Upcoming Deployment

Hey B.. My husband is prior service and is about to go back in so i know the scary feelings. My oldest was born while he was deployed and was 6 months old when he came home... I was watching a show called "Homecoming" on CMT when he was gone and I saw a woman who put hershey kisses into a big jar and every night before he son went to bed he got to get a kiss and it was one kiss closer to daddy. I plan on using that with my daughters when he ends up deploying. Plus you can add and take away to them. I also heard of making a paper chain. Good luck!

Hi B.,

There is a support group for SAHM's at SAHM.meetup.com/

There is a list of meetup groups that you can choose from.

One is The Norfolk Attachment Parenting Group. There are others. Good luck. D.

B. - My cousin has been deployed twice now and leaves for a third round in May. He has a 4 year old daughter. They video taped him reading her favorite bedtime books so she could play the tape and still have Daddy "read" to her while he was away. I thought it was very clever and thought that would help you.
Kathryn

i am a military wife also...so, i feel ya! i have heard of getting a med fish bowl and fill it up with jelly beans or m&m's for every day daddy is going to be gone and then let him have one every morning or night (whatever works for you) and then when he takes a jelly bean, you take that time to let him talk about daddy and voice his feelings about him being gone. it could be talking, drawing, coloring or whatever. it lets your son know that it is OK to miss daddy and gives him an outlet time for his happiness or sadness regarding daddy.

it also reminds a busy mom to stop and listen to their children. it's so easy to get busy and forget. the jelly beans will be your time to "talk". it's also great bonding for you and your son.

good luck & your family is in my prayers :)

Hey,
I am a military wife as well and yes...going thru that also. One thing I've suggested before to others is let your son and "daddy" make a chain from construction paper...one link for every day daddy will be gone. (you can add or take away links as needed without your son knowing..throughout the deployment)..Each night before bed your son can take off a link counting down until daddy comes home =)...Another thing is to put some albums together. Get some cheap photo albums from the dollar store or something and give one to dad with pictures of you, your son and some of all of you in it...and do the same for your son, put pics of daddy and pictures of daddy with your son in it. Its a good "project" for them to do together and will help with getting thru each day. During the deployment let your son write letters as often as he wants or can. Let him include drawings and pictures from him to daddy...and also ask your husband to write to him. I know calling isn't always possible but make sure when he does call that he does get to say hi to your son. good luck...you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

During deployment with kids I try to keep busy and keep as normal a schedule as possible. That has helped my kids a lot. I have found they miss dad most at bedtime so I will let them wear daddy's shirts to bed. I tell them it is like wearing a hug from daddy. this started one night when they were all missing dad and it was the first thing I thought of. Now they know they can go get one of his shirts at bedtime when he is gone.

My husband recently got back from deployment. Our daughter just turned 3 after he got back. Before he left we went to build a bear and had her make a bear and then we put daddy's voice in it so she could hear him say I love you whenever she wanted. Also we went to the website wwww.daddydolls.com. You can upload a picture of your husband in uniform and they make a doll which is like a pillow of them. She slept with him every night(still does). That helped a lot. We sent lots of care packages with pictures etc. She loved being able to help out and send things to him. Good luck.

My husband has been deployed or on 'work ups' for the majority of our 2 and a half year old daughters life. It is never easy but I have a few ideas that worked for us. My husband videotaped himself reading some books to our daughter. We packaged each video with the book and then I would give one every month to my daughter. It was their special book and she could see him and listen to him reading just to her! It was so special and make a big difference when she missed dad and can be very sweet for mom to watch as well. He also did some while he was away and mailed them home. One other things we did was he wrote little notes to her and it may say 'I miss you, go get an ice cream with mommy and one for me'

Hope this helps for all those little ones missing daddy or mommy

my husband hasnt deployed yet, but here are some ideas that we did while he has been gone

try getting your husband to read books on to a tape or cd,
lots of different sotories that way each night you can sit down with him and read the book with daddy

also when he writes you letter (give him a dictaphone you can get them at best buy) get him to read his letter to your son on to the dictaphone that way he gets something in the mail, and he can hear his dad when ever he wants.

try thinking about, having his dad enrolling him into some kind of thing like swim lessons or something and get his dad to give him a goal to obtain for when he gets back. that way he not only learns something but he also has something to talk about with him and so on.

and for you, keep busy. if you would like to get together and have a play date i have a great sand box we live out side of fort meade odenton. just email me.

