Was I Out of Line?

I personally would have had my boyfriend ask her to take it down if he wanted it taken down.

I would have stayed out of it.

I don't think you were out of line at all. I don't want to sound like the paranoid one, but I think she did this on purpose to try and make you jealous. She probably very well knew that you and his family could see this. Why would she post a picture after all of this time anyway of her and an ex? Especially since she won't take down the picture, sounds like she has some unresolved issues (she's pretty much a nut!) I think your husband should report the picture, considering he's the one in it and never agreed to her posting it in the first place. She also sounds pretty childish considering she had this argument with you via Facebook... is she stuck in the 11th grade?? I had a similar issue (even though I never confronted her about it), hy husband had hooked up with one of his friends before we met (they never even dated) and then he lost contact with her... then all of the sudden I find an album on Facebook through her account dedicated to my husband (literally like 100 pictures of him, I don't even know where she got them). I thought to myself, if she's that desperate for attention after like 2 years and that stalkerish... she's not even worth my time! lol

You can't control what people put on their facebook, and honestly I don't think it is any place for 8 and 10 year olds IMHO. Her putting the pic up looks a bit tacky and desperate, but honestly its not like everyone including his family doesn't know he had girlfriends before you and yes he probably even made out with them. I think the moral of this story is "don't do anything on film(camera or video) that you wouldn't want your kids to see ten years down the road!" I don't think an old picture of BF making out with his then girlfriend is that big of a deal, but thats just my 2 cents. Facebook is no place for little eyes, its not really supposed to be a kid-friendly social network site, so that doesn't factor in for me. These days everything comes back to you via technology. Just un-friend her and move on.

Edit to say: I do agree with Laura, i assumed just kissing when you said making out, but if they were two steps from doing the horizontal mambo that is a bit different and BF should have nicely asked her to take it down and just untagged himself---you should have stayed out of it no matter what, you'll only look like the jealous GF in any matter.

These are one of those situations where she does have the right to post it, but morally not a good idea.

Why in the world would she post a picture of her kissing an ex-boyfriend from over 10 years ago? Makes a person wonder if she still has a thing for him or if she just wanted to throw some drama into her life and spite him and you and anyone else it may bother. Very odd in the first place.

It just shows her character when she ripped into both of you for asking her to take it down. Some people have no idea how to behave in public and Facebook is the same as walking down the middle of the mall holding up an 8x10 of her and her ex kissing and showing it off to everyone. Makes no sense what so ever.

You both did nothing wrong by asking her to take it down for the reasons you gave and I wouldn't have added more reasons as well, lol. In the end, she has the right to post it, unless you find something in Facebook's user agreement about posting photos of others without their consent. I would check into that. Then you'd have a legal avenue to follow and contact Facebook.

Facebook is weird about photos and without a real reason will remove photos if someone clicks the link next to it saying it's inappropriate. Have someone click on that so it'll be taken down.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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Not out of line at all!
I enjoy Facebook, have a page and even post pictures. BUT I also am very cautious of what I post AND very aware of who may see it even though I have my settings as "friends only!"
I planned my class reunion this summer and absolutely did not scan and post anything without asking permission from those in the pic. I also would never have posted something questionable. I did have a classmate call and ask me to remove a pic from our class FB page, NOT because it was questionable, but just because they didn't want an ex-partner to see. I took it off without question!
We also had a huge family celebration this summer with friends and relatives in from all over the country. Again, no pictures online without permission.

It is frightening what people can and will do.

You, and your BF asked her to remove it. I would have to be "in it" to know whether I would have bothered to do that, but YOU did, and that's okay. That she was so ungracious and refused tells me that the err in judgement was probably hers. She made much too big of a deal. My guess is she likes making trouble.

I think it was fair for your BF to ask her to take it down. She was within her rights to decline. His next steps would be to simply "untag" it and block her so she cannot retag him or post anything about him that others not in their mutual circle could read.

I think he might have some recourse with FB. You have to check a box saying you have "rights" to post the picture. But I am not clear if her rights include posting pictures of others and attaching names and personal details to them? Maybe. Maybe not.

