Was I Wrong to Ask Him to Help?

No you weren't wrong to ask for help. I had the same problem with my husband. Here is the advice my sister gave me when I was venting about my problem.
1. Give him a bill. Charge him for laundry service, dish duty, picking up after him and the kids. Call around to some laundry services, maids, etc, and find out the going rate. Everytime you have to pick up his stuff or the kids right it down. (Charge him half for the kids, they are half his.) Tell him if you have to work all day long cleaning, picking up after everyone, and cooking, babysitting service, that you are intitled to overtime pay. After you present it to him in a form he will understand, (this is what I do for you everyday) he will quickly come around.
2. Appeal to his masculine side. "Hunny can you carry this heavy laod of laundry upstairs for me?" Ask him if he would want someone to treat his daughter that way. If he says no, then say then we have to set an example of the kind of relationship we want her to be in. She will watch how you are treated and think that it is normal.

I don't think you were wrong for asking for help. I have the same problem. My husband thinks because I stay home with my daughters the work is all on me. Even when I worked full time outside of the house it was all on me because his job was harder. I still don't get much help. I just get complaints when the house isn't clean. So good luck and I hope everything works out. If you find a way to get him to help let me know. I could use one.

I don't think you were wrong. Husbands have to understand that just because we don't "go" to work doesn't mean we aren't working. Therefore, when he gets home and you are still at work, he should be there to help out as well. As far as how to make him understand that, I don't have a clue, so good luck!

Perhaps hubby would rather pay for a housekeeping service to come in twice a month instead of being "asked" or "expected" to help out around the house? Really. Wouldn't that be more help for you, too?

When it comes to things like the cd's, ask once. "Would you like to put away the cd's? If not, I'll take care of it tomorrow." Never put them in the right place.

No you were not wrong to ask him to pitch in a little. I went through this with my own husband so I took my moms advice to open his eyes on all the things that get done that he takes advantage of.So here is what she told me;Dont do his laundry.If he leaves things out put them in a basket and put it on his side of the closet.When you cook dinner make it for you and the kids and let him fend for himself. I even disconnected our cable since he would watch tv instead of spend time with our kids.He got the hint and then realized what little he could do to pitch in.I also noticed that you said you woke your husband up I would put the alarm next to his bed if he turns it off he will be the one late for work.Let me just say it was very hard for me to do this. I feel like my job is the house and kids and his was to provide for us.I had to realize I wasnt asking him to clean the house just to to the little stuff so it wouldnt take up time.Anyways it worked.We are both happy and he appreciates the things I do.He even started cooking once a week to give me a night off.Plus we got to spend time together after the kids went to bed since everything would be done.I hope this helps you.

What about a chore chart where you add Mom and Dad on it too? This worked for us for a while and the kids really kept an eye on us to make sure we really did our chores too since I was such a stickler for them to do theirs, and I let the kids do the checking approval for us. We didn't get to go out to eat (or some other fun family activity) until everyone had the chores done for two weeks. I also made the chore chart out to be a team job. I started calling us TEAM R and made a big deal out of working together it only takes 20 minutes to clean the house. I have also had "cleaning parties". I would write an invitation on our message board with the time, and would make sure it wasn't in the middle of any TV shows to get rid of excuses. Then set the kitchen timer for 20 minutes and turn the music up loud and clean, clean, clean. If you were caught not cleaning during the 20 minutes you got an additional 10 minutes after the party. Also since my husband will tend to get off track, I made a honey-do list, but I would title it "Mom really wishes for....1. someone to pick up the clean laundry piled up on the couch. 2. someone to wash out the sink in the kids bathroom. I would always say Mom wishes and someone to..that way it wasn't a direct order to complete the list. And there are also things at this house that I refuse to do. I have been married a little over 10 years and will not take out the trash. If it is overflowing I just pile it up next to it. If there is not another liner in the can, everything gets set to the side of it. He has to have something he is totally responsible for!

