Unexpected Pregnancy - Found Out on the Day of Hubby's Vasectomy

well...I don't have any great advice...only to say that my friend went through a similar situation last year. She was sick with a sinus infection, and prescribed antibiotics...well...she found out the hard way that it's true that antibiotics make your birth control ineffective! She was pregnant! so...she pretty much cried for 2 weeks and freaked out, and was totally unhappy about it (she had a 17 year old step son, 11 year old son, and a 6 year old son). A few days later, she left the house to take the boys to their baseball games, as she was pulling into the parking lot of the ball fields, her neighbor called...their house was on fire! by the time she got back, the whole place was engulfed. They lost EVERYTHING!!! So there she was...forced to realize, hey...things could be worse!! So now homeless, and pregnant, her thinking was readjusted...nothing she could do about it except accept it and move on...So then she got a little more excited about it.
She lucked out...they got the girl they always wanted...she's a super easy baby...and the boys are all old enough to help out a ton...so it's not as hard as she thought it would be.

it'll work out....everything happens for a reason right?

Not exactly the same situation as yours, but I remarried at 50, when my son was in high school. I acquired two step daughters, then 3 and 5 with my new husband ( 3 years older than I), who had a younger ex-wife. After a year, they ended up living with us full time. And now we have a blended family with an 11 year age difference between the oldest and the younger two. The youngest will graduate from high school when I turn 65. Other than the occasional remark that sets your teeth on edge, they are a joy. We have grown used to " your grandchildren are beautiful." or turning to our now grown son and assuming that he is the parent, or telling us that we can't sign a permission slip, only the parents can.... assuming we are grandparents.

I have had a far better time with these children ( a better father for one thing) with more financial resources, and more life experience. But there was a moment of horror at the thought of starting from age 3 when my child was nearly grown. Now, I can't imagine life without them. It is worth sitting through the band recitals and gymnastics classes on bleachers and folding chairs that my 56 year old back doesn't like much.

My new children have taken my life in a direction that I could never have imagined. I just took a deep breath and married the man, because he was too wonderful a man to pass by. I thought, when we married, that we were going to have stepdaughters every other weekend. It was a big surprise, but my husband was so happy to have his daughters with him, that I was sucked into the joy.

I hope the joy of your new child sucks you in.... you are younger than you think..... and there is not the kind of sibling rivalry with children a decade apart that there is with children closer in age. That was a delightful surprise. Your life is about to be full of surprises, and many of them will be a delight. I hope you will feel as blessed as the oldest mother at the soccer game or bake sale as I do.
With empathy, L.

M., in many ways you are lucky that you have such a gap between your children. You'll have great helpers!!! I know that in my big blended family of me and all my 5 siblings we range from 19-31 right now. My youngest sister was 18 months and I was 10 when we adopted her. She was MY baby. I took to her instantly. I shared a room with her and I would ofter take her into my bed 'just because' I loved her so much and I had such a bond with her (and still do to this day). I know you are feeling so overwhelmed at this point and that is SO understandable. You were looking forward to a different lifestyle. And thinking of starting over with a newborn is tiring. But you're obviously a wonderful mother or God would not have blessed you with this child. Start preparing your children that they'll be your helpers, that they will be expected to be a roll in this childs life too and not only with this child but they'll have a different roll with house work. Like when you're nursing or bottlefeeding they'll need to pick up with dishes or dusting. And you'll need extra sleep time so they'll need to help out a little more on weekends with dad... Good Luck M.... don't forget your support system around you too...friends-family-church- USE THEM-LEAN ON THEM... that's what they're all there for! God bless you and your great family.

I had my youngest when I was 40, and I never added up the age to see what age I would be when he graduates high school. Who cares? Your others would have been out of the house by then, and you will have 1 child to take care of. Life throws us curves, it rarely goes as we plan it. How we handle the curves is what makes us wiser and stronger. Everyone else is right, you will need to divide the household responsibilities, and the others can take on their share. You will have built in babysitters. I think you will be suprised how your other children may handle this, they could be the big siblings that the baby looks up to for everything, and they could love it too! And financially, as a family you will figure it out. Right now you are in a kind of shock, give yourself some time to emotionally adjust. Congratulations and I wish the best for all of you.

My dad always said I was the best mistake he ever made. There is 10 and 15 years between my sisters and I. My Dad retired at 62 the year I graduated from high school. I can tell you it will be odd on your child, because many of his or her friends will have younger parents. However, your kids will grow up with a strong appreciation of what it takes to raise a child because of having such a little one around. They will also probably be more helpful then you realize. Start that now if you haven't making sure they all have jobs around the house to make things easier for you.
Clearly this happened for a reason, and you just need to ride it out. I was not very close to my siblings when I was young but now I am really close to them and thier children.

