Tweens Questions About Sex

The books my children loved are: "Where did I come from?" and "What's Happening to Me?" by Peter Mayle, and "It's Perfectly Normal" by Robie Harris.

You might just want to mention to the parents that their son is going to get his questions answered one way or another and that if they open up the communication lines they can then be aware of the information that he is getting.

Also, it is a false belief that information is what leads to sex. It has become abundantly clear that a lack of information is what leads to early sexual activity, addiction, pregnancy and the spread of STD's. Only open, clear, direct and continuous communication will allow for youth to make informed choices.

There is a very good book by Brad Wilcox. He is an lds author. It's about maturation and sex too I think.

I recommend the parents read "How to Talk to Your Child About Sex". It is excellent, even providing sample conversations. It makes approaching this difficult subject easier.

They need to have an open door of communication with him, and it's already a little late to start the conversation. He will get his information somewhere; better from them than anyone else. If they won't, maybe you can play that role. A book for the child to read is great, but nothing replaces having a loving adult you can talk to.

Ya know, I think there is no book which would help in this situation. Why are the parents not talking to him? What kind of questions is he asking? I know this is not your fault by any means but why do people think kids are having kids? Because NO ONE talks to them about SEX. Come on now. I think the mom and dad should be sat down and talked to about why they are not addressing it. If he cannot talk to his parents about questions he has, they should plan on being a grandparent soon.....

Again, this is not directed at you but if you want my advice, talk to mom and dad and see what the deal is with not talking to them. No book is going to help. The child will probably not read it and will explore himself. Just my opinion. Talk to the child!

C.,

James Dobson has a program called Preparing for Adolesence ... it's excellent! It covers both genders and also addresses other issues tweens encounter. It is done very tastefully as well as accurately. I have girls, but I can tell you that the info on boys was very helpful to them.

Best wishes,
L.

I don't have any books to recommend, however, if he's asking you questions about sex, I think you should go ahead and answer them. Ideally, the parents should talk to him but in reality, that just doesn't always happen for all kinds of reasons. I have 11 nieces and nephews and they often come to me to ask the questions they are afraid or embarrased to ask their parents. I've tried to be very open with them since they were little, which really helps them to trust me now. I told them that I won't tell their parents what we've talked about unless I think they are at risk of hurting themself or someone else. I also tell them that if that were to happen, that their parents will need to know, and that I will give them the chance to tell them before I do. The parents know about this arrangement too, and they are thankful that their kids have someone else to go to when they don't want to talk to them. Most of them are now in their late teens, and you'd be amazed of the explicit questions they ask. Although sometimes I'm surprised at what they do know and ask (things I never knew at that age), I'm so thankful that they come to me to get the real truth. I think a grandparent can just as easily be in that role as I can. It's up to you if you are comfortable being in that role. Books are a great start, but there are always questions that aren't answered in the books...especially during the teenage years.

Any book out there would probably encourage him to "explore" his sexuality and stuff like that... things that you probably don't want him to do as those are very unhealthy behaviors. I agree with the first comment. The parents should be talking to him. If he doesn't hear it from them he's going to hear it from peers. He is probably already hearing it from peers and at school (I guarantee that he is, actually), so if the parents want him to learn about it in correlation with the values that they hold dear, they need to sit down and talk to him. I have a couple of friends whose lives have been made a literal hell because their husbands struggle with sexual behaviors that became habitualized when they were teens. They are now addictions and everyone in their family suffers. It's the most awful thing that can happen to a family. No one gets married thinking that's the life she will have and no one should feel second to their spouses sexual problems and addictions. This is the time in his life where he will make the most important decisions of his life because they will directly affect the person he will become. It's hard to be in your position and know that the parents need to say something. Maybe talk to them, and if they don't want to do anything, ask them if it's okay if you do because you want to see him make good choices in his life. My mom tells me that grandchildren are every bit as endearing to you as your own children. I hope things work out for him. You really are in a tough spot. Good luck!

Books are fine but I think an open one-to-one conversation is the best way to approach this subject. Talk to his parents and try to get them to understand the importance of what is happening with their son. This is a hard age for a young man and having questions squelched doesn't help. Open lines of communication are the best chance he has of having a healthy, mature pubescent future. If his parents don't want to answer his questions then ask them if they are ok with you answering them if you are up to the challenge.

Good luck, I have a 12 year old son too.

You need to talk to his parents about it.

They need to talk to him directly about it, so he knows what they expect and feel is appropriate about sex, and they need to do it now. This is not a light subject and he will find the information somehow, someway. 12 is the age they recommend you start to talk to your children about sex. Parents are the most influential in their kids morals and self-image. You just cannot leave that up to chance.

There are a ton of books out there that go through the details for kids. If you run to the local bookstore and tell them what you need they will direct you to the best options.

Good luck!

How about a book for mom and dad to help them talk to your grandson? There is a great one by Richard and Lynda Eyre called "How to talk to your child about sex". It is values based, and offers great advise from these parents of 9 children. Good luck talking to his parents. They wont be able to avoid the subject forever!