Nope, not wrong at all. I, personaly, would put up his CD's, if they are not put where he wants them, so be it. If he says anything, tell him you asked him several times to do it, and you got tired of looking at them. The clothes, leave them, when he runs out of clean clothes up stairs he can come down stairs and get them. You have a FULL time job. When my son was born, he's almost 12 now, I also had a 4 yr old daughter and my Aunt told me "You can't do it all". Don't worry about the house so much, I know it's hard, but you can not keep this pace up and still be there for your kids, physically and emotionally.

I am not entirely sure what to say when I see this in my friends and read about it, I have a wonderful husband, I do consider my self very blessed.
I do not think that you did the wrong thing in asking him. I do believe that the husband should be apart of the home workforce.
I am sure you just left it out, but saying please and thankyou, for the things you do see him do. If he does something wrong dont critize him for it. (not saying you do)
For example my husband doesn't put the dishes away where they always go, but I refuse to critizie him, I don't want him to get frustrated and stop. I do my best to always say thankyou.
I don't always get a thankyou.
My husband does work hard, he is a recently graduated with his masters, and has worked 40+ almost the whole time we have been married.
I want to recomend abook that covers your problem a little bit. It will help you understand your different points of view.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chaplan(I think this is the author)
Great book. I give it to all newly weds that I know.
Good Luck!!!!
Oh Yah, I grew up with a dad that the only time I saw him clean or cook was the few times when my mother was in the hospital, and even then he was usually the dictator over who is doing what.

My husband is the same way about me putting away his stuff. He says he can't find it after I clean up. Our bone of contention is his computer desk. He trashes it out all the time. One thing I've found that works is I'll tell him the night before - "I'm cleaning tomorrow, so if you want to clean the computer desk, you need to do it before you leave for work tomorrow. If you don't have time. That's fine. I'll do it." It took a few times of me cleaning it before he started to do it himself.

Here is my two cents...and by the way I have a husband that is very messy! For some unknown reason, I think that men think that when they get married that a wife replaces their mommy. I am a very direct person. I try to be diplomatic and say things in a very nice way, but I MOST certainly get my point across. I am a SAHM of two and pregnant with #3. I like the house to be very clean and I see no reason for it not to be most of the time. My husband was raised in a household where his mother did 100% of the housework, cooked and took care of all of the childrens needs. She had dinner ready and a cocktail waiting for her husband when he came home. I was raised in a family where my dad worked, helped with cleaning and was very actively involved with the kids. I work all day taking care of the kids, running errands, cleaning, laundry, cooking for the children, I take care of all card sending/gift giving responsibilities and I take care of scheduling and attending all of our MANY dr's visits for the kids. I am more than willing to do all of these things, but I do EXPECT help when my husband walks in the door. He typically gets home between 7 and 7:30 when he is in town and that is right during bed time. We typically eat together AFTER the kids are in bed and he usually cooks. I am just as exhausted as he is. I still have a LONG list of things to do that night to prep for the following day so I don't feel badly about asking or expecting help. His mother gets VERY frustrated and tries to lecture me when she comes to visit about how things should be...and I let her know that this is the way things work for us. I can honestly say that you have to ask for things and then sometimes demand things. My husband is very much like yours...he doesn't see the sense of urgency in putting things away NOW. I often get snippy because I am not asking him to help me two weeks from now, but NOW. My suggestion is to be firm and stand up for yourself. I took a two day trip and left my husband with both children ONE time and when I returned he understood a little better what a day in my life looks like and perhaps appreciates a little more what I do. Good luck and make sure you tell him that you are NOT his maid or his mama!

No you weren't wrong.
Let me just start by saying that you need to start working on your son now. I have two boys and plan to start their "training" early. My husband was totally taken care of by his mom so inside chores are not his forte. :( Dishes get left on the counter, laundry on the floor, etc.
I plan on making my boys do inside and outside chores. I don't want to do it all - I don't have the energy anyway...
Good luck to you!

