W-h-i-n-i-n-g!!!

we said,
"if you whine, the answer is NO" "if you want to wait 5 minutes (and I set a timer) and ask again correctly I MIGHT say something else" BUT, if you whine..its a no automatically.

I don't know if you got the answers you were looking for yet. If not you may want to go to my website for a two word response for whining. It's in seminar #6 Whining and potty mouth.

I think you will enjoy it.
Good Luck and Happy Holiday's
S. from ProActive Parenting dot net

I have this trouble sometimes, but I just don't speak whin-ish. I just don't understand whining. Anything whined is hard for me to hear or something. It's a little like an annoying mosquito buzzing... but not words. I tell both of them, who are a little older than yours, that I just don't understand and I can understand a big girl/big boy voice so much better. I ignore the whines. It works surprisingly well!

Hi G.,

I use "my ears can't hear those words." Leave it at that. Don't respond until she changes her way of speaking to you. She has found that she can upset you. Anytime kids are aware of having upset you, it locks in that behavior. She feels in control and is in control surprisingly. Check out www.loveandlogic.com for info on sharing control with kids so their behavior doesn't drive you crazy and they grow up responsible and respectful.

E.

I think you're on the right path when you say, I'll listen when you're not whining, then ignore until she's not whining. Unfortunately it will take much time, energy and patience. Good luck. check out love and logic website, or go to the library and check out some of their cds.

I went through a whining stage with each of my 3 kids. I told them I can't hear you when you whin and totally ignored them like they were not talking at all. After a while they got the hint and would catch themselves whining and correct it to get a response from me. I heard every word they said but never acted like I did until they did use words and talked like a big girl or boy. Eventually whining stopped altogether. But you have to be consistant you can't say "I don't hear you when you whin" then respond with "stop whining, your a big girl".
Now my son (10) is becoming a mumbler... so I told him the other day the same thing applies. I will not hear him and respond until he speaks clearly and correctly and at a normal tone, volume, etc. It seems to be working already.
Hope this helps :)

I'm the same way - whining - ugh! I say, ignore her until she uses normal conversation. When she whines, say into the air in a different direction than she is (do NOT look at her), "I wonder if (use her name) wants something? I can't tell, because she isn't talking to me normally," and then go back to wiping the counter or whatever. Do this as many times as necessary, but do NOT respond to what she is asking until she uses normal words. She may get desperate and scream or throw herself down, but do NOT give in! Only normal words will get your attention! The first day will be tough, but it is much easier to work all DAY at it (or even two DAYS) than to spend the next few YEARS of your life having this trouble. Good luck!

Hi G.!

Oh boy do I feel your frustration! I have 2 daughters and 2 sons. It seems the girls are natural whiners. While my first one drove me absolutely crazy (she's 15 now), my younger one (10) was a little bit easier for me, as far as the whining went. What I learned with her is to ignore the whining. I told her that when she talked to me that way I would not be able to hear her. I explained that the only way my ears could hear her is when she talked to me in a big girl voice. Of course, when they're toddlers and preschoolers it's hard for them to understand what whining is so I let her know what it sounded like when she did it. Well, it didn't take her long to figure it out. When she whined I went on with my business like I couldn't hear her at all. She's a smart kid! The whining stopped quickly.

I knew you had a 2.5 year old before I even read it! I have one too :) he whines a lot... but I tell him to use his words and that only babies whine. He tells me he isn't a baby and I tell him he needs to talk because I can't understand him when he whines. He's starting to get better, some days are better than others. All we can do is continue to try to make them "talk". This too shall pass! :)

G.- I would agree with the first two posts. I would add that the whining also might be a result of your 2.5 yr old vying for your attention from your son. He requires alot of attention and your daughter sees that. So I would suggest trying to include her into the caring of her little brother. Letting her touch gently and lovingly. Also, take her out sometimes without your son. Have mommie/daughter time occasionally to remind her that she is still special.

My daughter was a whiner as well so I know how frusterating it is. I used to tell her firmly 1 time that I will not respond to whining. That way after a few times of this she figured out that the only way to get my attention was to speak without whining. Don't give up and try not to lose your temper. Depending on how strong her will is, this may take some time for her to get used to.

Whining is like the fingernails on the chalkboard! :)
It's just plain annoying. I know. I have 4. They still whine for something or another even when they are older. It's just easier to talk to them and reason with them when they are older. 2 year olds? Hard to reason with. They just want what they want without any regard to anybody else. Thier world is all about them. How can children be so selfish? LOL. OK. Joking aside. I know it's frustrating to hear the whining. You are doing the right thing by telling her to use her words. Continue to guide her by being positive and sincerely praising her when she does use words. Punishment doesn't work. She isn't being naughty or manipulative. She just needs something. I used to say things like, "I have a hard time understanding that language. Can you use your regular voice to ask me please?" No fuss or getting mad. She just needs your attention. I also found that when my kids whine, they just need more alone time with me. Would you be able to get a sitter for your son and get out of the house with your daughter. Just go to the park or play outside with her? It takes very little to make little ones happy. I think you will find her whining less when she is able to have more one on one time with you or daddy.
Also for a future FYI....3 yr old can be a challenging age for many kiddos and their parents. Be patient and loving. Be forgiving of yourself and her. Take a time out for yourself:) Choose your battles. Listen to your loving inner wise mamma. She will know how to handle these trials of parenting.

