I'm not going to repost my original if you want to go back and read you are more than welcome but I know there were alot of ladies here following my post and I just wanted to update everyone and let them know that I began to bleed on Sunday. Monday I was due for more blood work anyways but the bleeding got even worse with clumps so I assumed I was miscarrying. My HCG levels came back yesterday and they had gone down from 660 to 615. They did a sonogram yesterday and saw nothing. They couldn't tell me 100% if it was an ectoic pregnancy-the doctor explained the only way to know that 100% is to do surgery which they wouldn't do because that introduces trauma to the uterus and so much more. She encouraged me to get the methotrexate injection to "dissolve" the pregnancy. With all the information such as bleeding, numbers going down and being 5 weeks along with nothing on the sonogram I felt it was time to comply and get the shot. Please don't badger me for this decision-it was a hard decision but it came down to my life and I chose my life instead of the life growing inside of me-which obviously was abnormal anyways. If I still had no bleeding and my numbers were still increasing then I would have continued to wait it out but I felt like I made the best decision here-God help me if I did make the wrong one. At least if it was indeed an ectopic I have spared my life and I have saved my fallopian tube so that if and when me and the hubby decide to try we don't have the obstacle of a damaged tube........that being said I know God has a plan and I know God doesn't make mistakes but it doesn't mean we don't suffer from heart break. I have so much support from co-workers to family and friends and I feel very blessed. Plus I have all you wonderful ladies too and that helps me get through this-I have weathered much worse storms so I know I will be okay its just going to take time.....do you think it would be odd to take the pregnancy test and bury it??? I laugh at myself when I think that but then again at least maybe in my mind it would bring closure to everything. I was only 5 weeks along but I feel like I lost a part of me and a part of my husband-it hurts so much but I have enough faith that one day God will bless us again-no matter what. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise. I'm not going to lie the pregnancy wasn't planned and we had started the Total Money Makeover with Dave Ramsey-just finished our Emergency fund so I was a little bummed at first but then I processed it and became excited but now we are back to square one. Perhaps God wants us to take care of our financial business before we have another. We were doing so well and making head way and then this came about but I felt like everything would work out-heck you are NEVER actually "ready" to have a baby but I think in a year or so financially speaking things would be better for us. Everything happens for a reason.....I do believe that.
I hope no one will judge you, because you were faced with an extremely difficult decision, and anyone who read your previous post knew what turmoil you were in. I think I would have made the same decision you did in your shoes. Please feel free to grieve and then move on. God bless.
I so admire your honesty. And you should bury that box, that is very symbolic. I am not sure what I would have done in your situation. Oftentimes we are placed in those areas of life that are so gray we don't know how to choose. God does have a plan, and he is ever faithful to us. You are right, you are never actually 'ready' to have a baby. Even people who very rich oftentimes want to be richer, or have their careers, look at all the tabloids that point to that.So go ahead and grieve, and then wait for God to carry out his plan.
Bury the pregnancy test.Dont grieve too long its not your fault. Try to get on with your life. It may take some time. I have never had an abortion. I have 3 beautiful children and 3 beautiful grandchildren. But I have lost a grandson about 8 months ago. He passed away the day he was born. He was beautiful. It was very hard to deal with and still is but God took him to Heaven for a reason. I lean on God everyday. He is ALWAYS there for me and He will be for you too.Just lean on him, He is a big boy, He can take it. When you are ready, yall can try again. May God bless you!
I hope no one judges you for your decision to get the shot. I read your others posts and know you did not take this decision lightly and were hoping it would not turn out this way.
As far as buring the pregnancy test, I think that is a great idea if you feel that will bring you closure. Good luck to you and your family.
If your HGC numbers were going down, the pregnancy was terminating itself. You didn't terminate it by taking the shot. Don't feel guilty or apologize for that, it was not viable.
I went through three like that in the very first weeks, before my first baby "stuck". The first one was so hard, and then strangely, once I understood it could happen, it was easier. I am blessed now with two happy, healthy children. I imagine the same will happen for you and your husband. I wish you all the best.
I miscarried at 3 months with my first pregnancy (no heartbeat, needed a D&C to remove it) and my OBgyn said sort of casually: "see you in 3 months", and (not exactly 3 months but longer) I was back in her office and now have 2 lovely daughters, ages 13 and 10. Miscarriages and in-utero death are an indication that something is not fully viable. I know this is an extremely difficult time, and if you are like me you may just start crying in the middle of a meeting or a store for the next few weeks if not months, but life does go on. You may always wonder what that baby would have been like, but at some point you have to trust your doctor's advice and your own instinct to survive and do what is necessary. Good for you for making that incredibly difficult decision, but it sounds like it really was not a choice since the data showed the fetus was not doing well. Hang in there, talk about it and you will find soulmates in lots of men and women who have gone through miscarriages. I never knew this about many of my friends and colleagues until I mentioned mine. Consider yourself hugged.
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. My husband and I had a miscarriage five months ago and it was one of the hardest things we have ever gone through. Bottom line is if your HGC levels are not going up it's not a healthy pregnancy that will last....ectoic or not. You made the decision that you felt was best. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty! You will be in my prayers.
I am very sorry you lost your baby. I pray for healing for your family. Hang in there.....
