I have an 18 month old that is out of control. I also have an 8 year old and a 3 month old. The only one of my children giving me headaches is my 18th month old, Anthony. He's a VERY demanding child and if he doesn't get his way everyway he pitches a fit. I know. He throws anything and everything he can get his hands on, sometimes will throw it or hit you right in your face with it. He yells, screams and throws fits constantly. I know, what child doesn't right. My concern is that he is only 18 months old and I'm unsure of how to teach him that he can't hit people and he can't throw everything he gets his hands on. The only way I can get him to stop screaming is to give him something to eat or to entertain him constantly which, lets face it, sometimes I can not do being the mother of 3 with a full time job and a house to run. Can we say time management. The most me and my husband do is tell him "NO" with a shake of the finger, force him to sit down on his butt if he's throwing a tantrum or simply just ignore the screaming until he figures out he's not gonna get ALL of our attention every second we are with him. We take items away from him before he has a chance to chuck it at our 3 month old or chuck it across the room or even at our faces. When he eats he'll take the food and just throw it as far as he possibly can. HOW can i get him to STOP throwing or hitting everything and everyone with whatever he can get his hands on. Its not a matter of him not getting attention b/c he gets the majority of our attention, he just wants it ALL and we can't do that. Me and my husband are VERY sensitive about giving ALL of our children the attention they deserve b/c we both work full time but Anthony wants it ALL. Because of his age I'm stumped, obviously he doesn't understand reason and I dont think he understands that other people have feelings. I dont know what to do about this....any words of advise?
Dear K.,
I know it sounds simplistic, but try time-outs if you haven't already. I have a boy who is two-and-a-half and a time-out works on him. I read 1-2-3 Magic, a book about dealing with such issues. I recommend the book but I modified the technique for my situation.
Hi K.,
It sure sounds like you have your hands full!
I was wondering how with both you and your husband working and having three children, how can you really manage to give attention to your 18 month old or anyone else for that matter? Logistically, after you pick up the kids from daycare (grandmas or nanny), make dinner and put them to bed, this would leave very little time for attention-giving to your kids. Then on the weekend, you probably play catch-up on chores like housecleaning, shopping, etc.
18-month olds need more attention than a 3 month old or an 8 your old. If a child is bored or not getting enough attention, they will act like the way you are describing. Could you consider another daycare situation that would be more stimulating? Or if you have a nanny, maybe she could join a play group or go to the park with your 18 mo old and 3 mo old. Or is it possible that you or your husband, can reduce your work hours or one of you take a couple years off? It seems a shame to have three kids but not really have time to enjoy them. Work will be there again someday but you will never be able to recapture your children's toddler years.
I gave up a very lucrative career for a few years to raise my son. Money is extremely tight and we don't even own our own home yet but I can tell you its worth it to see my son having a happy childhood.
Diana
Hi- I just got the book Supernanny out of the library. I've been feeling totally overwhelmed with my 4 y.o. I find the book to have helpful and easy advice. I think the techniques are appropriate and help me to become centered and in control.
Supernanny
How to Get the Best from Your Children
by Jo Frost
Hope this helps!
Have you spoken with your pediatrician? Your son may have a medical problem and/or a serious behavorial problem - like God forbid - autism. Check it out with your Doc. Best of luck to you and your family.
Hi K.,
My first suggestion to you would be to have a long heart to heart with your daycare provider. Is your child in another person's home? Exactly what is happening in that home? Does your child behave in the same way at daycare as at your home? What does the babysitter do about it? Could your child be acting out at night what is happening to him during the day? Who provides the food he eats during the day, the provider or you? How much sugar does the child get over the course of the day? How much fruit juice, juice drink, soda pop, cookies? Is your son given anything in a bottle other than milk or water?
My first suggestion to you would be to make a hard and fast rule, nothing for that child but milk or water and see what happens.