Hi M.,

My situation is a little different, but similar as far as emotions. My husband and I struggled with whether or not to have a 3rd child for 1-2 years. We decided that the kids were older and that we should stop for the financial reasons. My husband went in April for a vasectomy. We sold all of our baby things in the neighborhood garage sale in June. My husband was supposed to go in and have two checks before we stopped using protection. We went back and forth again and decided not to use protection and leave it in God's hands. (We weren't dead set against a third.) Long story to say that on Father's day 2006, I found out I was pregnant. (Three weeks after I sold everything.)About 6 weeks into it is when I started to panic for the same reasons I hear you saying. It is scary when you have become used to your income and your way of life. It was easier this time because my children were so excited and very helpful. Little unexpected miracles happened when I thought we were going to go under. (The stimulus check paid our mortgage one month.) It will be a huge adjustment, but you have the time to start preparing. I borrowed all the baby items, shopped consignment shops and my little girl will be 2 in February. It is hard to juggle kids with the age gap, but I think that it teaches my older 2 patience and to understand the needs of others.

Very long story to say that I agree with some of the other ladies. God has a way of doing things. We just can't always see that when we aren't ready.

Good luck and it will be wonderful.
C.

My sons are 17, 4, and almost 2. I had my oldest very young and wasn't ready to have more until later. It's just the way it worked out for us. My oldest son is a big help. He can babysit when I need to run to the store, doctor, etc. and I've found that there is no way I could have 3 children if one wasn't old enough to help in this way.

Of course you are scared, you already planned and accepted that you wouldn't have another child. God's plan was different. You are not a bad person to be honest...it's the only way you can deal with this. Being honest about your fears and your needs to your hubby now will only help you in the future. There is no reason for you to be supermom! That's why kids have 2 parents! :) Men are not women and they just need to be given the chance to help in THEIR way...that means telling them exactly what you need and when you need it. I didn't quit working...I just need to work for my own sanity. I did cut my hours back and luckily my daycare is actually family so it makes it easier to leave my kids there. If you have to work, you have to work and that's just the way it is. Don't beat yourself up for what you can't change. Reach out for support and take it when it comes. Tell your family and friends you'll need help and remind them of how much you appreciate them.

You can do this!

~L.

I have to add that 'fate' and 'karma' have nothing to do with God's plans! Also, I find myself angry that some moms seem to be scolding you like you are an unwed teenager here! I hope you can see through the judgment and find peace with this baby. If you find yourself being ridiculed...look somewhere else for support! There is plenty!

I know you don't feel this way now, but what a miracle! Remember that your children are older now and will be a tremendous help to you too. This is a family venture! It's overwhelming right now but you have many months to let it sink in and not all the decisions have to be made immediately. I'm thinking that since you've received this miracle, you could also receive other miracles regarding your work situation, child care, etc.

God has something special in mind for this baby. I'm the trailer in my family (7, 9, & 10 years between us) and if you can hack it, I'd encourage another baby after this one. But if not, I'm sure it will be very loved by all.

Congratulations and hang in there!
:o) G.
Mom of 2 boys ages 4 & almost 7

I know that must have been a shock, and you must feel devistated right now, but that is all temporary. My kids are 26, 23, 17 and 14, and having them spread out was so much easier than close together. I am a different person than I was with the first two, and its almost like God gave me more chances to love and enjoy these additional lives. I was told I couldn't have more after the first 2, so the second 2 were quite a suprise. I will be in my late fifties when Katie graduates High School, and being one of the older moms with her class has been a joy and a blessing. Doesn't mean the pregnancy and early years were easy, but I have never had any regrets. Five years from now you won't remember the hardships when you look into that beautiful face of this child.
God Bless You all,
B.

I recently had found out that I was pregnant, my finance was told two seperate times by two seperate doctors that he was STERILE! Now tell me that wasn't a OMG moment.. I was upset because I wasn't ready for anymore children at this point in my life and definetly wasn't expecting anymore.. Well I ended up having a miscarriage at 10 weeks and that was really hard to take. I didn't think I would be that upset being that I wasn't crazy about the idea in the first place.. Not the case at all. Now we are trying to have one.. Kind of flipped my perspective totally around and I just thought I would share that with you.

P.S. Just let any of the negative comments roll off your shoulders... I attend church every Sunday but still do not judge another persons feelings based on situations I AM NOT IN MYSELF, nor do I think I am better than anyone else.

Like everything else you have faced in your life, you will rise to the occasion this time too. My blended family consists of a 13 yr old boy, a 12 yr old boy and a 7 mo old boy. My older boys have been so happy and so helpful, and my husband and I are closer to our boys and closer to each other than ever. This will be work, but it will also be ok. Rejoice in the miracle, enjoy the blessing and take a deep breath whenever you get the opportunity.

