Ugly Divorce

This is probably my biggest fear in life, and it stems from the fact that nothing in my life right now has my name on it. The truck is in my husband's name, and we rent, so I wouldn't have to worry about that. If your name isn't on the house deed, then you really don't have a legal leg to stand on in that regard.

However, I'm a tigress when it comes to my kids, and there is NO way I would ever agree to something because someone told me I have to. 50/50 custody, in my experience, creates more problems than it helps. My sister is the best example, and they only live 10 minutes from each other. The rules are drastically different between Mom's and Dad's houses, and the kids are cranky when they get back due to different bedtimes and not getting enough sleep, etc. I'm not saying that will happen, but in my opinion (and I'm passionate about this opinion), a 2 year old child's place is with his mother, barring any legal or medical issues. I would fight that with everything in me, even if I had to take out a loan to fight it!

That passion is showing itself to a friend right now who's going through a situation very similar to you. She works, he stayed home with their 2 yo son. She had to leave the house, but is still paying for his rent. Somehow he has their son, and it's been SO HARD for me to try not to be pushy because I don't know all the specifics.

You have to do what feels right, and I definitely agree that getting out quicker and cleaner is better. BUT not when it comes to your son.

CA is a community property state. You may have to move, perhaps may prefer to, however chances are you're entitled to equity in the house, even if it was his before you married, unless you signed a pre-nup agreement. This goes the same for the money and legally I don't think he can be doing anything with those funds until the two of you or the courts decide how it will be split, which in California is 50/50. All of these conversations should be going through your attorney, that's why you have one. If your attorney isn't representing you well, find a new and better one.
Best of luck to you. I know this isn't fun, but will eventually be over and you'll be better off for it.

hang in there.

if you can afford to live without his "help", do it. sounds to me like a win-win. cut ties as much as possible. that's my advice. and take care of that baby! good luck...

Kate,
you pay an attorney so you don't have to deal with all this stuff. The person you were married to is not the same person you're divorcing. Let your attorney deal with this. Any time he brings it up NOT in the presense of your attorney, give him one "warning" that this is why you have attorneys. The second time, tell him its harassment. Harassment charges would not look good in court for him.

You have an attorney to look out for your best interest without all the emotion. Court is not the worst thing - trust me. That threat worked on me for two years because that scared me. Don't back down. You are entitled to half the equity in the house during the time you were married.

Keep your chin up! Take back some of your power.

This sounds like what I have been through. Your attorney should advise you that you are entitled to some money for the house since the value increased during your marriage and as a couple you upgraded the house. Do you have any checks showing you paid for some of these improvements? Find them! I believe I receceived money based on Moore vs. Marsden. Ask! Ask! Ask! Do not let him bully you into anything. Protect yourself! Limit your interaction with him and do not discuss court/divorce issues at all. Let your attorney do this for you. I hope this helps. However, do not expect to get everything you want but do expect something. You were married and not roommates for 6 years. Good Luck! Stay Strong and never lose sight of your integrity

For me, when I left my daughter's father (we were never married; lived together for 5 years) I was sooooo done that I left with a garbage bag of clothing for me and my daughter and never looked back. Sometimes I regretted leaving everything (had just bought my very first brand new dining room set!) but those moments of regret were very brief.

So, IMHO, when you're done, you're done and there is nothing worth sticking around for. To me, people drag out these fights because they aren't truly done with the relationship.

Good luck to you and yours. I'm sure you'll find that once the dust settles, you are much happier!

Don't give up! I went through the same thing and my ex-husband acted the same way - like a big bully! I stood up for myself and he would threaten to go to court and I would tell him that I look forward to seeing him there. He finally realized I was fighting for my rights and he started to act better. You absolutely deserve what you deserve and should fight for it. You will feel so much better after. Also, my lawyer was a FIGHTER which was awesome and made a huge difference. If you need a referral let me know! Stay strong!!!!

I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree, the more you can sever ties, the happier you will be. Moving out doesn't mean that you are giving up your right to anything that you are entitled to. I would at least speak with your attorney about what that is. Is it something that is fairly cut and dried? As in, you are entitled to x amount of the house plus y and z? If so, then it might be worth pursuing. If it is really complicated and would drag out in court, then you need to decide if it is worth it. Will you spend more in legal fees than you'll get back in the end? If so, you'll probably save yourself lots of sanity but cutting ties and moving on.

But I really would have a good consultation with your attorney- they should be helping you sort this out anyway- before you decide anything. Good luck.