J.O.
It sounds like you really have a lot on your shoulders without everyday hands on support. That's enough to make anyone's head spin. Kids feel our stress and they know when we are not present with them. Any chance of stepping back from watching the daycare kids for a while, giving yourself a chance to breathe and the gift of being able to spend focused time with your daughter instead of being responsible for other children...even just for a couple of months? She is clearly looking for your time..and perhaps boundries. I know when I am overwhelmed, the boundries fly out the door and 'connection' time with my kids goes down the tubes...and their behavior definitely changes. But...the good news is...when I focus back on my priorities with the kids...it's incredible how peaceful and happy things become! We as moms really do set the energy...and if we are not giving back to ourselves(putting the O2 mask on first...!), the rest of the house feels it. I have a 7 year old as well and at times, when I focus too much on my business, I see changes in her...she just wants my time even though she is mature and can do much for herself...as I have 2 older kids, I've learned to savor these times...when our kids really do want to be with us as soon enough...it's no longer the case! (and that's a whole different post!)
Good luck!!