Undernurished Underdeveloped 7 Month Old

L.-

It's awful that you are in this position - however for the baby's sake - call DCFS. You say that you can't believe the doctor hasn't noticed anything wrong- well it could be that the baby hasn't been to the doctor or is getting substandard care. As part of a DCFS investigation - they request the medical records and perform a review on them. That said- if there are no visits - it becomes a case of neglect. If they are irregular; lacking routine care -ie vaccinations, etc...there will be someone assigned to followup periodically etc...

So at least you may help the baby to get proper care.
Good Luck

If you feel like this child is really in any danger, CALL DCFS NOW. Don't wait. You will feel so much better about everything.

WOW! If you haven't already got the word - YES do call DCFS! You can do it anonomously, if that helps, but this family needs help - at least the children do! Early Intervention is what is needed here. I come from 20 yrs of working with Special Ed children. Believe me - there are services for the little ones, too! It just needs to get the attention to the right people!

Yes, call DCFS. Begin by stating that they left the child in a carseat in the sun and went off to play bingo. List other incidents of negligent behavior which you are an eyewitness to, and if DCFS asks questions, then tell them what your ideas are. Give the babies date of birth and say he can hardly hold up his head, describe his thin little arms and legs, (if he has them), get on a scale without him and then get on the scale with him and note the difference in wieght, that is his weight, and compare it to birth weight for them. Tell them whether he smiles, follows things with his eyes, all the normal developmental milestones. Do not tell anyone that you called DCFS, they do not need to know and DCFS will never reveal your name. This woman has neighbors and there are lots of other family members who could be the ones to have called in. You should not be the one who has to suffer or justify your actions to your family. Looking out for the child is what this is all about. Intervention by DCFS may prevent her from being able to have invetro fertilization. Who is paying for that, by the way? As a taxpayer, I do not want to contribute to her having another child and neglecting it. Also, tell about any neglect you have witnessed toward her other children. The children do not have to be physically abused for them to intervene, neglect is also illegal. leave out remarks that are purely guesses on your part and stick to facts.

Man, oh man; that really does hit a nerve. OK; have you talked to your uncle? If you haven't, do that. Get your family to support you on this and speak to him about it. Let him know that the little guy is not performing as he should be at this stage and you can clearly see that he's malnourished. Let him know that the doctors WILL call this to his and his wife's attention and WILL call DCFS themselves if things don't improve. If that doesn't work, I would call them myself.You can't think about hurt feelings; you're protecting that little boy!

You said it's your uncle's first; the first thing is to educate him on what babies need. This leaving in the carseat , bouncies, saucers, etc is NOT COOL!! Leaving the child out in the sun is ABSOLUTELY NOT COOL!

Ask him flat out how involved is he in the baby's medical check-ups. The baby should be played with, nurtured, cuddled; not left to sit by himself and sitting around the house like a piece of furnishing.

Honey, I will pray for you and that little baby that has no voice; do the right thing...FIRST, talk to your uncle. SECOND, if nothing is done to help the situation, call DCFS.

More people need to get involved in protecting these babies so that many of them don't suffer the actions and choices of others. Anyone can have a baby; everyone is not mother material.

This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. There is help available, however. You could call DCFS, for sure. You also could call the IL Dept. of Human Services. This baby would surely qualify for the State of Illinois (or whatever state they live in) Early Intervention Program. If you are afraid to report them to DCFS, I suggest you call DCFS to ask about EI assistance, rather than to report the parents. Either way, DCFS would get involved to help this baby, if it is necessary. And it certainly does seem necessary! These children are fortunate to have you looking out for them. We received excellent services for one of my children. There was not much red tape in our case. If you think things are moving too slowly, however, be persistent! These many resources (the EI program) are available either for free or on a sliding scale basis.

Also, you cannot be sure that their doctor has not identified any problems. Not everyone follows their doctors' advice.

Thank you for writing. Please contact me if you need help or more info.