18 months old often does like to throw things. He may be a born "ball player" meaning that he just likes to have things to throw. I have a friend who sets up a hoop for her ball player before he was even walking. It may be that this child needs as much outside time as possible. If he can't get outside to run around while at home with you, because you have the new baby, then you have to make sure that your daycare gives him as much playtime as possible. If he is sitting in front of a TV, or taking vey long naps, or expected to be in a playpen all day long, then he may be expressing his energy in throwing the moment he gets to the safety of his own home.
Really your 18 month old baby is still a baby, and because you have the other little one in your arms, it's easy to expect him to be more older and mature than he really is. If you ever used a baby sling or baby carrier, you might want to consider giving him some very close Mommy or Daddy time that way, especially once your little one goes down for a nap. Sometimes that very intense closeness can make a big difference. You might find that even taking a long bath, just you and the 18 month old, no interruptions, no other children, alone in the warm water will help to calm him down and give him the intense loving attention that he craves. I had to do that with my son once or twice after his baby sister came, and it really helped.
Just some thoughts,
C. Hill
Hi! My name is M. and I have two little ones 3 and 2 years old. There is a book and also a DVD out called "The Happiest Toddler on the Block". Dr Karp is the author. I got the DVD at the library and the book on Amazon. It may help you understand Anthony and better deal with his outbursts. I hope it helps. I use some of his methods and it seems to help when they are getting out of control.
Hi K.,
I have the same problem with my 2 year old and I've noticed that he acts up when he is really tired. I give my 2 year old time outs (they dont last long) and it works. I tell him that if he keeps up, hell get a time out. My 2 year old, will throw food, then I take them away and tell him when if he is going to throw his food, he does not need to eat. I do take away the toys as well, if he is in a throwing mood. I try and take them outside too, this seems to help, get out of the house. I work full time and I am a single mother, and I have to keep my house up to. I have my children help me clean, if they dont...Time out. Good luck, stay consistant and you will win the battle.
Hi K.,
Wow, I can really sense your frustration in your posting. 18 months old is such a tough age because they really don't understand that what they are doing (throwing things, hitting, etc.) is wrong. All they know is that when they do it they are going to get a reaction from you. I read somewhere that at that age kids are both scientists and explorers, which I think is a good way to put it.
I'm certainly not an expert on the subject (I only have one kid - 22 months old and another on the way any day now), but my daughter did go through a faze of hitting other kids and being very demanding around 18 months.
First off, your son may just be a more demanding kid than others. That might be just part of his personality.
I think you guys are handling things the right way by simply telling him no. I've read that you should get down right at his level and say "no" very firmly, but you have to stay calm about it. Consistency is the key. If every time he does something unruly you tell him no but don't make TOO big of a deal out of it, sooner or later it won't be so fun anymore. I have found that also removing him from the situation works too if he is hitting, for example. It's not so fun when you don't get to play anymore!
As for the tantrums, boy oh boy... those will probably just happen for a while. One thing that might help since he is clearly wanting attention is for either you or your husband to spend some one on one time with him for an hour or so a day. I know that will probably be hard with 2 other kids, but if you could at least do it temporarily, it might change some of the undesirable behaviors.
Good luck and hang in there. I know how hard it must be!!
Cara
i feel your pain. Miley is my only child and she is soooo bad. I let it slide but everyone says i should discipline her. I dont wanna be the bad parent. I am in a similar situation.
K.'
I'm not sure but maybe something is going on at the daycare and that's his way of tryng to let you know. Does he like going there, does he cry when you leave, does he cry for long periods of time when you leave him there. I am a mother of a child who was abused by a daycare provider showed the same signs
12 years ago.
This doesn't mean this is for sure what's going on but it's something to look into. They usually demonstate what goes on around their surroundings.
I do daycare and know what to look for.
I have a child who's parents always gives her way and when she comes here she screams alot, and didn't like to share. after 9 months with me she is really doing well.
C.
