We received $150 for our son's baptism from my hubby's aunt. They are fairly recent immigrants to the US and my MIL tells me that they are poor. We make a very substantial income, so I kinda feel bad accepting it, but at the same time wouldn't want to insult them by returning it. What would you do? Accept it and just write a very heartfelt Thank You note? I don't want to assume that they can't really afford it, but my MIL always tells me how little money her sister's family has.
Thank you all for your input! I really wish my MIL didn't even know what everyone gave us, but she asked my hubby in their language and I didn't have a chance to tell her to MYOB. Hubby has been told to never again discuss what monetary gifts are given to us, and if his mother asks, to gently reprimand her for asking.
I love the suggestion to be sure to help them out as much as possible, repaying their kindness in non-monetary ways. I also love the joke about covering my son's gifts for all future birthdays and Christmases :)
Thanks Ladies!
Say thank you and invite them for dinner. If they have kids take the kids shopping and buy them an outfit or a pair of shoes, maybe both.
didn't notice if any one had said this or not but i find that in my family My aunt is poor because she is always giving gifts and buying people things, and then will have zero savings and take loans or run up credit cards, She makes the money but doesn't manage it, but there is somethign to be said about spending now instead of hoarding it. My mom makes about the same money but holds on to it tighter an acts poorer. because she pays her bills, and has some savings and retirement. diffferent strokes for different folks, keep the gift write a great note and pay it forward.
you MIL shouldnt be telling you how much her sister has, that's very rude. They gave you want they wanted to, accept it with a thank you as you would with anyone else.
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Accept it graciously. Unless your MIL has access to their financial info, then she has no clue what their real money situation is.
What if you returned the money based on hearsay & it ended up that the hearsay was wrong? Can you imagine how ridiculous you would feel & how insulted they would be?
Baptisim, marriage, coming of age, etc are very important in some cultures. Accept the gift and be thankful. Down the road a bit. you and your man can do something special for them, perhaps on their special occasion or a holiday.
Blessings....
Don't know where they are from, but in some cultures, a baptism is a very big deal, so it's likely a cultural thing. Accept the gift and thank them for their generosity.
accept it and say THANK YOU!!!
If they live close, invite them over for dinner....
I think the only thing to do is to accept it and thank them. If they gave you that as a gift, then they must have decided they could afford it. Don't let your MIL make you feel bad about the gift. It is really between you and the aunt.
What your MIL define as poor can be defined as rich to her relatives. I would look for a time when you can easily gift 150 dollars back to them if it bothers you so much.
Tough situation... But I agree that they will be insulted if you refuse it. They may have thought they need to give a gift according to your standards, not theirs.
The best way to go would be to accept it, write a heartfelt thank you note but then when the opportunity comes, half-joking say that they gave such a generous gift they will not need to buy any birthday presents for the rest of your son's life -or something like that. So they do not feel the need to repeat this!
You may also want to reciprocate with a generous gift to them, when the time comes.
Accept it! It would be insulting not to. In many cultures gift giving is a way of showing love. My MIL is from Vietnam and she is always giving us monetary gifts we KNOW she cannot afford. I wouldn't dream of saying no, though, because it would be like a slap in the face to her. How generous of them to give that gift to your son. I bet it made them feel good to contribute to such a special moment in his life.
They might be offended if you try to return the gift. Of course they will want to know why, so what could you possibly say that does not come across as "you're too poor to afford this?" No matter how nice you will try to phrase your reasoning for NOT accepting this gift, it will come across to them as you being ungrateful and acting in poor taste.
I would accept the gift and write a heartfelt thank you note (or even a short letter). Then, I would seek out any possible opportunity to repay them with a gift of your own that is at least as valuable. Say, if they have an anniversary coming up, or an item that you know they really want/need, etc.
How nice it is to know that you have such a loving family! Your son is very blessed.
Well... it would be an insult to return the money to the aunt. I would also keep in mind that the description of "poor" can be subjective for people. What does your MIL mean by your aunt being poor? Your MIL could very well projecting something onto her sister that isn't accurate, and frankly it's none of her business how much money her sister gave to your son as a gift.
I would write a heartfelt thank you note to the aunt, perhaps mention putting it into a college savings account for your son, and then move on. I'm sure that in the future you'll have an occasion where you can do something equally generous for your aunt.
I had a very poor friend try to bless me on a particularly broke week for us. I gave it back to her. My dad reamed me for it! He said that if someone has it on their heart to bless you, then let them for they will be blessed in return. I still to this day feel horrible about it and will never again return what someone is trying to do for me.
It sounds like that they decided they could afford it because your son's baptism was important to them. I would accept it graciously and write a heartfelt letter of thanks. Perhaps I would also do something very constructive with it, like open a savings account of some type with it, (college fund, bonds etc.) and mention that in the letter. That way you can thank them for being generous enough to help provide security for his future.
Accept it and say thank you!
How much money the family giving the gift doesn't matter. This is something they felt the should do and that should be respected. I would put the money in your son's savings account for college or use it to buy him a savings bond. A heartfelt thank you letting hubby's aunt know that the money will be used for your son's future is probably all she expects. If they live near by and you want to do something extra, invite them over for a nice dinner.
I'd keep the money. Send a nice thank you note. Wait some time, buy a g.c. from WalMart or grocery store (not in the amount of $150 - too obvious) & then mail it to them anonomously. Of course, 'disguise' your handwriting from the thank you note.
Do not return it for that would be insulting to them. They gave you the gift b/c they wanted to...if they didn't they would not have offered it. Graciouslly send them a Thank You not thanking them for their generous gift.
When people are having hard times it is very nice to know that family is around. It may seem like a large amount of money to you but it is really so much more to them. To give it back would be very insulting to them. They are just happy to be here and want to share the joy. Family really means more then money!! Send them a heartfelt thank you note and tell them how happy you are to have them around.
Regardless of their income, it was a gift and would be an insult to return it.
Some cultures are told to give until they can give no more.
If you feel they were pressured at all to give a gift(at a time we were out of work and struggling I mentioned that we were invited to a graduation and were told we couldn't afford to go as I was going to give a gift of 25.00 and that was more than we could do at the time and was told that it would be seen as an insult if it wasn't at least 100.00 and not to attend) , find a way to gift back to them either over several occasions or one big one. this way they too can receive the blessing of generosity.
I'm with Kiki on this one.
Accept with a heartfelt note. It would be very insulting to give it back. I also like to tell people what we spent monetary gifts on so they know how their money was put to good use.
