Two Yr Old Meltdowns

Hi Barbara!

I know you don't like the label "terrible twos" but I can recommend a great book called "Making the Terrible Two's Terrific" by John Rosemond. It really helped me understand the switch in my little boy's behavior, why he was doing what he was doing and how to deal with it.

Hope this helps!
L.

My son did this too before he was 2 and I worked full time. I believe it was separation issues. I started spending some one on one time with him when we first got home (before starting dinner). It seemed to help him relax and he would then play on his own while I cooked.

I have a 2 1/2 yr old, and she has started to do the EXACT thing! I am going to start to put her down for a short nap when she gets home, even though she just had a nap at school. This was recommended to me by a worker at the mothers-day-out program that my daughter attends 2 days per week. She reminded me that the kids get worn-out from playing with the other kids etc.. I don't have a problem accepting this plan of action, because sleep is good for a childs brain development. Just wanted to share the thought.
~K.

I would talk to his daycare teachers and ask them if his behavior is different at school. My son is very well behaved at school but melts down at home. The meltdowns tend to happen more on Mondays when he is getting back to the daycare routine. Also check and make sure that he is napping at school. Fatigue will also drive these littles one into insanity.

my son turned 2 in Sept. and he started the same thing..he fights to go in the carseat..I mean legs tight and swinging, kicking, you name..even biting. He does it with everything it seems like. I try my best to ignore it and go on, but I feel your pain on this. I stay at home with mine..so even in the stores..just out of no where...But I do agree with the other poster...when he doesnt nap..he is ALOT worse. I just dont let him have that controll and walk away or put him in his room. I am not sure this even helps but Good luck and hope it all gets better for you.

ohh yes the terrible twos! I was 25 when I had my first child who was absolutely the best baby ever. She never knew a stranger, never cried unless she was hungry or dirty, she had the sweetest disposition. She was an angle! Then around the age of one and a half...I swear she was stolen and someone put a gremlin in her place. She was HORRIBLE. Every day about every little thing...drama, drama, drama. I couldn’t believe it. I cried. I found myself correcting and all that came out of my mouth was no, stop, don’t, put it down, leave it alone...1, 2, 3... swat, swat, swat. We were best friends and all of a sudden we were constantly at war. I cried to my parents. I just knew in my heart of hearts that I was responsible for this behavior. I was a new parent and I just knew I did something wrong. maybe not enough time or this or that....It made me think that I was this bad parent.

My parents reassured me that I was doing all I could, the best way I could, and it was a good thing. "keep on swatting girl!" was their encouragement. I asked people my age and was relieved to find that their children where going though the same thing as me.

The reality is this: Why wouldn’t me and my daughter be best friends if our interest and agendas were always the same?? Peace will rein throughout the land! But, all too quickly our kids grow up and we can t expect them to have the same agendas as us. We have explored everything and do everything. They are just now getting to do that and they are looking to you to tell them how far they can go. They will push the boundaries and they will see if they can exert their own will. They are realizing that they have their own opinion and ideas about things...much to our dismay. LOL

I am a big believer in emotional expression. In our home we were not allowed to really cry or get out of hand. It’s a liberty that I feel every kid needs. I also take my liberty of a quiet home seriously. When my daughter would start that fit and throw herself on the floor I would tell her to go to her room and she could let her emotions out there. My quietness preserved and her freedom of speech expressed After the tantrum had stopped I would tell her to come sit with me and we would talk about that emotion and how to express it better. Putting words to their emotions helps them express themselves better. The quiet time gives you time to cool down from your frustrations and try to figure out what triggered that meltdown.

Take comfort …this too shall pass. In the mean time, listen to your heart and be the best mommie you can be. Only you know what is best for your precious little man.

