Two-year-old Won't Stop with "Mine"

My DD is in the same boat. Everything is m-i-n-e (yelled in a screechy mouse voice at the highest octave possible). I have had luck recently by firmly stating that "NO - we do not say mine and if you want it you say MAY I PLEASE". For now, that it working although I realize it is a normal phase and she will probably go back to it.

Also, I don't see any connection between the "mine" and lack of sharing either. She wants to share and get praised for sharing, but right after she goes back to mine. So I just plan to ride it out! Good luck!

You may have heard the Toddler's Creed by by T. Berry Brazelton:

If I want it, it's mine.
If I give it to you and change my mind later, it's mine.
If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.
If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

There are many variations and additions that have been added over the years.

He's getting that he's a separate person with separate wants and needs, and a sense that he may actually have some control over his circumstances. It is part of the twos, though for many littles it starts around 1.5 years. Keep showing how YOU share and use good manners, try to be understanding that this is a stage your little guy can't really help because he has no perspective yet, take deep breaths as needed, and remember to laugh often.

It may help quite a bit to agree with him enthusiastically that "Yes, that's yours!" Then you can gradually clarify distinctions between what is his and what is not. Lots of repetition is needed – it's a learning process, just like everything else.

The throwing is actually a physical/mental developmental stage, too. That repeated overhand motion is something kids in that age group are compelled to do, and it helps them build eye-hand coordination. Work on making it a game by giving him appropriate throwing toys, preferably soft, and an easy target like a box or basket. A foam bat and targets he can hit at with overhead swings may also help him get there happily. Any time he throws or bats inappropriately, you can distract him with one of his permitted toys and cheer him on.

Preparation will help you enjoy this stage. He'll be on to other things before you know it.

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in anyway.

6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours

Now there is an 11th that some have added: If it's broken, then becomes fixed, it's mine again.

We have ALL been there - ignore it and move on.

He is developing on par.
Its a phase.
It will pass.
Just distract him.
Don't argue about it. At this age, they do NOT have fully developed deductive or inductive reasoning. And no adult logic. At all.
They don't even have fully developed emotions at this age, either.
They are not, experts, at abstract concepts yet. At all.

The book "What To Expect The Toddler Years" is good, and "Your Two Year Old" and "Your Three Year Old" "Your Four Year Old," etc., from Amazon. It is about what EACH age is like.

The adult "expectations" of a child, needs to be age appropriate.
Or there will be frustration for child and parent.

I liked all of the previous posts. I only suggest one thing, which is that you stop retrieving the forks. Is he in a high chair? If not, be sure to let him get his own fork. Otherwise, he'll think it's a game.:)

Turn it into a fun game. It's a short lived phase.

R., please get a book on two year old's developmental stages and read it. You will feel SOOOOO much better when you do.

And you really need to understand, both for his benefit and for yours.

This is very normal, and a big part of his development. Children this age NEVER share. They ALWAYS feel that everything is theirs. He is practicing handing off and seeing how to do that when he hands you stuff - not learning to share. He is studying cause and effect, like throwing toys.

Just because he does things doesn't mean that you have to let him. Throwing toys can be dangerous. You can say "we don't throw our toys" and then direct him to something else. You know how when he was in his high chair his first year, learning to eat table food, he would drop his sippy cup in the floor and want you to pick it up? It's the same kind of thing. Did you pick it up over and over and let him keep throwing it in the floor, being a slave to the sippy? Of course you didn't. Well, you don't have to do it now.

When he throws his sippy or fork, you can just not give them back. He can eat with his fingers. He will learn that if he throws, he loses it. It will take a good while.

Please go read about developmental stages. You really need to understand this or you will end up being miserable, because you won't know how to deal with him.

Dawn

I just had to explain to my 4.5 year old why his brother always says "mine"! The best I could come up with is this- toddlers do not know the difference between wanting something and owning something. They do not understand anything other than their own desires, so if they want something, that thing is "theirs." As they develop, we need to help them learn that other people own things, and some things are not owned by anyone. Your son is TOTALLY normal for a two year old! If you had another, there would just be more grabbing, smacking by both children, and shrieks of "NO baby brother, that is MINE!! Mom, tell him that is MINE!!!"...lol...It will pass, eventually. Of course, my husband still insists that the nice car is "HIS"!

When things are his, you can say, "Yes, it's yours!"
If you have the same thing, you can say, "Yes, it's yours! I have my own, see?"
If it is something that must be shared, "Yes, it's yours, but you need to share."
It it is yours, "No, that one is my ______, but I will share it with you" or "No, that one is mommy's, but you can look at it."
If it is common property or things like the lawn, try teaching him "it's OURS! We get to share it. Isn't that fun?!?"

It's a stage they all go through and they out grow it sooner or later.
The whole concept of ownership is new to him.

When my son was this age, we were in a store and he got out of his stroller (we were right there watching him), he went to a shelf of stuffed tigers, grabbed the entire shelf full (there were like 8 of the Ty pillow pal tigers), he put them all in his stroller and was so proud of himself for claiming them all!
"My Tig Tigs!".
To his credit - he didn't get upset when we put them back, but when they went on sale we got a few for him.

I've heard that a child has to assert ownership before they can learn to share which makes sense to me because they all go through the "MINE" stage. So I think this is a learning thing and that is also why he is able to share HIS things with you and hubby - they are his; he knows that; and he has decided to share them. But make no mistake about it, they are HIS!

As for the throwing, I would throw things too if I could watch you go get them and give them back to me. It's like playing fetch with dog and you're the dog. The next time he throws his fork or whatever, he doesn't get it back. Sounds like he's done a good job training you!