Two 10 Month Old Girls.......

It's normal for that age, they don't yet understand anything else. At that age they also don't have friends, they generally play laterally, not together. Be patient..

Hi M.! I'm a mom to a 14 mo. old girl, and a full-time live-in nanny toa 14 1/2 month old boy. this age is 'tough' in that respect, the toy only looks fun if the other one has it. We're there EVERY DAY.

It requires much attention, and distraction is the best method we've found yet. If things get crazy I do say "looks like the toy will have to go away for now, we'll bring it back later when we can take turns"

we use the "it's baby C.'s turn right now, you can have it when he's done" instead of "share" because share is such a broad and hard to understand term. How do you 'share' one toy if htere's only one? taking turns makes more sense to us. I leave the toy in the possesion of htat one who had it first, and do my best to engage the otherone with a different toy, moving them away and sometimes turning htem to the opposite direction so they're not just looking at the other toy. I sing, dance...etc.

If one takes a toy away and makes the other one very upset we say "oh, see how sad baby X is because you took his/her toy? can you make it better and give the toy back for a little bit?" "come on, lets give him/her the toy back because it made them very happy" or something like that. It helps them to understand that THEY can help their friend feel better, and they have a choice, and that they're an active participant instead of just 'receiving' commands from my mouth. KWIM?

10 mo. is still young, It would prob. work best to keep the 'logic' simple as can be, and enhance it as they grow. By now, My daughter will give things back (sometimes) and will "kiss" baby C. in an attempt to help him be happy.

--we use the same kind of method for hitting and other difficult behavior: that hurts baby X can you say sorry and do it gently/soft(and we show/coach what gentle/soft is)? See, he's very sad because you hit him/her. Is there something you can do to make it better? Oh, see how happy he/she is when you do it soft, thank you for being gentle with him/her, it makes him/her very happy...etc.

Hi M.,
I am a mom and grandma and have experienced this a lot; it is totally common, and every baby owns the world, as I'm sure you know. When they are the same age and haven't been together since infancy there will be more of a power struggle.

Get down on the floor with them as much as you can and play with them with their toys. Babies learn by modeling, so show them how to play and have fun with whatever toy is available. The more time you can spend with them the more quickly they'll be able to relax and play together in peace.

Remember too that the rivalry is not just about toys and space, but about sharing you, so the play time with them is serving more than one purpose. Try too to spend significant cuddle and play time with each of them alone each day. Tall order, but happier, more peaceful babies should be the result. Let us all know how it's going! :)

Look at which toys they fight over most and go buy a second one! I babysat for a friend's son (5 days older than mine) when the boys were about 14-16 mos old. I found that by having 2 of the identical (you could get away with "very similar") toys they could each have one and be happy. Also by that age I was able to teach them about sharing and taking turns. I'd let one play with the toy for a few minutes while holding the other one back or helping that one play with something else, then if he still wanted the other toy, I said now it's your turn. Or I'd offer to trade. Sometimes one would go find an alternate toy and offer to trade! That worked pretty well as these are the youngest boys I've ever seen walk up to a friend and ASK to share or trade a toy!

Good luck!

K.

That is very normal for that age. Until children can talk and express themselves it is their way of communicating. It is also a natural response to seeing what other people have... people never do grow out of that part just look at the "Keeping up with the Jones" attitude adults have. Even if you had two of the exact same toy, they would fight over one, so sometimes it is better to let them learn to work out somethings on their own. If there is hitting, scratching, biting or anything physical other then squealing and pulling on the toy, seperate them totally by putting them in play yards, or one in a play yard. Other then that, just let them learn how to interact with the other child by experience.

This may be an obvious solution and maybe you've tried it already, but I would suggest taking the toy in question away from both of them. Yes, both of them will cry over the toy, but eventually they will see that if there is a argument over a toy, it will be taken and maybe learn to share or not play with it at all. Good luck.....M.

Hi M.-

I too run an in home daycare. My little guy is 3 now but some days he still has a hard time sharing his favorite possessions. From the time he was 6 weeks old until about 2 1/2 he had a buddy who was only 6 days older than him. They were constantly wanting whatever it was the other one had from the minute they could crawl. I discovered that making my sons room his "special" place where he didn't have to share his toys was a nice change. He could go into his room and play by himself for some alone time. And once a week this was a "field trip" for his buddy and they'd play in my sons room for an entire day and actually get along. I think they just need a little space from each other. I hope these ideas help!

I feel your pain. I watched my son and a girl his age (both very sweet on their own) for several months. It was the most taxing job I've ever had. Once they learn to walk and defend themselves, you have to watch those little ones every single minute, literally! You can't even leave the room or look at a book without someone biting, hitting, or shoving. My advice: get out now and spend your energy on your own children!!

I have an 8yr old w/a cousin she grew up with who is 6. They did the same thing & still do. My best advice is to buy 2 of everything. If can't afford to buy 2 then don't get it. See if the other mom might have some of the same toys you do & offer those to them. When I say the same I mean exactly or it won't work. I am not an expert but this worked for me.

How is it possible for you to be married to the most wonderful man in the world, if I am?? **Wink** I am looking for in-home child care for my 10-month old. I realize that another 10-month old may be a bit much, but if you have space I'd love to meet with you. In addition, if you can recommend someone that would help too.

-T.

Hi M.....I saw your question and truthfully I haven't the faintest, but what caught my eye was your possitive "A little about me" note and saw you did daycare....I was wondering if you have any openings for tues/thurs days and where you were located....it is soooo hard to find possitive people to watch you kids everyone is soo down and depressing and I don't want my children in that atmosphere... I have a 3.5 year old little girl named June and a 3 month old boy named Sawyer. I have them in a daycare now and it has only been a month and Sawyer always comes home with scratches on him from other childrent and June's class has a couple of real problem children...bitting, hitting and throughing rocks....you can email me at ____@____.com...thanks sooo much

I have twins that are 3 and had this problem too. I just let them be, they figured out that they would have to share.