"Upgrading" Responsibilities Around the House

Updated on June 08, 2016
W.W. asks from Reston, VA
13 answers

I have two boys - 16 and 14. They are pretty helpful around the house, but my husband and I feel they need more responsibility.

My 16 year old will be getting his license soon (within next 4 weeks - Lord help me!).

We've already looked at the "chores by age" and are taking that into consideration. We'd like to know what you have your teenagers doing.

Right now they get an allowance - it is split between savings, fun money and charity. They typically put their charity into a savings account until the end of the year and take money and buy things for the homeless shelter - sometimes they buy for the homeless shelter during the year. It depends.

Currently they help with meals, set the table, pour the drinks, clean the table, load the dishwasher, clean their bathroom, pick up after the dog, walk the dog (this isn't a chore but considered their responsibility). So my question is - what do your kids do around the house?

Thanks!!

ADDED:

Laundry: Mine have been doing their own laundry since they were 10 - take to laundry room, separate, wash, dry, fold and put away.

Chores: They are also responsible for keeping their rooms clean. Youngest empties the garbage bins in the house and takes them to the main trash can in the garage. My husband (their dad takes to the end of the driveway). Oldest takes my laundry to the laundry room and sorts for me (big help).

Meals: They each help in preparing meals. Both have prepared meals for the family in the past. Typically during the summer when they have time to plan. My oldest likes to make Philly Cheese steaks and fries. Youngest? He likes to try new things - he's made cashew chicken! :)

Allowance: We started out with $5 a week - it's now $10. They do go out and earn money - my oldest earned over $200 the last week of January shoveling driveways. Yes - they are satisfied with $10 since it was doubled from $5. They have opportunities to earn money for other things. They aren't just given stuff, they have to earn it. The money goes on their Visa Buxx cards and savings accounts.

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So What Happened?

thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it!

They don't have to mow the lawn, we have an HOA that takes care of it. They do go out and pick up the Magnolia cones and leaves (that's a job in and of itself!) This is how they earn extra money.

My 16 year old is getting a summer job. We've opened a student checking account for him so his paycheck will be directly deposited. We go over their Visa Buxx statements with them monthly so they can see where they are spending money. We've caught one error and helped him deal with it. He will be responsible for putting gas in the car and setting aside money for the $1200 a year it's going to cost to insure him - no. We are NOT making him pay it all - but we are trying to show him that driving is a HUGE responsibility - not just putting gas in the car.

We're working on sewing and ironing too. I give them extra to do that. The first time was NOT a fun experience. But now? Better. Sewing is still a work in progress.

They do go shopping with me and help me plan the weekly meals. They look for coupons for me too so they understand the costs involved with what they want.

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M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Mine are 9, 11, and almost 13. For the past 4 years or so they have rotated the following weekly: toilets and bathroom counters, kitchen counters and table, and vacuum/mop downstairs. The boys change the trash 90% of the time, the all help unload the dishwasher, and they all help with meals.

They also help with the big cleaning tasks such as baseboards and dusting the stairs. Those don't happen often though.

They have all taken to watering the flowers (a new thing for us), but it's not a chore per say.

They also all do their own laundry (we still help the youngest fold), clean their rooms, and general personal responsibilities.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I'm actually surprised that at their age they are satisfied with ten bucks a week, and they only get a portion to spend?
I pretty much believe in "real world" financial education, and around here that means if you want to go to Starbucks, movies, fast food, buy $60 video games and $150 boots then you earn it. Around 11,12 years old is when that kind of kicked in for them, and they started babysitting, pet/house/plant sitting for neighbors on vacation, etc. I also happily paid them (and still do!) to do jobs that I don't want to, like washing the car, mopping floors or putting together furniture, something my youngest daughter seems to have a natural talent for ;-)
My kids never got an allowance when they were little, mostly because they didn't need it (hello, all their basic needs were met, but also because I firmly do not believe in burdening young children with financial responsibilities.)
Having said all that, I/we still pay for car/phones/college and of course food/shelter/clothing but that's because we consider those things a part of being a modern parent, and frankly they are necessities out here in the burbs. But games, fun, designer clothes? Yeah, those are luxuries and need to be earned.