Amy

I would call DCFS for this. Children are so adaptable at this age, but not later on. NOW is the time to intervene, if intervention is necessary. Think of it this way - there are two possible outcomes. First, DCFS could check into it, discover that the child was diagnosed with some disorder, is already receiving early intervention services, and mom and dad might be too ashamed to tell their extended family that this is the case. In that case you will have peace of mind because everything that should be happening is, in fact happening. Second could be that mom and dad are truly neglectful and have not taken their child in for well baby visits or have not followed up on any doctor's advice. In this case DCFS can help get the child the help that he needs. Either way the parents will not know it is you who called unless you tell them. I would do it.

YES call DCFS! Don't worry about hurting feelings or that they stop talking to you. This babies life is in danger.

CALL DCFS ALREADY!!!! that baby needs help and unless another adult intervenes he will be LOST 1-800-25ABUSE.

Please help this child...your call can remain anonymous..or tell them you are a relative....they may even ask YOU to help by caring for the child.......let them investigate and possibly get both these parents some MUCH NEEDED help.....YOU CANNOT, YOU MUST NOT!!!! sit by and let this child continue to be neglected....you in your heart know that he is....I can tell by what you have written that you truly love and care for him, no matter the circunstance that he came to be...he is a blessing from God and it is our duty to make sure he is cared for properly...there is a reason for the sauying "It takes a VILLAGE to raise a CHILD"

Mom C knows what she is talking about. Some of the comments on here have not been helpful and I hope you are able to filter those out! At the very least there is neglect and malnourishment going on. That poor child deserves so much more! Unfit doesn't begin to describe this selfish, ignorant woman. GOD BLESS YOU for seeing this and being willing to do something about it. Yes, call DCFS--and stay anonymous. I say that because DCFS is busy and may or may not take action but from this point on I would continue to keep an eye on this child and keep a detailed written record of EVERYTHING including dates and times. If you act stupid about the call and are able to stay close you might be more effective at helping him. Confide in nobody in your family of your call! Then, if he does get taken away and put in foster care, see if you can keep in touch with him because the people that get foster kids aren't always much better. I know this seems bleak but the fact that you care means a lot in this kid's life. Perhaps you could even notify his pediatrician and raise you concerns to him anonymously. I will be praying for him and you and the family. I'd love to know what happens so I can continue to pray in the right direction for this child. Take care!
P.S. When you are around him perhaps see if you can take him out of his assigned "container" and hold him a lot or put him on his tummy and stay with him for some tummy time! That will help a lot with his neck muscle strength and he sounds like he desperately needs good touches and affection. Maybe even recommend a Music Together class for him thru the park district so that he gets mental/musical stimulation. You could do it together (it's for kids age 0-5) This really helps kids a lot.

If this babies life is in danger I would definetly call dcfs but even though it is anonomous, do you think your family will know it is you? How close are you to your aunt and uncle? Can you or your mom try to go to the next dr. appointment for the baby and just ask the dr about the concerns without your aunt getting mad or when you find out when the baby has a next appt. tell her you are free you will drive her and just listen to what the dr tells her--I would think by now a baby can atleast hold their head up--Good luck and keep us informed--

Wow... that is so sad for the little boy (and all of her other 5 kids). It is obvious that she is neglecting him. Is someone in your family able to take him if DCFC were to intervene? I think you need to do what is best for the child!!

The desicion to call or not to call has to come based on your judgment and knowledge of this family. You can always remain anonymous and there is no harm in DCFS investigating into this family. Besides, if all 5 kids are in special ed and have flat heads they are obviously not "turned out OK". And that is probably the direction the little guy is headed.
It is just that I see kids like that all the time, unfortunate to be born to lazy, uneducated, ignorant people that think that they are doing nothing wrong by taking away the very opportunities from these kids to be loved, nurtured and tended to as "we" normal parents think it should be done. These are the kids strepped to car seats/strollers because mom/dad/sitter too lazy to get up from their tush to suppervise while child runs around. The kids yelling on bus/any other public transport because the adult with them cannot be bothered to bring toy/snack/or simply talk to the kid, hug or do something besides yelling at them or hitting the kid. What can I say, we do not live in the perfect world, and your nephew is not "properly " taken care of, and if your uncle doesn't see that he is probably the same as his wife. If you want to rattle their cage a little and may be wake them up a bit - try the DCFS, there is no harm in that.

