Trying to Decide to Have Another Child

We have O. and that's perfect for us. I guess I "believe" in only children. It wasn't a financial decision, it's just what felt right for us. He's now 7 and I have no regrets!

You never have enough money for any children. If everyone waited to have enough money, then life as we know it would cease.

My son, at 3 was asking for a sister or a brother. I wasn't ready, then then I found out we were pregnant. Guess we were ready. LOL He went to a private school, until I saw what was going on there and pulled him out. We put him in a selected public school, which was WAY better than the private school. After a year of that, he hated school. We pulled him out and currently homeschool him...which I never thought I would be able to do. We both love it so much that he doesn't want to go back to school. He just turned 8 and we are finishing 4th grade curriculum. His PE consists of whatever he is interested in. Private golf lessons 2 springs ago. This winter it will be ice skating, so he can play ice hockey, or at least try. He's almost earned his black belt in taekwondo after 4.5 years of 3 days each week. (I could go on and on, but I'll spare you.)

If you were to have told me 10 years ago my life would have looked like this, I would have laughed in your face.

What I wanted:
My career
Lots of travel
NO kids

What I got:
My career (I own a local business that is very succesful and my husband quit his high tech job and works for me.)
Lots of travel
Homeschooling our 3 kids and ANOTHER on the way.

Finances have their way of figuring things out. We travel and end up using our CC miles to fly us places. Our vacations are different with kids, but still fun. The best part? Our kids absolutely adore their siblings...and when I told out oldest that I was going to have a 4th baby, he hugged me and said, "Thanks mom!"

Also, private schools usually give a discount for siblings AND you have NO idea what life is going to look like in 5 years. Trust me.

I decided not to have another. Finances, housing, and my emotional and physical resources would be a huge issue now if I'd had a second child. My daughter (now 8) has gone through phases of asking me why she doesn't have a younger sister/brother, but she enjoys the attention she gets as an "only" and has come to understand why I made that decision. She has a much older half-brother (28) and half-sister (25) who have provided two nieces and a nephew for her (5, 4, and 1). She loves being with them, which is a lesson in how it would be to have siblings, and is glad when they go home, also. She is very outgoing and has lots of friends, too.

Well, J. V -just like Santa Clause -even though you don't believe in us "only children" we DO exist!

A. C -I applaud you for thinking about finances regarding more children. A huge part of deciding what size family we would have was finances and what we want to be able to give our kids. We had the same thoughts when purchasing a home, because we knew that if we didn't live exactly where we do in Atlanta, we would need to move far out or use private schools. We figured it all out, and IF we must at some point, we will be able to send our two kids to private school, but we would probably be using some of their 529 college fund for it. Did you know you can use that money for private school? You may want to research that possibility. If you have the money to set aside for savings, you could start a fund now, and by the time a new child started kindergarten, you would have 5 years of money that had been diverted before taxes in that account.

Having said that -being stressed financially is a nightmare! Adding to the stress of a newborn baby and then a toddler as well as your other child -and it can be a tough situation. Truly think about you and your husband's patience level, temperament, etc. Were you both really excited to get out of the diaper stage, past potty training and into your daughter being a bit more autonomous, or do you miss that baby and toddler stage? If getting past that was a total relief, you may want to think twice before doing it again!

Personally, if we had not been in a financial situation to truly afford another child, I would have only had one. If I REALLY wanted another, I would have looked into going back to work full-time or other options (if you're not already working full-time outside the home). Not sure of your age, but you may have awhile to make this decision. If you're not working outside the home now, AND you do think you want another if you can afford it, maybe you could go back to work for a few years, save that money, and use that while the new baby is an infant and toddler. When the new baby is ready for school, you could go back to work again since both children would be in school.

Start putting money aside for a future child's schooling now, and talk to the schools about possible "multiple-child discounts." Look at your budget to see where you might be able to cut back. And involve your husband in all of this, so he can see where you're coming from. I'm with you, in that I think it is irresponsible to have a child for which you cannot adequately provide, but make sure that's the case. And if it is, make it clear to Hubby that having another might mean neither child would get the advantages your daughter has now. Good luck!

