I have a strange situation on my hands. It's hard to describe in a way that isn't lengthy but I will try.
There is a woman who lives one street over. I will call her "P". She has taken an interest in my children and family.
She is single but lives with a boyfriend who has helped raise an 8 year old boy but she is not a mother.
I dont feel she sees this boy as a son either. She has been trying to break up with his father for a long time.
My kids started talking to her when our dog kept running away and going to her house.
She started coming over and made friends with my husband and I have always been friendly but hesitant.
She has come out and said that she wants children but doesn't see that she will ever have a chance. It's not just my children spending time at her house, she seems to have a following by many (mostly girls) ages 13 to 16. She talks to them on the phone for long periods of time, she text messages them back and forth every day. (which I find really strange)
I started having a problem when she came to my house and was going straight to their rooms to spend time with them and talking to them in a mommy like way. Example...She took my 7 year old onto her lap in front of me and said "did you brush your teeth baby?" She has been the source of fights between my 13 and 16 year old daughters and did not have the sense to back up and give us some breathing room and possibly even enjoyed that she was stirring the pot. It seems like she is really caught up in teenaged drama. She thrives on it. According to her she was a camp counselor.
If I thought this was a case of me being a bad mother, would step up the parenting, but I really don't think that's it.
My husband has asked her to stop coming over to our house because it upsets me, but my kids still want to spend time with her and they still call her. Everything I say sounds like I am just being nasty and she always looks completely innocent of any wrong doing. It's hard enough to raise teen aged girls without someone interfering and undermining.
How can I get the kids to see that this is situation is not what it appears? Thankfully, my 16 year old has decided she no longer likes P because P has instigated some fights between her and her friends. It should say something that a grown woman is too immature for a 16 year old! But sadly, my 13 year old still worships her and so do my boys who are 7 and 10
ANYONE?
Help! I feel like I am going crazy here. I used to think I was just feeling jealous but this is a gut motherly instinct now.
It's sad to say, but I'm always leery when an unrelated adult takes a particular interest in one of my children (let alone a whole neighborhood's worth!). I'm also weirded out by an adult who chooses to spend so much time with kids that aren't theirs. Either she's got issues with making friends her own age, or there's something more dubious going on.....either way, I would say stay away!
When reading your post the firstthing that pops into my head is that what if she is a child molestor? I know people don't thinknif tht first when they think of a woman, but the situation is a little off. If the situation where exactly the same but witha man instead of a woman, we would wonder right? Yes! Well it happens from women too! I agree with the other post about calling the police. There is no appropriate reason for a grown woman to be texting and visiting either children. Get that woman away from your children.
Trust your instincts, and then tell this person to stay away and tell your kids that they are not allowed to communicate with her either. If she does not respect your wishes, warn her by telling her you will have to resort to legal help. You are the parent and she has no rights to communicate with your kids. It is up to you to stop the chaos. She sounds lonely, which could be the reason she is doing all of this, or perhaps mentally ill.
Hi K.,
I definitely would not allow this woman by my children. Just reading your post gives me the creeps. We moms have a natural instinct--girl, trust your instincts on this one. I would contact the other moms whose children she visits and get a group support going here for yourself. Let them know what you know about the situation. You may be surprised to find that the other moms may feel just like you do. And, no, you are not crazy. There are alot of weird people out there. Honestly, no normal, respectable person would not ever dream of befriending a minor...period. A normal person, if they are lonely, devotes their energies elsewhere to make adult friends--a job, church, getting a hobby, joining an online club, a gym, etc. Personally, I don't know this woman, but it sure seems to me that she is putting herself in a potentially bad situation--being accused of molestation by one of these kids if one of these kids ever gets into a beef with her. I say, sit your kids down and explain stranger danger to them. Also, if she is living with a boyfriend, he may be in on the bad behavior too, keep that in mind. You can also tell your kids, from a Christian point of view, that you do not approve of her lifestyle (live-in) boyfriend. Bottom line: stick to your guns.
Good Luck,
M.
Hi- Listen to your intuition, sounds like you already know what to do. I'd tell her in no uncertain terms to stay away from my kids. Nothing you describe above sounds normal or healthy and the fact that your oldest has figured it out herself is very telling. Sounds like you raised a smart and capable young lady. Now help the little ones out by putting your foot down to protect them. Good luck!
You can also block her number from your phones, so she cannot send texts or get calls through to your kids. If she loves kids so much, why doesn't she show more interest in her boyfriend's 8 year old? Why isn't she a foster parent? If she can't pass the tests to be one, that is a red flag. These are ways normal adults who love kids show interest in them. They do not go to the neighbors uninvited and cause trouble. She is not the parent - you are. I am sure the other families feel the same way. Trust yout instincts.
I don't know why but the thought crosses my mind she's some kind of predator. She's someone who lures kids into their confidence and could be grooming them. Would you feel any alarms go off in your head if she were a man? If some man were texting my kids you can be sure the local police would be hearing about it. Women can be perverts or part of some child porno ring, too. There's no way I'd let her into my house or let the kids go near her at her house or anywhere else. When my son was in Kindergarten, the school he was in did a presentation from Yellow Dino regarding tricky people and suspicious behavior and what kids (and parents) should be careful about.
http://www.yellodyno.com/html/ydvids.html
I'd get a video from them (or some other child safety company) and watch/discuss it with my kids. I agree with you something is not right with this.
Also check out the Indiana Sheriffs' Sex and Violent Offender Web site and see if she (and/or her boyfriend) is listed there:
http://www.insor.org/insasoweb
oh god. that gives me the total creeps. i almost feel like she's a predator of some kind and grooming them. ewe.
i'd stay away from her. I'd also look her up on the pediphile websites.
there's a reason you are hesitant.
she sounds mentally ill
you know, she could be lonely, but that is not your problem.
and i tell you no rhyme or reason, if it were me i'd tell her next time i saw her, you txt or email or call or talk to any of my kids ever again. let alone come to my house, i'll call the cops on you.
she could be lonely, but she could be a child molestor, she could be mentally and emotionally unstable and frankly she is a stranger to your kdis so treat her like a stranger.
Trust your gut feeling, and tell her to stay away, PRONTO. Call the authorities if she doesn't.
This story gives me the creeps just reading it.
Definately trust your instincts here. There is something wrong with this woman from what you've written here imho. You are the mom, not her. It sounds like this is all about manipulation and power struggles for her, but I'm not a shrink.
You may want to consider talking to the police (I assume that's who you talk to) regarding a restraining order. You may need to go that route if she doesn't obey your requests for her to stay away. Your children are minors and under your wing, not hers. Your kids will forget about her in due time. You might try getting their minds off of her by taking them places for a while. Have some fun, get away from her, etc. They will get over her. Good luck!