I would first call to ask, but I do not think DCFS is going to do anything as she is not really physically harming the child as they would call it. I would just be there as much as possible. Use little suggestions that you would love to watch him as you see her doing a lot (just make it seem you are looking out for her best interest though not true). I would just be with him as much as possible and give him some type of consistent and stable care if possible. Even if DCFS came in it is a big ordeal and they will take children away and not necessarily put them in a better situation, so really think about that.

Hi L. If you feel that DCFS should be notified than call them. There're so many incidents where children are'nt be properly cared for and people don't say anything until it too late. You can call DCFS without leaving your name.

I would pray first, ask God for wisdom in this situation. Then follow your heart. You might regret it more if there's something wrong with the child and you know you didn't do anything to prevent it.

Hi L.
You hate to jump to conclusions, but try to offer help and see what happens. Suggest that she should take the 7 month old to the doctor, because you are concerned about the baby's health. Especially, some of the developmental milestones not being met. The baby might need some kind of therapy at some point.

I hope this helps!

Have a wonderful week!

You don't have to give your name when you call DCFS. Why allow this child to be neglected. At least if nothing happens, you put the information out there and let the professionals make the call. Also, they can help the family.

Call DCFS! Let them determine what needs to be done, that's their job. The worst thing that could happen is you not calling and then regretting it later!

I would call DCFS and give them the case scenario. They will tell you if they can take the case. It is at least a charge for neglect, but if the baby is getting fed and medical care, they might look the other way. I know it's hard to watch but sometimes things are out of our control.

Good luck in this endeavor,
D.

Call DCFS now. Do not wait! Remember, the parents aren't telling you what happens at home-who knows what is going on when family members aren't around. What a terrible, tragic situation.

ABSOLUTELY call dcfs! Here is their website and undernourishment is one of the reasons listed for calling. Do your nephew a favor and call now.

http://www.state.il.us/dcfs/faq/faq_faq_can.shtml

Best of luck to you. You are doing the right thing :) This child will thank you when they are older and alive!

Hi there. This family is calling for help! I would let Dcfs look at them as a family. We are paying for her kids, tax money. Special needs. and she is having another. How much time do you think she is spending with her kids. 2 to 3 hours. These children need loving people to help them! How sad is this. Sounds like she wants to be octo mom and get a free house too!

I would do something, yes. You can do it anonomously. just call and tell them your situation and see what they say. The baby does need help , are they even seeing a DR?

If the child is truly behind developmentally and the parents are neglecting that, it is indeed medical neglect and you should call DCFS. They will probably just connect her with the type of resources that can help the baby [the main goal]. She will never know it was you who reported her.

This puts my stomach in knots. If you think that baby isn't getting the proper care it needs, you NEED to call DCFS NOW. You are a mom. Listen to your gut. You know this baby needs help.

There are a couple of things that don't make sense, like when the mother says, "i have 5 kids (and they are all fine)," yet you clarify that all 5 are indeed in special ed. I think this should be a red flag to everyone- particularly your uncle! If a woman has 5 kids and 5/5 require special ed, and there is not an obvious genetic cause, and the children were not adopted with special needs already identified, then I would question a few things about her parenting!

All new parents make mistakes, tons of them sometimes! But, by baby #6, I think she should know better than to underfeed, leave a child in the sun, not follow-up on head flattening concerns, not over-use swings, etc.

I think your mother should have not switched formulas without discussing this with the mother, but aside from that, I think you are doing so much to help this child. If you truly feel that the child's health and/or safety is in question, I would suggest you follow your instinct and contact DCFS, at least to start a conversation with a caseworker about what you are observing, how you and your family have tried to intervene, and specifically why you fear this child is in danger. Be strong and know that you are doing this to help a child, not to harm your uncle and his wife.

Good luck and keep us posted!!

YES, CALL DCFS. Dont wait. I bet the dr did say something about the baby not meeting milestones but the mother isnt going to tell anyone what he said. She sounds unfit and that baby needs someone to help him. Please call DCFS and keep calling until something is done about it.

