UGH! My Child!

What about taking her to the grocery store and having her pick out a few things she would like to try. Also, have her help you prepare a new recipe, get her involved in cooking something for daddy. I think children just want a say sometimes.

You are right not to cook differently for her alone though. My cousin does that with her children. She has gone through a divorce and I think the kids use the food to control things. Her one daughter is anemic because all she eats is cookies and potato chips (She's so thin she looks anorexic at 12) They give her 10 choices. Do you want me to make you this, that, or the other and then cave later and let her eat cookies. Hang in there and hopefully it will get better. Try not to let her get to you. Don't give her attention when she whines that she is hungry. Do you think it's a cry for attention since you have a new baby or has this gone on a while?

I too could have written this request. And I will be the first to say I DON'T have the answers... my first child ate everything baby food wise you gave him and now is the pickies eater...my second, hated most baby food items and eats everything you put in front of her. Now I suspect the eldest has something to do with the fluid on the ears and the pain associated with biting hard things...doesn't mean I can push him out of his little circle of food.

I too was raised with the you eat what is put in front of you and that's all you get method...I've tried that and lost my sanity. So the result is this, we make a dinner. He can choose to eat it with us or pick from a small list of other things he can eat...BUT he has to at least help prepare his own food (i.e. he pushes the microwave buttons, puts the bowl/plate in the microwave, gets out the ketschup, etc.). I keep the easy to make stuff in the house pretty much for him (hot dogs, chicken nuggets, PBJ, corndogs, ham sandwiches, mac n' cheese) and he is pretty blissful just rotating between those things. Am I causing damage? Well, I don't think so...at least we aren't having emotional fights every night and making meal time a war zone. Is it a pain in the butt? Well, if you make it that way, but honestly how much effort does it take to microwave some chicken nuggets for 2 minutes just before everyone sits down to dinner? Is it worth your sanity and the fighting you are going through? I've been through EVERY parenting class...1-2-3 Magic, Love and Logic, Common Sense Parenting (multiple times even) and NO ONE not ONE PERSON has come up with something that will stop this insanity. Yeah, you can send them to their rooms hungry but it doesn't solve the problem...they are still hungry and AREN'T going to eat whatever you put in front of them. I mean honestly, did you ever go through this as a kid? All it did was bred resentment and an even greater hatred of whatever food you were pressed into watching the whole night or being forced to eat.

Every class has told me "you have more patience than your children...you can outlast them". Well I've determined that I can't. My home is much happier just going with the flow then fighting it. I've picked my battle and it's NOT to have yelling and screaming going on all through dinner hour and into the night.

I'll certainly be reading through other responses and hoping that someone out there has some magical insight of how to stop the screaming, whining and fighting but in the meantime...we're just blissful in KS.

Molly,

I feel for you, girl!! I'm sorry she wants to act this way. I'm going to refer you to a web-site that I have, and will, keep referring people to that have kids with behavior issues. The site is www.thetotaltransformation.com

The founder, James Lehman, was a child who was out of control. He knows how to relate to kids and how to teach parents how to effectively parent their children. Please give it a look at.

Good luck and God bless!!

ls

Just so you know, you are not alone. I have a 3 year old little girl and she does the same thing. Not quite to that extent but I feel the same way as you. I will not make her something special with every meal!!! I have tried time out, I have tried making her sit there until it's gone (yeah right), I have tried sending her to her room and nothing seems to make her budge. But of course like your daughter all she wants are snacks!!! It must be a stage they are going through. My daughter thinks a snack should come after every meal. I am a very health conscious person and I don't keep a lot of junk food lying around (the worst we have are 100 calorie packs of oreaos)but I completely feel your frustration and the only thing I can say is that after several nights of "If you can't eat your dinner than your not getting anything else" and she seems to be doing better. She was such a good eater as a toddler. She ate whatever I put in front of her, loved fruits and veggies and now it's like pulling teeth to get her to eat. I think it's just them testing us and trying to be idependent and feel like they have control of the situation. STAND STRONG fellow mom!!!! You and I are on the same page with this one!! I hope to win this battle one day.....

I think several people who gave advice are right about giving water and not making it a big deal if the choice is not to eat. No snacks to fill up on, etc. But I did wonder if you all sit down together as a family to eat. Maybe you do but I found that to be very helpful and we made sure our family sat until all were finished. It seemed to help with eating food that they didn't particularly want. Sounds like you're doing the right thing if you stick to it and don't give in and provide favorite food or snacks.

