Very Shy Are Reserved Child

I am the 44 y/o single mother of a 4 y/o girl. She is also very shy and reserved around strangers. She does not cry but will cling to me until they walk away. I think every child is born with an introverted or extroverted personality. In my case, it doesn't help that other from daycare, my child only knows my brother and I. My family lives in Texas. I was also a very shy and introverted child myself.

You know, I don't have a child like that but I use to be like that. I'm much better now. Karate is a good idea. How my mom helped me was she signed me up for Tae Kwon Do. My mom didn't try to particpate with me she sat in the back to watch. Well, the first time I spent the entire class curled up in my uniform in her lap crying. It got better though. We just kept going to classes and my mom let me see how much fun the others were having and the instructor did everything he could to help me get involved. As well, in normal times when my mom would try to get me to ask questions of strangers I would get really upset and nervous and sometimes would even cry. My mom would just have me take her hand and we would go together to ask a question. I would have trouble knowing what I should say because I would get so nervous so my mom would help me by saying "just go over there and say...." and she would give me exactly what to say. Just a couple of ways to try to help. I hope this helps.

Cammy

Hi,
I have a 4 year old daughter who is EXACTLY like your son. She's was like this from the time she was an infant. Always wanted mommy, not daddy...it really made things tough when I wanted a break. I enrolled her in MY GYM and we started to go together and she would cry the whole time we were there while the other kids were playing. She hated playdates and she never wanted to leave my side. I just dealt with it. Finally, she started parent preschool (1x/week with me) and she SLOWLY started to warm up...still, I couldn't leave her side without her freaking out. Then, this past year, I put her preschool (2x/week w/o me) and she started to do better. There are times when I drop her off and she cries, but they handle the situation well. I was also like this as a child so I can't blame her. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think it's just a matter of time. Don't push him, just let him ease into the sitauation until he is comfortable. I don't think I came out of my shell until I was 10 or 11...hope this helps!

Hello I am new here too. I also have a six year old and a 10 month old. My six year old has a problem with communication, he has been tested for Autism , and we were told he does not have it, although he has quite a few signs of it. Fortunatly he is outgoing towards older kids and adults, he does not communicate with kids his own age very well. Does your son have this issue too?

Have you tried getting him a good friend? Just one kid his age or a little bit older. And then take this kid along with you places. My son is shy but his friend Nick is very outgoing, so when he is with Nick he gets involved with stuff alot more. Just keep trying, don't give up on him, and keep trying different things, he'll find what he likes. My son when we sign him up for a new class it takes him 2 or 3 classes of watching and kind of participating before he gets involved. My sister was the same way, just encourage him without showing him your frustration and or anger.

Hi A., my name is Sia and I have a 11 and 10 year old sons also a 4 year old daughter with your situation it sounds so familiar.. With my 11 year old son it was very hard for me to have anybody even relatives to even care for him. He would not go to anybody but me or his dad..Going places he would not go without me or his dad even bedtime he'll wait until I lay down with him then he'll sleep up until 2nd Grade even sleeping over at their grandparents he would not but my second son he's totally different he gets along with anybody even at the park or at Chuck E Cheese he'll be the first to make a friend. But when it was his first day of kindergarten he couldn't let me go he cried so it took about about 2 weeks for him to get used to it.. As for my daughter she' like my first son she wouldn't go to anybody...

Dear A.,

Well, you have a shy child. So now you have to accept him as he is. You and Dad stay very close and communicative with him,
do not pester him to act any different, just carry him, or guide him along when you are where he feels scared. He will gradually gain confidence. Ask the teacher how he is in school. There is a very good book about raising boys, it has a lot of very good ideas. Remember boys are not girls and they never will be. He will have a very responsible roll when he is an adult, (as would his sister, if he had one), but men have different types of pressure on them, so give him a chance to build a base of good feelings and confidence. Find what he. himself is interested in and guide him toward activities in that area. He is a unique person, noone on earth is exactly like him, so do not listen to what other boys are doing. He is your boy and not THEIR boy.

I just happened to think, maybe he is not in Kindergarten yet, and that is good. I wish that I had held my son back one year from entering K. at the age of 5. His whole life would have been better, I believe.

I feel like I have been very straightforward and a bit surley to you, maybe it is because I want to zero into your brain that what I am telling you is good, not bad. Try to find that book about boys, I am sorry that I cannot remember the name and author right now, but it can be found on EBAY for maybe $5 or so .
You two together can do this thing right. C. N.

I just went through this with my 2.5 year old. One day she just started panicking when we were in crowds, always wanting me to hold her. What really helped was doing activities with a friend and just one or two kids. It would take her 30-60 minutes till she was comfortable enough for her not to cling. I did this on a regular basis for aboug 4 months. While she still can be cautious, she's much better now.

I hope this helps!

This is only an opinion!
Hi A.
I have a 5 year old daugther, I went thru something like that when she was smaller and I know is hard. She was assiting to a private school and there the teachers kept telling her that she was shy, and she did not want to participate.
I took her to a day care when the school was closed and the firs day she was a different person. I also gave her time to adjust everytime we were in a new enviroment some kids take longer to adjust that others. I tried no to push her, so she will get confidence on her self. I used to take her to Barnes and Nobles almost everyday so she can play with other kids, I was very closed were she can see me. She started to move away from me little by little, she was afraid I was not going to come back.So maybe your son is going to a separation anxiety rom you, you may want to take him more places so he can see other people and especially where they have kids and games. A group of friends or church group where all of you can participate.

I think it would help you alot to start slow and help him find some friends, if he doesnt already have some. Set regular play dates at your house were he is most comfortable. It will probably take a couple of times before he opens up but after he develops relationships with his new friends, and he looks foward to seeing them start setting play dates outside of the house with the same friends. Than maybe hell be more inclinded to be as excited and playfull as his friends are with the situaation. What Im trying to say if he had friends he was really comfortable with maybe he'll forget his shyness and join them over time.

Hi A.. I agree with Camille. If you put in some kind of class, it might help him to get over the shyness. My boyfriends oldest son is 8. We used to laugh about how shy he was until one day when I asked him if he liked that girl, if she was his girlfriend (imagine a sinsong voice there) and he started bawling!! Well, believe it or not, we put him into a karate class....maybe about 6 months ago. Maybe longer I don't even remeber. Now he's got an orange belt, new friends, and a new confidence I've never seen. Maybe your son would not like the class at first (Joseph didn't) but keep him at it! He will learn to love it! Other classe you might think about are art, other sports, music, dance, w/e he is intrested in. Good luck with this.