Hi M.,
what a lucky women you are... God has given you this chance to be a mother for the 4th time around. He must really think you can take it. That says alot about you. Its ok to be afraid and confused but with a helping hand from the older kids( and trust me they will help) and family it can be done. Have faith that all will be well.
Good luck

M. T,

Only you can make this decision. Well, only you and your husband.

I was my parent's oopsie baby. I came to be known as their bonus baby for having the other five. My dad was 47, my mom was almost 43 when I was born. My closet sibling was eight, my oldest sibling was 18. My mother went to her oldest son's high school graduation obviously pregnant with me. Let me say that they couldn't afford another kid either.

My father retired when I was in sixth grade. I was amazingly close to both my parents. He did more with me than any other YOUNG father that I know. And yes, sometimes strangers would tell me how lucky I was that my grandpa took me on walks, went ice skating, etc. We just smiled. My mother certainly wasn't less of a mom because she was older. While they made many sacrifices for me, I went on to make many sacrifices for them. My father actually died in my home at the age of 92. My mother continues to forge on at the age of 89.

I am pro choice. You do what is best for your family. Only you and your husband can determine the right answer. I just wanted you to know that sometimes the worst thing in your life turns out to be the best thing ever handed to you. Make the best decision for your family and do not second guess yourself.

Take care.

S. M.

M.,

My DH and I both married just before our 40th birthdays. We both wanted children and planned on having one biological and adopting one or two additional children. God had a much different plan and we adopted all of our children internationally. Our children are now ages, 6, 4 and 3 - 16 and 14 months separate our children. My husband and I will be 61 and 62 years of age when the youngest graduates from High School. I feel your pain regarding the age, the lack of money and change to life style. We've been blessed to have college students that help us in our home. I am able to work from home and I have dramatically scaled back my business since bringing our daughters home. We're at an age now where many of our friends are becoming empty nesters and some of their kids are even getting married!

It sounds like you have a wonderful supportive husband, and kids as well. You are blessed, as they will help and support you through this transition. Good luck!

J.

In times today more and more women are having children later in life. I was 32 when I had my first child. I am 40 now and had a miss carriage earlier this year. We are stilling trying today. There is no better joy then a child. I also am a childcare provider and have been for 15 years. Although childcare can be very scary for new moms. I too might have had second thoughts about putting our son in someone elses care. But there are good providers out there. I have children that I had in my care all thier lives, now they bring thier children to me. childcare also gives you a break.
I think children ( my opion only) are raised better by older parents. My son is in 3rd grade and all most all the moms are my age or older. Remember a child is a gift from God. good luck M. and remember to be honest with your husband about how you feel. No matter what you choose, it will be the decision for you.

Hi M.,
First off, I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. I hope that things get easier for you. Second, I hope that you don't even give a second thought to the negative responses you got. Isn't it funny how the rude comments you got were from supposed "Christians" (Leigh)?
Good luck.
Chris

M.,
Hello :) I just wanted to weigh in on your request... my brother and I are 9 years apart, and my sister and I are 13 years apart. I love them both dearly and my sister and are very close (she is currently 15 and I am 28). I believe that this baby has come into your life for a reason. Perhaps you won't know why now or maybe anytime soon, but someday you will. I suppose my very simple advice is to take comfort in that fact. I hope I've helped at least a little bit!

K. :)

Congratulations, and I hope you are feeling better!

We are expecting, and my husband will be 60 when the child graduates from high school. Our neighbor had a "oops" baby a few years back at age 46! That boy is the light of her life now.

Sounds like a blessing to me! You have time right now to plan for a change in your job or schedule at the one you have. I hope you are not asking if anyone thinks you should terminate this pregnancy. :( Lots of women are having babies at your age. You won't be the only seasoned mom at it's graduation. Everything will fall into place. God does have funny ways of sending messages to us, doesn't He?

If I were you, I would accept the news with a grain of salt! Babies are blessings, my last one was unplanned too, she is 7 now and we still live hand to mouth, but I wouldn't change anything!! What is your job? Is there a way you can work opposite shifts than your husband? Thats what we do here and it works out great!!

Good luck!!

Shelly

Be grateful for your blessings. We have a 13 year old and had five miscarriages before finally giving up having any more biological children. I wanted more children and we finally adopted a 3 year old a year ago. Our children are 9 years apart and are the best of friends. The older one looks out for the younger and can be the "fun" parent! I can only wish we had the other two children you had.

Be grateful, sometimes you dn't really realize how blessed you are. Times will be tough, you will be tired but you are truly lucky.

God has other plans for you. It will all work out. The other children will be so helpful in so many areas.

I tried for 8 years to conceive a 2nd child & was never
blessed with one. I have a special needs daughter who
will turn 18 this month.

In 9 months time you will work out the fine details. Ask for more from your husband. Tell him what you would like him to do more of to help out. Do chore charts for the other children (simple things) i think they will be glad to help. Do small reward if need be.

