the alarm feature on my cell phone when I absolutely have to do something at a certain time. I almost always have my phone on me or nearby, so this has helped me to drop what I'm doing and get where I need to be (plus my phone has an automatic snooze alarm if I miss it the first time). Hope this helps~

OK, what? She said, "You are being mean to your daughter by leaving her here, because all the other kids go home and she wants her mommy" ? And, "Going home and doing what you want cant' keep happening?" And she busted you for going home because you had changed your clothes? Did she say that? I'm getting the suspicion this isn't a very professional daycare. My daughter's daycare (2 days a week) would never in a trillion years speculate on what anyone is doing while their kids are there. But they do have a stiff late fee. As they should. When they're closed they're closed.

So yes, you should find a different sitter if she doesn't keep her judgment to herself. However. Regardless, if your daughter is sad and asking for her mommy, you should listen.

You and your husband are clocking insane hours. If there is any way to cut costs and hours, I hope you find them. You don't want most of your daughter's memories of her childhood to be of her babysitter.

I have to say, I agree. She has nothing to say about what you do, period. Being late, that is another matter, but 8 minutes is no big deal. I think you need to have an understanding about "over time" pay. For example, every 15 minutes late is 1/4 of an hour's pay or whatever the two of you agree. You didn't even go to the first 15 minutes so no big deal. There has to be some room because of traffic and what not, unless is a constant thing then I could see the babysitter making some changes to your arrangement. She's your employee, period.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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I think all moms need to be better at supporting others where we are at. I am a SAHM but wasn't always and no matter what you do, most moms just want the best for their kids.

I would say as long as you are getting to focus on her when you're not working more often than not, then it sounds like you are doing what you need to do for your family.

As far as being late, she shouldn't be saying something to you about how long your daughter is there but maybe she has some legitimate concerns. See if maybe you can talk to her a few minutes and see if there is something she is noticing that she is honestly concerned about with your daughter. Everyone will be late from time to time and it sounds like she just won't tolerate it so maybe you can set your goal to be there 15 mins before you're supposed to, especially during times you know may be more of a challenge to be there on time.

Good luck and I hope you get a little time for yourself too - sounds like you have a lot on your plate!

I FEEL THE SAME WAY AS U. U ARE PAYING HER SO IT'S NONE OF HER BUSINESS. I HAVE GOT DONE WORK EARLY AND RAN HOME TO DO A LOAD OF WASH OR STARIGHTEN UP. IT'S EASIER WITH OUT THE CHILDREN BEING HOME TO CLEAN. IF I PICK MY KIDS UP EARLY SHE DOESNT CUT ME A PRICE IN RATE. IT'S A STEADY PER DAY PRICE. jUST TRY NOT TO BE LATE ANYMORE BUT AS LONG AS YOU ARE THERE BY 5.

I only watched a set of sisters once in my life - will never babysit again. I found a similar situation as yours. They asked me to watch their children and I agreed - the husband recently got a new job, etc., etc. The father would come to my house - drop off the kids - and I found out later go home (or to the gym, or to the store). I first handled the situation by saying to the parents that they did not have to drop the children off when they are at home - they don't have to pay me. This continued. Finally I called the mom and just said we obviously have different views on parenting, but I felt children should be with their parents when their parents are home - when you must work and can't be there that is different, but if they had a day off, or whatever that they should have their children with them - not at my home. Shortly after the mother quit working and I no longer had to watch them. My boss broke that down for me - it is different views on parenting. When I worked full time I never took my child to the sitter when off from work - I wanted her with me. And she wanted to be home with us (my husband never did this either). I now work part time on the days my husband has off from his full time job so we still have some income coming in, but so I don't have to take the children to a sitter (which we are fortunate enough to do)

Hi, H.:

I would suggest that you and your babysitter sit down and
have a conference.

You state the answers to these questions to her:

1. What happened?
2. What you were thinking at the time?
3. What have you thought about since?
4. Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?
5. What do you think you need to do to make things right?

Ask your babysitter these questions:

1. What did you think when you realized what had happened?
2. what impact has this incident had on you and others?
3. What has been the hardest thing for you?
4. What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

After you all have answered these questions together, the answer
will come out.

Good luck. Keep the communication flowing. You both have needs.
Try to reach a solution that will meet both of your needs.

Thanks for asking. D.