No you are not wrong for asking your husband to help. You are not expecting 50/50 but asking for participation in contributing to the neatness of the home. Men are like kids. They are going to see just how serious you are about them needing to help. Your kids had to be trained to clean, your husband will too. You just have to find the 'thing' that makes him think it is his idea. For example; "I wish you would pick up your CD's. I would hate for the kids or one of their friends to break, scratch or lose one. I would do it but you have told me you don't like when I do that.". You are looking out for him and honoring his request. You can make a list for him but that does not mean he will accomplish the list in a timely fashion. Men have a different thought process. You did say he does the dishes, that is a positive. Think about what you really want him to do. Is it really him or are you exhausted and needing to take a break for you? If you are exhausted, tell him you are exhausted and would appreciate him helping you. Not that he is not doing enough, you are needing a break.

You are not alone. This a battle that alot of women go through. I hope you find the answer you are needing.

PS- Your 12year old and 6 year old are both old enough to help alot. My 6 year old unloads the dishwasher and empties trash. My 10 year old hangs up clothes to dry, folds towels, and puts clothes away. They can both clean bathrooms with Lysol wipes. Kids also love to help cook.

Hi, K.D. Forgive me, but I think you made a mistake in the count of your children. I think you have three. Lower the boom now. Ask him if he wants his 6 year old son to be that disrespectful to the mother of his children. He will imitate his father's behaviour pretty soon and then you will really have trouble. Take it from someone who knows, my kids are grown and I am still trying to repair this with my son. Respect is a vitality that is being overlooked in the raising of our children.

Hi KD,
Keep your head up your no asking to much, But as women we are ask to do many things. Thats why they say women aer better at mulitasking. Me and my husband have it worked out pretty good but we have our bumps as well. Frist I have three children (2 teens and a 6 month old), life is pretty hectic sometimes. I have worked out a time frame in my life that helps me without it I would be doing just as you. You have gotten lots of great advice use it to however you can, but think about what is more inportant about what needs to be done. My day starts off at 500 in the morning, This is my quiet time I am still working on getting stuff doen but its quiet. during this time I make the kids lunches let dogs go potty and do a load or two of laundry instead of doing it once or twice a week i am on it as soon as i know i have a load, adn I hang them up in the laundry room and when the kids get up THEY carry it to theier rooms and hang it up . 530 wake first kid up make them get into the shower by this time i wake the other one up for their shower at 6 then i get my shower time at 630, hubby dont get up til around 730 or 8 so i dont bother waing him up he has a alarm clock.I dont beat myself up chasing him. after all this is done then i make a bottle for my 6 month old and wake him up i have a little wooden box i keep in the living room just for his stuff I can carry it from room to room if needed it has a day supply of dipers and wipes, I dont have room for a changing table so I use the next best thing. by that time it 700 by 715 we r out the door to the sitters then kids are off o school i take them for the most part bus is over crowded. by 8 i am onmy way to work and only work part time tehn home to take care of the 6 month old and by this time the sitter has fed him lunch and all i have to do is have bonding time with him while he has his bottle the nhe is dow for his afternoon nap which is about 3 hours. during this time I am cleaning my daily chore. I break down my cleaning by days ivaccume on Mondays and clean the bathrooms, Tuesday I sweep and mop, Wensday I clean the bed rooms Thurdays and Fridays I catch up on what laundry that didnt get done and clean what I didnt get to on my list, now in the afternoon when the kids get home they are to do their homework in their rooms and get a snack afterward cause dinner in our house is around 630 to 7 hubby come home around 630 dinner is usually on the stove staying warm. once he walks in the door though he gets the baby and i have my time to do what ever needs doing this is his bonding time with the children. adn my peace time. I can go to the gym or do whatever my heart desires which i am usually out piddleing in the garden. but it works out for me teh work gets done and we are all happy. I feel if I can work or stay home that is my full time job as long as he can go to work full time and make the money we need to survive. He knows how hard it is and does help in th ekitchen when he gets home. BUT when I am off my rutine my daily list doesnt get doen and everyone knows it cause you hear things like ruff day mom or wheres my ETC.. Well the days of super mom are over we have to realize that as women mothers then were different than we are today dust bunnies on the floor or in corners are OK a few dishes in the sink are OK relax take a deep breathe you are doing great. The hubby one hte other hand he will always be a kid doesnt help to try to change him, your just beating your head against the wall sirt him down and talk to him tell him what you are struggleing with and ask hi is there any thing you can help you wiht tell him how every min of your day is spent, and see if he will feel your pain and start helping when he gets home if not. just put his JUNK in a place he will see it pile up but out of your way. my kids know if I seesomething laying arounds I take it and put it in the 10 cent box out in the laundry room if I have to pick it up it cost them a dime to get it back... that said have a great day and bless you.