Enjoy this time. YOu will have lots of suppport.

God Bless YOu,
M.

I personally have been going back and forth between the decision to want to try for a girl, yet not wanting a third child. Someone had posted awhile back how do you make the decision to have a third, and I read the 100+ replies. One person made a valid point and even though the circumstances are different between that question and yours, I think it might apply to you as well. Someone said you will never regret having another child but you may regret not having one. Once this baby is here and in your arms you will never regret it.

I also don't think you should think of it as your child being raised by daycare or a nanny. Your other three children spend 8 hours a day in school - do you see it that their teachers are raising them? Of course not. It'll work out.

M., my 3rd child was what I call a real surprise....not as far apart as yours but still a surprise.....We never called her a accident as We believe things do happen for a reason...I know sometimes we don't always understand the reason at the time...In our situatuon she was the only one he was able to see born and over all seemed to be much more calm and attentive with....she's now almost 25 years old and don't know what we would have done without her...

Good Luck..sit down with your husband and really have a serious discussion of the real fealings you both are having......

Oh, I so feel your delemma. I'm 51. When I was in my 40s I started skipping periods(premenopausal stuff). around 45 I skipped 3 months. I thought for sure I was pregnant. At first I was mortified, we had an empty nest and were finally able to spend more time together. As time went on I kind of got used to the idea. I talked to my husband about it and we both went through our separate emotions. We both came to our decisions about how we felt and I set up a DR. appointment to find out if it was real. I knew I was going through changes and what the possibilities were and I was ok with whatever the test showed. I wasn't pregnant. I was crushed, and relieved-my husband too. I saw a show on TV that asked the question "who decides life?". The first miracle is the egg attaching to the uterine wall long enough to be fertilized. Most of them do not attach or if they do. they can't hold on. I'm not sure if my numbers are right because it was a long time ago, but something like only 5% of the eggs that attach can hang on long enough for fertilization. The next miracle is for the fertilized egg to hang on to the uterine wall past the first few weeks. I don't remember those odds at all, but it was enough to show me that God is the one who decides life- He is the only one that does. I know that you will go through the gambit of emotions that this kind of thing brings, but in the end, You will come to the truth that children are a gift from God and He has chosen you to be someone elses Mom. I am praying that God will make a way for you financially and in raising your family. I am certain He will. Give it all to Him and He will come through for you.

When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I was a mess. Not because of my or my sons age(almost 6 and 4 mos shy of 7 when she was born) I think it was hormones honestly but I didnt get excited until I was 6 mos along which was very difficult for me. Anyways While our situations are very different I just wanted to let you know Ive been through the anxiety of a pregnancy I wasnt thrilled about. I now have a beautiful 13 month old daughter, Ava and I am ecstatic to have a son and daughter. It all worked out and while finances can get tough I wouldnt trade her for anything and Im sure it'll work out for you too! As far as the work goes, Is it possible for you and your husband to work oppisite shifts or for you to go part time until he or she is in school? I hope this gives you some comfort and if youd like to chat, message me!
E.

I had a nine-year-old and six-year-old when I had my last baby - a complete surprise too. My husband wasn't thrilled at first and I was in shock. All I can say is that my little one is the light of the whole family. His big brothers absolutely adore him. And you need to remember that the older ones will be a huge help - babysitting if you need to run out (well within a very few years) and they'll be able to entertain the baby if you need to get things done. I know you can't believe this is happening but I really think this could be a blessing for your family. If you've given away all your baby stuff ask friends with younger kids to borrow stuff. And start keeping their old clothes now. Very best of luck to you - Alison

I would love to say congratulations, but for obvious reasons it seems like this would be an adjustment. Keep in mind all of the positive things that come from this. Your children will probably love to have a baby in house and since they are older, they'll be able to appreciate more and help you out in the process.
Good luck! If you need anything, please email!
N.
____@____.com

As for the graduation thing, age is a state of mind - don't think of the numbers. Although I had my son at 37 (after I had given up), people think I'm still in my 20's (well-preserved, I guess).
If you decide to take the pregnancy to term and it actually happens, enlist the family's help NOW! Start a routine where the kids and hubby step up to give you some time of your own to investigate home businesses and maybe earn a cushion now. Then, you'll be more prepared to stay at home and still contribute income to the family. If for some reason you lose the opportunity to have another child, you will have trained the family to help out more (and that's always a plus for a working woman!)
Good luck, M.!

