Very Mad Child......

My guy is 4, he threw my Kindle when he got mad because it was bedtime and he wanted me to read him another bedtime story off of it. I haven't allowed him to touch it since then, about 6 months ago, though I read to him from it. If he can't respect things he doesn't have the privilege of using them. Sorry, one night does nothing.

Time to take the Nook and any other electronic device away from her for a LONG time. She needs to learn to respect the family's property before she can use it.

Widower:

Dude. Do you not listen to what people tell you on here? Do you just post to see if people are paying attention? WHAT?! Do you not understand that people remember what you post? That some actually go back and READ what you have posted in the past to help understand the situation????

1. IF your wife died recently - your daughter needs HELP! She needs a therapist to help get her through her grief. Something you obviously are ignoring.

2. She doesn't need some "girlfriend" to come over right now. She NEEDS HELP. You should NOT be introducing ANY NEW W. to your children right now.

3. You stated you are moving - AGAIN - not sure HOW many times you have moved but your children NEED AND DESERVE stability.

4. You claim to be a strict parent - but it appears you have no rules or boundaries set up in your home.

So what do you need to do?
1. Get your daughter to a grief counselor IF you are "real" and not some troll.

2. Figure out WHY you are moving AGAIN.

3. Set up rules and boundaries in your home. Ensure that EVERYONE knows them and understands them. They are the same for EVERYONE.

4. LISTEN to your children. ASK questions and LISTEN to her reply. You can be strict and compassionate. They are NOT mutual exclusive.

STOP thinking about YOURSELF and what YOU need. Start thinking about your children and what they have lost (again, IF you have REALLY lost your wife to death and not divorce). Get your family into FAMILY counseling so EVERYONE can deal with the loss of their mother and work THROUGH it instead of running from it (moving) and ignoring it (not seeing the forest through the trees - "she's been like this for 3 months, I'm done". Great. You're done with your 7 year old daughter when she needs you most.

GROW UP DUDE. Pay attention to your family and their needs. NOT JUST YOURS!!!

So this started about the time you got the girlfriend?

You've said that your children don't like change. You asked if you should date, but you were already with this girlfriend whose dog you wanted to get rid of - a dog that doesn't even belong to you. And you asked if you were too strict.

Can you see that just MAYBE your daughter's problems stem from you?

It doesn't matter that she feels better with the moving. It's still a big change. Are you moving in with your girlfriend? I sure hope not.

You need parenting classes, dad. I have a gut feeling that you are strict beyond measure with things that just don't matter. You need to go back and read the answers to both those questions - should you date and are you too strict. If you can't figure out the theme here and how this stuff affects your children, then you need a family counselor to help you.

Well sheesh, no wonder it doesn't work well. She throws the effing thing across the room.

All right. Your little girl lost her beloved Mommy. Then, before anyone was ready, Daddy got a new girlfriend. And when that happened your little girl started acting out. Then you decide to move. More huge life changes that are hard to cope with.

It's not just about spending time with you. It's about stabilizing her life. Your daughter needs predictability in her life right now because she feels it's completely out of control. She had no say in Daddy getting a girlfriend, much less who Daddy chose. She certainly had no say in what happened to her mother. She has no say in moving from a home she loves.

But you want her to be perfectly fine with all of this. You're "done" with her behavior and you want her to be fixed. I've got to tell you, dad... it's not the child that needs fixing.

Family therapy especially for you, as well as parenting classes can go a long way. LISTEN to your daughter. It's not your life plus your daughter. It's your and your daughter's (and other children) life and everyone else is peripheral.

If a 7 year old throws a Nook across the room, she should not get it back for a long time, not just one night.

This is just a guess, but I think your kid(s) would benefit from very structured routines. Do everything at the same time every day and night.

And I agree with Ziggy. Throwing a Nook is not entirely normal at 7 years old, and your daughter is suffering emotionally. She needs as much love and attention as you can give her, along with very consistent discipline.

My guess is she's not really ok with the move. While it's very important to teach her to respect things, like a Nook, I think your best bet is to continue reaching out to her. If she throws it (or something else destructive), immediately send her to her room to calm down. Give her a minutes or two, then go in to talk to her. Remind her that this is not acceptable but then spend some time letting her tell you what's bothering her. Really listen. She needs to know that her feelings are valid and that you care and are there for her

Your child is showing severe signs of stress.