T.

No,you were not wrong to ask! I know a lot of women have this same problem. I do. My husband will do something but only after I have several times!! They just aren't "programmed" to help out around the house. My husband will say,its my job because I stay at home. I reply by saying"Okay,but my job shouldn't last 24 hrs a day!" If he gets a break when he comes home,don't we deserve the same thing?? Its all about equality. My husband concedes to this. I just have to remind him over and over..... So,yes I think you should remind your husband that the children are half his,as is the house!! He should help out some.

You're not wrong at all and it's not just SAHMs that have this problem. The problem is all on the side of your husband and although this might seem like a minor thing, I would recommend counseling, as this is a sign that he has no consideration for your feelings (speaking from experience).

Let me start off by saying that you are not alone. I am married to the most wonderful husband in the world. Ask anyone that knows me, but most men (mine included) do not get it. They work and they are tired and they think that this is it. Well my husband and I sold our expensive house in the city and moved to the country where everything is cheaper(except gas). We did this so that he could retire and be home with our two grandsons (5 & 7) that we are raising. He agreed that if I continued to work, he would do all the house work, laundry, take care of the kids before and after school, the yard work, trash and help me with dinner when I got home from an hour and a half drive from work. After two months of this, he was just astounded that I did all of this and held down a full time job for 20 years. He just now gets it. He knows how much I did all that time and he is the most appreciative person now.

My heart goes out to you and I suggest that you take a serious look at leaving the scene for two days and letting him handle the entire load. You must however make rules and get him to agree. 1st- no meals purchased, he must make the meals. 2nd- no messes left, he must make sure the house is kept up to standard. 3rd- he must do all of this himself with no outside help, he can however solicit help from your children. If you do this, they will all have a greater understanding for the stay at home working mom. You might not work outside of the home, but you WORK and work hard with no set breaks or lunchtimes away from your work.

I wish you the best and always communicate with him your feelings. The secret to the happiest marriage is a clear and concise but respectful communication between you both.

You also need to make time for the two of you to be alone and appreciate each other.

You were not wrong. He needs to help. But this has been going on forever with husband and wives... like the old Amish saying...

"A Man works from Sun to Sun,
But a Woman's work is never done."

Sad but true.

One solution is to work part-time and hire a maid. Just make enough money to pay for the maid. It might make you feel better. It'd be really nice if you could get a job a few hours in the evening... just temporarily, so you'd be missed. SAHM and WAHMs are all taken for granted, even by the best husbands.

If this isn't the first time you've had this situation with your husband, I can guess that this won't be your last. You can't change your husband - he'll always be the way he was when you got married unless he decides to change himself. You can only change the way you speak to or treat him. Try the method already suggested (i.e. the shoulder rub). And if that doesn't work, just put his CDs away anyway and if he gets mad, tell him that he should put them away himself rather than leave them out for you to do. And if he won't carry the clothes for you, then leave his clothes where they are. Make each person in your family responsible for collecting and putting away their clothes. Then, you only have to worry about carrying your own and his will sit down there until he decides to retrieve them. Same with the dishes - each person is responsible for putting their own dishes in the dishwasher.

