Uncaring Grandmother

If she doesn't care about her own grandchild, then I highly doubt she cares about the co-workers child. Seems like a front to me.
If your husband and his mother don't get along there's a reason for it. Maybe it's a stupid reason, maybe it's not.. but the fact remains that she is also hurting herself by not wanting to be a part of your daughters life. Talk LOUDLY about your daughter within her earshot!! Kill her with kindness.. invite her over, give her pictures (already framed!!) to put on her desk! Give your daughter a crayon and a piece of paper... even though she's only 6 months old, she can still create "Grandmom" a beautiful masterpiece! See how your mother in law reacts to these gestures. If she doesn't show when invited or doesn't display the framed photos on her desk, or appreciate her grandbabies works of art... then let her go. You don't need that type of stress in your life anyway. At least you tried... just because you lead a horse to water you can't force it to drink... right?

Okay this sounds deep. I feel your pain. My mother lives four hours away and every time I talk to her about coming to see her she makes some kind of excuse.But see my mother did not raise me , my father did. I think she feels regret for a lot of things and is just afraid to get close to us. But as far as you and your situation,I think the best thing to do is to sit down and talk to your husband. Find out what kind of relationship they had. What kind of feelings does she have towards you, talk about all the possibilities that could make her show no interest in her grandchild. It could be that she feels to young to be a grandma.This is serious and if it makes you feel bad I would really try to get to the bottom of it. After you talk with your husband, the three of you should get together and talk. Try not to get upset but really tell her how you feel things should be..Also don't feel intimidated by her , sometimes this happens. You are the mother and you want a grandma for your baby. Lastly, she just might not be the kind of grandma you were hoping for. My kids grandma's are both so different and so not your typical granny,it is crazy, I am like the responsible one. Anyways, I just accept the way they are, and love them for that and let them be who they are. That might be the case in your situation, but I definitely advise on having that sit down with your husband and mother in law before you make any decisions. Good luck and keep your head up!Ps I am sure she loves her grand baby she just is having a hard time showing it,don't give up.

C. I am soo sorry! I know how you feel! I have/am going through the same thing with my in-laws. They have 2 biological grandchildren that they want NOTHING to do with as long as I let them continue to see my son(he is NOT a bio-grandchild). They have never seen g-son who is going on 3. Paige is now 5 and they have not seen her since she was 6 months! Also that being said the have always picked and chose when they wanted to "play" grandma and grandpa. It sucked!!! There is a reason why your husband doesn't want anything to do with her, GO WITH THAT!! If she doesn't want anything to do with your daughter DON'T force her. It is a privilage to have a grandchild in her life!!!! Just cut your loses now and save yourself ALOT of unwanted stress and aggrevation. I have not talked to my in-laws but 1 time since July of last year and my husband has not talked to them since November. OUR MARRIAGE HAS NEVER BEEN BETTER!!!!!! It's like a dark cloud of negativitey has been lifted off of us! My son seems alot different also! Here's a saying that may help you like it helped me. "THERE'S A POINT IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU GET TIRED OF CHASING EVERYONE & TRYING TO FIX EVERYTHING, BUT IT'S NOT GIVING UP....IT'S REALIZING THAT YOU DON'T NEED CERTAIN PEOPLE, THE B/S AND THE DRAMA THE BRING!" :) Just stay way from her and stop trying to force feed her informatiom about your daughter, as long as you continue to tell her, she does not have to ask! Hope this helps and GOOD LUCK!!!

it may sound mean but don't tell her about your daughter. if she really wants to know she will ask. she probably does want to know but since you tell her she doesn't have to show it :) if she doesn't then your daughter doesn't need the stress of wondering why grandmother doesn't love her. i don't get along with my mother but i still love her and she adores her grandchildren. you would be suprised. i grew up wondering why my maternal grandfather didn't love us he rarely called he rarely visited and at christmas he got my cousin gifts and we were forced to sit there and watch her open them. it got to the point my mom quit even going to his house. now that he is older and facing his mortality he is trying to reconcile. well with my mother, and one of my other cousins. the rest of us has just excepted this and moved on with our life but have some hard feelings in a way. your daughter doesn't need it. trust me i know. if grandma doesn't want anything to do with her then don't force it because it will only hurt her in the long run and make her wonder what it is about her grandma doesn't like

I say...to heck with her! Don't YOU do anything. People like this, you can't seem to do enough for and it will just open the door for her to spread her poison to your "new" family. If she wants to make the effort to see the baby, so be it. But speaking from experience, I tried and tried and it was like banging my head against the wall. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results." Doesn't sound like she's prize winning mother material anyway, your family might be better off. Ask to have your cubicle moved. Focus on the positive. You, your beautiful baby and a peaceful future.

