Unhealthy Dependence from 2-Year Old?

My daughter has these tendencies. I started doing this little bit of oh, Katy honey, can you help me? I need you to bla bla bla. she did so very willingly. I would thank her etc... So when I saw her getting clingy at playdates etc... I would ask her for her help to carry something in or could she grab a seat & save it for me. She usually got distracted enough to want to help that she forgot about the other. noot all the time, but some. i had more for her to do once brother came along & she slowly got better. I'd ask her to show her brother this toy or that. take him over & help him say hi. She concentrated on him and forgot about herself. she's now 5 & is still shy & I still use it if I see her getting nervous, so far it is working, but she is outgrowing it & now really begs to do it all on her own, except for puzzles. hope this helps. I have a friend & she went the other way & tried to smother her son to make him get over it, but it back fired. He's 5 & she still carries him a lot! He isn't social & she placed him in preK two days a week. He does fine as long as she isn't around. He is social & participates. Hope this helps.

It doesn't matter how much or how little "attention" a child has and IF THAT SOLELY makes them dependent... because it does not.
It is their personality... and self-reliance and their comfort level with things.

Maybe, he is afraid... or has anxiety? Some kids are like that.
Maybe it is just his personality?
Maybe he feels he has to be "perfect" and so it makes him hindered, instead of liberated? Some kids are like that... they are 'afraid' of making mistakes.

He is not spoiled just because you gave him so much attention when he was younger. That is not a determinate factor.

It probably is just a combination of his personality and his confidence level... and emotional maturity...
because he seems like a real smart little dude... but maybe, his emotion based development, is just not as fast paced.

Have you tried talking with him?
Some kids, do have anxiety.... and/or are sensitive to vibes around them... or sensitive to expectations around them...

All the best,
Susan

I have a 3 yr old son and a 1 mo. old daughter. My son did his same exact thing, and I worried about it incessantly. I'm at home with my kids, too, and I've always had the tendency to be a bit of a loner, so I especially worried that I was pushing this onto my son and he would somehow become unhealthy. After he turned 3 though, he started doing stuff on his own, and when my daughter came, I also did the same that you describe to avoid jealousy. My son is a wonderful big brother and now can play completely by himself for periods of time(but still prefers me over daddy most of the time), and when I take him around other kids, I am impressed by how well he plays with others and has good manners. Boys seem to do this with their moms moreso than little girls(or so I've heard from others), take it easy on yourself, you are a very good mother. If your biggest worry is that you are loving your son too much and giving him too much attention, then I would say you're doing a wonderful job. The worst case scenario here is that he'll be a M.'s boy one day, and as long as you don't turn into a monster in law, I'd say that there's so many much worse things for a boy or young man to be. He'll grow out of it, and you'll be feeling good and glad that you've given him the love and attention that was required for him to develop into a confident and secure boy. Trust me, just hang in there and before you know it, you'll be finding yourself ALONE in the bathroom, thanking God!

Well, I just want you to know this is totally normal. Some kids are more "clingy" than others, but what you have described is pretty par for the course with a kiddo who has some competition.
I am not a big believer in "spoiling" from attention with kids that young. i.e. I don't think you can. However, I think that you (and he) would probably benefit from a MDO program. If you can afford it. There are usually programs for kids his age something like t-th from 9-1 or something in every town. That way you can get a little relief and he can go play with some other kids.
Good luck! My boys are the same. I feel lucky that they lurve me so much, but I like to get "away" from that sometimes.

My son is 6 years old and I have a lot of the same issues with him. He is just a very loving child. He has been in daycare since he has been about 8 months. I think that you should just embrace the fact that he loves you lots. Try to encourage his personal growth. Maybe say things like, "I knew you could do it." or "You are such a big guy." "I am so impressed that you did this all by yourself." Remember to always use words of encouragement when you are leaving. My son loves to hear me say, "I will pick you up after school!"