B., My husband is currently deployed. He has been gone for 4.5 months and we have 2.5 to go. Our daughter was just over 3 years old when he left and our son was just over 1. S Mackenzie is the textbook definition of a Daddy's girl. It was really hard for her to have daddy gone, we can't do the whoile web cam thing, and we rarely get pictures from him. Every day we have craft time, and Mackenzie makes him something special that she gets to put in her own envelope and mail to him. We did the whole Daddy Movie thing, but she won't sit still to watch it, the dogs love watching it though. Everyday at diner we say grace and ask God to make sure Daddy has a good dinner like us and every night when she says her prayers, she thanks God for her Daddy and to keep him safe. Once a week, Nate emails her a new prayer that they both say every night until he sends a new one. We set up a Yahoo account just for her to get her own emails from Nate, andwe check it every day just like I check mine. IT is a way she can feel like she is getting some one on one with him. Also, we bake cookies every other week and vacuume seal them and mail them for the whole division. (about 5 batches of cookies) and Mackenzie loves it. I told her that Daddy and his friends had to go keep us safe from the bad guys and it is our job to stay happy and send them special things and to take care of each other. The guys in his division know what our boxes look like and look for them every mail call. If you would like to talk one on one or want some more ideas, let me know.
I was Active Duty Navy when Nate and I met, and I have been through a few deployments, but it is still a lonely time and i don't know what I would do without my friends for support. The way I see it, Military Wives are a breed of our own and we need to stick together.

Hi,
As a soldier, I would say utilize your Family support and i'm sure you are not the only one going through this. They can be a great support group. . All the ideas that have been given are good.

I wish I had some advise for you. My husband left for the first time Dec 11. and it was very hard on my 7 year old boy and 3 daughter. He came home for a month and has to leave again May and the kids are already very fearful of him leaving. I wish there was something that would make it easier for all of us! The web cam helped us a lot but I also surrounded my kids around family as much as I could. I wish the best for you. It is such a hard thing for any mother to go through to have to say goodbye to their husband and then turn around and put a happy face on for the kids. Good luck to you and remember kids bounce back so fast and the love your son had for is father will out way anything!

B.,

I feel your pain, I am the wife of a Col. in the air force and my children have experienced the loss of dad quite a bit. In fact some of the jobs were so demanding even though he was not deployed at the time we never saw him. At the last base we were at they implemented a program that had a deployment doll. This was just a couple pieces of fabric sewn together in sort of a human form with a picture of the war fighter that had been transferred onto the fabric. They had all sorts of names, daddy dolls, hill heroes and so on. I do know that no matter the age of the child or the sex it was a big hit. These children got to keep there parent with them. I think you can get the fabric transfer at a craft store; you do not have to be a big sewer to make this happen. We used old BDU’s as the back fabric and just white cotton fabric on the front where the picture would go. I have one they made for my son of his father so if you want to do this and you need help or just want to see what one looks like please do not hesitate to email. Best of luck to you guys!
S.
____@____.com

