The baby isn't spoiled. The baby is just mirroring what the mom has done. Can you see the difference? You can't actually spoil a 3 month old.
Your young cousin will either have to decide that she is tired of holding the baby all the time and find out the best way to change things without driving herself and the baby nuts, or she will keep holding the baby. I hope that she decides she is tired of it.
Has she asked you for advice? If she hasn't, she may not want to stop holding baby because she's enjoying it. If she does want help, then I will give you my advice and you can share it. In fact, I recommend that you have her read ALL of these posts.
First, she puts a blanket down in the floor and lays baby on the blanket, and sits on the floor with baby. That way they are together without her holding her. If baby cries, she can put her hand on her tummy. She should talk to baby nicely, sing, coo, etc. There are toys that hang over a baby when they lie down - the baby can reach up and touch the toys and they move. This is very interesting to a baby and will help baby forget that she is not being held. As baby gets used to mommy laying her on the floor on a warm, soft blanket, Mommy can walk away and start doing things that she needs to do. Mommy can talk to baby while she walks around.
There are also bouncies that you lay a baby in and strap them up - the bouncies hold the babies up like a 45 degree angle. She can put the baby in the bouncie on the table or kitchen counter, safely away from anything that could hurt, and not near an edge. She can move the bouncie up and down while talking to the baby - babies like swaying type of movements. A baby swing is ALSO a great way to stop holding baby - it is safe and can be set to swing a little or a little more, slowly or a little quicker.
Playing music and singing is great. Putting soft toys made for little hands that will go into her mouth is another great way to teach her not to want to be held all the time.
As she gets older, she will need "tummy time". This is when she is able to pick up her own head. Little toys in front of her to pique her interest will help.
Share all this with her. She has a lot of learning to do on how to raise a baby. Holding the baby all the time will actually hurt the babies developmental growth because they need to actually HAVE to move themselves in order to achieve developmental milestones like pulling themselves up, holding up their heads as their neck muscles strengthen, turning over, creeping, crawling, and finally, walking.
She sounds like a loving mom and that is wonderful. There are young moms who let their babies lay in their cribs all the time screaming while they sit and watch TV. Thank God your cousin isn't like this. But she just has to learn HOW to get baby used to not being in her arms, and what I'm telling you about will help.
Just to let you know, babies do NOT understand that an adult will come back after they leave. It takes a while for the brain to develop in order for a baby to understand that. That's why we play Peek-a-Boo with babies so that they realize that just because they can't see something or someone, it doesn't mean that they are gone for good. Make sense?
So, the baby isn't spoiled. The baby is used to what she has been doing. She just needs to help the baby get used to something else. Baby WILL cry, but if she comes back and goes while doing her work, sings and talks, gives baby something to look at and touch, sits with baby when baby ISN'T crying so that baby doesn't think she always has to cry to get Mommy, then baby will finally get used to not being held all the time. You all should do the same things, Lolli. But don't stop holding her all at once. Three month olds still need to be held a lot.
Good luck to you all so that your cousin can clean her room!! LOL!
Dawn