Venting About Ex and Visitation, Support from Mamas Needed....

A big shout out to Lynn M and JunMom S., for sending me great advise and asking about how I've been going through the divorce process. Finally as of the end of last month, we are divorced, it took 2 1/2 years to finally get there. In January of this year (2011) per our court order went to drop off my son at the meeting place about 1 hour away. My son has not wanted to see his dad, basically because he is comfortable here at home, he has not had consistent visitations or phone calls his dad has a new family. In my life, we have been consistent in where we live, I've had one boyfriend whom ADORES my son and my son LOVES him dearly, they are two peas in a pod. In January the drop off did not go well and my son did come home with me and did not go with his dad. His dad blames me for it. Since then, his dad called and gave up custody (verbally) stating it was to difficult for him to go through the incident again and he wanted to do what made our son happy and allow him to stay here. So, he was going to give up all his rights, not pay child support etc,. I told him I thought he was making a mistake and that he was not trying all avenues to gain his son's trust back (to use Skype, to go to counseling, I even offered to have him stay here at our house to help matters). All of which he declined to do. He stated that his life is there now and he has a home, and a family and that our son needed to be a part of it and needed to try and he won't do it staying here and that I'm interfering by not making him do so....(yea, I know)(ONE IMPORTANT part when my ex called me on that dreadful Saturday to give up rights, he didn't even speak to me first, he asked for my boyfriend and spoke to him about giving up rights asking him to be our son's dad....About two weeks after that, I call my son's dad to ask him so, what are you going to do as my lawyer has not been contacted by your lawyer regarding giving up your rights (this is also before our divorce was finalized)...he tells me he changed his mind and wants to be part of his son's life and that he won't try and take the child support away...(he never paid child support since we have been separated). So, when were you going to tell me? He said his lawyer helped him change his mind just last night and he was going to be in touch. Okay then, I've told our son about the situation and he seems fine about not having to go and see you or your new family, at this point, you need to tell him yourself, in person about going forward with our lives. He said he would get back to me.......that was the last conversation we had until last night. He calls and asks how we are doing and wants his son for spring break (it's in the decree, he has our son over spring break). I tell him, it's two days from now I'm suppose to meet you and hand him over? Yes. Since our last conversation when you gave up ALL your rights, I did explain this to our son and he believes you aren't in his life any longer because that is what you wanted....so he never asks for you or wants to talk about you ( my son and I see a therapist together about this, in fact I went to her to explain to me son about his dad giving up his rights)..exactly how am I going to get him in the car to you? He states, "well, he never is going to come here if he doesn't try and I'm getting married next weekend and want him in the wedding". I had to hang up the phone to compose myself. We made plans for Spring Break with my family, it could be changed not a problem, but my son knew his dad was on the phone and went and hid. He was crying and blaming me for talking to him and for making him go see his dad. I got him calmed. I phoned his dad back and told him he caught me off guard with all of this. He stated he wanted everything to calm down a bit after the divorce before he made contact. Yes, of course, but two days before you expect us to meet with you after not hearing from you since January and expect it all to fall into place? I asked him if the drop off could wait until Sunday during the day, our son is better with his emotions during the day and it would give him enough time to mentally prepare. He said he needed to discuss it with his girlfriend and would call me back. I checked my email about 30 minutes later and he sent his message via email (his girlfriend went through a divorce before we did and knows all the bells and whistles to this process-he even "cc" her on the email)...it states that he will allow us to bring his son to him on Sunday if I agree to bring him all the way to his house, and after the wedding to pick him up and take him home. They live 2 hours from here and as I stated we were going out of town for Spring Break, and somewhat going to his direction...however we were going for two days, not the entire Spring Break as he must think.....I wrote back stating we had cancelled out plans due to having to have our son go with you as the visit was for our son anyway-see grandparents and such....and could meet at our meeting place on Sunday preferably during the day. All this happened before 8PM last night, I don't expect him to write back yet-then again, he may have his lawyer get involved? Thanks for listening! I feel better purging this out!!!!!