Tweens and Teens Etiquette

I think you are putting too much meaning into the ring.

I bet he just saw it and though it was pretty and wanted her to have it. It is only a token..

I remember being given a "spoon ring" he had made it, from a boy in 6th grade.. when he broke up with me.. he asked for it back.. I did not have a problem with it.. I thought it was kind of funny..

I would have conversations with her that make sure she doesn't feel like she has to do anything just because he gave her a gift. Assuming that's not the case, it's probably harmless.

It's a good time to talk about what being bf/gf means at this age. Don't just tell her what she can't do, tell her what she can. Can she write him notes? Can she hold his hand? Can they text? etc. Ask questions and listen, don't just lecture. Ask what she likes about him, what she likes about having a bf, what her friends think of this, his parents, etc. You will learn a lot.

If the gifts keep coming, I might speak to his parents. Mostly because as someone else mentioned, this will not last, and you don't want him to have spent a lot of money at this age.

My DD is 11, so we're just around the corner from this. Sigh.

Well at that age it probably wont last that long anyway. Girl likes boy so doesnt want to turn down ring and loose boy. Boy what was he thinking. Just talk to girl let her know while the ring was nice might not have been appropriate because at that age things change quickly. Tell her to be confident in herself and treat her body correctly and about waiting till she is older. And that if he does really care at this age he will wait. Tell her about if she thinksw because he gave her a ring that its ok to do stuff then she will become known as easy. Good luck. You might want to find someone else to talk to her because when a parent says this they always say mom that was when you were a kid not now even though its just as true now.

I am a grandparent raising grandchildren too. I think it's okay. If they are always supervised it is not a big deal in my opinion. If you think their behavior is questionable then by all means do something about it.

Of course if you say he has to go it will be the end of the world for her...he will be even more desirable.

I know of 3 couples that met in 6th or 7th grade, when they moved from elementary school to Jr. High. They are still married and have grandchildren and one couple has great grandchildren.

So, sometimes they will end up together sometimes it is just a "first love" kind of situation. She is old enough become pregnant so I would make sure she understood that and what causes pregnancy, etc...some kids may seem like they understand it but they may not.

I participated in a study done by a friend of mine during grad school. A nearby town, very very tiny town, had the highest percentage of teen pregnancies in that state. We went in and did a research project to try to figure out why the teens in this particular town were all coming up pregnant.

The research showed that a vast majority of them did not have strong relationships with their parents, many were in single parent homes. Also a LOT of them, even though they had sex ed, did NOT understand the workings of the reproductive system. They had old wives tales they had heard, they had locker room advice, etc...they did not understand that sex equaled a baby. They also, nearly every single girl, stated they were glad they got pregnant, they now had someone that would love them unconditionally.

I worry that my grand kids feel rejected by the person they are supposed to be loved by the most, their parents. It is a natural conclusion for them to feel something is unlovable about themselves, that they are the reason their parents don't want them or that they left.

I know that they are at risk for engaging in sex at a younger age so they can feel loved. It is something that when the time is right and "the talk" happens I am going to stress about.

With all that said.....if you are taking precautions that they are always supervised and that your grand daughter understands about sex then I think they are more than okay for group activities with you or other parents along, not other kids in a group like going to the movies, a group thing that includes the parents or other adults that are trustworthy.

It is interesting for me to read the responses you have gotten so far. Maybe I am out of touch also. To me, rings are too symbolic of something far more serious than they are able to grasp and I would not want my son to give a ring, nor my daughter to accept one at those ages. Jewelry in general is fine, so long as it isn't too expensive (necklaces, bracelets, whatever like that). But rings just seem so much more, to me. When a boy gives a girl a ring, it ALWAYS brings to mind promises being made. They aren't mature enough to be making those kinds of promises, in my opinion.
And yeah... I would be really concerned with either of them having the wrong expectations about what it might mean--being owed something, or owing something, or whatever.
But--maybe I am the one who is too old-school. Even though I am only 43.

I think that if your granddaughter is mature enough, you should not worry about it. Kids don't think about jewelry and the meaning. He probably just thought that she is a girl and girls like jewelry. You are keeping an eye on them when they are "dating", so I think you should be okay with they gift. Good luck. My niece is 15 and oh, boy, do I not look forward to those years!!

I think as long as its not a fancy, real gold and gemstone ring, and she is not wearong it on her left ring finger, its just fine...

It really depends on why they are "dating". My older two chose not to date until they were out of high school. Not that they couldn't they just saw no point in dating in high school. It is not like you are going to marry in high school.

So now with the younger two coming up the pike again I wouldn't stop it but I don't think it is going to happen either.

If it did I would take a serious look as to why they would want to date. If it stems from self esteem issues I would ban it and work on why they feel they need to date to be accepted. Seems to me most of the problems come from dating not because you want to but to fit in.

Um on the ring, if it is anything, like it may have a bit of value, you may want to make sure he didn't take it from his mom.

Boys gave me rings in grade school, lol it's cute.

Now if they claim the ring has a " promise " meaning then there may be reason to think that is too young.

way to young discourage it all

You're not out of touch.

If it's just a cheapy piece of jewelry, I wouldn't worry about it or put any more meaning into it than if he gave her a woven choker or rubber bracelet. If we are talking about fine jewelry, then it's not acceptable for any type of jewelry at this age and a brand new "relationship." Remember that middle school "relationships" typically last in terms of weeks and not months. Good luck.