I did it. I went and saw his mom then I saw him.
I had an emotional day yesterday. So much so that I wrote the letter over a huindred times. Nothing sounded right.
So, this afternoon, I was sitting at my desk. I was in the middle of another panic attack. I was exhausted. I had been making rolls and the thought came to me. Why not do this....Leave to get brody early. If you see the truck is home(the boys mom), you HAVE to stop. So when I got to the stop sign by the boys house my stomach turned. She was home. I paused for a moment...ready to go back on my plans. No, I told myself to day was it. I have never been so scared to knock on a door. She gave me a big hug. She also told me to come back by after I got my son, cameron would be home then. I did. I got to give him the biggest hug! We exchanged numbers. She invited us to come to the birthday party for him this summer. she also asked if the kids could come over to play...I said yes to all of this.
Today was the first day I had an honest smile. You guys gave me the strength to do this. I was so caught up in the ''being scared'' part of this. I was scared that I was actually the monster I felt like. I thought talking about it with anyone was a no no. thinking about seeing him and hugging him was only a ''What if'' thought to me. You guys made me see that there was a good possiblilty they didnt hate me. That they were concerned.
It turns out that Deanna, the boys mom did try and find me the day of the accident. She drove around looking for my van(we park in the garage so she never found me). she wanted me to know how he was doing. I told her that I had gone up to the hospital to find them, he had been moved by the time I got there. I have this weight off my chest. I can now feel my brain try to process things! it is an amazing thing!
My question now is...My best friend seems to think I need to still document all of this. The info from meeting her, our conversation. the times of it. Why? I dont feel right asking her why she thinks that. His side of the accident has been closed for a bit now. That means they cant decide to sue, right?
I hope so! how cool would it be to get to see him grow. I will forever have him in my heart..I think turning it to a positive thing is the best to do! And since I was given the gift of knowing where he is and what not..I have to take it!!!
I feel like I have been granted PEACE from this! I know that is most likely adrenaline still, I may wake up tomorrow in a different place! who cares right now! I am on top of the world!
Accident itself was all documented. I sat down as soon as I got home and wrote it all down while it was fresh in my mind. The police got my statement the day of the accident. She just thinks to be safe I need to write all of this that happened today.
He is amazing. He is in third grade. Loves star wars and legos! His mom told me how his dad and he drag race. The accident has taught him to respect a car! He didnt have anything to say about it. he just gave me a big hug back! Then went about showing off all of his toys to my kids!!! Just knowing he took something from all of this has eased my mind
My counselor dismissed me from counseling early!!! I couldnt stop smiling. for the first time since august, I couldnt and still cant stop smiling!!!!! She told me to ride the high...and I am. Basket ball with the kids tonight!! ice cream for dessert and maybe two bed time stories!!!!
Gramma T. thank you!
I can not Thank everyone enough. Had I known you guys would be me strength to pull through this I would have come to you all so long ago. I think it took me this long to ask, because I was afraid to be judge wrong about this. Man was I wrong! Never in a million years did I expect to pull out of this!
AWESOME!!! I am glad you did it! I am so happy you feel better! Sounds like you may now have a new found friendship with the mother:)
And I wouldn't document anything.
SO very proud of you :)
I would document it for personal reasons. If you ever start doubting yourself agian, you can go back and think, Wow, I did that!
I know I have trouble remembering the wrong I do and not the positives that happen.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! That's so so so wonderful! I'm very happy for you. ((((((((HUGS))))))))
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Your post has made my day! I have been thinking of your situation & hoping for you to have peace. It seems like it was a relief for everyone involved. As far as documentation, I think you should go w/ your gut on that. My gut is telling me you have nothing to worry about.
It can't hurt to document the visit and the conversation you had about the accident. You said that their side is closed, but you never mentioned yours.
Anyway, I'm really happy that you made the step to go visit them and that you got the reassurances you needed. Of course you're not a monster. It's been very clear how much this has haunted you and how much you care. You've made amends in so many ways since the accident and now you made amends by visiting the family in person. You did great.
That makes my day great to know that you did this!! What a big step for you. May you continue to have this family in your life, so you will continue to heal.
Oh I am SO pleased! What a great step for you, AND for her! Brave Mamas!
:)
(The answer about documenting, protecting yourself, should come to you soon enough now that your healing has actually begun)
EXTREME LIKE!
Can you say "counselor schmounselor" LOL (j/k)
I am so happy for you!!! Congrats on moving forward with your life, and feeling like you have control again. How hard it has been for you and now freeness is what your mind must feel.
Great story and glad that all worked out for the best!
Keep wearing that smile, today has proven that there are reasons to do so!
Thats GREAT! You will sleep so well tonight! So how was he. Did he have much to say about it at all?
I'm late in responding, but I just wanted to tell you that I am proud of you for being courageous and going to see this family. I am so happy for you and wish you continued joy and peace.
:)
Awesome ending to a tragic episode. Closure is always necessary and now you've done it! I think you should document the thoughts, feelings and happenings of the visit, it is the ending of the story.
And, like I said in my original post, this event will help you help someone in your future :)
Now, get back to your "normal" present.
Don't worry about being sued, I'm sure the insurance companies will battle out what is left to battle.
How is the little boy doing? Did it appear there would be any long term affects? Kids are pretty resilient and chances are he wont remember this at all when he grows up.
My stepdad hit a little boy on a bicycle once, he rolled up over the hood and stopped at the windshield. It changed my stepdads life, he became a very cautious driver after that....it took him awhile to lose the scene of the boys face looking at him through the windshield glass that morning. The injuries were minor (thank God), my parents took that family out to dinner about a month after the accident... and then all was well.
Sorry to say, yes she can sue you, so you should document everything--just in case. Being safe is always better than being sorry. Then you can let it go.
