I am pretty frugile and watch what I spend. I bargain shop when going to the grocery store and when eating out I usually have a coupon. I don't buy expensive things for myself. If I need new clothes it's usually buy from Target. So I just looked at my online credit card activity and see $70 to a flower shop! Seriously! I am sure it is my husband having flowers delivered to me since he didn't make the time to go shopping or write me a nice poem which would be free! The date of the order on my credit card activity is today so he just did it. $70!! That money could be used for a babysitter which we hardly ever go out since it costs so much! That much on flowers which is just going to be thrown away in a few days is just insane to me. I just needed to vent! I know some people are going to say at least he did something for me and I should be appreciative.
Added: He knows this about me. I've stated this at past Valentine's. He usually does buy me chocolate or picks up cheap flowers or writes me a poem which is all under $5 and I and love it. Not sure why it changed this year. We haven't seen each other much as he's been extremely busy at work and with our kids so we didn't talk about Valentine's. Men are forgetful so he probably needed the reminder again. ;) He doesn't worry about money as I do so it's not as big a deal to him. We don't have much money and have a goal we are trying to meet. Of course I am not going to be mean about it. I will tell him they are nice. I will just have to give him that reminder next year. ;)
I get it. I just tell my husband what to get me and what not to get me. That way I am always happy.
Stop this. He did something NICE. Just because, it's not what you'd prefer...does not mean you should be upset. He thought of you, and wanted to show you love. In HIS way. Be thankful, and enjoy looking at beautiful flowers. Who cares, if it's insane to you? It wasn't to HIM. Let it go. This is a stupid thing to be mad over, in my opinion. You SHOULD be appreciative. So be it!!!
What a rat. Get rid of him immediately.
You can vent, to be sure, but I hope that after all the venting, you are appreciative.
It's really hard for me to find gifts that my husband likes. He's uncomfortable with money being spent on himself, and I appreciate that he's selfless. Christmas, his birthday, our anniversary, etc. are really hard times for me, because I want to get my husband a nice gift (not extravagant, but nice and thoughtful), but he's not a very gracious receiver. It hurts A LOT. My husband is an incredible man, he just is learning how to be gracious about receiving gifts that are given out of great love and sacrifice. It sounds like you need to do the same. Don't reject his gift.
How would you feel if you bought him a gift and not only was he unappreciative, but he complained to his friends about how much of his hard-earned money you wasted buying him something he didn't want?
Suck it up and see it as the gesture of love that he meant it to be. He spent more money than usual on something unnecessary because he wanted you to have it. If he spent the same amount of money or less on cleaning supplies that he noticed you were running low on, would that be more to your liking?
To stop my husband from doing that I JUST had a conversation with him about how our present to each other for Valentine's Day should be spending time with each other and there is no need for presents. I would have spent at least $25-$50 on him, he would have spent the same, then I probably would have picked up a small item for our kids. No need, we know we love each other. :) So, I totally get where you are coming from. Now that you know the flowers are coming, you'll have to act grateful of course. :)
Actually, I sort of *get* this. One of my best friends got married right out of high school. I stopped over at her appartment one day and saw a dozen red roses on the table. I commented on how pretty they were and she said she hated them. WHY? She said it took no effort or thought of her husband to get those for their anniversary...red roses, quick and easy (although not cheap, which pissed her off too). And I actually agreed with her. It didn't take any thought or effort to buy red roses.
I'm not a fan of getting flowers because they are expensive and only last a few days...then you are left with nothing. I would much rather get jewlery or go out to eat.
Tomorrow there will be all kinds of posts about how crappy their Vday was because hubby either did nothing, or very little or bought them something they hate. After hearing my friend say this about the roses, I then started to just tell my bf or husband what I wanted. Even left out catalogs so they could get it right. I have not been disappointed because of this.
It makes me sad that some women play these games with their husbands where they will "test" them to see how they do. See if they will remember, or buy them what they want, etc. I have not done that. I gave my husband a couple examples of what I would like for both Vday and my bday (next month) so he had an idea. And I'm pretty sure he got at least one of those things for me. And I know EXACTLY what he wants too so he isn't disappointed.
So I get that $70 is WAY too much for flowers and he could have spent that on so many other things. But I hope you will still act surprised, hug and kiss him and tell him how wonderful he is and NEVER mention that it was too much or you were disappointed. Then next year? A couple weeks before the holiday or your bday, say, you know honey, Vday is coming and I really need a new watch. I found this one online in case you want to get it for me...
Good luck and happy valentines day!
There will be a lot of women bitching because their husbands did not live up to their expectations or seem to appreciate them enough. Don't insult him that he "forgot" about the poem...it is a gift from him. You may get the poem as well!
I love fresh flowers, but I am the SAME WAY. Partly because we have three January birthdays in our family, right after the holidays, so money gets tight. And for our anniversary he wanted to take me some place very nice for the night. It was hard for me because it cost so much and I do all our finances. But I set aside that worry and enjoyed myself. I know that sounds like it should be easy, but it's not for me. But the reason we work is we balance each other. I try to bring some financial reason and planning to our relationship. He brings some spontaneity and surprises.
At this point he doesn't do this at each opportunity. And some years we say what our expectations are ahead of time. 'Since we're wanting to take that family trip, let's just xxxx this year for my birthday." or whatever.
But you can't win here unless you just thank him and enjoy the flowers!
Kudos for venting here instead of taking it out on him! But don't just tell him they are nice...really appreciate them and who they came from.
There are some men who have no money, but still spend their paychecks on cheap beer every night, then they come home aspdrunk and beat their wives to a pulp...in front of their children. Then they expect their battered wives to clean up the mess they made while slamming her/other things into the wall and the glass windows, all the while cursing her out, and then leaves to get more beer and threatens to beat her again if the house isn't cleaned up when he gets back.
There, that should hopefully help you appreciate anything your husband does for you whether you agree with him or not about how much money he spends.
And if you don't get anything for Valentines day then you'll have to ask him where did the $70 bucks go to & to whom did you give the flowers to?Since you don't like receiving something nice what if it's not flowers and something you would enjoy like an Edible Bouquet?Remind him again have a fight over it & have a good evening do you think that'll happen?
Maybe because you haven't spent much time together he's feeling like you've been neglected and wants you to know you're worth the sacrifice of money even though he's too busy to take lots of time on you. And if @ the end of the day there are no flowers....let him know of the charge...my credit card was hacked last week and whoever did it bought a 2 THOUSAND dollar watch! Something neither of us would ever buy!
My husband has done this and I sometimes have the same reaction you're having. I bite my tongue, thank him and vow to remind him next year that flowers can be the grocery store kind ($10-20).
If you have a joint account with your DH, then it could be his purchase. OR you could have fraud. Last month, someone decided to charge a Groupon purchase and $100+ from FTD. I went through a lot of hassle to get it resolved, but if tomorrow comes and goes and no flowers, call your bank.
If flowers do arrive, thank him for them. Then give it a few weeks from now before you mention that you appreciate the gesture, but would rather he spend less on flowers and more on something else. But if you can afford the flowers and he's trying to be extra sweet, don't knock it. I know I find it a lot easier to spend on the house or family than myself and I deserve a treat sometimes, too.