He is still young and may need a little extra reassurance. I just try to give my kids a firm base to stand on and then they can excel in the way that is best for them. I think our society places a lot of negative emphasis on the way we "spoil" our kids. I put a recliner in Alex's room and slept with him on my chest a lot for the first year because he had a lot of severe ear infections and eventually had to have tubes. I don't think this developed an unhealthy dependency in him but a very healthy assurance on life. Kids seem to excel easier if they has a positive outlook on life and there is no better person to insure this then MOM. My daughter is now 19 years old and is very well-adjusted and was also "spoiled" as a child. She is so grown up and going to the university in another state all by herself. She was on her way home for spring break and made sure that mom knew that she had a really bad ear infection and needed her help. I got everything taken care of for her but she turned into my little baby all over again.

My daughter was the SAME way. She started pre-school when she was three. We found one that was very inviting, warm and friendly--and not too big or overwhelming. She is just flourishing there! So, my best advice is to find a great pre-school in the fall. If you need a reccomendation for the roseville area, I can make one.

I would say keep up with having babysitters, preferrably one consistent. A playgroup would also help. At my church we have nursery, and when my son was a year old I was called to be one of the teachers. Most babies start at 18 months, but I was there so he was too. He clung to me too and freaked out if I left the room without him for a moment. I was released soon after he turned two. Now he is two, almost three in two months and he still cries a minute but he calms down really fast - within 5 minutes. Just keep working on it, but don't let it be the focus of your attention. It sounds very hard, I know my sons' attention spans are longer and they play by themselves pretty well. Still it will get easier as they get older, they sound very close in age and that is wonderful.

I would look at 2 parts of this. First, you said he is fine if you leave him at home just a wreck if you drop him off at his aunt's? I would see if there is a reason he is so uncomfortable being there. Maybe her parenting style is very different then yours.
Second, yes, separation anxiety CAN lost so long but it comes and goes in stretches of time. As they go thru different stages, children will sometimes go thru bouts of needing more attention or time from you. And yes, if you have always given him that, he comes to expect it from you. But in my opinion, thats not a bad thing. He will develop coping skills just fine as long as he feels confident in his surroundings.
And lastly, you DO need to take time for yourself as well. If you feel like you are being overwhelmed, take some time for yourself, despite his crying and needing you. In the long run, it will be best for you both

I don't think "spoiling" him with attention would cause this kind of behavior. Usually a kid that gets lots of healthy attention will start to develop a healthy independence.

What I am going to say may be upsetting and may not apply here, but I think it is worth mentioning because from what you've said, the behavior is pretty extreme and really troubling you.

We have a close friend who's child was acting that way. It turns out that he was being seriously abused by a babysitter. He was so demanding, clingy and our friend could never get anything done. .The babysitter was constantly telling the child that she was his real mother, and that his mother didn't love him, etc. He was showing signs that his attachment with his mother was insecure, and there was no good reason for it that the mother could see... until she found this out.

It sounds like only family members are watching him - however I would start to keep a sharp eye out for when he seems troubled - what seems to make it worse or better. I would ask him very gently if anything bad has happened to him that he was afraid to talk about. It would be good to rule that out, just to be safe. Find out if there is anyone spending time with him that you don't know about. Again I really don't want to upset you, but would rather share this, just in case there is some part of it that applies and could help you.

It might help to visit a counselor just to see if they have some good insights.
Warmly,
M

Hi there, I wouldn't worry too much, in the scope of things this time is so small compared to how long he will live at home. I know it's hard, I have 6 kids and remember well...but one day you might look back and wish you had your kids wanting to spend time with you.
Every child is so different, that's just the way they are born. My boys played with hot wheel cars and that kept them very interested, alone or not for hours, it's good for their motor skills too.
And now that the weather is getting better, you can go to the park or an indoor place and see that he will interact.
I would be careful that something is bothering him at his Aunts house. It could be something so small. One of my sons told me that the coat rack scared him, he thought it was a moose! You never know.
Enjoy & Relax, he might sense your stress, the dishes will get done ~~~ J.