I am a military wife as well. My husband has been on two 7 month deployments and one 6 month deployment. I could not imagine what it would be like for a year. My daughter hit the stage of really missing him when she was five. She is in karate and refused to go because her daddy was not going to be there. There are books that you can check out at the library on deployments and such. We made a paper chain and instead of making one that was for as many days as we was going to be gone for and then taking one off for everyday, we put a new link on everyday and put the number on it, decorated with stickers and such, and then used it as decoration for when he came home. I also made up a song for my daughter to sing when he was on his first deployment (she was 1 then). She still sings the song every night when he is on deployment and she is now seven. Also having a picture of him and the child together in his room is a good thing as well. My daughter has a bear that is dressed as a sailor that she has had since my husband was in boot camp and she still sleeps with it and she calls it her "daddy bear" because it is dressed like her daddy. Maybe you could do a build a bear thing and dress the bear up like your husbands uniform and have your husband record a good night message to your son so he feels closer to his dad. My husband and I did not have the web cam communication so I think that would help you and your son out alot. Does the Army offer support groups when they deploy? The navy has a support group and when they are at least on a ship have meetings about once a month and activities to do. So that everyone stays busy and bonds together as a family as well as the kids. Obviously since this is not new to you the main thing to do though is keep as busy as possible. One other thing is too, my daughter liked (and still does) to listen to that song by Toby Keith, American Soldier. She dubbed that her daddy song, and then she started asking why he has to leave and everything. I explained to her what he does and why he does what he does and that was to make sure that we all of the chance to live the way we want and to wear what we want and so on and so forth because we have the freedom to do so. She would ask me this almost everyday. It made her feel better afterwards. I hope that you have all the suggestions that you need and everything turns out great. I wish your husband a safe return home. Please keep us all updated on your ventures.

B.

B.,

Try this website: http://www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/

~L.

Me, too! Likely coming in the fall. Not looking forward to it, but it's the life we live, isn't it? I have four that have been fortunate to only have him gone for short periods up to now.

Hi, I'm Jeanie, and all I can offer is regular mail (cards, packages once a month) to boost morale for deployed soldiers. I've been sending for over 5 years now and would be pleased to add your hubby to my list. Please let me know

____@____.com

I have a friend who was recently deployed and he made recordings of himself reading his daughter's favorite bedtime stories on cassette. It was a simple way for him to still be "close" and she can listen to his voice anytime she wants. I am sorry you and your family have to go through this but as a civilian, I send my thanks and prayers. You are undergoing a selfless act so that we may continue our freedoms. Thank you.
B. S.- Business owner and SAHMom to two awesome boys,Ethan-7 and Davey-2

I have never had to deal with a deployment of that length, my hubbys was always shorter...but what we did for our girls, was have him make them a video on our recorder, giving them a message, saying he loves them...read them a story. Then I put that video clip, and one I had previously taken of them playing baseball with daddy...and put them onto a DVD for them to watch on tv whenever they wanted. Even the dog would stop what he was doing and watch! I also give them each their own small picture frame, and put a picture of daddy in it for them to carry around with them..do whatever they want. Just their own makes it special. You could even get him a cheap disposable camera and let him go crazy taking pictures of daddy, and develope them after he has gone. I have also come across this website just yesterday that was pretty neat...
http://www.hugahero.com/categories.php
not sure if I will ever do any of those things, but definitely tempting!
Other than those things, since I have two girls, I just try to make it exciting at the same time, that it is just us girls...with us having sleepovers together, watching a bunch of girly movies...silly things like that to keep their minds off of daddy being gone. Hope some of this helps!
K.

Billee,
I can't remember where I saw it, but it was a cloth doll made from a picture. Take a picture of your husband in his uniform (camo is great) and have it printed on plain fabric. Photo can be blown up and you cut it out in the shape of the body sew it to another piece of fabric and stuff it. I hope you get the gist of what I'l talking about. It makes a great "comfort" item. My best to you and yours.

Yuch. I'm sorry! As a military wife/mom of 3 kids (ages 15, 11, 1) and one on the way in June:

Things I've found that help with kids is:

1. (I know Target, I'm sure other) Stores have a little water-proof photo album - the one at Target says "Who loves Baby" - that you can fill with pictures of Daddy so your son can carry that everywhere with him. If Dad sends new pics, you can switch them out. It's great for conversation, too.