Hi M.,

This baby will be such a huge blessing. I went through a very similar experience. My husband had two children and I had one before we got together. We then had two children together and had decided to not have anymore. Part of me wanted another, but I was ready to accept that it wasn't the best thing for our family. We then were surprised by another pregnancy. I went into a small depression over it. We were both unhappy with the news and knew we had to make the best of it, but you know, it's easier said than done. To shorten this story... our bundle of joy came just over a year ago. She's the most beautiful thing and we cannot imagine a life without her. I'm crying just thinking about her not being in our lives. Please trust me when I tell you that you are sooooo blessed to have another on the way. It was truly meant to be. You will one day, look back at your feelings now and be amazed that they existed. This is really and truly a great thing and you just can't see it yet. I know deep down you probably know it, but just wait until you hold that baby! You'll be so incredibly happy! I pray that your "oops" will turn out to be the happy story that ours has.
Take care,
J.

P.S.
Our children range from ages 21 years to 1 year. (21, 16, 9, 5, 3 and 1)

Hi M., My Name is K. and I want to congradulate you on your surprise pregnaancy. I had neighbors once that found themselves in the same situation. They laughed about this "surprise" and enjoyed their little girl.
I know that when hard times come I must relie on the Lord and do lot's of Bible reading, prayer and seeking Christian
friends to keep me in the right attitude. Each day is a new
day of our good Lord's mercy and grace. I pray he gets you
thru all of your days. My sister was 40 when she had her last son. Her daughter was 14, her sons were 12 and 10.
They loved on this little one. They are wonderful friends till this day. I know your boys will be a big help to you as well as your husband. You'll do teriffic! God bless, K.

My parents had a "surprise" pregnancy when I was 10 & my brother was 7 years old. They didn't have a great relationship and were probably close to divorce when it happened.
Since I've never been in this situation as a parent, I can only share my experince as a child.
My brother and I were SO excited to recieve a new sibling. It was exactly what we needed at that point in our childhood...especially with the type of relationship our parents had.
Despite the age difference, the 3 of us have always had amazing relationships! I can't imagine how our life would have been without that little "surprise". We are now 27, 24, & 17 years old (my parents finally got divorced 4 years ago) and we're closer then ever.
I can imagine how stressed out my parents were when they found out about the pregnancy. But my sister turned out to be a shining little star in our family. She was definitely given to us for a reason :)

Every baby is a blessings! As you even said that it seems like a sign that you were supposed to have one more. You may be surprised at how easily the new little one will fall into place! The older kids will be very helpful!
Remember you have 9 months to get "ready" for this little blessing.
K.

You poor thing! My mom found out she was pregnant with me on her 40th birthday. She had a 15 and a 17 year old at the time! Talk about being done and almost having your freedom back only to be right back where you started from! I don't know how she did it. I will admit that I never really felt a whole lot of warmth from her while growing up and chalked it up to being 'an accident.' I found out later that she was like that to all of us so that made me feel a bit better. I don't want any more either and wonder how I would feel if we would become pregnant. I would be devastated to say the least! Would I have an abortion? No. Would I consider adoption? Absolutely. And if the family didn't like it and chose to stop speaking to me because of it, so be it. I would have to do what was right for our family and this baby. Being raised by an overburdened and resentful mother is no place for a baby. But this baby deserves to be born. He or she didn't ask to be made, but now that he or she is, please have him or her. You never know, in a few months you could be in a better place and could have the help and resources to raise the baby yourselves. One thing I try to remember when I'm feeling incredibly overburdened by my toddler is that God will never give me anything that I can't handle - of course, I always try to handle things on my own without His help. With Him, I can do anything.

Best of luck to you M..

M.,
I know the feeling of being "done" and getting pregnant. I had my tubes tied and 2 1/2 years later I was pregnant with my 5th baby! I had gotten rid of everything and was really looking forward to having all the kids in school so I could maybe go back to work.

I was in denial for a little while thinking I COULDN'T be pregnant! But I have since learned to "never say never" and my littlest guy is such a blessing to us, he is 21 months old now and very sweet and easy going. I am convinced he was meant to be.

Once you hold that baby in your arms everything will be alright. You have time to plan and figure out a way to manage it all. Your other children are old enough to help you, and I'm sure your husband will too, but you are right the mom does do most of it.

Congratulations and God Bless you!!

I know you've had a million responses to this, but I just had to chime in: I was 39 when my son was born and 41 when I had my daughter. I really didn't want my kids being raised by strangers, either, and my advice on that is to think outside the box! I work part-time, and we ended up using a couple of college kids that I've known for many years (since they were little!)as babysitters while I work. It's been a great experience for everyone involved. What about having someone come to your house to babysit? With the economy the way it is, you never know who you might already know who's looking for work. Do you have the kind of job where you could work a schedule opposite your husband's? Can you go part-time or contingent for a while? Just some ideas...and congratulations!!

M. - this pregnancy is a blessing, even unplained. My oldest is 13. My youngest is 5. They are 8 years apart and get along great! My oldest has always been a helper in caring for his baby sister. As far as daycare is concerned, there are great daycares. I have a licensed home daycare. She is awesome! Trust in God. He will never leave your side! Trust me. My husband works 10 hour shifts. I work full-time. I have 3 children: 13, 8, & 5. They are all involved in activities and I always find a way to pull it off.