Children thrive and feel secure with routine and structure. I mean a good routine, day in day out. IF there is a change, they need a heads up. It literally can make them feel like they are sliding down a slippery slope when there is no set schedules. .

Make sure you have a good schedule each day. Changes need to be discussed so that she has a heads up.

Rules need to be enforced, Throwing anything in the house is not allowed EVER.

Throwing an electronic device in our home, would mean our child would not be allowed to use it for a very long time and I would mean.. weeks at least and even then, she would have to be perfect.

Behavioral fits like this would mean your daughter would need some type of cooling down time. away from everyone and everything. We never give a child anything that they throw a fit over.

When our child whines, yells, etc.. she is to calm down and use her regular voice to tell us what the problem is, or what it is she is upset about, But she knew, you throw a fit, you will not get a thing.

I know you have a lot going on right now. But these behaviors are a sign of stress in your child. Something is going on and you must take time to figure out what it is. She does not know what it is. As a parent you need to help her figure it out.

What has changed? What is different? What is going on? Are they with a new caregiver? Have they been upset since school let out?Has your schedule changed?
Watch your child carefully. Listen to what she is saying. What is she doing all day?

This is how I would figure out what was upsetting, frustrating or making her act not like herself.

Never underestimate your children, You can tell them the truth. You can tell them you need their help.. be specific.

But also allow them to do the same back with you.

A 7 yr old crying and screaming every day isn't right.
Hitting the computer and throwing the Nook - you can't let her break things - the whole family uses them - so she can't use them - for a week - and if she abuses them again increase the time by another week etc.
If this behavior keeps up - have the pediatrician check her out.
7 yrs old is a little early for puberty hormonal changes, but it's not unheard of.
If her behavior really seems out of whack a behavioral evaluation might help you figure out what is going on.

Additional:
If your wife died after your 5 yr old son was born - then it's been 5 yrs you've been widowed - so it has not been a recent thing that your 7 yr old daughter is dealing with - she hasn't had a mother since she was 2 yrs old.

if you ARE a troll please get a life. if you AREN'T a troll please get a clue.

perhaps a little less time online and a little more time getting a referral for family therapy and some parenting classes/skill building for you. sorry if this is harsh but if you aren't a troll....i am praying for your kids...

You would think four kids in, you'd have more of a clue.
I truly believe you are a troll or, even more pathetic, a regular getting his/her kicks from posting things like this.
Hope you figure things out.

what are you expecting this 7-yr-old to do?

you sound way too much like an ex-SIL who used electronics to "watch" the kids so he didn't have to and could do what he wanted....

This is not typical behaviour for a seven year old. It sounds as though she may need some professional help. Do not allow her to have access to the Nook or the computer if she is not able to treat them properly.

This May lead to some problems later.
I know your daughter is mad by the loss of her mother.I am not sure when,but maybe it is still affecting her.She needs to talk to a therapist or have her go into a small group if children her age who are going though the same thing

Thought you were a troll from day 1. Still do.

I'm sorry to hear about the poor behavior choices. I'm going to assume by your name that you are indeed widowed. :(

I'm truly sorry about the loss of your wife and their mother. Losing a mother is such an emotional roller coaster for all. I can't imagine the sheer emotional pain and loneliness for you children. It must be exhausting for you as their dad.

I don't even begin to understand how you compensate for that sort of loss with 4 kids. I hope you are plugged into a good, solid family and social circle, grief support group, church, community events, something that will eventually help your children bond to other woman.

Yes, you daughter should not be allowed to act out destructively. That's a given. Perhaps you can set up a section in your home where she can let out her pain? Perhaps have a good size drums somewhere, readily available, that she could go hit on and you could drum with her? Perhaps it's a corner with big pillows and books on grief, and coloring books/pens to scribble and scratch away with? You know her emotional needs best, so hopefully can understand what emotional outlets she needs to sooth herself.

Blessings to you Dad. You have your role cut out for you.

You need to give her consistency. Consistent rules, consistent people in her life, consistent discipline, consistent home life.

And you need to get over the "well, she's had a hard life because she lost her mom."

No. That's not an excuse for her. Stop using it. She's a normal child and needs to be treated like one.