You've gotten some great feedback and I agree that your expectations need to change & that there is benefit to letting dad do things his way. And also that the anxiety you feel over it is normal. I just wanted to add one little thought. I don't know if it's due to media, magazines, internet, etc. - but it seems that our generation of moms is so worried about everything being done "right." We all get sucked into it. Information overload has somehow messed with our brains to the point that we feel enormous pressure. Especially with our first - we have a clean slate & we want everything to be PERFECT for our kids. Totally understandable - it is the most important thing most of us will ever do. But I think that we would actually be better moms if we learned to relax. We need to stop beating ourselves up.
For instance - we all know breastfeeding is best for our kids. I breastfed my first two with no problem. My 3rd came along & he just couldn't do it. I was devastated. Think of all the disadvantages I was starting my child's life out with! I was so sad. Until I talked to my pediatrician and found out that in the scientific studies, the health benefits as far as infection & sickness go amounted to 1 fewer infection per year for breastfed babies. ONE infection per YEAR. Somehow in my mind, I had made it out to be a much bigger difference. My point is that we need to be careful about how we interpret the information we're given. Just because it's best to limit TV to one hour a day doesn't mean we are ruining our children's lives by exceeding that by a bit. I'm sure that if that's all they did day in & day out it would have a big effect. I just think it's important to keep perspective. This generation overestimates to a huge degree the effect of all the little things. We all need to cut ourselves some slack. The fact that we care about what's best for our kids and that we try makes us good moms. Whether we co-sleep or not, cry it out or not, take our kids to museums weekly or not, breatfeed or not, watch one our or two hours of TV a day, send our kids to public school, charter school or home school - we are not going to move the needle THAT much on who are kids will be. I think we all need to relax and make the choices that feel right to us and trust that just who we are will determine more about who are kids become than all of the minutiae of every little decision. I truly believe that when we relax, we end up giving our kids the very best gift we could give them - a relaxed, authentic mom with harmony in the home because we let our well-intentions spouse, mother, etc. do things their way. Who knows - maybe the last scientific study was flawed & your husband's way is actually "best" anyway. :o)