My son was the same and still is to a certain extent. He only wanted me as an infant and not much better at 2. I used to go to the gym and my personal trainer and I would try to squeeze as much time in before the daycare would page me to come get him. My poor little guy would stand at the door and cry until I came back. At almost 3 we put him in a small group ratio church preschool. He blossomed and became more independent. He is now almost 6 and is doing much better. He still becomes very clingy and shy when in new surrounding. We just keep working on it. My recommendation is just to keep supporting him and reassuring him that he can do things on his on. Going to a preschool without you may help show him how capable he is. I can give you more suggestions and help if you want to email me. Just remind him that you have faith in him and he will get there.

Perhaps there is a reason he doesn't like going to his aunt's house. Maybe older cousins teasing him or feeling like an outsider for one reason or another. Maybe try leaving the baby with the aunt and take him to a mommy & me class until he feels comfortable enough to go to preschool. My family attended a parent participation preschool. I highly recommend it for SAHM's. Try not to freak out about it too much. He will most likely grow out of this stage quicker if you don't make a big deal out of it. His behavior may be telling you he needs more one on one time with you. It is not uncommon for him to revert back to being a baby when a new baby comes.

He's two. That's all that needs to be said, but...All children are different. Some kids play happily by themselves some don't. What you need is some time away for you. Consider a preschool program for the fall and if you need some down time ask your husband to watch the kids. I know it is frustrating to have a clingy child but it's perfectly normal for his age.

I have the same problem with my second son since he was 14 months old. I can't do anything through out my day unless Im focused on him 100%. He was also walking at 7 months and climbing my kitchen counters at 11 months. When I am trying to do chores he will get mad and crab my hand and drag me to whatever it is he wants me to do with him. Mostly me doing it. I have an older son that was never like this. Very independent and always played on his own well. Super easy baby. Could leave him anywhere no issues. Not so much with #2. I can't leave him anywhere or he will have a meltdowns to the point he vomits. Its so frustrating. I can't go to the restroom at my mothers house where he has stayed many times since birth. His big brother is so sweet and tries to play with him but his little brother will want to control the playtime and run the show He is only 21 months. There are days I could rip my hair out. We have a playroom with a gate on it and there at times I I will put him in there to be by himself for 20 mins and get him to have solo playtime. It works till he tries to climb over the baby gate when he is done. Then Im back to square one once he is out. I have had him in swim lessons since 6 months. we go to the park just about every day and we have a slide in our house a bounchy house in our backyard with tons of things for him to climb on and play with. He is so busy that I can't so much as read one page in a book to him. Just has so much to do as long as Im tailgating behind him. His seperation anxiety is so bad im not sure what to do since I didn't have this with the first one. He unplugs everthything and has a thing with power cords and outlets. ugh! We have had to tape the outlet covers so he can't pull the covers off them. He has climmbed counters and pulled my iron out of my cabinet that is up high that I can't put a safty latch on because its so high. Then he goes around looking around the house for an open outlet to plug it in. I have run upstairs in my house for 2 seconds to find him standing on my stove. I need to have my life back or be checked in somwhere. Sorry I don't have any suggestions for you. Im hoping others can help me as well figure this out. My son is just so busy and into everything and he isn't happy unless he is breaking stuff, getting into things.I think part of it might be he had bad acid reflux as an infant for the first 13 months and I use to let him lay on me at night when he was in pain to soothe him. Plus I was so tired back in those days I was always holding him to comfort him because I couldn't take the crying day in and day out. I never had any of this with my first son. He is super smart and understands everything I m telling him. On a positive note he is trying to potty train himself and wants to dress himself. Figures it all out. And to believe he was 6 weeks premature. HA!

Thank you for letting me vent. It helps.

SAHM, 41yrs old with 2 amazing funny little boys. 4yrs & 21mos. My life moves at the speed of light.I love being a mom and watching my family grow.

Not sure if this will work for you, but this works for my daughter. When I want some time to talk to adults or do something alone, first I spend 10-15 minutes giving all my attention to her - no multi-tasking. And then, when she's engrossed in something, I'll tell her that I'll be back after 15 minutes.