Two Girls Sharing a Bedroom--ground Rules to Start With?

Updated on March 13, 2011
L.M. asks from Saint Paul, MN
9 answers

My four-year-old and two-year-old will be sharing a pretty small bedroom starting in the next month due to the arrival a new baby this summer. I know that this will be a work in progress, but does anyone have advice as to what kind of rules/guidlines we could start with to make this transition easier for them and us? Maybe somethings you learned AFTER having kids sharing a space that you wish you would have known before?

Many thanks!

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S.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

My girls are almost 8 and 9 1/2. They have shared a room most of their lives. I agree with what others have said - they need their own space for their own stuff. My biggest issue has been bed time. It works best for us for them to go to bed at the same time at night. My older dd thinks she should be able to stay up later, since she is older, but that is too difficult. She ends up waking up earlier in the morning than my younger dd, as she doesnt need as much sleep, and that works well. Last summer we tried putting them in seperate bedrooms. It didn't even last a week - they both missed each other! They often (not on school nights) will sleep together in one bed and miss each other if one is gone at a sleep over. They do fight, like any siblings would, but they are very close and part of that is from sharing a room. I think it is great you are putting them together BEFORE the new baby is born. It will be important for both girls (the one losing her room and the one getting the roommate) to be able to redecorate the bedroom they will be sharing. I would even suggest letting them help redecorate the baby's room. Good luck, they should love it!
S.

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K.N.

answers from Boston on

My two youngest girls are 17 & 18 and still share a room, as they have since they were babies. I can't say that we had many ground rules to start -- and really don't have many now. Our family rules kind of come down to treat each other with respect, have patience, don't take what isn't yours without permission (and if the owner isn't home to ask, you can try asking a parent), be thoughtful and considerate, don't sulk or pout -- speak up with kindness, keep your attitude positive, ask for help when you need it, give help when you can. This kind of covered room sharing and general living together.

Expect a certain adjustment period, but your kids are young enough that they'll pretty soon come to think of it as the way life is.

Funny story: Daughter #2 was always a cuddle-bunny as a youngster, wanting to sleep in her sister's bed and such. Daughter #1 sometimes went along but didn't really like it. Eventually they both outgrew it. Fast forward a dozen years. Daughter #1 wanted to watch a scary movie with her friends. I didn't think it was a good idea, but figured she'd learn on her own. Sure enough, she was scared out of her wits for days. Wouldn't stay in a room by herself. Afraid of the dark -- and all of a sudden asking her younger sister if she could sleep in #2's bed. Sure enough, daughter #2 threw back the covers & they slept in the same twin bed for about a week and a half. We joked then -- and still do several years later -- that it was payback. These 2 are terrific friends and I think part of it was sharing a room and a life for so many years. I know it doesn't always work that way, but for these 2 it has (certainly, with the occasional battle but it seems to be OK).

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Make sure each one has her space in the room, even of it's just the bed. The other is not allowed on it.

If you have bunk beds, as soon as the little one learns to crawl and the older one learns to get up onto the bed without the ladder, take it down during the day. We took ours away altogether. Mine climbed up and down the sides. My baby kept getting on top then couldn't get down.

Keep the clothes separate, even if in another room, same dresser, different sides.

Let them pick out new sheets.
Quilts, comforters too, they can be similar if you want that but let each pick their own color.

We had Sterilite stackable drawers. THey worked really nice for all the trinkets little girls have. THey have them in 5 and 7 drawer units and stand about 4 feet high.

Bedtime is quiet time. PLay soft music, let one pick one day the other pick the next night.

My girls shared a bedroom until they were 11 and 13. They were actually lonely and missed each other the first week or so after the older one got her own room.

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G.T.

answers from Modesto on

Its all about "sharing" the space. Half the dresser belongs to one, the other half the other. They will figure out what works best for them. I shared a room with my sisiter for my entire life and dont remember ever having issues. I was messier than her tho, she would make her bed and I didnt, lol.

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L.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

I shared a bedroom with one or two sisters (we're all 1-1/2 years apart in age) for my entire childhood. No issues, because as a kid, when I was told "that's the way it is," then "that's the way it is."

We had designated drawers in the bureau and designated sides in the closet. Bedtime and storytimes were the same for all. Other than that, we shared everything, including the bed!

As adults we've always stayed close and we're very thankful for that.

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N.R.

answers from Des Moines on

Hang a sheer curtain from the ceiling between both beds. This won't make the room seem smaller and will define the space for each girl so that they feel they have their own privacy and space. They can each keep their own things in their own space on their side of the curtain.

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C.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

My son and daughter share a small room (they are still young, so it works for now), and they each have their own toy box. This makes it easier for them to say "this is my stuff" so that even if they don't have their own room, they still have space for their own toys. My kids usually get along, except for when it's time to clean their room--then the arguments begin. We still work on this issue; at first they were responsible for picking up their own toys, but since they share toys a lot sometimes it wouldn't be that fair. Then we said that they were responsible for cleaning up the messes that they made. This works better, except for when they argue about who made the mess. Usually I give them both a time out until they figure it out on their own (but they are a little older; your kids are probably too young to be dealing with that right now).

They are only 4 and 2, so they will probably adjust to it pretty quickly. It's when they are older that they will probably start arguing...but, of course, they will argue no matter what--after all, what are siblings for? :-) Good luck!

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I agree with Margie M.'s answer. It is important for each girl to feel the room is hers and that she has some private property in it. So separate dressers - or at least separate drawers - and separate parts of the closet are good to provide. You'll want to provide some sort of separate desk system when they're old enough to do homework. Enforce a no-touching-the-other's-things rule when it is necessary; if the girls come to respect one another, it won't be necessary.

Let them share in the decorating. If you let each girl say what she wants, you won't have much trouble blending the two tastes together. They don't have to decide everything, but just enough to be able to think, "This is MY room and I have helped with it."

Expect that your daughters will need time to adjust to sleeping in the same space, and you might hear talking and giggling in there! Happy noise is good.

Shared rooms can be a good thing. There were six of us in a small house, so the two girls shared a room and the two boys shared a room. When they grew up and went off to college, they didn't have any trouble adjusting to roommates because they were already used to it.

Oh, and sisters' quarrels need to be resolved before bedtime. It isn't a room for warring.

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K.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

My two boys, 2 and 4, share a room. They've been sharing since the youngest was about 5 months. Some things we do that have worked for us: minimal toys in the room (so they don't get distracted or distract each other), routine of how we put them down for naps and bed, and a rule that when they are trying to go to sleep, they stay in their own beds (just because they tend to jump instead of snuggle with each other). Our routine is diaper/potty, lotion, pajamas, books (they each choose one), pray, and sing 2 songs (they each choose one). That's been working pretty well for us.

Good luck!

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