Well, you're not gonna like this, but it IS the stage he's going through. I have a four year old who is so sweet now but honest to God, when she was two, I thought I had raised a monster. Both sets of grandparents didnt even want to watch her during that time cause she was so bad. Unfortunately for us, the three's were even worse. But we got through it alive and all is well in the world now. I'm just speaking from experience. I understand why you dont like the label, but its a fact. Children do go through those stages.

Hi Barbara,

Those melt downs can be rough. Have you talked to his teacher at school? If this has started recently he could be stressed about something. Even as adults when we have had a go go day we crash and burn at home. At almost two they really cannot talk to you about what is bothering them. If he is fine in the car ride home maybe he is also needing a routine when you get in the house. Helping unpack his school bag, sitting down to read a book, asking him about his day. Is he getting frustrated because he cannot get his thoughts out? You may want to try sign language. Is he sensing stress from you?

Don't be so hard on yourself. Listen to your heart. What ever route you use to help him get control make sure you are consistent.

I don't want to scare you, but two's were not the problem in our house. It was three's. Just a few thoughts. Hope this helps.

He can't verbalize what he needs so he does what he does what is easiest to get your attention and release his stress-throw a tantrum. He is developing right on schedule! It isn't anything that you are doing, so don't feel guilty. I started putting a little play area in the kitchen so that my daughter could see me while I cook dinner. I ask her questions and show her things while I cook so that she feels part of the process, but I don't necessarily focus everything on her. It seems to work. Or try a special kid-friendly chair so that he can be around you in the kitchen. He will outgrow this in a few months, just be patient until he can tell you what he needs. Then you won't be able to get him to stop talking!

I have a 22 month old little girl who does the EXACT same thing. When the extreme melt-downs occur she is TIRED!! I know it is very hard when you work to get them home, have dinner cooked and them in bed early. Maybe try getting him to bed a hour earlier (or sooner at least). I can relate to the tantrums. I have my little one chill out in her high chair in the kitchen with me to munch on some fruit before dinner to help tide her over. I know you said that you have a snack in the car, but maybe having him sit there with you in the kitchen will keep him OFF of the counters which could be VERY dangerous (speak from experience) and give him some time to rest. Talk to his daycare and see how he is resting at school. That might give you a heads up on why he is so cranky.

Best of luck!
T.

Is something going on at daycare? Is he being picked on?

Here is something I tried for a while when my son would have a tantrum: I would just hold him on my lap very loosely, but not let him go. I would talk very quietly to him, and tell him it was ok. I would stay completely calm, and soon he would calm down too. Then try to talk to him and figure out what the problem is. A couple other thoughts: Is he just tired from the long day? Should he be going to bed earlier? Does he take a nap at daycare? Is everything ok at the daycare? Could anything be happening there that isn't right? I wish you luck.

He is probably overstimulated in day care. Being tired, stressed, and overstimlated is a formula for a cranky disheveled evening.

I am a 38yr old single mom of 2 girls.
My 2yr old goes to day care too,and has meltdowns when i bring her home-half the time she is just tired,i always ask her are you hurt,she says,then i tell her to dry it up and she does,i really don't think there is anything wrong with this at all, it seems pretty normal to me.
Hopes this helps

D.

I'm going through the same thing. My little boy just turned 2 yesterday. He was once a happy, cheerful little boy and now screams for no apparent reason. From everything I have read/heard/experienced, a main frustration is that you child can understand a great deal of language but cannot communicate many words back to you. Especially frustrating is when they get us to understand what they want, and we say no.
Obviously doing what we can to prevent serious hunger or tiredness helps - none of us act rationally when we are hungry or tired. Also, I try to help him name everything. Toddlers have their own way of saying things, so I'll frequently ask him to say things so that I can learn HIS word for it. Also, molars and the REALLY painful teeth are starting to come in.
You're doing a great job! Just realizing that your child is not just being bad or misbehaving but that this is a phase of life is a great accomplishment. I frequently check www.askdrsears.com He has lots of info about communication. I'm glad to know, too, that two-parent families are also going through the exact same thing.