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D.D.

answers from Boston on

Do they cook? I'd probably have them cook a meal or two a week because cooking is a life skill that everyone needs and is best learned when mama is there to help you fix your mistakes. And on the nights they cook then you and hubby set the table, pour the drinks, clean the table and load the dishwasher.

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

Curious what others pay for allowances.

Mine are a bit younger.

We do chores - and they get their phones paid for. Our chores are similar to yours. Add in laundry, vacuuming and sweeping up, garbage and recycling.

If they want extra money, then they do things like rake leaves, mow the lawn, snow removal, yard work (helping dad around the house with landscaping, projects, etc.). We don't really pay per task so much as if they are saving for something we just get them to help out a lot leading up to us going to go get it and add to their savings.

Ours also babysit younger siblings. If we're just out for an hour dropping other kids off elsewhere, no. But if we go out for a night, then we pay them like we would a sitter.

ETA: Thanks for letting me know about allowances. That sounds good. I'm inspired that your son earned that much shoveling. That's awesome. Must push mine to do the same (so far, he's just doing ours).

Laundry - washing. Must work on that. Dishwasher duty went badly at first. We had lots of chips. I find some of this is trial and error. The chipping dishes kids then got the task of food prep. There's a fair amount of letting some stuff go I find with allocating chores ... but then you have to say "this isn't your strong suit" (I could only handle so many chips).

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T.H.

answers from Philadelphia on

Well, my son is 13. He takes out the trash, sweeps, keeps his room pretty clean, washes the tub/shower, toilet and sink, cleans the kitchen, washes dishes and sorts the laundry once it's washed and dried. My two have also helped load and unload the washers and dryers as well. Their chores are once to twice weekly. I work out the remaining days.

My daughter sweeps, helps with the tub and sink cleaning and sorts laundry.

My son earns $20 mo and my daughter earns $10 monthly.

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K.A.

answers from San Diego on

The 15 year old is responsible for loading and unloading the dishwasher, the 12 and 7 year old is responsible jointly for collecting all the dirty dishes up and getting them in the sink. The 15 year old puts the trash cans on the curb and takes out the kitchen trash. The 12 year old collects up all the small trash cans from bathrooms and bedrooms, his last recent growth spurt made him tall enough that he can not reach the catch on the fence to get to the side yard where the trash bins are so he now takes that out. All 3 help to get all the dirty laundry outside into the garage where the washing machines are. I do the actual washing. The 15 and 12 year old help carry the clean stuff back upstairs. Everyone helps put the laundry away. The 15 year old helps with yard work like mowing the lawn (well..when it wasn't dead thanks to the drought). The 12 and 7 year old help with weeding, sweeping etc. My husband also helps with the yard work. I stay away due to allergies. On days where they are doing major yard work I take over getting the laundry done myself. They all help with meals in various capacities depending on what they can do. I need to start making them clean their own bathroom, I have no idea how they make it so disgusting! My 15 year old loves vacuuming so he's welcome to it. They are supposed to clean up their own messes, put away toys or whatever when done with them etc. That doesn't always happen LOL With my parent's failing health we've been adding a lot more responsibilities as we're helping them with things they need done.
We're fighting with some bad attitudes right now so they aren't doing everything they are supposed to be doing. We're working on that though. We've had some major stress of late and I think this is push back to that.

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O.H.

answers from Phoenix on

We basically have the same ages, as you know. I have a chart that hangs on the fridge. One week one kid will do trash ALL week while the other does dishes ALL week, then it switches Monday morning. The other chores change daily. The one who is doing the dishes will also clean their bathroom (they have their own) and the other kid will clean the one downstairs. One will vacuum downstairs, one will vacuum up. Bathrooms and vacuum are on different days so they aren't fighting over the vacuum and cleaning products. They each have a day to clean their room and a day to "declutter". Which is where one will go around downstairs and pick up stuff that isn't where it "belongs" and put it in a box. That stuff can be anyone's. Then we each take our stuff out of the box and put it away. The other kid will declutter their TV room which is basically just the stuff they left in there. And they have a day to do their own laundry. Then the next week it switches so they do the stuff the other kid just did. My husband does all our laundry and I do all the shopping and cooking and cleaning what the kids don't. We hire landscapers and when we had a pool we had pool service. During the summer the kids will each make a meal with me so they are getting better at cooking. Mine don't get an allowance because I struggle with the concept of it but may have to revisit it again since they always want to buy stuff. I feel like if they live at home they need to help out and not get paid for it but then they don't understand how money works so I'll have to think about that. I hope this all made sense to you. lol Good luck!