It does sound pretty crazy that the doctor hasn't done something to help this child. Are you sure that the child is seeing a doctor regularly? Maybe you could ask if he has had any shots lately just to try and find out.

Turning anyone- especially a relative- into DCFS is very serious, but so is neglect of a child. Are the other children well fed and clean and well-cared for? In the end, I would have to say go with your gut instinct here. The welfare of the child is the MOST important thing.

Call DCFS and if anyone in your family gives you grief over it, remind them that CHILDREN cannot stand up for themselves. Adults make their own decisions and have to live with the consequences, but kids have no choice. Good luck to you and your nephew!

How much of what you are feeling about this baby is because you are not crazy about the new wife of your uncle?

I think it's a stretch to call DCFS, especially if the baby's doctor has not said anything. And they would.. if they thought there was a problem. What you are describing could be a baby with any number of reasons for delay, and I am sure the doctor is keeping an eye on things. My son was very very small, and we just watched and waited and now he is huge!

Some of the things you are saying could be totally normal for a baby on the low end of the learning curve. If all of her other kids have special needs.. then perhaps there is something genetic going on. I would think her doctor would know better than you.

I would not call DCFS. That brings so much in to a family that they do not need. It is entirely possible that for some reason, this is biological. Her doctor HAS TO CALL DCFS if he thinks anything is up at all. I would leave that to the doctors and the teachers of her other kids. Honestly.

OMG! This baby is in trouble. You need to do something. THis is VERY sad. Your story made me cry. My second baby is 7 months old and is wonderful and wanted and loved. You need to do something. please help that poor little thing. There are so many wonderful people that can't have children and then you hear these situations and it makes me ill. Please don't sit back and go help that little one!

If she has the baby on such a strict feeding schedule, then perhaps she is following the "Babywise" teachings. Here is an article about why pediatricians consider those teachings to be hazardous to babies...

http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm

I know that calling DCFS is a huge step, and I would be very reluctant to do it myself. But it sounds as though perhaps nothing else would care for these children adequately, or be able to reach her at all.

Here are some ways to tell whether a child is getting enough to eat...

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/3/T031100.asp

On this page you will see an explanation of how poor diet during pregnancy can affect the baby's health and development. If you scroll to about 1/3 of the way down the page, you will see a bar graph about a mother who had 8 children with disabilities, when she was on a poor diet during pregnancy,and 3 later children who were very healthy, when she was on a good diet during pregnancy...

http://home.mindspring.com/~djsnjones/id87.html

I doubt very much that the problems that her children are having are genetic...

http://home.mindspring.com/~djsnjones/id63.html

Here's information on babies getting flat heads, which results from keeping babies in one position too long.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/8/t086300.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/ci42.asp

Best wishes,
J.

I would not call DCFS. They have very specific guidelines. I don't recall the exact words but something along the lines of "adequate food, adequate supervision, etc. It sounds like what she is doing is adequate. Maybe not great but adequate. DCFS will not be able to do much and only make family angry adding to the issues.

I also think that as parents have more children they tend to parent less. My son is an only but has many friends with multiple children. As the children grow I see parents allowing things to happen with the youngest that they would never have allowed with the first. I don't think this is good parenting but it seems to be the case. I think their logic is. The other five are fine so why was I so cautious, overprotective etc.

I would let them parent their child how they see fit and be there for the child later and definitely not leave your child with them.

A flat head does not mean a child will wind up in special ed. A flat head would be considered plagiocephaly, where the baby's head is not symmetrical. A cranial helmet can correct this, and before doing that they should reposition the baby, especially when sleeping at night or napping to the non flat side to help reposition the plates of the skull. The child is still young enough to try this with!

If the child went in for a 6 month checkup, I am sure the doctor noted whether the baby is meeting developmental milestones or not, and prehaps she is just NOT discussing it with the family. I had a friend who knew at baby's 9 mo. check up her child was not crawling or even trying, and they were watching him, and under the care of a doctor but she was not ready to discuss the problems they COULD be facing and the doctor's concerns with anyone~to avoid discussion of the subject until an official diagnosis was made, and he does have a problem which they discovered in genetic testing.