You are totally NOT ALONE!! My son has been very laid back and easy up to this point. He is now 20 months and full of craziness. He will run up to anyone and slap them, bite and for no reason just scream and cry. I know this is probably normal but I am afraid to leave him thinking he might hurt another child unexpectantly. Its frustrating to stay at home alot though because he just walks around throwing a tantrum sometimes out of the blue. I hope this passes soon :))

You've gotten some good advice. Yes, it is the terrible twos, but I do agree that it isn't an excuse for bad behavior. All I would encourage you with is to be consistent in whichever method you choose to deal with this. If it's time out or ignoring it, keep using it and eventually he'll get the message. We all want quick fixes, but that's just not the reality of parenting. Consistency sounds nice, but can be such a huge headache to achieve. Really, though, it's the only thing that in the end, brings results. Just know that there will be some very embarassing moments ahead in public places, and some times when you don't feel like dealing with it, but if you do deal with it, it will be better someday. And know that other mothers who are trying to do the right thing will understand. You are not alone.

Hey Barbara,

You son is most likely over-tired and on over-load from a stimulating day in daycare. As children develop, they occasionally hit "rough spots" like this. It sounds like you and your husband are trying a lot of great ideas.

Since this has been happening for a few weeks, I would eliminate any concerns about a medical component. The nurse at your Pediatrician's office is a great resource to help you decide if he needs to be seen. I wouldn't worry about this - it would just be a wise precaution.

Talking with the folks at the daycare is an excellent place to start. They can tell you how things have been lately - is he napping, melting down more often, etc. They may be able to help you make a few changes at daycare and home that help.

Keeping things as calm and quiet as possible when you get him home will help. Speak in quiet voices, don't play any electronics if possible. If you or your husband tends to get frustrated by the meltdowns, your son will pick up on the tension. Whoever feels the most patient and calm at the moment should be with your son. Try cuddling and reading a book soon after getting home. This all helps create a calm and soothing environment.

Your son may be trying to give up napping during the day. If this is the case, he still needs to rest at daycare with his peers. He may need to go to bed sooner in the evening. If he is going through a growth spurt, his sleep needs may go up for awhile.

Lots of ideas to consider....

I would love to hear how this works for you!

J. B.
Parent Coach

Hello Barbara -

I have two awesome boys - Ruben who will be 3 in March and Marcos who will be 2 in April. None of us moms like the phrase terrible twos, but I wouldn't know what else to call it. Just as you said a few months before Ruben turned two he took on this new attitude, and it really surprisesd my husband and I. We tried everything, more attention, time out, ignoring, bribing and nothing helped. For Ruben it was unpredictable, he could do it in the car if he finished his milk too quick, or the moment we walked in the house, but most of the time it was because he wanted something and we woudl not give it to him. The only thing that would calm him down was to put him in time out and then once he began the hysterical screaming and crying and kicking then we would sit by him and talk with him like he was an adult, he woudl calm down for about 30 seconds- 1 minuter and then I would tell him to say Sorry Mommy and Daddy and I Love You and then we would say the same and then Mommy, of course, would hold him. You have to keep in my mind that his language has not fully developed so the only way for him to express what he wants is to act it out with intense emotion. He is most likely scared when he is doing this so your love, patience and understanding is most important right now. Ruben is now talking 1500 words a second, so he of course has no problem explaining what it is he wants and most of the time he can explain why and now his big tantrums have turned into this little sighs and big bottom lips, but he is over it in 30 seconds. As long as he knows you love him and you really want to know what is bothering him, he will try to respond more rationally. I hope this helped!!