Once last thing I forget to mention - I am 39. As women, we can do anything we put our minds to.

Hi M.,

I only have one daughter, although I had her at 34 years old. But, I am the oldest of 2 children.... my sister is 12 years younger then I. My parents always wanted more kids then just me... but it took that long to make it happen.

That being said, first... the 9 year old will be a big help. I wouldn't rely on her like she is another adult, but she WILL and CAN help out. So, it won't be like having a toddlelr and a newborn. The step kids can helpe out as well.

Also, I am really really close to my sister. We had such a great time when she was growing up. I was old enough that she wasn't a nusiance and saw it as fun that she wanted to be like me.

My suggestion would be to sit down with the family and explain that you are nervous about all of this. Explain everyone needs to pitch in. Nothing wrong with asking kids to help with laundry and cleaning and such.

As far as your age ... my parents were obviously older with my sister. It hasn't seemed to be any kind of a problem. Actually, my parents were probably in a better place. They were more secure in themselves as people and as parents. Been there done that kind of thing.

And so what that you'll be 59 when the baby graduates high school. That's not so bad.

I think you will do much better then you think. I also think you'll have a lot more fun with this baby then you think you will.

Talk with your family. Make a plan. Let them know you can't do it on your own. And then relax and enjoy it!

Iv noticed that alot of responses you have got,mentioned... god gives you what you are ment to have. I guess thats alot like saying fate or karma is always working. But just cause theres a plan for you dosent mean you cant be angry or sad or frustrated at that plan!!!Your goal should be to fully feel the anger the saddness the frustrations that is real but then MOVE ON.except life for what it is, life is full of ups and downs and most of them big or small dont adhere to your exact plan!You cant change it so to make life better for yourself your ONLY CHOICE is to embrace it!!!
To have a negative mind only makes for a negitive life! this will push your whole family twords negitive energy and life. move on by focasing on whatever small positive strings you can pull first!instead of dwelling on the negitive make a concese effort to mainly embrace the positive.thats where you wanted to have your life in the first place right? really a baby cant be the downfall of your happy life!! its just really going to throw you a curve and require a lot of effort. but now you will have one more life to share your joys with!!!
This story is almost identicle to my sisterinlaws. she is due any day. The sceard look in her eyes is always there, the negitive comments are fast to leave her tounge. I only hope these babies bring you two a unexpected change of heart,and much joy! remember when you feel alone and singled out . someone out there always can relate and is more alike than you think.
look at the smiles on your kids faces those are proof enough that you are a great mother and can and will do this the BEST you can !!!!!!!!!

Oh goodness... I would flip too. I would. I completely understand why your upset. I never did have another, so I can't speak on that....
But on a personal level, my sister and I are 9 yrs apart... I was definatly very involved with her... and even though I'm in my late 30's and she's in her late 20's... we talk almost everyday.. whether by phone, email or text. Even just to say good morning. That 9yr difference created a huge bond between us... Let your older ones be involved. Let them feed the baby, help bathe, dress and care for baby. Be the babysitters and after school daycare when they are old enough to be. My parents sat back and I told them not to feel bad. I love her more than I could ever express. I don't regret a single moment of that time.

Hi M., I know this is a tough adjustment. Just a bit of my story...

My parents found out they were expecting baby #4 when I was a senior in highschool. My sisters and I were freaked out that they were still doing "that" (the "last time" they had done "that" was 16 1/2 years before! )and they were freaked out that like you, retirement just got postponed 25 more years!

I have to tell you, we are all so thankful now. 3 more children and 27 years later we are so appreciative that they are in our family. We can't imagine life without them. We tried to this weekend when we were all together and it was a dreary sad thought.

I pray this is an encouragement to you in this difficult moment.

M.

I found out I was pregnant with my third two weeks before my husbands vasectomy and I know your fears and struggles. My baby will turn one in three days. Let me tell you even though he wasn't planned at all, he is the best. I love him to death and am so happy I was given him. I honestly can't imagine life without him. My oldest is also 10 and I have a 5 year old as well. As you get past the shock you will become excited and will no doubt love this baby as much as your others. Feel free to send me messages and I'll help you the best I can.