If it were me...I would have stepped out since your BF was taking care of things.

Not at all! I do a big party every year and this year I put pictures on the flier. The pictures were mainly of my kids, the two boys I used to nanny for, and some of my immediate family members. I have an email from EVERYONE saying it is okay for me to put that particular picture up. I don't put a picture of anyone up without their conscent. Minus people who jump in. I do have Facebook to keep in contact with family and friends - my brother was in Iraq for almost 2 years and I got to talk to him that way for free. So I don't see anything wrong with Facebook. And I also let me kids get on my facebook to talk to him if he is on. I don't think Facebook is the devil, I think some people have no common sense to use it correctly and respect other people. Good for you for standing up for yourself!

I just wish I had a dollar for all the tiffs that go on over facebook.

Couldn't your BF just untag himself from the picture?

I do not think that your BF was out of line to ask her to remove the picture (not really your business though), but it is her choice whether to do so or not. If someone is afraid of pictures of themselves ending up on social networks, they should be more careful about what types of pictures they pose for. Now if I put up an old photo of someone and they asked me to remove it, I would, but I would have the right to say no as well, I mean it is my picture. It sounds like maybe her problem is with you, and that is why she acted like she did. Childish yes, but that also is her right. I would just ignore her and cut her out of your life as much as you can.

As for those who are saying she did not have rights to the photo, I am pretty sure they are wrong. What that box is asking you is if the photo was taken by a professional, which would mean they only have the right to reproduce it for X amount of years. It is asking about copy rights. You have rights over your own photos you have taken, or that have been taking by a non-professional and given to you.

I believe your boyfriend can also remove the tag so it wont show up on any other facebook pages. Look into that.
Also, wondering what your definition of "making out" is? If she is just kissing him then it's not a big deal. If she is half naked with a boob hanging out then yeah, probably a bit offensive! lol
L.

hey, she wants what you have
:)
and she's not getting him.
yes, i would be upset.
i had something like that happen (not really a photo but something about my husband online by a former girlfriend). i was not upset, i just wished she would have moved on with her life. then again it's only been 1.5 decades so i guess she has another decade or two to get over him :)
you were not out of line, but i hope you realize why she did it and thus pity this woman :)

You can only control you and what you do, you can't control other people. If that was inappropriate for your child, you could limit your child from being on FB and viewing those pics. It wouldn't hurt him, as there are other ways to get pics of his family.

Hi R.,
I don't think you were out of line.
But I also think she was within her rights to refuse to remove it.
And she can make any snarky comments she wants on her FB page so...

The photo wasn't of illegal content (pornographic, etc.). She just sounds like a jerk and I think you & BF are better off NOT having her as a friend in cyber-space! Good riddance to bad rubbish!

No, you were fine to make the request especially considering that he made the same request. She's immature and some people really don't understand how silly THEY look when they rant on Facebook. Ignore it and move on. If anyone brings it up to you, minimize it, laugh and change the topic.

well, legally she had right, it's HER facebook, but yeah, i'd be miffed too. all you can do is let it go and just block her if it bugs you that much as far as family questioning, if they ask, just explain it's from a long time ago and there is no longer a connection between him and her (i'd check that and maybe have bf clarify with her there is nothing with her where he's concerned-she could be having "wishing moments" wanting him back. maybe if she does have the hope they will be acouple again, if he explains where he is to her, it might make her remove it??

you have the right to feel the way you all do but unfortunatly people are rude and peddie, If I were you I would tell facebook that this picture was not consented by him and please remove it; however, nothing is stopping her from putting it up again later.

We all have to just deal with ignorent people and the kids will have to as well, as agrevating as it is. Is it right no but what else can we do. Reacting just fuels their fire. Ignore it and eventually it will get boring and go away.

That is the risk you take wen u play on facebook, just another reason i leave that place alone.

I really think it was your BF's prerogative to ask her to take it down, so she may have thought that you were jealous of it being up there. Also, I think if he asked her and she didn't, I would report it as inappropriate and tell FB that she doesn't have consent to post it. You were not out of line, but that is one of the dangers of facebook.