I am a single mom of four children ages 3, 5, 7, and 9. three boys and one girl. You mentioned that your son goes to daycare so the first thing i would suggest is to ask his caregivers if this is a behavior he displays there and how they deal with it. If they give into the fits they possibly are making your job harder. Also I would check on how much sleep he is getting. Since he not yet two he will not be able to tell you he is not getting enough sleep. This is how I work through my 3 year olds meltdowns. Use A.C.T. Acknowledge, correct and teach. Acknowledge to him you know he wants something, explain throwing a fit wont help get it and tell him he can show you what he wants instead. I know this sounds odd but it helps. It also helps when he climbs up on things for example, you will want to acknowledge he like to climbs, tell him its not allowed in the house, teach that he climbs outside at a playground. I hope this makes sense. I teach 18 month old children and it works very well with them.

Sometimes with kids in daycare or in school, no matter what their age, they are so involved with daycare and with being good that by the time they get home they have to release their fustrations somehow. Unfortunately that doesn't make for a quiet home life.

I have six kids and personality does make a difference. I have a now 8 year old that had that problem at age 2 also. And he still continues do it, in some form, when he gets home from school. His teachers love him because he's the perfect student. Quiet, never makes a fuss, always does his work and get's straight A's. But he's a little maniac when he gets home.

I have an understanding of why he does this and I've learned just turning my back and ignoring him works best when he throws his fits. Sometimes there are boundries that we have to set, as if he is throwing a fit it's disrupting everyone, then we warn him once then it's off to bed (or time out) until he calms down. You'll just have to learn what works best for you.

So as for terrible two's....it's true, unfortunately it doesn't end at two either!

Best of luck!

Has his 2 yr molars come in yet? They can be very painful. If it's not his teeth and he is just trying out new behaviors- I would ignore the undesired behaviors and not reawrd it with your attention. It may take a week or two, but he'll learn that throwing fits won't yield positive results. Both my children (now 7 and 5) went through this "stage" at about two and I used the same technique to deal with whining at 3 years of age. Good luck!

Okay I dont mean to toot my own horn..but been there done that five times over. While my stepchildren were older when they pulled this fun phase of their life..they pulled it none the less. I have a total of six kids under my roof and they all have serious attitude at one time or another. I will refrain from throwing in the full commentary and just put in my experience with my first daughter. When she was around 11 months old she started this very same thing. I could not figure it out for the life of me and it drove me nuts. I was also in the beginning of my second pregnancy here but she didnt know that so it wasnt even a factor. She and I spent everyday together and in the evenings Daddy was there to play too. Neither one of us knew what the deal was but she just kept on until we were at our wits end. She didnt do this when she went to other peoples houses. She stayed with grandma and was an angel..for a little while. What I didnt know is that Grandma had someone else come over around her age and when that little tyke left she had started her fits. Thank heaven, when I had my second child she was 20 months old and the tables turned dramatically. She was practically scowling in the pictures from the hospital with her sister. UNTIL- we brought her home and then it was a whole other story. She loved her little sister and practically forced her to crawl and walk at an extremely early age. I will notice her getting frustrated when her sister wouldnt chase her ..she didnt understand why she couldnt. I started making some play dates for her with kids her own age and noticed that the fits seemed to calm down. Once her sister reached an age that they could play together she quit all together practically. I all of the sudden was left out of their little club for drooling and babbling that I didnt understand. I dont know if she was just frustrated that I didnt "get" her from the nonsense she spoke or what. I am not saying you should go pop out another kid but perhaps a few regular play dates with some kids his age would help this some. Hope this helps.

personally i dont believe in such a thing as terriable twos. A phase maybe, but Terriable Twos?????
Ok so you let him sit on the counter while you cook, allow him to help in order to keep him occupied. and let him be more involved, setting the table, bringing the forks, plates, etc. it seems that the afternoon snack needs to go away, and just wait until dinner time. you child seems to sound like he is ok, as long as he has something in his mouth. While cooking and on the way home talk to him, about how his day was, and tell him about yours, or about any upcoming family plans. Keep the schedule the same on a daily basis. Daycare, drive home, help mommy cook and get ready for dinner, playtime, bathtime, and finally bedtime. Kids need structure, and they thrive on it, they like to know what is going to happen. so changing things up, does not help. Keep it all consistant.
T

First of all, I was a daycare provider for seven years, so I am NOT trying to get anyone in trouble. However, if your routine at home has been stable, you need to talk to the daycare. If they aren't supportive or tell you nothing is wrong, just hang out there for a little while. It could be that another child is bothering him or even something else that might want you to think about changing daycare. You are in control! Don't let the daycare provider make you feel any different!