M., Congratulations! I just wanted to say that I have a couple family members who have a decade between their last child, and the moms actually ended up being happy there was some space between them.
My Aunt says she got so much quality time with her son, and that her daughter was old enough to really help, and was willing to because she was not pressured to.
My cousin says her daughter, who is also 10 years younger, got more attention than she ever could have imagined. Her son loved to 'teach' her all kinds of things and really loves it! Keep your chin up! You will be great!
(I think this must have been 'meant to be' given the incredible timing!)
My son was conceived when I offered my husband one chance, since I promised his grandpa I would try one time for him...he was quite ill in the hospital and wanted us to have a million I think! Well, now we have our third and final!
:)

There are 9 years between my daughter and my son. My daughter is 12 and my son is 3. I love the age gap! My daughter is so much help and really enjoys her baby brother. I really believe this baby is a blessing to both of you. A child together will only bring you closer. Just think.....you have 3 little helpers! Everything will work out fine. Best of luck to you and God bless. :)

Wow, this is a toughy. I can't imagine what's going through your mind. Don't beat yourself up though, it's ok to feel those emotions you mentioned. However, on a positive note, just think of this as your miracle baby. This child came about for a very good reason that only he/she and GOD knows and may grow up to do wonderful, miraculous things in life. I'll keep you in my prayers, but remember you and your husband must love this child unconditionally and don't let this be a reminder of the child that never should've been.
Good Luck to you

I would work on having your other children help with the day to day. Don't put so much pressure on yourself!

My husband will be 59 when our daughter graduates from high school and he would love to have another. I think that 10 years will probably make them closer when they are older and your bigger kids will be so much help for you when the baby comes!

I know many gals, including my mom and a good friend, who had little "cabooses" born late in their lives, and, in every case, the child was a tremendous blessing! Children have a way of making a way for themselves in families. My mom was 38 and my friend was 45, I think. They both always seemed much younger and I think it was partly due to these little surprises.

Although you are very stressed right now, you don't want to make a decision you will regret forever based on your limited view of the future. Please take the time to think and pray
this through.

I always feel that God sends us the children we were meant to have though we might not see it for awhile - but that's just me. I wanted both boys and girls but I got 4 girls and they have made my life what it is today! I have learned not to second-guess God in my own life, but you'll have to seek out your own answers. I'll be praying for you, M.!

What a shock I'm sure. My cousin went through the same thing after having two children. When her youngest was 3 months, she found out she was pregnant! She described her feelings the same way you are. The good part is, as time past, those negative feelings went away. Their son is now 7, and has been such a blessing. Also, my kids are 7 years apart. In many ways it's like having two only children. It works, it's just different.

Good luck! You'll get through it.

Hi M.,
Man, what a surprise. I cannot speak on this from the parent point of view, but from the child's. I am a surprise baby, my older sister is 8 years older and my brother 10. I always felt extremely lucky because my older siblings were so exciting to me growing up, I rarely fought with them (save over what to watch on TV) because we were into different things. When my brother got his license, I felt like the coolest kid in the world cruisin along with him. I also didn't have to share my high school experience with anyone. And with them already going through things, they always offered what I considered "sage" advice. Today, now that we are adults, I am as close to them as they are to each other.

As for my mother and father. I was told by my grandmother once that when I was born, my mother looked at me and said "you little girl, are going to ruin my life." -- as you can tell my grandmother was not the kindest of people. But having talked a lot to my mom, I think she found it easier raising me than the other two because now you have help in the older siblings. My sister was the one who got me ready for school and my brother was responsible for me after school. I think I benefited because both my parents had mellowed out by the time I came along, so there really wasn't that power struggle/learning curve that comes with the first children. My mom always said "with you I finally was able to do somethings right" Besides, 60 today is not what it used to be when we were growing up!

So I guess my point is this ... man, this really sucks, but a loving family, is just that a loving family. So while, this is horrible timing, I am sure once the shock wears off and the schedules start flowing ... you will find happiness once again.Good luck and once you feel better about it ... congratulations!

I am SO grateful for "surprises"! I married a surprise baby - my husband's brothers are 8, 10, & 12 years older than him (4 boys - God bless my MIL! She was 35 when he was born, and 53 at his HS graduation). My in-laws are very open that they had not planned on husband, but swear that they would not have it any other way from the time he was born until now.

My husband has a fabulous relationship with his brothers, both growing up and now. He married me and now has BILs and SILs that are closer to his age, but honestly, it feels like there is little to no difference between all of us - we are all great friends and get along wonderfully!

Hope this helps - you can do this!

Blessings to you and your family,

B.

the "sign" is probably to get a part-time sitter just for the baby's first year. by then you can figure out a better plan for your daily schedule.

Hi M.. I'm a newlywed, with one baby. My situation is completely different, but the unplanned pregnancy situation is similar. My husband & I got pregnant on our honeymoon, completely unplanned. We were actively trying NOT to get pregnant, and I honestly had a very difficult time accepting it at first. We wanted children, definately, but after a year or so. I don't know you or what you believe, but I'm a Christian and know that EVERY life is planned by God. Children are a blessing from Him, as is says in the Bible. There's a reason why you got pregnant at this particular time, especially since you were taking steps to not have any more children. You may not see the reason right away, but remember that your baby is a precious gift. It's normal to have the feelings you're having. Be encouraged!!