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

Their own laundry!!! I put a plastic laundry basket in my son's closet, partly so his sweaty running stuff and his wet towels didn't end up in the main hamper. It also cut down on the debris all over the floor and bed, and it made him responsible for "that special shirt" or whatever else he just had to have on Tuesday. No more arguing about what I needed to do at 11 PM or what was all my fault if it wasn't done! Having to do his own laundry also cut down on the clean stuff getting tried on and abandoned to the floor rather than re-folded and put back in the drawer. It would have increased HIS workload, which he cared about, vs. my workload, which didn't interest him much. I also put a sign on the basket that said "Empty pockets - no chapsticks or tissues in the washer!" If he came in sweaty from a track meet, he peeled off his clothes in the laundry room and put them right in the washer. I kept a stack of old towels or beach towels in there so he could cover up en route to the shower.

I allowed him to sit and watch TV while he sorted and folded the clean stuff. If I was sitting there, I would occasionally help fold, as long as he wasn't so pokey that I was doing the whole thing. I always helped him fold sheets. In exchange, he helped fold sheets for us. It increase the cooperation in general. If there was ironing now and then, I did that until he was off to college.

If you have 2 kids, you can give them each a basket and allow them to cooperate/negotiate if it makes sense to combine their wash loads. But do let it be their discussion and agreement.

Besides that, I would add occasional seasonal work when we all pitched in - fall clean-up (leaves, sticks), hauling out the summer patio furniture, cleaning/sweeping the garage (1-2 times per year), and snow shoveling. Some things are just so much easier in a team. And that also lessens the "I'm just a slave" teen angst and back talk.

Once your son gets his license, there will be a 1-2 month honeymoon period during which he will happily do errands, whether it's going to the store, gas station/car wash, or taking the younger brother to different activities. After that, the novelty wears off. But it's a good time to introduce the concept of a shopping list, having to locate and select the right foods in the market (rather than just having them appear by magic in the cabinets), and using a debit card. The younger one can go along to help if you want. Tell them you'll be reviewing the receipt when they get home.

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V.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

Do you have lawn service? If not, they are long past the age of helping mow/edge the grass.
In addition to emptying the trash bins, why can't they take it out to the street (along with the recycle, if your area has that), and bring the empty bins back and put them away the next day?
Other than what you've already listed, that's about all I can really think of. I mean, it sounds like they are doing a good job doing a fair share of the household chores. If they are doing them properly and faithfully (without you having to remind remind remind) then I am not sure that you need to add anything. I mean, just for the sake of adding? Totally not necessary, in my opinion.

Your youngest is about to start high school, no? His school responsibilities are ramping up soon. Same with your older son. He is already in high school, but the final 2 years can be incredibly stressful. Just the last year has so many "extra" things they must do just to graduate as you likely envision... the senior photos, the invitations chosen and ordered, the cap and gown order, senior trip (if they do one), all the college applications/deadlines, ACT/SAT testing (last shot to raise scores, assuming they have already taken them at *least* once by junior year), college visits (which I highly recommend and usually involves the weekend)... and that's in addition to any extra-curricular activities your son may be involved in already. Band? Sports? Yearbook? Drama?