YOu have gotten a lot of great advice about checking day care schedules, naps and behavior, etc. And the one on one time is very important, too. I would just like to add that we do hate the term terrible two. My first son was perfect and I told everyone that I didn't believe in the terrible two's, but then my daughter came along and she changed my perspective. Studying Child development extensively sometimes didn't even prepare me for the melt downs, because my son was soo good and my third is too. Just remember that the tantrums stem a lot from children not knowing how to deal with emotions. The get surges of anger, frustration or sadness and do not know how to channel the energy. So that is where we come in. Teach him how to channel that. Let him cry into a pillow. We also use a breathing technique. I tell my kiddos okay take a deap breath and I breath with them and then say okay let it out. (Sometimes I let them blown my hair or something that moves to make them laugh) We do that a few times to get them to calm down. I also tell my daughter that I can not understand her when she cries. I tell her that she has to talk if she wants me to understand and if she wants me to do something. Using a reward system or chart can also increase the good behavior and decrease the unwanted behavior. I hope this helps---good luck- and remember to be calm--all of this will pass and they sense how we feel, too.

Hi Barbara S,

I'm no child psychologist, but have you talked to your son's caregiver to find out if maybe something he's experiencing there could be bringing on this behavior? Maybe he's not getting the attention he previously received from the caregiver. Don't get me wrong, I'm not accusing the caregiver, but maybe there are some new children in his group, and therefore, the caregiver has less time to devote to each child. I know how little ones can be when their routine is disrupted. I also suggest more cuddling with him, just for a few minutes when you get home before jumping right into your evening routine.

Hope this helps!
God Bless
S. M

Check that he does not have an ear infection or other underlying problem. EAch kid interprets sickness differently. Not all of them will have high fevers and be lethargic--one of mine does not. She just acts 'off' and I know something is up. ;-)

Secondly he may not be napping or napping as well at preschool. When they hit that in-between stage they are usually very hard to deal with at night until their bodies can adjust. Ask if he is getting lunch, nap time, etc. just like always or if something has changed.

Thirdly he may just need some quiet unstimulating time when he gets home--much like you would love to curl up and read the paper or watch a movie. Like another poster said they use up all their 'being good' at school and have to release it at the end of the day. Actually it is a good thing if he knows home is a safe place for him to hang loose a little. My oldest would do this from 2 yr and up. If he was overly tired, stimulated, or whatever he would cry for no apparent reason. He knew tantrums were not tolerated at all. So he would cry or say (he was pretty verbal) he was upset, unhappy, or whatever. Then we would go rock for awhile or do something very quiet like just snuggle and watch cartoons. He loved the snuggling and quiet acceptance that he needed to cry and be held without any reason. He would usually be ready for a nap after that. When he woke up all was good and he was ready to play. ;-) When he went to school we had to have an attitude check every day and get homework done, then go play--do no chores for awhile--just play and relax. ;-)

I agree with Tippi S, after I ruled out all of that. The only thing I would add, when you are in the kitchen cooking, I would give my son pots and bowls and big spoons to play with on the floor so he could cook with me. My Son was wonderful when he was two and I thought good I made it thru the "terrible twos" but then he turn three and he was a horrible three year old!!! I thought the whole time "what have I done"!!!!! Made a monster!!! But we made it he's 15 and guess what the monster come out again and it can talk!!!!!

