We have been living with our in-laws for almost 3 years now! I have a good relationship with my mother-in-law,most of the time.
However sometimes she totally drives me nuts!! Also my father-law is very set in his ways and judgmental also. He is a VERY passive person which can be even more annoying ,than her .He complains to her about something and has her relay the message to us..instead of confronting us directly, himself!! She is very controlling and speaks her mind even if its rude. She is very opinionated and makes sure we know how she feels! We have a 3 year old daughter ,who has Autism and they can be very supportive most of the time. Sometimes I feel like the don't really think she is disabled and try to ignore it. They judge me on how I raise her constantly ,for example ,they say she should go to bed earlier but kids with Autism take a long time to wind down,I have to give her Melatonin EVERY single night,just to get her to go to sleep!!!! So she can't have any naps at all or she wakes up in the middle of the night and sometimes,and will toss and turn ALL night. My father in-law acts like i'm being rediculous but its true ,he justs hasn't been up to see her awake and do this!! When my sister had her baby I was at the hospital all day and he let her take a 3HR nap!!!! I was sooo mad and screamed at my husband who was sleeping too and supposed to be watching her!!!.And sure enough she was up the WHOLE night wanting to play and laughing!!! :( I just wish he would respect me and not do that anymore!! Its like he doesn't take me seriously. Then my mother-in-law thinks I should have no social life or break at all EVER!!! I hadn't seen my best friend forever in a few months,and hung out with her for a few hours while my husband watched our daughter. Well of of course she complains and doesn't think her precious son can handle watching his daughter for one day!!So then the next day she says I shouldn't just GIVE UP and leave her with him for that LONG!!! Excuse me but I need a break once in a while,they even recommend it if you have a disabled child that you DESERVE one EVERY week if possible. I go out maybe not even once a month,not nearly enough!! I was sooo mad. I said "Well he should watch her once in a while ,I haven't seen my BEST friend in a long time !!!!!" Then I had to bring my sister and her new baby to a doctors appt. and our daughter was sick ,so I couldn't bring her with me so her FATHER watched her .Omg a few hrs, later my MIL calls me yelling at me asking me where I was!!! Then another time I went to the movies with my other sister and she says" oh your going out,with an attitude...and I said YES i'm going to see a movie with my sister!!! MY husband does usually watch her anyways so she shouldn't be concerned anyways. But she has an attitude about it no matter what,and she doesn't even watch her ??!!! And the latest thing is I just started potty training our daughter and they are even judging me on that!!! Because she has Autism she doesn't like to go even more and has to sit on the potty/toilet in the bathroom. They both are retired and home now ...MIL just became recently unemployed!! And we have our seperate bathroom that we use for us and our daughter!! So its a very intense and difficult process training a disbled kid even more than a typiclal kid because they can't tell you when they have to go!!! So we sit for long periods of time in the bathroom on the potty to help her understand to go in potty and not in her diaper!! Well I don't think they remember how time consuming potty training in general can be !! And my MIL starts saying its making her nervous her being in there all that time ,and thinks she won't like it and it will make her hate using the potty. When infact i told her she actually Loves it and smiles cause i let her play with all her toys while she sits!! and she is going pee in it and doing really good. Then my MIL ask me if I think she understands and i said "No probably not but its working"!!! An autistic kid is NOT always gonna undestand the concept right way ,and that is WHY I HAVE TO BE SO dedicated and why its soo time consuming. I'm just SOOO sick of everthing.Then my Father inlaw is sighing and really the one who doesn't like it but doesn't have the guts to tell me,AND HE KEEPS SIGHING AND WALKING BY THE BATHROOM!! My own Mom says she puts my nephew on the potty and waits for 30 mins.OR LONGER for him to go too !! Then later on that night i complained to my husband and he told my MIL that I HAVE to teach her a certain way to make sure she learns it.. because she is disabled !! Its like they don't believe she is disabled or REALLY understand what that means!! But then the next day,she said to my FIL (i was eavesdropping) "You know they are right they have to train her in a certain way!!" And his dad just grunts and sighs as if he diasspoves!!Well too damn bad she isn't thier daughter shes ours !! Then the next day my daughter got sick and my MIL says" i think you she should stop the potty training for now!!" Obviously I wasn't gonna make her go if she wasn't feeling good!!! Then a few days later when she was better I continued the potty training and she said "How is the potty training going" and then ROLLED her eyes AT me as if she was against it!!! She has an attitude about it still!!