My husband went through a phase like that, though he's not at all like that these days. I am wondering if maybe he's got a bit of depression? It doesn't have to be anything big or even tangible that could throw someone into a depression, but I'm thinking those are certainly signs: sleeping in and not "able" to get up, vegging out in front of the computer screen, being aloof and not an active member of the family, and thinking that everything is "on" him (which as a busy wife/mom/childcare worker I find ludicrous like you probably do).....I suffered from depression years ago and found it very difficult to do something as minor as squeezing the gas pump hard enough to get any gas. I worked out of it with help from my husband (then boyfriend)and effort on my part, and my husband has gone through that sit on the computer and waste the day garbage before, but with help from me AND medication AND a psychiatrist he came out of it and is a vital part of our family again. The old me would have some brash things to say, especially for the "put it all on me" attitude, but now I'd say pray for him, pray for YOURSELF to have patience and WISDOM in the situation, and maybe see about getting him some counseling or a visit with the doctor because it could be something serious. And although this goes completely against your instincts (BELIEVE ME, I've been there), maybe even doing some things to show him how much you appreciate him and how important he is to the family unit could help.
On a more practical note, I got a part time job at Babies R Us working only on Sundays, after church, so I could get out of the house and have some adult interaction, and so that my husband could get a taste of taking care of things around the house, and our son. Make a daily list of things that need to be done, and he can take care of Sunday. Another thing I did once was go visit my mom for a few days. He phoned me to tell me he'd just realized how much I do...b/c the place was trashed in a couple days (and it was JUST HIM)...he's gotten so much better.

No, it's not wrong to ask him for help! Like others have said, his "job" ends at 5 and he comes home, but yours never does. It's perfectly normal and healthy to ask for help. Someone already recommended warning him that you are going to clean X tomorrow - if he doesn't want you to do it, then it had better be done. Make sure you give a reasonable amount of time for HIM to clean it up. Then, when he does things to help, praise him, do something special to thank him for helping. Make sure he knows you REALLY appreciate it.

As a stay at home mom I understand exactly what you are going through. They have a tendency to think just because we don't leave the house we don't really work. I have two children a two year old daughter and one year old son. They keep me very busy during the day and some days it is way harder to get things done than others. My husband does not like to clean so I usually do all the inside stuff and he takes care of all the outside things. There are days I need his help to bath the kids, feed them breakfast, empty the dishwasher or some other little thing. He does help now, but it took a little while for him to understand that I cannot do it all. I sat him down told him I felt like I was doing everything and I needed his support and his help. We are team after all and I felt like the only player. It seemed to work and he is much better at helping me out. I still have to ask, but at least he does it. Ask you husband to take one or two of your morning chores like get breakfast ready for kids and make their lunch. I don't think you were wrong asking for help, but the longer you let him get away with not helping the harder it is going to be get him to help you.

Rather than feeling like a nag when you want them to do something try writing a list of things to do. At the beginning tell the kids how it's going to work. if they get allowance say no allowance if these are not done. If you don't give allowance say something will be taken away if these things are not done. The idea is to do as little talking as possible. It's the voice that's gets to them because they just ending up blocking it out. so, after you tell them the rules once, make the list. Maybe only give them a list every other day and let them have some days to them selves so they don't feel bogged down all of the time.
Write the list. Write the day or time the things have to be done by. Don't discuss it. You have set the rules. If it dosn't get done they deal with the consequences.
As far as hubby goes you can give him a to honey do list, who knows if it will get done. Maybe if you make sure you do some work in front of him he will feel guilty and pitch in.
Good Luck,
L

It sounds like you have 3 children. You were not wrong to ask him to help. He needs to step up and help out, don't let him pull the "I worked all day" because so did you. He needs to clean up after himself and help you, unfortunatly your "job" does not end at 5pm so his shouldn't either. He just changes jobs from the 9-5 to the dad/husband.

Honey, I have no suggestions for you because I'm in the same boat but I wrote back for moral support. My husband does work long hours but at home he rarely helps me. Although you do sound like you ask a lot nicer than I do. I do not think you are wrong to ask for help and I don't think our husbands should get upset when we do. Hang in there though, you aren't the only one out there.

