Hi I am new to this site. I have been 'googling' for help and advice on how to deal with my problem. My son turns 2 in 2 weeks. 5 days ago he had a night terror and he has had a few before but never changed sleep pattern the following day. However, this time the day after, when I went to tell him to "go night night" he got on the bed but suddenly got off like he was freaked out and ran after me as I headed towards the door and wouldnt go to bed. That day I had to let him stay with me on the couch and he fell asleep and I put him back in bed, but he woke up in the middle of the night and I had to stay in his room until he fell asleep. So the thing is. He has been sleeping on his own in his own room since he was 4 months without waking up in the middle of the night. At 12 months I switched him to a toddler bed and did the cry it out method(I cried outside the door feeling like the worst mother ever) and he would fall asleep within 20 minutes. It went on for 3 days and after that he became the best sleeper ever! All I had to do was tell him to go night night, he would get up on his bed, i'd give him a kiss and turn on his lullaby bear, closed the door and he'd be knocked oit within minutes. Now almost a year later, this whole scared of his own room started happening out of no where! For the past 2 days I tried to let him cry but would give in and stayed with him til he slept and he would wake up in the middle of the night and Id end up sleeping on the floor! Well tonight I decided to not give in and start a bad habit of having me do all this for him when he didnt need it before. So I sent him to bed and again he got off his bed super scared as soon as I stood up to head to the door and I closed it before he got there. His cries are so saddening because it truly sounds like he is terrified! Of what I dont know! He doesnt really talk much, he is starting to repeat words better so I cant really ask him. He comes from a bilingual family so I speak to him in my language and my husband speaks to him in his, and at daycare he is taught english. He understand what we all say, but is slow at trying to say words so his speech is slow. Ive also tried a brighter night light, and he has soothing music that he's always had, he has his toy story stuffed animals on his bed that he loves, so Ive tried all of that. He doesnt understand the word monster because when I say it he just shrugs his shoulders. So I dont know what is wrong and I dont know what to do... I stood outside a little tonight, then showered and he cried for an hour. I checked up on him a few times to try to reassure him that I was there, but each time I left he cried even more. So an hour later I gave in(he sounded like he was losing his voice!) And stayed there until he fell asleep which was in 5 minutes because he was so tired! And then I laid there and cried. I feel so horrible. I just want him back in his old bedtime routine. I am a full time nursing student and class starts back up in August so I have to have him back to his good schedule before then. Thanks for.reading this long post, but I am so desperate for some advice from anyone who has had this problem before. Please help! I hate feeling like I am a bad mother and that I did something wrong. I dont want him to be afraid of his room at night. He plays in it during daytime just fine. I just dont know what to do anymore... :(
Thanks everyone for the advice, except Tess Tickles. Didnt know there would be dumb immature answers here on MAMAPEDIA. I feel sorry for your kids if you have any. Unless you honestly think scaring your child more would help him sleep at night?! Yeah ok?!! Anyways, I have decided to take many of everyone's advice and will be sitting next to his toddler bed and help him fall asleep before I leave and slowly get him back to his routine. I guess we'll see how this goes! I'll update in a couple of weeks!
Have you tried having him watch Monsters Inc. It might be a way he can know that night and his room are not scary. It might also give you a way to talk about what is troubling him.
Kimberley is soooo right. This is a pretty normal developmental stage-my son did the exact same thing at this age. We would do our regular bedtime routine and then he would freak as soon as I left the room. He would only calm down if I came back and sat in his room. So guess what? I sat in his room. It took about two weeks.
He was SCARED, not being difficult.
At first I would just sit until he fell asleep, trying really hard to be patient and not jump up and leave like I wanted to do. Ater a few days, I would use the " let me go check on....." excuse and leave for a few minutes and then come back and sit quietly. Finally I got to where would sit with a magazine in his doorway and read. When he would ask me it come unto his room I would say there wasn't enough light in his room and I had to stay out in the hall. He could see me if he looked, but I wasn't as obvious as sitting next to his bed. Eventually he realized he was safe, whatever nightmares he had before were not coming true and it was okay to go to sleep.
Truthfully it took maybe two to three weeks. Yes, it was a huge inconvenience to me as I relished that time between his going to bed and my going to bed as "me time". But guess what? Kids are a huge inconvenience. Great fun, very rewarding but also fabulous game changers.
Try to just"be there" for a few weeks. Let him build up his confidence. I bet things will go back to normal.
I second the recommendation for Elizabeth Pantley's books in this case (the No Cry Sleep Solution books). I agree that your child seems to fear something, and that's very real to him. if he's scared, then that's real to him, it's not some new manipulation of the schedule or of you. it's time to step waaaaay back and listen to your kid. do you remember being little, and afraid? were you ever afraid of the dark? do you remember how that fear escalated when you were left alone or left to your own devices/imagination? you need to be with him, to keep him calm. otherwise, he's only falling asleep out of sheer exhaustive terror (a child's body will actually shut down from too much fear response; this isn't sleep, it's just shutting down) and not out of some learned soothing response.