You'll be ok with the driving. It gets easier. And they get better. I even trust mine to drive with 2 kayaks on top of his car now. Scary, but he's pretty careful about his car. Like most teen boys, it's his *baby* and he doesn't want anything to happen to it. ;)
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ETA:
Oh, and when he gets his license and can transport himself independently, he may just get a part time job. There isn't much more you can do to give them a taste of real world responsibility than to let/encourage them to take on a part time job. Most teens start in the fast food world. It sucks. And it teaches them some valuable lessons. My son matured remarkably when he took on his first job. Then he moved on fairly quickly to a different job (not fast food, but in a small, family owned, meticulous auto shop), and once he had a steady income of a predictable sum, we had him begin contributing toward his own expenses. Gas money. A portion of the auto insurance. Etc. And the "allowance" stopped. If he wants to buy clothes (not needs clothes, like underwear or socks, but *wants* a new shirt or the latest hat/cap, or those cool shoes), or take a girl to the movie, or eat out lunch instead of eating the cafeteria lunch at school.... that's on him. It teaches the value of a dollar and what it takes to earn one, AND budgeting.

If he is too busy with extra curricular stuff at school to work during the year, he could still work in the summer. Good lessons to be learned there.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Kiddo (9) earns about 50 cents a day for a successful day of learning. We homeschool, that is his 'work' and we started this as a way to help encourage him during some very defeated times in public school. He has a checklist which I give him each day of tasks: here is today's list...

Shower/ Fold and put away (his) clothes)/ brush teeth/ walk (to grocery store, he helps carry some of the load in his backpack-- not too heavy and about a mile round trip) / read for 30 minutes/ work one page of "Bats Biggest/ Littlest" (reading comprehension--writing answers to questions)/ Khan Math / write rough draft of "A Day with Daedalus"/ pick up room

He also helps with one task at dinnertime. This might be getting out his veggies, setting the table, or some other aspect of meal prep. Taking out trash and recycling is his task, as is putting away the big thing of toilet paper we buy every other week. Sometimes he's asked to help feed the cats. If I want him to help with yardwork or another task, I offer the job and the price-- either he does it or not. It's up to him how much he wants to earn.

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E.B.

answers from Honolulu on

Sounds like you are raising two responsible and competent young men!

Their school responsibilities will increase in the next year, I imagine, as they get into more difficult and demanding courses in high school. I'm not sure I would upgrade their chores, as it seems like they're keeping up with their belongings, their rooms, and family duties.

At this age (getting licenses and permits) I would sort of change the flow of their chores rather than adding on to them.

For example, if you have cell phones, make sure your sons know what plan you're on, how to read the bill (paper or paperless), and how to make sure no one is exceeding data/minutes/usage. Have your older son review the car insurance documents, demonstrate that he knows who to call in case of an accident or breakdown, and how much insurance costs. Same goes for cable and internet. Ensure they know how much it costs. If either one rents a movie, they pay for it.

And it's a good time to add car maintenance to their list of what they are capable of doing. Have them both learn to change a tire effectively, change oil and filter, and how to choose the right gas (premium or regular) and how much gas costs. If you have any gas rewards through a grocery store, they should know how to use that. And both of them should learn basic car maintenance, and have an emergency car plan and know how to jump start a battery. When my son got his license, I had him pack a small bag that remained in the trunk. It contained gloves, those little hand warmers that they sell at camping/sports stores, a warm hat, flashlight and batteries, power bars, a folding shovel, rope, etc.

They also should know how to plan a meal as well as cook it, and how to shop properly (by price, unit pricing, looking for bargains).

At this age, I feel that some of the most overlooked "chores" are the ones we do all the time but are more the business of owning a home or renting a home, and possessing a car, and paying for utilities and phones, and balancing checkbooks, and those sort of things. I'd make sure your sons are proficient in those areas now that they're approaching driving age.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Don't forget
yard work (mowing lawn, raking leaves, shoveling snow, depending on the season)
Clean the car(s) inside and out
Take out trash/recycling
Couple times per week put them in charge of making supper for the family - make a point of expanding their repertoire - meatloaf, spaghetti, chicken Alfredo pasta and anybody can make a pie from scratch - they should learn how to grill things too - your future daughters in law will LOVE you!
cleaning/organizing the garage

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T.D.

answers from Springfield on

when i was 14 i had to sweep and mop the kitchen, and vacuum the carpets on the main floor (brother did the upstairs) i also had to dust and clean the smudges off windows, i addition to what you have your boys doing.
my brother had to mow the lawn and i was responsible for snow removal (i loved shoveling and still don't mind it)
every other month we were in charge of cleaning up the basement (gameroom)

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