I think many husbands are like this. From what my husband has told me.... he deals with "whiny babies" all day too -- grown-up ones at work. He's a manager so he has 5-10 whiny babies nagging him all day long - and it truly is nagging, I've heard the stories. There's a lot of stress for a man to deal with, too... especially if he's the only provider for the family budget. Lots riding on his income/his job -- it's his whole family's livelihood. I don't know where your husband works at -- at my husband's job and many other jobs there are lots of office politics and games that are played. Appearances and work ethic are everything. Coming in early and staying late shows you're a hard worker - therefore, might be able to get a promotion or NOT be the one who gets laid off.

OK that said.... I think you're not getting your due "down time" and that's why you might be feeling overwhelmed.
I really do believe that b/c I'm a SAHM - the inside chores of the home are my duty. And if it's a rough week, I'm sick, or Mother's Day or my bday or vacation or whatever ... I will ask for help then. But I truly believe that my hubby and I have made the financial sacrifices for us to be a one-income family for me to stay home -- therefore I should be the one to handle the home responsibilities.... The home is my job.
I said home -- not necessarily all the parenting responsibilities. My hubby is willing to help with those. We are partners in parenting issues - discipline, teaching, making sure he eats all his dinner.

I also plan girls' night out with my friends and my church group ladies. So I have some time away from home and my husband also sees what I do every night to put my son to bed.

I think if you weren't watching someone else's baby -- you'd have more downtime or at least some free time during the time your school-aged children are in school. Do you need to watch the baby for financial reasons? If so, consider cutting back on those hours. If not, then I would recommend getting that time back for yourself -- for the sake of your sanity and the well-being of your family.

Btw, I think your children are old enough to have chores at home... at least the 12 yr-old is... especially with loading the dishwasher, doing laundry etc. I did when I was younger than that.

Here I am 74 years old and I think my granddaughter is smarter than I ever was. She is married and has a 6 month old shild. They both work and leave the house about 7 AM and get back about 6 PM. They have a list he is responaable for watching their daughter while she takes a bath and gets supper ready this is his play time with the baby. After supper is her playtime. They take turns every other night getting up with the baby and that person gets the baby ready for day care. After the baby is saleep she cleans the up the kitchen. He does his own laundry and she does hers and the babys. This works really well for them. Maybe if you make a list of all the things you do maybe they will agree to help some. Of course you and I both know the mother always carries the heavy load and least appreicated.
Good Lunck

I'll say this... men aren't really big oafs, or selfish or mean. They just think differently than we do. For example you would be angry with a plate because it can't hold cereal or with a fork because you can't eat soup with it. We are just different! Men believe in their hearts that they are taking care of things, by providing for us... home, insurance, car, etc. If we as women will understand this fundamental truth then we can get on with our lives. Also, since we are the more emotional, sensitive of the race, we tend to think that when they are not, they don't love us. Again, they show their love by providing for us, not by being lovey dovey. (This is not to assume that men can't help at home or say "I love you".) So now to deal with the problem.

Just ask nicely.... say "you know, I'm overwhelemed here and I know you work hard at work and you are a great provider and I appreciate that, but my job doesn't end at 5, I clock out and get to be off. My job is 24 hours on call duty. I love my job and I love my family, but I'm overwhelmed. If you could help me with.... then I'd be ever so grateful." Now if your husband isn't a jerk cuz ppl can be jerks, then you should get some results. What happens when he stops helping.... cuz this will likely happen? You have the talk again. Because we are sensitive and we take care of things, they will once again forget that we need help. I mean most of us aren't whiny little things that need to be taken care of and because of that our men will get out of the habit of helping. So just have the conversation again.

Many Blessings!!

You were not wrong to ask him to help.

One thing we do in my family when my house needs attention is I say to all in my family (one girl 9, one boy 4.5, husband 43) okay, we all live here together and we all make messes together. Now it's time to clean together. I set the timer for 20 minutes (per room) and the 4 of us go to each room and clean together. It helps me train my children to do the tasks how they should be done and it helps me to feel like everyone is helping and I'm not the only one responsible for the messes.