Have you made an effort to have a good relationship with her despite your husbands? If not, try to and do your best to include her in your childs life. Give her a picture of your daughter in a nice frame for her desk. Make every effort to include her in your life and your child's. If she still doesn't want to have anything to do with your daughter, there is nothing you can do about it. At least you can take comfort in the fact that you made every effort. From then on the ball is in her court. If she chooses not to be in her life then it's her loss.

I am sorry that you have a difficult relationship with your mother-in-law. Is there an underlying cause to her behavior? (Is she trying to make a point, I know this is going to be a harsh question: Does she like you, and is she punishing her son for being with you?) From my own experience from childhood, my paternal grandmother and aunt never thought my parents would have a lasting marriage. Funny how they are going on 32 years of marriage and my aunt is on her third. Needless to say, my grandmother would give my cousins gifts in front of me and conviently say she forgot to get me something. My father seemed blind to the whole thing, hopefully your husband sees what is going on. In the long run, it will probably have to be him to put a stop to her juvenille behavior.

I hope that your daughter has your mother to bond with. Hang in there, it will be a long road if you continue to let it bother you. I know it will be hard, but the best thing to do is to let it roll off your shoulders.

As for my own mother-in-law, she lives in another state. She has seen my son(5) a handful of times, never seen my daughter(3), so forget about her laying eyes on the new baby(8 weeks). Lucky for me I don't have to speak with her.

Any way you can talk to your husband about this? Sounds like there's some major unforgiveness and bitterness going on there. Maybe if you let them both know that whatever is between them should be laid down for the sake of the grandchildren. One day that mom is going to be gone, and there will be deep regret. Praying all turns around quickly.

i know exactly how you feel because my grandmother did the same thing to me when i was a little girl(she didn't want anything to do w/me because she didn't like my dad)...just try to invite her to do things with you and your family(as hard as it may seem) and if she doesn't want to come then there's nothing you can do...don't ever feel like its your fault there's just some people in this world who you can't please no matter how hard you try. keep your head up and be strong for you, your family,and your mother in law. good luck :)

I know exactly what you mean. Til this day my mother-in-law is begging my husdand to divorce me. She has never liked me and in result she has spent maybe about 7 or 8 days with them. my oldest is 11 years old now and when I ask him if he wants to call his grammy he says "what grammy??" same goes for my other two kids 10 years old and 8 years old. We ended up having to move to another state across the usa.. over 3,000 miles, and she can still make things fustrating for us. I say try your hardest to ignore her and start showing your interest in having a (female) co-worker's companionship to giggle, talk, and just hang with.. I did it.. it drove my mother in law nuts cause she wasn't involved and the center of attention I was..lol. She ended up asking questions aboutmy kids and now that we live over 3,000 miles away she wants something to do with them... grrr.. it is fustrating, but keep your head up, if faite has it in the stars she will find her way to you, but if it doesn't then your better off without the stress of walking on egg shells trying to keep her in conact with your daughter once she begins. Trust in your husband as well, remember she raised him and he knows her ways, if he chooses to not have anything to do with her... then it must be a pretty good reason. I hope I have helped in some way.. i know my sentences are pretty jumpy, but thats just me...lol.

I am a SAHM of 3 wonderful children running a In-Home-daycare... thats wonderful!! If anyone needs my services just send me a email.