And I don't know what to say or do anymore we are sick of everything!!??? I told her I know its a different approach but thats what our daughter needs constant repetative teaching and potty training,just like anytihng she has learned and they don't seem to understand that!!!??? Oh and in my defense she is now staying dry at night and peeing and doing #2 in the potty 4-6 x;s a day!!And is wearing training paints and holding it longer..and its only been 2 weeks . I just wish they would ,cut me some slack and stay out of our lives. We are trying to move out in a month or too !!!???
We are in the process of moving out and moving on...thank you for all the responses! They wanna move down South and rent their house house out soon.Which is totally understandable .Just wish they wouldn't take their frustrations out on us and be soo judgemental.All kids have to move back home at some point to get back on there feet! And we did have a condo together with the baby (for 5 years) before but couldn't afford it even with me working part-time. Its been a very long 2 years too of bringing my daughter to millions of doctors appts.and specialists so I couldn't of really had a steady work schedule this whole time anyways...with all that was going on with her..and all I would of been paying for.. was for her daycare anyways so i could work ,which isn't even worth it ,I've been better off staying home with her .We appreicate all their help financially and emotionally,but we know we need our own life and space .I think moms work way too much now a days too ..and its sad that they have to because everything is soo expensive and have to miss their kids growing up and some of their major milestones ,walking ,potty training etc..even sometimes. I think you should revolve your life around your kids as much as possible,so does my mom,my aunt and..they stayed home with their kids too!! Even if my daughter wasn't autistic i still would wanna stay home with her as much as possible. It can really screw kids up not bonding or having a good relationship with their parents!! I don't want that to happen with mine.
S.. If you can afford it, it's time for your family to move on. You are in their home and right now it doesn't sound like a good place. It's kind of like when you were growing up in your parents home, 'as long as you live under my roof' attitude. So I say, if you can not afford it right now, save up and move on. Good luck.
I completely agree with Mary P. It's time to move out.
S., either ignore it all, or move out. There's no in between here. Your MIL and FIL are too old to appreciate all this. They have been there, done that. They need some peace. All this is getting on their nerves. If your MIL wrote in on here, can you imagine what her rant would be? I'm sure they didn't count on having to share their home with their adult children and a grandchild. They DON'T understand autism. They may never understand it.
That being said, you probably didn't count on living with inlaws for years on end when you fell in love with your boyfriend. You sure as heck didn't count on having an autistic child. It's done now, and what you need to do is work the finances out so that you can go get your own place and get support services for your daughter. Putting some space between you and the inlaws would help tremendously.
Ignore anything from your MIL regarding what your husband does for the baby. Ignore her telling you not to take breaks. YOU tell your husband that you are going to see your friend. If he lets the child sleep rather than take care of her, make HIM stay up with her all night long. Make your husband responsible for his child, and don't listen to a thing she says to you about it.
Until you can stop fighting in your mind about defending yourself and being angry at this circumstance you have put yourself into, you will never be happy. Either get past it, or move somewhere else.
Good luck,
Dawn
Too much commotion and turmoil. Time to find your own home. I couldn't live with my in laws for that amount of time no matter what the reasoning. Someone would have been dead.
Sorry to be so blunt. But the bible says something about leaving and cleaving and it is time to leave their house and go to your own. They want their house back to themselves.
Good luck with finding a place soon.
The other S.
