My son will be 3 years old in 3 weeks. Today my husband got a call from his day care that yesterday he kicked his teacher when she was trying to change his pullup and it chipped her tooth. He has been on asthma/steriod medication and I feel that is part to blame, plus my husband and I raise our voices to much and will work to get that under control. But I feel there is much more going on and would like to get him evaluated and I hopefully get advice on how to handle him before he hurts someone. He is not typically overly aggressive. I feel like lately its prob. the meds making him act this way, so I will calling his doctor's again after i get off work today, but I know there are alot of mommas out there that have been in similar situations and would like to know where you sought help from? We live in Tarrant County. His daycare says he does his own thing, does not really participate in classroom activities, when they try to talk or discipline him he acts like he's not even paying attention. At home he responds to our discipline, but I guess not so mucha at day care. He is definatley a fearless and independant child. He'll easily wander off in publc places and not even look to see where we are, or be scared of it. So I constantly have to keep my eye on him. He is a funny boy with alot of personalily but I don't like this aggesive and defiant side to him. Its starting to be a regular routine at church now also. He won't participate with the group making it difficult and exhausting for his teachers. I know this may just be a phase, but if there is something more...I owe to everyone to find out sooner rather than later. I've been it tears all morning and would like to be proactive. Thanks for any insight or advice you can give me. There have not been any chages in lifestyle. My husband and i have been together for 10 yrs we have a daugher also and have had the same routine since I went back to work after he was born. TIA!!
Thank you to for all the different and very useful advice. I called his doctor who immediately switched his meds. He then referred us for some behavioral play therapy that I just found out apparently does not take our insurance, I am also in the process of getting 2 books that were recommended. I think I would like to now have him tested for Allergies. I know he has seasonal allergies(like most of us) but I want to rule out food allergies. Will they do food allergy testing on an almost 3 yr old? If so what is that like? I also had a long conversation with the Director at his day care along with his 2 teachers he is with. They are being very attentive to him, trying different things to help him stay focused. So progress is being made, slow, but we're getting there. I really want to cut out foods that may trigger this behavior. I m also trying to get him outside more now that its not so hot out, but then you have to worry about the allergies. Its sure tough being a kid these days isn't it? Thanks again everyone!
by all means, have him evaluated.
In the meantime, watch the "1-2-3 Magic" video. This discipline method has saved many, many lives over the years. I've been using it for 10+ years, & it works!
Does your state have any early intervention programs? In Missouri it is called first steps. They will evaluate your child and tell you if something is falling outside the norm. If there is an issue they will coordinate the resources.
At the time when we were trying to figure out Andy we didn't know where to turn. Thankfully the parents as teachers lady gave us contact info for first steps and they transitioned him into early childhood and they transitioned him into school....
In Andy's case he is Autism spectrum, PDD to be exact.
It was strange, at least to me, we had money, great insurance, everything needed for our kids to thrive yet without these government programs I don't think Andy would have got help until he was in kindergarten and I don't think he would be doing as well as he is now.
You son could be perfectly normal mind you but if you have these programs at your disposal it seems like you should use them.
Jo W. has GREAT advice. Listen to that.
Next: I have asthma. And yes, the medications can affect a person. But to what extent, who knows. There are MANY types of asthma medications. Know that. So if one is not a good match, then the Doc needs to be told, and other types of meds, needs to be tried.
Now: has your son's behavior... gotten like that ONLY since he has been on the medications?????
If so, then it may be due to the medications.
BUT... if his behavior has been like that, BEFORE he has been on the medications... then you cannot blame the medications.
If he responds at home but not at daycare, then maybe another daycare? He didn't actually MEAN to kick out her tooth.
And yes, definitely stop raising your voices. That could be the cause if he is acting out.
I would talk to the doctor about the asthma / steriod meds. Those will DEFINITELY have an effect on their behavior. Then once he was off those (or switched to some others that don't have as big an effect if at all possible) I would have him evaluated.
The one thing that jumped out at me is you say you and hubby raise your voices a lot. I wonder if he doesn't pay attention to the daycare workers and church teachers because they are not raising their voices. He may now be of the opinion that he doesn't really have to listen or respond until someone yells.
I know this is extremely difficult, but change it up. Rather than having your voice get louder, have it get softer. Teach him to listen to a soft or normal voice tone.
You can practice "listening" skills by sitting with your backs together. You say something in a soft tone, and he is to repeat it. That way he will learn to listen to a softer voice.
I do agree that the asthma medications may be affecting his behavior. Definitely give the doc a call.
Have your son evaluated. I feel it's better to leverage resources you have available to you, and early intervention seems to have significant results.
Having said that, if everything comes back "normal"(whatever that means!), I wanted to recommend 2 books that we've been reading to help us cope with our strong-willed child. Our son doesn't exhibit all of the behaviors you mentioned, but we struggle to discipline in a meaningful way. If he wants to do something, it's hard to transition to something else, or to tell him know without it escalating into a full meltdown (for us and him!).
"Parenting the strong-willed child" by Forehand and Long. details a 5 week plan that has helped us a lot (all but step 5). Especially step 1 which describes "attending", where you provide a running description of what you're child is doing. The biggest impact of this is starting a positive dialogue with your child, especially if you've only been focusing on negative behaviors for so long. It's helped turn around the atmosphere in our house a lot.
"Talk so your kids will listen & listen so your kids will talk". This book talks a lot about emotional maturity and being able to help your child express themselves emotionally. It's helped our son be able to identify his emotions, and also feel like we can empathize with his anger, disappointment, frustration.
3 is a tough age, and boys especially don't have a lot of emotional maturity to deal with discipline, behavior modification, disappointment, etc. I hope you get to the root cause, and that these suggestions might be helpful whether you have a medical root cause or not.
Before you jump the gun you may want to switch daycares. Mine became defiant at that age-switched Providers and WOW what a difference that made. We just started pre-K and she is thriving. All the attitude seemed to steam from the old enviorment
When my daughter was in this fiery age I found that rather than raising my voice i would call her over and whisper. I'd tell her that I had a secret too tell her and about half the time it was something like "I love fluffy kitties" and the other times it was something like "you need to keep your hands to yourself" or whatever....
Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. But she always paid attention to the whispers.
I've so been there, done that.
Two suggestions on where to start:
1.) Call your pediatrician and set up an appointment (either alone or with your child) to specifically address the behavioral concerns. Physically, sinus infections, ear infections and strep can all cause behavioral changes. It sounds like your son has some sinus issues going on, so that may be part of it. However, your doctor can tell you if you need to see a professional and who. Three that I would definitely recommend asking about is a referral to a play therapist (most start seeing kids around age 3,), a sensory processing evaluation with a PT, and an ENT to check hearing, ears and throat.
2.) Try to observe the daycare. Look at their schedule. See how many kids are in the class. Find out what they are doing as discipline or how they react to him. Are the demands on him realistic? A lot of it may be that his daycare is simply not the right environment for him and is not set up for him to be successful. My daughter's 3yr old class was expected to be in the room in circle time, doing puzzles, doing artwork, eatting and napping from 9:30 - 4:00, and she definitely was NOT successful in that environment. She wasn't getting adequate activity, outside time and stimulation, and it did cause behavioral issues. You may need to move your son's daycare to somewhere that he will be more successful. There may not be anything 'wrong' with your child beyond consistently being in the wrong environment for him. Do not discount that as a possibility.
Advocating for your child in this situation is very stressful and difficult. The system was NOT set up in a way that makes it easy. Good luck!