Good Luck!!! we all made thru so can you, just take one day at a time
K.

Hi Barbara,
I feel for you. Every child is different and this is probably just a phase that will seem to last forever because it is so hard. I would look at his sleep schedule. Is he tired? Is there anything that will preoccupy him. I know this sounds bad but television can be a tool especially if it keeps you from going berserk. A two year old definitely cannot be reasoned with so maybe change up his schedule and see if that works. Just know above anything else that you are doing your best and thats all you can do. Good luck and remember this to will pass.

Barbara, sounds like you are doing agreat job. I would look at a couple of thinkgs. First I would talk to the daycare and see if something is going on there. are there any new kids, did they change the schedule for naps things like that. Is he eating breakfast and did he eat his lunch and snack at daycare. At about two is when my daughters food tastes changed and she would not eat the food at the day care. She would change weekly what she liked at home. Without the proper nutrition she had meltdowns daily. We cut out all sugar (except fruit) and went to whole grains. I took some peanut butter to daycare in case she did not like what they had. It made all the difference. Every child is different. Believe in yourself as a Mom your doing great!

I agree with you on the "terrible two" label Barbara. I never liked that term either. When my son turned 2 I said he would be a "terrific two"! And he was. The only advice I can give you is just to share what my husband & I experienced with our children. I am 46 years old, have been married for almost 22 years. We have 1 son (20)in college and a daughter (15) in high school. I know it's been a while since my children were 2 but there are a lot of experiences with your children that you never forget. First of all, I think what your sweet little boy is doing right now is testing you and your husband. He needs to have the comfort & security of knowing that Mommy and Daddy are in control. Parents should set the tone of the household, not the children. Also, make sure to follow through with any punishment that you give. I have never been a proponent of the "ignore the tantrums" strategy. Some swear by it and if it works for them that's fine. The only problem is when someone decides to use that particular strategy in a public place. We had no problem just giving a firm but gentle swat on the rear and a firm commandment of "that behavior is not allowed". I know that society today shuns that kind of discipline but it is clearly scriptural. My children learned real fast that any kind of fit would get them nothing but in trouble resulting in two very well behaved kids. After all it is our job to teach them how to act appropriately both at home and in public. As soon as both of our children started their testing phase we took care of it right away and it wasn't too long until it stopped because they knew their boundaries and that's really what children are looking for. Ephesians 5:21-33 through 6:1-4 gives us a clear view of God's order for the home and in my 21 1/2 yrs of marriage and my 20 years of motherhood I have learned (sometimes the hard way) that there truly is no other way.

I have a 7 year old son and 4 and 2 year old daughters. I learned that when my son was having those moments he was either tired or hungry, because he too, was generally a sweet, sweet boy. A lot of my relatives do not agree with what I am about to recommend as they are quick to call it spoiling or giving in. BUT! I don't think it is either of those things and it worked and it continues to work for my 2 year old daughter. It took about 10 and sometimes even 15 minutes but it always calmed them and I didn't have to hear them cry and most importantly THEY (the child) felt better. Ok so when I would notice the mood change coming on I would always stop what I was doing, grab a snack and pick my child up and sit down with him/her (holding them and sharing their snack with them) quietly on the sofa. It always worked! ALWAYS! you know it is so beneficial bc it gave me a chance to sit down and relax and eat a little snack before dinner (it was always before dinner for some reason) and just enjoy my child.
I hope this helps! Also on a different note, there is a book called "How to Talk so your Kids will Listen and Listen so your kids will talk". It is a wonderful book for children of all ages.

Its possible he is just really tired! Do they nap at the daycare? If so, does he get enough sleep? He may also may be hitting a growth spurt! Thats makes them a little cranky, tired, and hungry! Hang in there! This too shall pass!