I'm going to give you a few perspectives. 1 as an only child (me). 1 with siblings that have a hate for each other (my hubby and my stepbrothers). 1 with my 2 kids that adore each other (for now). AND I have 2 stepbrothers that are 6 & 7 yrs older than me that I didn't have until I was almost 8 and 2 younger stepbrothers (only one living now) that were/are only 1 & 2yrs younger than me.

I loved being an only child. I was completely content with playing alone or having my friends, but not having to share time with my parents. I have a close relationship with my cousins and my uncle (youngest of my Grandma's 5 - only 8yrs older than me)... I've always been close with them. I NEVER once asked my mom and dad for a younger sibling. I didn't want one. I know, even now... I'd have been that jealous, nasty, sister that purposely did rotten things to a younger sibling. But I was never handed anything in life. I've earned EVERYTHING I have. I respect my family for not just giving me whatever I wanted.

My husband is the younger of the two. His older brother (unfortunately) I think was/is a lot like me. He was not meant to have a younger sibling. He was/is rotten to my husband. But my husband is the better man in the end.

My stepbrother situation was interesting. I slept in the same room with my oldest stepbro for a year while my parents were trying to get the one bedroom and livingroom repaired and updated and we got along great and still do. I don't mind the oldest stepbro. We had our 'bro/sis' type squabbles, but nothing out of the ordinary. His younger bro (the one 6yrs older than me) was a jealous, hateful, ____@____.com that treated everyone like dirt and still does. He was far worse to me and the oldest stepbro then any of us would have ever imagined. Then... There was my younger stepbros. The one that passed last year was the 'goody 2 shoes' that told on everything and everyone to keep the attention on his 'good' behavior. The youngest and I were always tossed to the side and always in trouble because of things that the 'goody' said. Funny that he was the one that did all the drugs and got caught stealing and drank like a fish. And no... the drugs and drinking were not what killed him. He had a disease that I can't pronounce nor spell and no one knew it until it was too late.

Now... There's my 2 kids. My daughter was the kid that was meant to have a younger sibling. My son... Not so much. He's like me. He's fine with the older sibling, but if I hold my nephew.... WHEW BOY! Look out! Same reaction I had as a kid... 'That's MY MOM! GET OFF!' as he's pushing my nephew off of my lap. As soon as I hand my nephew over to my step bro... He's fine. Goes off to play. My daughter is so wonderful with her brother. She's my helper. I can't explain how perfect she is with him. She has been right from the beginning. And trust me... My son was a very unexpected surprise. My daugher was basically planned. My son (technically my daughter's half brother) was not at all planned. I was in the beginning of my divorce from my daughters father when I got pregnant by my husband now.

Financially... I was SCREWED! I ended up filing bankruptcy. My husband lost his house because we couldn't afford to keep up with 2 mortgages. And we wouldn't change a thing. Just because it wasn't financially feasable, doesn't mean it can't work. So, technically the decision was not really up to us... But we're so happy with the outcome.

Hi A.!
It is definitely more expensive to have two children, than one. But a complete blessing as well. We decided to have another child, because we wanted a sibling for our son. We had another boy last year. :-) Finances are tough, but even with just one, they are tough. My oldest, who is in kindergarten goes to a private school too. I don't like the public school here either. The private school he goes to is tuition free, but you buy the uniforms and school supplies. That's expensive there, but well worth it. To help with our finances, we only have one vehicle. That is hard, but it saves a lot of money. We shop with coupons and sales, and that saves us there as well. We didn't have a cell phone for the longest time. Just a land line. We scrape by, but in todays economy, I think we all are. My parents keep telling us to save money and put some aside, but how can we? When we get a chance to save, something always comes up with the house, or something else that needs fixing. Perhaps in 4 years you'll be able to afford a private school for a second child? Or look for a private school that has tuition free. I hope this helps. It is a big decision for sure. :-)

I agree with Jennifer P. ....you have no idea what life will look like in five years.