WOW---I completely feel your pain. I have a 14 yo, a 10 yo and an 18 month old toddler!!! It has been a huge adjustment and while we actually "meant" to do it, I have had more than my share of resentment for my husband over the last year and a half. And I am tired and run ragged for sure. I don't have the opportunity to do a lot of the things that I used to do like work out and tan and go shopping in peace, or even to dinner without being crawled on and feeding someone else while my food gets cold. LOL. HOWEVER---even though I have "put myself back" a few years by doing this all over again---he has warmed my heart and is such a beautiful wonderful part of every day for me. I actually made the choice to stay home with him and only work part time and in reality, I put us on uncertain ground financially.....but I know that it is ALL temporary. My glutes can wait :o) and so can everything else in this world, it will all have to get in line behind my little man! And it has been a rough time for our marriage, (I too have a blended family---my husband's only child is the one we share together--the new guy) and there have been times when I thought "what the he** was I thinking???) But it has also been a very sweet experience to have a child between us, a common tie to help hold us together through the rough times.
Will you be tired? Yes. Will you want to cry and scream sometimes? Yes. But will you regret it? I bet not.
With all of that being said, and me being a woman of pro choice, you do have options. I hope that you can have this child and find the appreciation for being a new mom all over again and I wish you the best of luck. I feel that in my life none of my children have I ever "regretted", the love is too strong and it over powers the rough stuff. And, just to solidify my point--I had my first child at 18, was prego when I graduated high school, had my second one at 21 and was a single mom through college at a Big 10 school....talk about stressed and tired!!! This one was the only one that I had the "right" way, and I still wouldn't trade any of those experiences for the world.
There are a lot of things you and your husband can do now to set you up for a healthy supportive transition, talk to him, get some partner counseling and air your concerns. GOOD LUCK!

Wow I praise you for your strenght and courage to ask others for their thoughts. I was 39 and almost 42 when I had my first 2 and there are times when I am so tired and then times when they keep me young and alive. My mom was 45 when she had me and my brother is 10 yrs and my sisters are 14 and 16 yrs older than I am. Be blessed that you have the older ones for help and that you can share a child that is part of both of you together. I will say a little prayer for you and your family.
God Bless you
K.

wow you poor thing you really are angry.... I think (I hope) its just initial shock. My husband was preety upset (seriously he left me) for 5 weeks after he found out I was pregnant. It also was a surprise. I will be 57 when baby graduates, my husband will be 72. He (the baby) is the absolute BIGGEST joy to both of us - its ridiculously crazy how much joy he brings to us :) ANd I understand your feelings about not wanting to leave him I felt the same way but I did financially have to go back I waited 5 months and have THE best girl who watches him in our home.

Take a deep breathe and smile (between tears!) It is hard - you will be tired - and when baby smiles and says mama you will KNOW why he or she is here :)

M. T.,

It's not the unborn baby's fault you and your husband did not use reliable birth control and found yourself pregnant at an inconvenient time of your marriage. God loves babies and if you are having a sexual relationship and not using reliable birth control, a pregnancy will naturall occur unless your body is not able to conceive.

Many times people who think it was terrible timing for a pregnancy find out in the future that it was one of the best things that could have happened at that time. You just have to be patient and find out what happens. If you hate that baby now, it will know and be miserable all its' life. Ask God to help you forgive the situation and go from there. Daily He will help you go on until it gets easier and you no longer have to ask as often.

Trust in God and all will work itself out in time. Just tell yourself "this too shall pass." In time it will.

L. C.

My husband and I tried for 7 yrs to get pregnant the second time so my boys are almost 9 years apart, not the ideal situation I was hoping for. I always wanted my kids to be 2 yrs apart so they would be close and be able to play together. To my surprise they get along so well! They are Jr, almost 11 and Jaden, 2. Jr is such a big help its amazing and they are sooo close! Sometimes he gets annoyed by Jaden and wants to be left alone but for the most part Jaden plays right along with Jr and his friends, they all love playing with Jaden-----and as a bonus, the girls Jr is friends with all took the Red Cross babysitting class this past summer and they all love to babysit Jaden and they are inexpensive! Anyway, I know there's a difference because you thought you were done but you have to remember God doesn't give us anything we can't handle and it seems scary now but you have nine months to prepare! I hope my story is encouraging for you, Good Luck and Best Wishes!

So sorry! Its very hard to deal with an unexpected addition to the family. And money worries are no fun either. Give yourself some time to get used to the idea and grieve so you can be ready to move on and make some plans for the positives of the situation. At some point you'll need to make a decision that this is a blessing and keep your outlook positive. My dear friend has a younger sister who was what their parents called their "extra blessing", she came along unexpectedly way after their 3 older children. They decided to be positive about it and it made a huge difference as a family. Blessings to you as you make adjustments!