Maybe your husband would be more inclined to help if everyone was working together. To keep from taking up your weekend time, you might think about doing one room an evening before bedtime. If that's not conducive, it works well for me to do it first thing Saturday a.m. or after church Sunday afternoon.

Hope this helps!
L.

No, you weren't wrong to ask him to help. My husband tells me that he is oblivious to what needs to be done and doesn't know I need help unless I ask. I'm usually incredulous at this reponse, but my father has said the same thing to my mom. The problem is when they act like they are VERY inconvenienced by our requests! It doesn't sound like you ask for help very often, so I would advise to keep doing what you're doing-- always do what you can and ask for help only when you really need it whether he gives you attitude or not!

Have you ever watched Super Nanny? If not, she would be telling you to get a schedule for the WHOLE family, and if the whole family sticks to the schedule, it will work. I am a military wife, I have two seperate lifes, the one for when he is home, and the one for when he is gone, and trust me, the one when he is gone runs soooo much smoother!!! Your husband is a grown man, teaching two impressionable young men, that it is a womans job to take care of the house and if this continues, in the upcoming years when they are in full teenagerism, you are going to wish you lived in a different house!! It is not unfixable, but if you go on strike for a week, and only tend to the most basic needs, food on the table for the kids, clean clothes for the kids, and nothing else, and see how long it takes for hubby to see how much you really do accomplish in a given day while playing chaufuer and babysitting. I will be honest, without too many other really great redeeming qualities, I would have one foot out the door already! Best of luck, God bless and I am praying for ya sista!!

no, you are not wrong to ask for help from him! that sounds very similar to our house!
hang in there!

he sounds like my hubby - men are pigs is all I know after 31 years of life :) I hope you did not get to much husband bashing from other moms. Here is what I did to get my hubby more involved. 1) I only put away mine and the kids clothes. I leave his on the bed all folded and ready for him to put away. If he leaves something out (again) and I have to put it up I take a pic and then put it away and take another pic. I also make a list of your duties, which will be way longer - then a list of his. my hubby has to pick up dog pooh and change cat litter. he also has to vacuum 1 time a week. If i want him to help with the cooking on the weekends I tell him we are having a "girlie dinner" like veggie night, chicken salad sandwiches or salads. And if he wants something different he needs to start cooking. He much rather grill somthing let eat my girlie dinner... I hope these help and let me tell you they will relaps but just keep the list where he can see it daily and keep showing the pics and maybe he will get the idea. My hubby is a lot better now. Have a nice day.

I don't think that you were wrong asking for help. I understand where you are coming from. I'm a stay at home mother of 3 wonderful girls. There ages are 5,3, and 14 months. I have my 5 and 3 year olds clean there room evey night before we read them stories. Well, beofre my surgery I was doing alot but, I can tell you that my husband helped me out alot. Thats the great thing. If I need his help he will help even is he has worked a 12 hour shift.
I cook and clean the kitchen. He helps give the girls a bath, sweap floors mop and steam carpets. He is very good, Now that I've had surgery he still helps me. Actually, he is doing more than usuall. I love him for that. He's a great husband and a wonderful father....
I hope it gets better for you....

K D. Husbands are big oafs. Sometimes, even when you want to scream and hit them over the head with a frying pan, you have to use sweetness. Men respond to sweetness. Yes, he should help out more but you "reminding" him of what he is or isn't doing will not get it done. And if he does end up doing it, he'll pout and act as if you're asking him to scrape poop off shoes or something.
So my advice is this. Next time you want something done, for example putting the cds away, try this approach:

Wife: "Hi honey! How was your day? You look tired. Would you like me to rub your shoulders?"

Husband: "Oh,that would be great".

Wife: "Ok sweetheart. How about you put your cds away real quick, then we'll fill your stomach up with something delicious,. And then I'll rub your shoulders while you relax. Sound good?"

Husband: "No problem. That sounds great".

Try it. You'll get quicker results and your husband won't regard you as a nag. :)