Finances do have a way of working themselves out. When I married my husband 17 years ago, he made a graph of how much we made and how much we owed from college. I remember very clearly that combined we made 15,000 a year....that's it! If someone would have said that we would be where we are now, I would have laughed and not believed them. Ten years after making that graph, we purchased our first house and a year later had our first born. We needed both of our incomes to pay for the mortgage. We did not have any money for furniture for the house and his crib and other baby funiture came from friends who were done with them. I continued to work until three and a half years later when I gave birth to our second child. Bringing in a teacher's income, we quickly realized that my income would go straight to daycare/preschool. So we decided to have me stay home. Looking further into preschools for our then four year old, we realized the only one we wanted him to attend was a very expensive private one. Somehow we pulled that off.

The two boys are school aged now and both attend private school, our local Catholic school. Three years ago, I went back to work so that we could purchase a second house. After purchasing the new home, I found out four months later that I was four months pregnant.

I am again a stay at home mom. My older children still attend their private school. Is money tight? Yes. But we do make it work. We priortize what we really want.

I don't know what the future may bring. Perhaps there will come a day when we can not afford their schooling. I hope not. Their school has become my social outlet and all the parents and staff love the baby. All I do know is that I love having my three children and would not change their existence for the comfort of knowing I could pay for private school for one easily. In the end, school only lasts a portion of their lives but their siblings will be there forever.

Good luck!

***Edited to add****Mechanicmama you hit the nail right in the head, I completely understand when you say your daughter was meant to be a big sister; my oldest is the same way with her little sister. She was just meant to be a big sister, in spite of the age difference (8 and 20months) they get along great. my youngest on the other hand ...LOL

A., I haven't read anyone's responses yet but here are my two cents. It took me seven years to have my second child, not because I couldn't get pregnant but just to take the plunge and finally do it, it's such a huge decision. I can't tell you how many ways this little one has enriched her big sister's life. She is funny, stubborn of course as any toddler, smart and the easiest baby ever.
I was scared that she would bring so much chaos and the truth is she fit right in; to me it was harder going from 0 to 1 than from 1 to 2.
I'm not gonna lie, finances are important, we have to cut back on many things that we didn't before but we are not struggling, if you guys are in two incomes it's much easier we just have one (hubby's). I didn't look at price tags with my oldest, now I'm much more concious of where the money is going. And yes my oldest is going to public school, which is not my first choice but for now that's what we can afford.

My oldest still does ballet and swimming, we cut one other activity that frankly wasn't adding as much enrichment as these two. My youngest is only 20 months and I will enroll her in one activity when she turns three.
More than the here and now, I worry about the future. the teenage years, that sounds expensive! but I wouldn't change a thing, my daughters teach me about love and what's important, just being together and encouraging one another. In fact if you read my previous posts you'll see that i'm also struggling with the decision to have another( I haven't updated yet because I haven't had the talk with hubby yet...).

Anyways it is a big decision so don't rush if you are not sure, in the end we are the ones who have to carry that baby and feed that baby etc. I hope I helped somehow, as you can see the rewards of having another child(or just one) are more of a qualitative and emotional nature.
have a great day!

My husband and I were more daring than most. We just decided to have as many kids as we would have and knew God would provide. That sounds crazy these days but it worked for us. We have six. When the first two were born we were graduate students living on a very tight budget but we always were able to pay the rent and have enough to eat. Amazingly, we actually saw our income increase as we had more kids. There were years when I had to be frugal in terms of buying new clothes and shoes and clipping coupons, and my kids didn't get the latest video game systems, but they never did without anything important. I know our way won't work for many people but it worked very well for us. Now our youngest is 15 and we're looking forward to retirement.

We have two. I decided in the past week to not have a third. I am planning on home-schooling my children since we cannot afford a private school for two kids. I also ask for $ for presents from our family to put into their education fund.

I don't believe in only children, so the decision to have two was easy for me.

Hi! i just wanted to say that before i ever had my first child i always said i wanted to be financial sound and be able to provide for my child...however at that point i got the best and most sound advise i have yet to every recieve from a co-worker. she said if you are waiting for more money you will always be waiting and find and excuse, but no matter what money or not you will always take care of your kids so just do it. At that point i was 25 i went home and told my husband that i was ready to have a baby. i had my first child in march of 2008 and unexpectedly had the second in November of 2009 and that is the one piece of advice that carried me through that second pregnancy especially since i am not one to do unplanned things. so god bless and remember you will always take care of your children to the best of your ability and the rest will fall into place.