I am going to be full of questions that possibly may trigger something in your life to help you with your son. Has your child fallen in childcare and hit his head? If you don't give him a snack on the way home is it any better or any worse? Does he have to wait for dinner when you get home or have you prepared something you can heat up quickly? (Crockpot meals are great) What type of routine was he on before all this started? How much sugar (hyperactivity) does he get in his daily diet? How do the time outs work? What time is bed time?

Having a child sit on the counter while you prepare food for dinner is not a good idea, he could fall off or get burned or cut himself with a knife they are quick at that age and you can't keep an eye on them all the time. If he still feels he has to "help" with the meals, put him on the floor in a safe area with a few plastic bowls and a wooden spoon. He can feel is helping.

It may be that he is testing your rules and the boundaries and you are giving in to him. You (both) are going to have to agree on the discipline route and stick to it so that mixed signals are not sent. If you don't get a handle he WILL be ruling the house and not you. You may have to be very firm in your discipline (I did not say spanking) but he must know who is in charge. Playtime should be for a set number and then begin getting ready for bed. You two need time for yourselves after baby is in bed to unwind. I hope this is helpful. Email off list if you have any other questions.

Something might be wrong in your 2-year-old's life, but a greater probability is that everything is moving right on schedule. At about 2, children discover they are separate individuals. They want to exercise their own control, a new experience. They want what they want - and right now, even when they aren't sure what they want. It's a hard and frustrating time for a child. A parent's job at this stage is to be patient, soothe when possible, commiserate with the child's helpless, frustrated feelings, and turn attention (when possible) to things the child CAN do. Sometimes none of these things work, particularly when the child is over-stimulated or tired. Certain limits have to be set, of course. Children have to learn that they can't do or have anything and everything but that they CAN have some things. It takes awhile (sometimes a year or more), but they will adjust to life's limitations. The success of this learning stage depends on a parent's ability to understand the dynamics of the child's frustration and gently, firmly help him/her learn to tolerate it. Good luck!

Maybe there is something going on at his daycare. He could be having a problem with a teacher, or maybe getting picked on by another student. Maybe he has been eating a lot of crappy food lately, like too much sweets or starches. Or he might need to go to bed earlier. Just some suggestions.

I don't know that I have an answer for you, but I will tell you this, you're not alone. It was actually refreshing to read this from you. My son turned two in December and I never know what sets him off. Some weeks he'll be a pleasant little boy, able to play on the floor by himself and enjoy quiet time with Mommy. Other weeks every night is a battle. He'll scream from the moment I get home from work until he falls asleep. I want to pull my hair out. I have to believe its a phase. I'm sure my son is a strongwilled kid, and that's going to be his nature. But, the fit throwing won't always be there. You just need to make it clear to him that this behavior is unacceptable. Ignoring it sometimes and time-out sometimes are both good solutions, I believe. That's exactly what I do. I get right near his face and say "No-no! We don't scream!" I know its frustrating, but its comforting to know we're not alone.

Hey Barbara,

I have a 2 1/2 year old and I am all too familiar with the meltdowns. I would agree that you should check out anything externally that could be setting him off, daycare schedule, ear infections, teeth coming in, etc. When it comes down to it he may just be emotional. I used to tell my husband that its like full hormonal puberty in a pint sized package and he doesnt have enough words to yell mean things. Most of the time if our son was having a meltdown we would let him get the energy and frustration out and then when he was done he was a totally different kid. Sometimes they just need to vent; thats what we do right? Anyway, it does get better. Good luck!!!

First I would find out from the daycare if he is taking a nap and if so how long. It could be that when he comes in after eating his snack he may need a little 30 minute nap.
Most of the time after eating sleepiness starts to set in and then we overpower it by playing or distracting our selves.

My first question is does he nap at daycare and for how long? He might be tired. I would try some quiet time activities or putting him down for a nap when you get home.
If that is not the issue, it just might be a phase. I have a 3 year old, who is usually a sweetheart, but has gone through those "phases" where he is irrational. We just went through one when he turned three. It will pass.