I don't mean to be dramatic about this. I just think that if you spend a couple of weeks focusing on making him calm and safe, you have a much better chance of regaining your good schedule AND protecting your child's psychological well-being. don't just tell him you're there and he's safe, show him by actually ~being~ there. if in a couple of weeks (may take less time, you can hope!) he's better, you can try Kim West's ("The Sleep Lady") system of withdrawing from the room (I wouldn't do this before he's really feeling secure, though). I also like the "I need to check the laundry, I'll be right back" approach, only make sure you do come back before he's asleep the first few times, or you'll undermine the trust.
this is going to be one of those short, annoying, time-consuming, energy-sucking, frustrating periods in your little guy's life that is a blink in hindsight but aaargh during it. you'll both get through it much better, IMHO, if you just let yourself live this period loving and supporting your little boy, and knowing that nothing lasts forever..... good luck!
I suggest he's afraid that he'll have another nightmare (terror). He needs you to stay with him for reassurance. I suggest that this will be a temporary thing if you're able to stay with him. I suggest that letting him cry it out is counter productive. It tells him you aren't there to help him with his fear and his fear will grow.
I would cry along with my child too. Listen to your intuition. Letting him cry is not helpful in a situation like this. He's truly scared. You know that because of his waking during a dream.
You might try telling him a story about a little boy who is afraid to go to sleep or is afraid of his bed. In the story search for a solution. Give some suggestions and see if your son identifies with one of them. Then do that for him.
On this site I learned about "monster spray." It's water in a spray bottle and it makes the monsters (scary things) go away.
You could also have him yell at the scary things and tell them to go away and not come back. Then tell him how they went out the door/window and won't come back again.
You could try letting him sleep on the floor in your room for a bit. Tell him you know he's scared and so he can sleep in your room until he feels better. Tell him this is temporary because you know he'll learn that he's safe. Then talk up sleeping in his own bed and how safe he is because you're right next door etc. And how he's always liked his bed and you know he'll want to sleep in it again.
There's nothing wrong with holding him while he falls asleep. Yes, it takes a little longer than simply letting him know it's bedtime, but it will absolutely strengthen your bond. If you're there for him now, it won't be long before he begins to fall asleep faster. Then you can begin leaving the room before he falls asleep. I started making excuses to my son. "I'm going to fold some clothes and come right back." "I'll fill the sink with water and come right back." "Oops, I need to turn off the tv, then be right back." I just kept increasing the time I was gone. At first, he was still awake when I came back. After a few nights, he was asleep. That's what worked for me. He is a fabulous sleeper now.
If you need some more ideas try "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" or "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley. She's got some great techniques in there. Also, just reading her book gave me a much better idea of what my little guy was feeling, thinking, going through, etc. Definitely worth a read!
Talk to him about GOD. Let him know that GOD so loves him and all the little kids and that HE is ALWAYS THERE to PROTECT him. And that as long as GOD is watching him along with all HIS GREAT ANGELS, all the bad things will not be there because GOD IS WATCHING HIM and PROTECTING HIM.
You need to decide what you are willing to do as he will expect the same night time routine every night. Do you want to stay with him until he falls asleep every night? If not, I agree with Marda P. in finding a solution, something that he can do. That will give him control.
Google "children's story about monsters" and tell him some of those fun stories about monsters. Maybe he heard something scary at daycare. Reading to him will also help with his vocabulary. Just keep encouraging him to repeat words. Part of his crying is not having any other way to communicate.
Hi there,
So sorry to hear your little guy is having a hard time. I am a mom, a parent educator and holistic healer. There are some great things you can do for him to help him learn to self-calm. Teaching a child self-calming is taught in the class "Redirecting Children's Behavior" and RCB is taught in your area. Also, you could try flower essences...the one that comes to mind is Rescue Remedy or 5 Flower Formula (same formula, different company). http://fesflowers.com/five_flower_formula.htm
You could also teach yourself to do EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques so that you could use this with your son. Some additional info:
http://www.eftdownunder.com/children.html
Finally, the technique I now use most with kids and adults alike for fear is Quantum Techniques. Here is info about the QT trauma code:
http://www.quantumtechniques.com/sample-treatments
I hope this helps. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions (email address below)
Blessings,
K.
Kimberly Smith Cavins, OTR, CPE, EFT-Cert
"From the Heart" Family Healing
Helping people with:
~Parenting or Family Struggles
~Unhealed Emotional Issues, Trauma, or Illness
Who need Peace, Love, and Connection
Remedy Center for Healing Arts; 4910 Burnet Rd Austin, Tx 78756; ____@____.com
"We can do no great things, only small things with great Love"~Mother Teresa