This hasnt happened to me but i have seen it before...maybe if she acts like they dont exist, you should do the same with her. family is very important, but some people do not feel that way, and you cant change that. since it isnt your mom, maybe you can just pretend like she is just a co worker. perhaps the lack of attention will get her attention. as for the coworkers child, she was just playing nice. she doesnt really care im sure...i see so many people do the same thing at my work. it would make you upset of course, but really im sure there was no feeling for the other child whatsoever

Oooh C....I feel your pain. My mother has much of nothing to do with my children. They are 11mths and 3yrs old. She has 3 grown adult grand children that she has very little involvement with. Generally when she does she only has negative things to say to them and about them. Unfortunately, this is the same way she treated us. She really does not know how to love some one. It was hard at first for me too and at times it bothers me, but I prayed and made the decision not to let her affect me and my family anymore. I can't imagine how it feels to work next to her and she never asks about your child. That would be really hard. I agree with the previous post that she is probably putting up a front when fussing over another co-workers child. My mother does the same thing, people on the outside do not see the person she really is. I would try and talk to your husband to get a better understanding of his relationship with his mother and tell him how you are feeling. Try the things the previous post says, if you feel ok with it after talking to your husband. If things don't work out with her, you will have to work hard to do this, but you need to find peace with in yourself that it just isn't going to work. You may be thanking God that she is not involved in your life. I would also ask my manager if I could move my desk if it doesn't work out. I really feel your pain. It does hurt when your own mother doesn't seem to care about your baby. I will send up some prayers for you.

i also delt with what appeared to be an uncaring grandmother with my daughters i can count on one hand the times she bought anything saw or even called to see how they were doing the first year of their lives by the time my oldest was one she started being more involed with her but when my second was born she was the same way with her even though she was activily involed with the older one when my youngest turned one it was the same turn around ive decided she just isnt good with infants or something have your tried talking to your mother-in-law and letting her know you want her to play an active role in your daughters life and it kinda upsets you that she doesnt? she may think that because of the poor relationship with her son that you guys dont want her around maybe the invite to be active in her life needs to be said try inviting her to lunch or something and talk to her about it maybe a simple misundrstanding she may be acting like this because she doesnt want to be hurt if she asks to see the baby or take the baby for the day and to have you or your husband say no she may just be trying to protect herself and her feelings good luck keep me updated and remember change what you can and forgive what you can't change

Your not the only one if it makes you feel better I have 3 children and a mother who has "Her Life" back with no kids. Well thats how she puts it. Thank God for my mother-in-law who is the grandmother type. how is your own parents with the baby? Anyhow, its very selfish and so immature. Depending on the certain events that happened between son and mom-all familys can be mended and time has a way of passing, God is always there and works favors in your asking, unfortuantly it does hurt, but they dont understand, all they see is that she doesn't have to be tied down anymore and she doesn't want to deal with babies certaninly not her sons after certain event took place. Also, she may not want to accept that she is a grandmother yet-then she would feel way old and non accepting, as my mother feels. My mother loves her horses more than she loves her grand children it seems. She's out with the horses when we go to visit her all day and most of the night, when she comes in she is ready to fall asleep, she lives in another town 2.5 hrs away, there's always an excuse why she has no time for the kids, unless they help her clean the barn. she told me honey I'm not good around kids, I'm older and just don't have the patients anymore. Another thing is your mother in law and your relationship, does she dislike you as well? Do you talk to her at all, at work? sounds to me like shes the one with the issue, you should go to work, do your job, and just act like nothing is up, but talk about the baby often to other co-workers, bring lots of pictures in the office to show the baby off talk loudly of situations or events in a possitive, caring manner about your husbands verbal and physical actions towards you and the baby-speak loud enouth to hear you brag about your cute little baby and wonderful husband- if mother in law wants to participate she'll join in the conversation with all the other co-workers adoring your little bundle of love. If not you'll certainly get her currosity wheels rolling, oh by the way, the cubicle by your mother in law could work in your favor! Talk to honey on the phone if you can or call the sitter speak loud enough to hear and ask how your precious little bundle is doing today, then comment words like-- oh is she? Wow your kidding type words to be thrown in to the conversation. Talk to hubby if you can-tell him you love him and will be making a nice dinner, show his mama nobodys needing her and she'll come around, the more you show you care about your little family and not her she'll want to come around. The more you act like it doesn't bother you the more it will eat at her. Call mama and daddy and churn up a conversation with them about your baby and how you will all be able to have a big family get together and they can hold their little bundle of joy, its all called reverse psychology! On your sad feelings, you have to try to accept it for now-pray about it and know that grandma will always be around even when she's not the great grandma we all want. My kids do fine on their own without their grandma's presence. Another thing is your husband has got to be the one that hugs up on mom and invites mom to be a part of his childs life, son and mother talk is much needed to discuss how they can resolve this shunning one-another condition.