It has got to at least be a comfort to know that you are not in this alone! Reading all the responses to this makes me feel that way, at least. :o)
I have an 8 year old little boy who was a picky eater from the day he was born, and believe me, I feel your frustration. Those parenting classes one response talked about that said "you have more patience than your child" are crazy! Obviously, they've never had a stubborn child.

With my son, I had to sit with him and pretty much feed him for years when it came to things he wouldn't eat. I tried to play games (you know, the whole corny "here comes the airplane!"), bargaining (if you eat you can have...,we will play..., etc), and he usually outlasted me. It made holidays with family awful! Everyone just looks at you like it's your fault! I would get so frustrated, I would be in tears by the end of the day.
I was always scared, though, because I was a picky eater when I was little, and when I went to visit my dad for a week he didn't make me eat and I ended up in the hospital with mono and malnutrition. I know that's an extreme, but it always stayed with me.
We ended up compromising. I would make him TRY everything. 2-3 bites of whatever we are eating, and then have his favorites on standby. Sometimes on those wonderful nights, he actually would like what I made and eat more. The only advice I can give you is it does get better. My son is still picky, but he at least is willing to try everything before he starts complaining! And at this point, I do not make him anything else, and I don't get the tantrums we used to. He just accepts it and usually eats what I give him. (granted, it's still small portions on the things I know he doesn't like). Another thing we tried was putting eating on his "chore chart" He got a star every time he eat without a fight, and at the end of the week he got a prize. Sometimes that worked, but not always.
Good luck with everything. I commend you for sticking to your guns. Your strength is amazing :o)

I could have written your post! I just try to remain calm, and say, "I'm sorry you're hungry. You didn't eat your dinner." Then if the fussing continues I say, "If you continue to fuss, then you will need to go to your room. We don't want to listen to it out here."

I go through this routine almost every night. Wish I had some better advice, but I (like you) refuse to prepare special meals each night. I fix healthy dinners and if she doesn't choose to eat, then that's too bad.

I have gone through this also. I went through this with my daughter a couple of years ago. She is 7 now. I just didn't give her anything but water for 2 hours before dinner so she didn't fill up on anything. Also I only gave her water with her dinner. If she didn't eat what she was served then she got water the rest of the night. We have a rule in are house eat what your served are do without for the rest of the night.It worked. I hope this helps. Good Luck

What about sneaking healthy food into her macaroni, like broccoli, chicken etc... Just make a big batch of macaroni at the beginning of the week for her, and add to it the things you've made for dinner.

my son did the same thing... several things to keep in mind...

1. don't make it personal. it's not on you if she eats or not, it's her choice. make it available, even for a little while after dinner if she doesn't eat initially, but don't get in a battle of wills. either she wants it or she doesn't- no big deal. she won't starve herself.

2. don't fudge with snacks, an hour or two before dinner. and nothing after dinner at all, if she doesn't eat. that will keep her from eating for sure

3. the rule at our house is, you have to at least taste it. sometimes i will make one forkful of whatever i'm trying to get him to eat, and it will sit on his plate all evening. all he has to do is eat that one forkful, then he can have dessert. some nights he doesn't! i don't really like eating dessert in front of him so we will often wait till he's in bed to have ours. but i stick to the rule.

don't stress yourself over it. it sounds like it's more of an attention thing at this point. she knows it gets to you. just relax. enforcing the idea that YOU are in charge does not have to be a battle of the wills. just let it go, and you automatically "win". it's not giving up control, it's choosing your battles wisely. you can't force someone to eat. it's physically impossible. but it is unrealistic and unfair to you, to cater to a child's whim at mealtime. so THEY choose. eat what you make, or not at all. it's that simple. i don't see the point in all the drama, and i don't tolerate it. it just creates stress, which i don't need more of! good luck!

There are 2 things that come to mind for me with this. One is that if she really is being just picky you are handling it well and you just have a very stubborn little girl on your hands. She won't starve to death and she will cave in sooner or later.

BUT, the second thing I want to say is that sometimes when a child is not feeling well in general they will become picky with their food. My 3rd daughter fought ear infections and upper respiratory junk for her first 4 years of life. We eventually realized that she had put herself on a very bland diet. She went for about a year with only eating corn, bananas, and yogurt. That was it. She'd nibble on other things but never really eat any of it. Like you, I didn't do special meals or cookies etc. But when she really was sick and all she wanted was something that was so easy to give her, I couldn't resist giving it to her. We were in the doctors every other week because of her problems. She had tubes and had her tonsils out later. She developed severe sleep apnea as well. So it was really easy to give her what she wanted and eventually she grew out of it after her tonsils were removed and she wasn't so sickly all the time.

So before you let too much time go by, maybe you should take her for a check up and talk to her doctor?

Suzi