When the kids are acting like this it's usually because they are not being listened to. For instance, my grandson will want to get in the fridge. I'll see him open the door and I'll automatically say Get out of the fridge. He tends to get food out and play with it, on the walls, on the TV screen, the carpets, on the floor, where ever it's fun to make a mess.
He'll slam the door, toss a bar stool, throw a dish, etc... If I can be calm and ask him why he's mad he will usually be able to say things like I need a drink, I want some milk, I'm hungry.....
By asking him what it is he really wants or needs right then I can find out the root of the issue. If I just start laying down the law and trying to make him conform to my wishes it only escalates.
I can tell him Please let me know when you need in the fridge, I'll be glad to help you. Let's get you that drink now. And he's instantly calmer. Because I asked him what was wrong and listened.
When he's going off about something else, he doesn't want to get in the van, he wants to ride his bike instead of going to class, he wants to eat ice cream instead of waiting a few minutes until dinner is done, things that he has to do that he doesn't want to do. It's all about "how" you say it.
There is such a fine line here. He needs to mind and do what he's asked but he also needs to feel important and listened to.
It's pretty hard to find that line. Finding what is setting him off can stop the event right then.
One of the things I have learned differently this time raising kids is that if I stop and change my approach I can make the situation changed.
I can't think of a specific situation to use as an example. If he wants something and you're not going to say yes, why?
Is it the wrong time for his request? Like wanting ice cream to eat while you are cooking dinner. Then the answer is "Yes, you CAN have ice cream as soon as we eat all our dinner, we're having ice cream for dessert". By simply saying it different ways he will get used to your boundary and he'll eventually accept it.
Is it dangerous? Wanting to ride his bike in the street because the sidewalk is just not enough room. Sitting down and explaining how dangerous it is can help to understand and accept his safety is at risk, it's not just a "I'm the boss and I am saying NO".
Is it non-compliance? I don't want to clean my room! Then setting simple goals and giving some sort of reward for tiny small steps can change that explosion.
"You can watch 30 minutes of cartoons when all your hot wheels are in their tub and it's on the shelf" "You can have a candy bar (granola bar) when you get all the trucks parked on the shelf". By saying yes you are letting him know he is going to get something when he's done.
By breaking up a task it's not so overwhelming. Even cleaning house for me can be like this. I often just see clutter and need to find a way to organize my cleaning and how I am going to get it done. So I do one project at a time. straighten one counter top at a time. I wipe it off and put everything away. Then I move on to the next area. I think it makes tasks easier for kids when you break it down to the smallest parts.