2. A video of Daddy reading a favorite book or telling him how much he misses him, etc.

3. A calendar (maybe big, hand-drawn or computer printed or project-sized from Office Depot) that stickers can be placed on each day to visualize the passing of time.

4. Conversations with Daddy - webcam, letters, phone

5. You talking to him. Don't be afraid to cry in front of him (not ALL the time, of course - but if it happens a few times, don't feel bad) or talking "I really miss daddy, too. I miss when he _______ or _____ and _____" "I wish daddy were here. He'd really like what we're doing right now." "Daddy will love that picture."

6. Let your son send mail to daddy. Encourage your husband to talk about the mail via webcam, even (it feels interactive and relevant). for example: "I LOVE this picture you drew and sent me!" as he holds the picture up and looks at it. Let your husband give ideas via webam for activities for you and your son go do afterward: "Maybe you and mom should go to the library today. Then you can tell me all about it." It gives a feeling that dad is still a very active participant in your lives.

FYI- There is a support, too. If you live close to Aberdeen Proving Grounds or Fort Meade (many other bases also have) a branch of PWOC - Protestant Women of the Chapel. At Fort Meade we meet weekly on Wednesdays from 9am to noon. You can be involved in friendships, good food, and Bible Study. You can find contact info on Myspace: PWOC.

I hope this helps.

Hello. My husband is about to come back from Baghdad and this is our second long deployment, 3rd overall. He is active duty, but because of some health issues, my kids and I live with my parents here in Clifton. My children are aged 5 1/2 and 9 1/2. My son seems to miss him more, but my daughter is far more reserved with regard to her feelings on all of this. Obviously, we aren't living on an Army post with other families who are in a similar situation and I think that makes it far more difficult for all of us.

Let me know if you'd like to chat further!

R. M

I would just like to thank you and your family for doing what you do supporting our country. I don't know what to tell you about your son, but I will keep you in my prayers. Again, please tell your husband we are so thankful for him and we will keep you in our prayers.
T.
The MOM Team, Helping Moms Stay Home
www.cheerforyourfuture.com

Hi B.,

Before hubby leaves, have him make several tapes of himself talking to his son, then keep them tucked away until your son is having a particularly tough time. Then pull one out and Daddy can talk to him.

This will be fun for both of you to see Daddy!!

Good luck with this challenge your facing!
D.

I've been there! With a three year old and a nine month old, it was very difficult-especially at bed time because the three year old was Daddy's Girl and loved 'reading' with Daddy. My husband got some of her favorite books and read them for her into a tape recorder. She had a Fisher Price tape player that I could lock the tape into and she could play it anytime she wanted. He introduced the book and told her to go find it, paused for a bit, then told her to look at something special on the cover- the bunny, the yellow flowers, the bulldozer, etc. Then he'd tell her to turn the page. He talked to her in between reading. We also made a video tape of him playing with the girls and our pets, him in uniform and getting into his truck, and various other things around the house. At the end, he drove into the driveway and came home and gave us all a hug. Before he left, he gave them special stuffed animals to sleep with and talk to. That was the first Gulf War and the girls still have their tapes and animals. It's always hard, but we always manage. God keep you all safe. K.

I too have been thru several deployments though only one with an infant. We have another coming up soon so this is a subject very close to my heart. We have been brainstorming ways to keep daddy at the forfront of my toddlers mind and have come up with a few. Last time my husband sat down in front of a video camera and told bedtime stories that I played for my son at night. He was a bit too young to really appreciate it but I think this time around it will be more useful. Secondly, I have lots of pictures up around my house and we talk about the people in the pictures all the time. I have one of his aunt who lives far away and was very surprised to see how comfortable he was with her this Christmas after not having seen her for 6 months. He actually ran up to her which he never does with anyone. My point is that this time I was thinking of printing a life sive stand-up picture of daddy for his bedroom so we can talk about him often, say goodnight to him and so that my son is use to seeing him on a daily basis. I hope this helps. I am sure there is a HUGE differece between ages 2 and 4. Best of luck!