The spitting up may be reflux, and she should ask the doctor about needing to switch formula or about possibly having medicine.
Now if she is not addressing these things with the doctor because she has baby #5 and you can't tell her anything, and is not concerned for the well being of the child, I don't know what to tell you. If he is under weight and seems undernourished the doctor should be watching and addressing this. You are right, how can he NOT see it?

I don't know that calling DCFS will help, if he appears to be living in a home with adequate living conditions. Like a previous poster said, it may not be great, but they may meet the guidelines DCFS has to follow, and dCFS will not be able to do anything. It may scare her to know someone is watching her. To be honest, I don't know what happens when they go in, if the DCFS person can question what he eats, the safety of the car seat straps, etc and address your concerns. Or if they just say we have a complaint....and inspect the home?
I'd see if the baby's dad can go to the next appt. and address concerns with the doc, if you can get through to him. Would she let you, or grandma go along?
Yes, she should be sending him appropriate stages of baby food, and no she should not go off to play bingo without at least asking another adult to mind baby, and yes, she should be concerned about his health and milestones he does not seem to be reaching. But I am not sure calling DCFS will get the response you are hoping for.
Please update us on what happens with this little boy, continue to love him, and bless you for caring for his well being. As a mom, do what you think is right.

wow! sounds like the baby has a failure to thrive syndrome.

some people are in denial. I dont know if its our job to "wake them up" as you said the baby goes to the dr. and for shots. so if the dr. thought there was neglect he would have to report it. sounds like the kids do get a gentic disabiltity from the mom. ( with references to the special ed) personally I would stay out of it. unless u see brusises. and totally starvation. I will pray for the kids.

parenting styles sure have a big range.

take care
D.

Hi mom this is truely sad but listen I know how you feel but if you are not welling to take this child when you call DCFS then do not do it.Listen you are not helping this child by putting him in a stranger, hand you do not know what my happen to him then but only if you are going to take him then its worth it. Thank you for being you careing and thoughtful and the only one this child really have. Think about it God Bless

First I want to say that I have been a nanny, a teacher, and long time educator dealing with DCFS and young children. I hate to break this to you, but you have not given me anything that I would remotely consider calling DCFS for. What you are describing to me is a not so great parent. DCFS deals with the worst of the worst, I don’t even want to describe to you the stuff that they deal with. My friend who is a social worker laughed at your claims, and she said good luck with that one. I am sorry but you may disagree with their parenting skills, and don’t get me wrong, I do to. They sound like people who should not have kids, but there are so many parents like that out there. I have seen so much worse, you need to put these issues into perspective. First off, poor eating habits are awful but not a reason to call DCFS. I know a lot of kids that live off of junk food and McDonald’s, still not a reason to call DCFS. It does sound like the baby is developmentally behind, but even my children were not sitting up at 7 months. My doctor told me it was no big deal, I chose to be proactive and got my children some physical therapy, and they were just diagnosed as low tone. My doctor never once seemed worried at our visits. My daughter was in the 5th percentile of weight for so long, because she could not keep her food down with reflux issues, even then my doctor said don’t worry about it, she will bounce back.Has this kid ever been hospitalized because of parental neglect and poor treatment? If not, then DCFS will probably not step in. I hate seeing bad parents, but I have learned when it is time to step in and when you just have to sit back and ignore it. This sounds like a situation that you may just have to deal with. I know it is hard to watch, but it is their child and they can do what they want. You can not decide what is best for their children.

Wow! What a bad situation for all! The dr. should have said something at the 6 month checkup, but then you are assuming that they took the child to his checkup.

If you decide to call DCFS, you should be ready for the fallout from your family. What does your husband say? Sometimes it's good to bounce things off of someone not in your family.

How old are the other 5 kids? Are they all living with them too? Could it be that your aunt is so overwhelmed that having the baby changed and fed is all she can do? Or is she just ignoring everyone except herself?

I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. I know I would talk to my husband and make sure I had his support in whatever I decided to do. What about your Mom? What does she think about all this? Why hasn't she said anything?

I'm sorry I didn't give you a black and white answer, but hopefully you have some things to think about when making your decision.

M.