Me and my husband got married in 2009, a few months later he got paternity testing papers in the mail, the girl is his brothers girlfriend. Both brothers were DNA'd. Luckily my husband was not the father. I had previously heard rumors that he had seen this girl, most guys in town had which is besides the point I guess, he denied. Then after receiving the DNA papers he said just once...lol which I dont believe. Well now everytime we have family dinners, she tries to talk to my husband and he totally ignores her. Right after my husband received the DNA papers, his brother brought her over to our house and me and her got into a very big altercation. They have 2 kids and 1 on the way together and I try to make the best of it, I was not with him when he was with her, but he was married to his ex wife now! Im feeling kindof wierd about the whole family situation. His mother tries to push this girl on us. Well number 1 this girl and his bother are into things we dont do like smoking drugs, etc. I chose just to not be around them as much as possible.
We were married before I found out the truth, and I guess the part that bothers me the most is that Im 46 and she is 20 years old and was only 17 when it happened, his own daughters age! She is real skinny, stringy blond hair and really bad druggy teeth, I am a family person, dont do any drugs or alcohol and have raised all of my 4 kids, well the youngest is 14 months old. DCFS has never been in my life, and DCFS took away her first 2 children which they do have back now. As a matter of fact it was DCFS that did the DNA testing. His brother only tested 76% and we dont even think he is the father, but who knows his decision to raise them and stay with her. not ours. What i mean by family pushing, if we do not go were they are for Thanksgiving or Christmas his mother is pissed. We do now have our own dinners.
So move out of the area, then you won't have to deal with them so much.
I don't know. I am friends with my hubby's ex-wife and one of his old girlfriends. And I'm not talking about a one night stand - I'm talking about a relationship that lasted years. I don't feel weird around them; why should I. Everyone has a past. They talk to my hubby; he talks to them. No big deal.
As for the DNA, I am assuming that that was not her idea; I'm guessing that she received some sort of governmental financial assistance and was required to provide names of possible baby's father. She had to do what she had to do.
Rather than to hate her because she has had tough times and is now addicted to drugs, why not try to empathize with her and see if there is something you can do to help. If she was only 17 and having sexual relations with your hubby who I would imagine was committing crime (she was a minor; I don't think he was!) there was probably problems at home and she was trying to escape. Personally, I would be looking at my hubby a bit funny - WHY WAS HE HAVING SEX WITH A 17 YEAR OLD?
By the way, if her parents had pressed charges, your hubby would be registered as a sex offender. Consider that the next time you look at the sex offender website and take issue with the people listed!
Are you sure this man is really the love of your life?
Okay, so I believe your husband was intimate with her at least the one time. He admitted to it, and paternity papers were served.
So, there is obviously going to be some odd tension, especially since this is now his brother's girlfriend and you got into a fight with her. It makes no reason why his family is pushing her on you/your husband... she is already in a relationship with your brother in law.
Anyways, It sounds like some serious boundaries and avoidance are in order for quite a while.
Sunny D told you right--move! Why are you still around that town, hamlet, arena???
Move as far away from this mess as possible....not just one or two states away.....as far as you can if you have any hope of your marriage standing the test of time.
Well of course things are going to be weird seeing as your husband slept with with this chick. Just curious how long was you with him before you got married? Me if my man had gotten DNA'ed right before my wedding well there would have not been one happening. Sounds like the chick likes to kep things in family. I would think his brother feels the same way
You and your husband can decide to not go to family dinners when she is present. Which is more awkward? Not going or going and actually being in an awkward situation.
She is your brother in laws partner, whether married or not which makes it difficult to exclude her. I don't know what you mean the family pushes her on you. I suggest that having her at family gatherings is the right thing to do. Now you just have to decide if you'll accept that she is part of the family and stop focusing on the past.
Sounds like your husband is handling it in a reasonable way. I understand this is awkward but suggest that you do have the power to make it less so by just accepting that the past is over, that you don't want to spend personal time with her but that you will either go to the family dinners and ignore her or not go at all.
After your SWH; Try to understand where his parents are coming from. They want a happy family dinner. That doesn't mean you have to go. You have to do what is best for yourself and your family. It just means that it's not your responsibility to make them happy. It does work best if you can sympathize while doing what you think is best.