I had been hoping the best for you and I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I've had an ectopic and let me tell you.... it was the most traumatic thing I've ever gone through (extreme pain, surgery, emotional) and I'm glad that they caught yours when they did.
I named mine (Lucas) and kept every keepsake from the 6 weeks that I had with him (pregnancy test, cards, surgery bracelels, etc.), and that helped me grieve. I think if you'd like to bury the only physical evidence that you have, it's just fine! You do what feels right by you! I'll be praying for you.
My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it must've been to make the decision you had to make. Know that others are thinking about you and praying for you at this time.
Aww, I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine anyone one badgering you for this decision. The baby NEVER survives when developing in the Fallopian tube and you could have lost your own life when it ruptured (not if it ruptured but when it ruptured) You also managed to save your tube which is wonderful. So no guilt mom! You did the right thing! God bless you and the little angel you now have.
I am so sorry you have had all of this in your life.
When the time comes that your life is blessed with a little one, it will be all the more sweet because of this experience.
I am very sorry for your loss as well. I understand your pain, I too lost a pregnancy in Nov. Prayers for your family and help healing.
"An Angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's date of birth, and whispered as she turned the page 'too beautiful for earth'."
Anonymous
Sorry for your loss. All 3 of my pregnancies were planned, just not by me. ;-)
My miscarriage 5 yrs ago was something similar. It took my body until 11w to decide yet not decide anything. I went on to have another pregnancy 4m later. We named her Sarah. She calls herself Princess. :-)
I look at my miscarriage, while hurtful, as needed. It taught me many things. It taught my husband too. I learned that I did want to have another child. I learned that I don't get to control all of the things that happen in my life.
Hugs.
M.
I am so sorry! I can't imagine how hard this must have been for you.
You could take the pregnancy test and bury it if you think it would bring you closure. Don't feel silly if it will help you process!
HUGS!!!!
I am so sorry my dear. I completely respect your decision as should everyone else. It is your body and you have the right to make that decsion.
As for burying the test, it is absolutely not an odd thing to do. If it will help you with closure and healing then I would do whatever feels right. I admire your courage.
It really sounds like an ectopic pregnancy, the same thing happened to me a few years ago, you described it to a T, only before i could get the shot, or have surgery, i passed it on its own, i kept having to go to my dr to check my levels and each time, he comfirmed that they were dropping and leveling off. I am very sorry that you are going through this. I will keep you in my prayers. HUGS
So sorry for your loss. I know it is tough and I was (as I'm sure you are) so thankful to have my daughter to occupy my time. I think that there is nothing wrong with burying the pregnancy test if you think it will make you feel better. I know you said something about working on your financial business, but something that has helped me is getting a necklace with both my children's birthstones. I found one very reasonably (like $25) on Etsy, but I can't seem to find the same seller now. It's something that I can wear when I want to and keeps the memory close to me and makes me feel better that I have something to remember that child by. It may or may not be for you. Still keeping you in my prayers.
I am sorry for your loss. :( You are in my thoughts and prayers!
~C.
With the HCG levels dropping, what ever was growing was already dying or already died. At least nothing ruptured, you are healthy and with nothing damaged you have every hope of future pregnancies with happier results. You'll need to grieve for awhile and give yourself time to come to terms with this loss.
Don't worry if something feels crazy right now. Just go with whatever your intuition says you need to do to heal yourself. You are a good mother. I am sure your current children would agree that having a healthy (living) mother is an awesome blessing.
I am sorry you are going through this and for the loss of this precious soul. I believe that God does have a plan for you and your family and he will bless you with another child. My prayers are with you and your family and baby to come. A word of encouragement...God's word says that he will not put more than you can bear on you so I believe you will get through this it will just take some time. Do whatever you feel led to do help your mourning. Even though some things may seem silly to some ppl if it makes YOU feel peace...DO IT. Again, my prayers are with you.
Updated
I am sorry you are going through this and for the loss of this precious soul. I believe that God does have a plan for you and your family and he will bless you with another child. My prayers are with you and your family and baby to come. A word of encouragement...God's word says that he will not put more than you can bear on you so I believe you will get through this it will just take some time. Do whatever you feel led to do help your mourning. Even though some things may seem silly to some ppl if it makes YOU feel peace...DO IT. Again, my prayers are with you.
You need to do what you need to do to help with closure, sure it may sound silly to others, you may think it sounds silly yourself but if that is what you thought would work to help with the feelings you are dealing with then I would say go for it.
I think you may have saved your life by making this tough decision. I have no idea of what you are going through but I will be praying for you!
It sounds like you are doing well as it is with the process. When I lost my first I got a tatoo, I have many. When my sister lost her first, still born, she wrote her a letter and buried that. Oh and along with everything happens for a reason ... You are NEVER given more than you can handle, and if you look you will see the footprints in the sand.
I think you did the exact right thing, to wait and make the decision until you were sure. You did nothing wrong. You waited until you were sure nothing would save this pregnancy. I think that was wise and you don't have to wonder "what if."
I don't think it's silly, to bury the pregnancy test. You had a child inside you and now you don't. It doesn't matter how early, you are mourning a loss. You should mourn in whatever way is best for you. If burying the test, is how you mourn don't hesitate!! You are paying tribute to a life and that is NEVER silly. I hope it brings you closure.
