Want to Help Daughter Get Better Study Habits

I have a 3rd grade son that has the same problem. It is so upsetting to deal with day after day. I am glad to read the responses and will continue to look to see what good advice people tell you. Wish I had something great to add.

Try checking with her school to see if they provide any help in this area. If you live in Scottsdale, Az they have an 8 week after school program to help 7th - 12th graders learning better study habits and raising their grades.
It's great that you are aware of how she works and want to encourage her...a huge help to her is knowing you are involved and care!
For now, perhaps she can try doing homework in little chunks of time until it's finished. She probably processes things differently than kids who are "faster", which means she learns differently, she's just not "slower". We each learn differently; some are auditory learners, some visual, some kinesthetic. Some of us are left brain dominant - more logical. Some of us are right brain dominant - more creative and emotional. There lots of different ways to get the same answer- yes? We can use rewards, punishments, etc all we want, but it's really going to come down to her feeling understood and understanding how she processes, learns, and meeting her there before it all clicks and she finds her own way of getting homework and projects done, and gets it done well. Maybe she was happy to "just get by" because she was a round peg being put into a square hole. You ever had a situation when learning something new was so frustrating and overwhelming and you just couldn't get it? Then one day it was explained to you in just a different way and a light bulb went off and it was so easy? It's because the way it was explained to you was the right way for you to really learn it. I'm wondering if your daughter was helped in a different way, learn study habits that will work for HER, and she finds an outlet, like a hobby or activity, she really enjoys, it could help her not just get better grades...which will boost her confidence, but will give her a different perspective on school and herself as a lifelong seeker of knowledge.
Another thought I have....she's a daydreamer you say? Talk with her about how daydreaming can actually help us if we harness that energy correctly. For example, being caught up in a dream and not accomplishing anything just sabatoges our potential. But, using our imagination to create solutions to a challenge is not really dreaming, but creative thinking. Have her practice being aware of when she's "dreaming", stopping herself and learning how to think or imagine herself actually in the DOING of what she has to complete. What creative and inspiring ideas can SHE come up with for herself? How does she see herself figuring things out and being resourceful? Going Within takes alot of practice. Kids are naturally instinctual, but as they grow older they learn (through home or culture, peers, school) to not trust themselves as much. Helping kids to "go within" and seek the answers, they will usually come up with brilliance:)

Best wishes.

A.
mom of 4. Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com

I'm a member of www.FLYlady.com, which really helps me keep my house clean and keep routines and have a healthy attitude towards it all. It's geared towards adults getting their homes and lives in order, but she provides a "control journal" for children to keep track of their homework, chores, etc, on their own without their parents nagging, which might really help. Kids (and husbands!) automatically resist us when we're telling them what to do, even if it's for their own good. The student control journal helps them stay organized and establish routines. Here's the link to the control journal: http://www.flylady.net/images/student_CJ.pdf#search=%22st...

Also check out her homepage flylady.net Her systems might really help you find peace in your own life like it did for me.

Flylady is an advocate of her colleague's website, www.housefairy.org, which is a website to help motivate and encourage children to clean their rooms. On the website there's a video of The Housefairy where she talks to your kids and tells them she's going to stop by unexpectedly every once in awhile and check on their rooms and see if they've been cleaning it like their parents have asked and leave little notes and rewards if they have. The website also helps give you ideas on how to make a game out of cleaning, and turn it into a positive experience so they can develop good habits for life. Praise and rewards are usually bigger incentives than punishment, and much more positive and help their self-esteem. In fact, while studying for his Master's in Business, my husband learned that people performed better with the incentive of receiving recognition and praise than they did with the motivation of monetary rewards in the workplace. You can plan family activities as rewards, doing what she wants, which she most likely prefers over material things, plus it sends a better message. The housefairy.org website has a LONG list of incentive ideas, posted by other parents.