Deployments are hard on the whole family. My husband is currently in Afghanistan & we are hating it! My six year old daughter has had sudden outbursts of tear & wet her pants 3 days in a row at school...clearly an emotional boo boo. The things that help her are allowing her to type emails to daddy & draw pictures for him. Its also important to validate their feelings. I know you miss daddy & he misses you too. Its ok to feel sad, etc... Diversional activities have worked at times,for instance I stopped one crying spell by playing the High School Musical soundtrack CD. We scheduled a mini-trip to an indoor water park with a friend of mine who also has kids of similar age while she is on spring break next week. I've allowed her to have friends over from school & she will be starting soccer soon. These things allow not only distraction, but positive focus for her mind and stress relief. There is no way in the world to take away all the pain. I get so mad at my husband sometimes! He promised me he was getting out when his enlistment was up a year ago, then turned around and resigned a 6yr contract with the air guard. He has to go away alot also!

Hi Billie!

So sorry you have to go through this again! We were there two years ago and used many of the ideas people have already mentioned to you (videos of reading, a picture of her own to carry, etc.) but I also wanted to suggest that you contact MilitaryOneSource. I got a free video from them designed especially to help kids deal with deployment. It's Elmo and his dad which might really appeal to a 4 year old.

We'll keep you in our prayers!

Get a pic of the two of them and two copies made. Then each will always be with the other.
M.

I can't begin to imagine what that is like, I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for your family's commitment. So often I believe the spouses and kids of our soldiers are forgotten. My husbands dad is a retired Army man that served in Vietnam and his dad before him.
When my hubby lost his job and had to move here (Virginia Beach) we were unable to leave Florida right away. I was at home with a newborn and a toddler (2 1/2) at the time. We began doing special things, each night look at stars or every time we eat this we'll talk about daddy. She was very emotional and that was just a couple months. He also took her to that build a bear place and together they made a teddy bear with his voice recorded inside so she could get lovies and here her daddy's voice whenever she wanted.
I wish I had better advice, just know that I am praying for you and your family! Thank you for your personal service as well. i noticed you were a special ed teacher and having a special needs child, I realize how rare and special you are. Sorry to get mushy, but my daughter's therapists and teachers hold a special place in my heart!
Good Luck!

My husband got back in October and we talked on webcam all the time. however, My daughter always asked for him. My friend's husband just left and she went to Build A Bear and had him record a night time message to the kids and put it in the bear of their choice. I wish I would have done that. It was so great. Also, you can alway screen print his picture on a pillowcase, or on a doll and make him a daddy doll to carry around.
Good luck!

PLEASE, go to your nearest military base and meet with the Family Support Center! I work at one in the DC and have found that most offer support for families of deployed (all branches!). If you are near an Air Force Base, see Family Advocacy. They deal with this ALL the time. There are many, many American families in your shoes and can help you and your son get through this with the best results possible.

Have you tried the "memory jar"? Fill it with m&ms- every day, talk about a happy memory with daddy or how you two miss him and your son gets a m&m. Also, try to get your hubby to read a few books on tape and play them for your son while he is gone. Also, depending on where your husband will be stationed, he could get video conferencing if you have a camera on your computer. Good luck! And please get involved with any local military organizations, even the VFW or similar. There is lots of support for military families if you look.

B.,

I was going to suggest that you make a special photo album that your son could carry with him. You can use snapfish, shutterfly or any number of programs to create your own "book." You could get two copies and Daddy could have one too. Then, if your husband has the opportunity to send pictures, you could add new pages to the book (obviously if you get the version that allows you to add pages.) As I was reading the responses, I realize that this issue is so much bigger than a photo album. So, I guess I will say this: I appreciate your husband and your family's sacrifice for our country, and I will remember your family in my prayers. Good luck and God bless.

A. T.