Best wishes,
A.
mom of 4. Married 15 years.
Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com

Hi G.,

I'm right there with you...I cannot stand whining! I have three boys and this is what has worked with each of them (and they have very very different personalities): "Mommy really wants to help you. When you're ready to talk, we'll talk. But right now, I can't understand you" It takes a few times and a few reminders (because they always try to talk before the whining is over), but if you stick with it and really do not engage her when she's whining, with a few reminders of how much you want to talk to her, then she should eventually figure out acceptable ways to communicate.

It's a phase, one that with constency on your end, she'll outgrow.

G.,
Wow, I really feel your pain (along with every other mom of a kid who's been this age)!
My daughter went through this from 2.5 till about 3.25. The best advice I got was in a parenting class. It was -
IGNORE IT as much as possible. (I know, it seems impossible!)

But, it really worked. Also, I changed my reaction from ANNOYED (because it's, um, annoying!) to trying to make her laugh as I corrected her. So, I'd say, "When you ask mom for xyz, say - 'May I have ....' in a normal voice, instead of 'Mom (whiny voice)...'" then, I'd make a crazy face that would make her laugh. It really diffused the situation and she started realizing on her own that she should speak differently.

She's 3.5 now and no whining! A little kindness and patience go a long way in this period of growth.

Good luck!

G., This may sound horrible, but it works for me. I whine back at my son and he dislikes the sound of me whining so much that he stops. Whining really is annoying to listen to - for them as well. Give it a shot:)

With my kids (I have 3... and #2 just finished- hopefully- her whining phase) I whine back. When they whine to me, I repeat their whine and usually say something like "my goodness! You must know how to speak another language! I don't understand what that means! Tell me in a language I will understand." I usually get a giggle from that and then my child will speak normally.

Or I'll respond in my whining voice and tell them that this is how they sound... I won't answer their question, and they really don't like it when I whine back at them.

My 2.5 year old likes whining but, even better, she likes repetition which is what really drives me crazy. She must know the phrase "repetition is the key to learning" and tries it out on me all the time. In our house, whining and repetition means she needs to go in her room until she can talk normally. It hasn't worked permanently yet but she doesn't come out until she's stopped and it at least gives me a couple of mins to gather my wits!

Amen Sister!! I have 5. The whining puts me oooooovvverrrr the edge....
Try this: "I am happy to..... when you are sweet." "I give/do/take places for kids who are sweet."

When she is NOT whining (when she is eating, first wakes up, gives you a kiss, listens to a book, etc) you say "Look how SWEET you are being. I am happy to read, etc (whatever you are doing) because you are being so SWEET!!"

Then she understands what it is to be sweet and when she is whining she will realize (because kids do pick up on things without explanation)that she is not being sweet because you are NOT doing what she wants to do while she is not being sweet (whining).
It works like a charm for us if we are consistent in saying and following through.
Good luck. I also give the option of getting out of Time Out when she feels she is ready to be sweet--it depends on her ability to really know if she can be sweet. Otherwise I decide when she is sweet.

I feel your pain. My daughter is newly 2, and is a screechy whiner. It makes me want to lock myself outside the house and hope for the best. I've always told my kids I don't speak "whineese". Along with "use your words" - I give her the words over and over and over until she says them in a relatively calm tone. I even give her a sing songy tone to mimic that is much more pleasant. Good luck!

My husband and I had taken a parenting toolbox class a little bit ago, and this was something that my 2 and a half year old son was famous for as well. The leader had said that most children don't know that they are whining or what it sounds like. She suggested that when your child whines, make the sound back at them and tell them that this is what you sound like when you whine and it needs to stop. For our son, it took a month of consistenly doing this back at him for him to realize that he was whining and to stop. Good luck and I hope it helps!

I have the same issue with my 2.5 year old son. I have been told that it is a stage that some two year olds go through. It is VERY frustrating, especially when the child is able to talk well. The only advice I can give you is continue to correct her each time. Also, I say "Mommy can't hear you when you are whining" or "Use the voice that God gave you to talk to mommy." Being consistent is the only thing that I have found that works. Good luck. And if you find out any other methods, PLEASE let me know.

Here's what works for me:

When they whine, say "I can't hear whining," and don't respond to any request they make while whining. Just repeat "I can't hear whining."

If it progresses to crying, I immediately put my 3yo on his bed and tell him that he can come out when he's done crying. Sometimes I set a timer for 3 minutes. You can do that too with whining - say "I can't hear whining. You can ask me again in X minutes."

Good luck!

I learned from a book called Whining a long time ago a phrase that has really helped me. "Whining means no." Period. Anything that they whine about is an automatic no. End of discussion. Then they get ignored until they can speak properly. If whining does not get them the attention that they are after, they quickly learn not to do it. After a week of that, my 2-5 year olds came around.