Visitation

1st off - any talking to the ex about getting the kid should be by his dad, not his step mom. I am a stepmom who learned this over years and years.. it really does work better, and takes away some of the 'anxiety' over you trying to take her child.

2nd - no, not really. Spring break is defined on an SOP as Friday when school gets out to Monday when school goes back in session - if she's not willing to switch, you're SOL. Why doesn't dad have visitation on Wednesday or Thursday? Most SOP is same day every week + 1, 3, 5 weekends + eoh.

good luck
S.

I think Vicki S. has the right idea. At least then if Mom refuses, you'll have peace of mind knowing you've done everything it's in your power to do, and the rest is on her. Vicki's suggestions are simple, logical, reasonable, and most importantly, are considerate of the child. (Kudos to Vicki!)
E. K.

How good is the relationship with the mom, and how close do they live to you? As a child of divorce, the best thing all the parents/co-parents can do is have a reasonable relationship with each other.

You don't mention if she's re-married or not, or how old he is. Something else to consider if you live close enough is taking "group" vacations. At one point, my mom and her boyfriend and his daughter went on vacation with me and my sis and our dad. It was actually quite fun!

If you can be honest with her, let her know that you don't want to take time away from her, but that you and his daddy will miss him and want to work something out so the separation isn't so long. Figure out if there is a time during the year where the opposite will happen - a long separation for her - and be willing to do the same for her. I hope that helps!

There is nothing that can be done. If the other parent does not want to share or change her scheduled visitation time, then you have to stick to the court ordered visitation schedule. I have been dealing with this for 10 years. Unfortunatly, my kids have had to miss certain things b/c they did not fall on my weekends, holidays, etc.
I am the full custodian of my children and it is hard when they are gone for 3 weekends in a row sometimes due to 3rd and 5th weekend rules, or extended visitation. Good luck.

So sad. If my ex wants to switch I always say yes because I know our son wants to see his daddy. His dad is then nice enough to switch with me when I need it. It's not right that she is not flexible. Do you think she may allow him to come to your house on a few week nights to have dinner? Or let him sleep over during the school week and you guys take him and pick him up from school? She may like a break midweek.

Cheers to you for being a good step-mom that wants to see her step child.

Why can't he go to the wedding with you? How old is he? If he isn't an infant, you should check and see if you could take him along. You could also check the area and see if there are fun things to do in the area where the wedding is so he could do special things with his dad. Sometimes you have to weigh your choices. The wedding is important, but you have a heavy feeling in your gut about the needs of this boy. So if he can't attend the wedding, maybe you make the trip about him, and whoever is closest friends with the bride/groom goes to the wedding while the other stays back for a special time with the boy. Just flex...find a way to make this wedding weekend work for him as well.

Also, if the child is old enough, sometimes having the kid ask the mom helps get a yes. If the child is 10+ then his saying to his mom, Hey mom, I'd rather stay home with you this weekend since dad has to go to a wedding, but I miss him. Can I go see him the next weekend instead? He said it was okay if it is okay with you." This is the only thing that has worked for my brother, because his ex will only tell him no regardless what is being asked. But she won't tell her sons no. And they are older so it isn't like they are game playing with the children. My brother simply asks them the question, listens to their answer, then says, "Well, ask your mom and call me."

Good luck,
VickiS

Perhaps you could have your step-son with you during the week prior to spring break and the week after spring break. Regarding the February weekend, it appears that you and your husband made that decision so the only ones who can change it are you.

My ex and his new wife had the same request. I decided to let him return home the second weekend in spring break, even though I wasn't required to. Then the next year when they had him for spring break they refused to do the same for me. So maybe if you offered to give her the same deal when it's your turn for spring break might help. I do try T. flexible but it is very difficult for me to deal with my child's stepmother. I think it's best for everyone if the child's father made the request.

Is the family going out of town for spring break or something? I mean, spring break techically consists of the 5 days off of school, you should still be able to have him for your normal weekend..unless you were being cooperative and allowed them to keep him for such a vacation! In that respect, she would sort of "owe" you the same courtesy! And, can you take your step son with you to this wedding, or have a babysitter for the duration of the time you need T. there, but you could still spend the rest of the time with your son. Should she be reasonable and accomodating...well of course, but you cant make a person use good judgement. You will just have to make the best out of the situation, and enjoy every minute you have with him. I am not certain it is worth any type of "action" though. Best of luck..enjoy him when you can! ~A.~

I agree with Christina. You say your step son is someone that needs scheduling. Switching weekings is changing scheduling. This can be very confusing to the child that needs the structured scheduling. The mother is Probably trying to keep the schedule as normal as possible for your step son, and the Spring Break change in schedule will already be a disruption.

That being said.. There are things that Dad can do during his time seperated with his son. Phone calls, letters, cards, Setting up with the child a special event to look forward to for the next visit that would be special one on one time with Dad. Maybe make a Daily (Quick jot)diary they can read the next time they get together that shows how dad thought about his son during time away. (Today I passed by our favorite icecream shop and thought of you. Next time we get together maybe we can have icecream.)(today I heard a funny joke I want to tell you the next time I see you) etc.

What ever takes place,
I am sure you love your step son, he is very blessed to have a step-mother that cares so much,
but remember visitation is not about you spending time with your step son. It is about the child's time with his father. It is up to the father to work out the visitations with the mother. Let them work it out and stay out of it. As some else said in other responses, If the mother feels like you are imposing, she may feel less likely to agree to any visitation changes.
Best Wishes

I think mom is in control and there is nothing you can do. G. W

Hi H.. This is just my opinion so feel free to use it or not.

It seems that the mom is keeping your step-son's schedule secure and simple by not switching weekends. I am sorry that she is not more lenient about it but she doesn't have T. by law or otherwise.
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I would recommend this, arranging a time to call. Make sure the mom has a time scheduled so she can be sure the boy is at the phone. Have your husband schedule one hour away from everyone and everything. Ask him to have different topics in mind to discuss so there is no dead air time and plan on listening time too. Then call. Do not promise and then not call.
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Do this also just in case the phone call falls through on the son;s end.

Purchase a card and have your husband write a note to his son. Miss you, Love you, Can't wait to see you. Then if he would, write something important like what he felt the first time he saw his son, or how cool it was when he taught him something they both enjoyed. Then ask his son to put it under his pillow and when he is missing his dad or he is sad, he can pull it out and read it and know he is loved.

Many dad's work away from home and have a good relationship with their kids. It's all about communication and making the child feel that they are loved and are important in their parent's world.

Is is so kind of you to care about their relationship. I would be lonely for my child too if the time was so long.
God bless, C.