Good luck! Be firm and make sure there are consequences, both positive and negative, for their behavior. Consistency pays off. I am a BIG advocate of the Love and Logic parenting style of letting your children suffer the natural consequences of their choices and enforcing limits, but doing so in a loving, empathetic way. Love and Logic also stresses the importance of reinforcing a warm parent/child relationship by being involved and spending time together. They offer awesome parenting classes that I strongly encourage taking (www.keriparentcoach.com is their excellent local instructor here in AZ), have some great books ("Parenting with Love and Logic"), and DVDs and CDs. Check them out at the library or purchase at www.loveandlogic.com When I attended the parenting classes it became apparent that this approach to parenting is very similar to how I was raised, and I really appreciate my upbringing and always had a fantastic relationship with my mom, even during my teenage years.

My husband and I also have a tendency towards distractability when we work. Since a psychology class in college where the professor would play classical during exams, I've adopted that habit when I'm working. My husband recently started as well. It tends to keep the distraction-demons at bay and we can finish more of our work in less time. When I'm at work or on the computer, I stream classical from kbaq.org. Click on "Listen" in the upper right and pick your media player. I have had good reception through Windows Media Player on High Quality.

My mother tried the timer-method (work for X minutes and I can have free time) with me when I was younger, but I ended up preoccupied with the timer and distracted from my work. Hence, I'd discourage that tactic.

Hope this helps!
Sarah

If she daydreams a lot, she probably has a vivid imagination. How are her reading skills? Maybe she can be directed to write stories. I was the same way as a child but knew from 5th grade that all I really wanted to do is write. It's worth a try to get her rolling in this direction. If that fails, talk with her teacher and she if she has any ideas. Somewhere in her heart is a tiny spark waiting to be ignited. Good luck!

Hi W.,

I know this has been suggested, but try letting her listen to music while she is studying. I had the same problem when I was a kid until I started playing music while doing homework. I still listen to music to this day when I am doing homework.

Hi W.,
A minor suggestion from an OT working in a middle and high school.

At this age, it's important she start (and it sounds like she is) being in charge of her own study-habits. As you know better than I, probably, micro-managing a teenager is a little like herding cats (lol!)

I think if you know what already motivates her (and sounds like good grades aren't it, like plenty of her classmates), use that, and hold her to it. She decides when and how much she studies and does homework, but then if she doesn't produce, give her a meaningful consequence (Not "punishment," but something *worse* than a bad grade).

I am also a slow-poke when it comes to getting things done, but I am responsible for my work and getting it done on-time and accurately: learned that from my awesome parents :)
T

A time management and focus technique that has always worked for our family is that "I can do anything for 15 minutes" even if I can't stand it.

(This works for intense bursts of excercise, house cleaning and for homework.)

Set a timer for 15 minutes, she then pushes herself to really focus and accomplish as much as she can in those 15 minutes. After the timer goes off she is done for the time being. She can get up, wander around, day dream, make a phone call etc. while you check what she did. (time this part as well if you like) then she sits down for another 15 minute round of work.

Assignments that used to take several hours (think research papers) are now done in about an hour using the focused 15 minute rule.

I hope this might help. It works great for short bursts of cleaning that we call "room rescues" as well or cleaning up the homeowrk area when she is done.

Some things that might be helpful:

-let her chew gum - research shows it helps people focus/remember

-rosemary can help people focus better. You can place a rosemary plant in her study area, or use rosemary essential oil - and have her dab a few drops on a cottonball that she can sniff.

-listening to music. Music can help focus and help the time seem to go by faster.

Best,
C.

I have a 10 yr old who is the same way. I recently started her on a supplement called "Attentive Child" from Sprouts. It is mostly magnesium, which it seems that most female are lacking. It seems to be helping, but I know that she will still need to develope better study habits. She is just now getting into playing sports, which she loves (a shock to me)and they say that it helps children to learn focus. Plus we have to keep in mind what is happening to their bodies at this time in their life. I think that if we has adults had this much happening to us, we would be on big time medication :)
I feel for you and applaud you for helping her. Stay with it and you will find something that works for her. She is lucky to have a mom who loves her so much.

I have a 2nd grader(boy) who is the same way. If you get any good advise I could usse it too! Good Luck!