Should We or Shouldn't We????????

It is awesome having a sibling. I can't imagine not having one. I hope we have a second child more for my first child than any other reason.
The sooner the better I say or they won't hardly know eachother due to the age gap.

I hate to tell you this, but if you are going to "wait until you can afford or or are ready", you might as well forget about it. Honestly, if you want another child, just do it.Don't take it the wrong way, but you know what it takes to raise a child. Personally, I found it much easier with the second one (even going through a divorce at the same time) because I just new what to do the second time around. You loose all the stress of not knowing. Yes, day care is going to cost you, but after working full time and having both kids in day care, I was pulling in a whopping $25 a week after child care expenses. I live with my mom, but now stay home with the kids. I don't work, but actually save about $200 extra because now I have the time to shop on a budget and I'm not spending all the money for gas. Eating out is over, but now I home to fix dinner evernight.
Having another child may not fit into his "portfolio" but I wouldn't trade my children for all the money in the world!! I would rather be broke and have my kids. You can't always work kids into the mix. Sometimes you just have to do it. Just think, with a few financial modifications, you might even be able to stay home and take care of the second one!! Good luck

You are correct that most likely you will do just as well now as you did with your first. However, your husband is doing his job by protecting and providing for you both, and that is to be greatly honored. It's hard for us mothers as we tend to move toward the emotional side of things and the men stay focused on the reality side of things. I think if you did push the issue and things didn't seem to work out with the money, he may resent that and it may cause further tension/issues on top of the stress of a second baby/hormones. I would let him know how you feel, maybe drop a hint every now and again (with out being manipulative or pushy) and hope that you can both come to an agreement that neither of you will later feel upset about. Pray about it- you are both very cautious and that is wonderful. It will work out...wait and hopefully you both will come to a united agreement about it.

My husband and I waited until we had everything in perfect order to have our first child, only for him to loose his job while I was pregnant. He wasn't able to get another full time job in the city where we lived, and I ended up being the main bread winner. I went back to work when my son was 12 weeks old and my husband stayed at home with him and worked freelance. Not a thing like we had originally planned! Stuff happens, no matter how well prepared you think you are. I say make your family structure your priority and work the finances around that.

Make sure your husband wants to have more children. If he does, then now is a good time. People have all kinds of oppinions on this subject but I think sooner is better. You're younger, you're other child is younger, it just works better.

You might want someone else to give you both financial advice. It's like a doctor treating her/himself...it's just not a good idea. Another person might be able to look at things differently.

If you're paying rent, I don't see why you couldn't buy in this market. There's plenty of ways to get into a house, too. Again, that's why another person might be better at giving you advice.

Since this question is strictly opinion oriented, and all the responses you will receive will be subjectively made, I will let you know that my opinion would be to get pregnant sooner, not later.

You might give some consideration to timing of the new baby arriving- have the baby by August 30th, so school concerns will be minimized later. But other than that, like you said we're never comletely ready for these additions to our families. My husband and I were very ill-prepared both financially and emotionally for our girls, but they came and fulfilled our lives anyway, and we're so happy to have them 2.5 years apart.

Your son is already almost 4, so he'll be no younger than 5 by the time you give him a sibling, most likely. He will appreciate a sibling, I think all kids would ideally have at least one brother or sister. There's no other relationship like that in anyone's life, good or bad, siblings enrich our lives so very much. (Parents of single children, I'm not saying that's bad! Please do not take offense, I only mean that when you can, it's good to give a kid a chance at a relationship like that.)

As to daycare- your son will start school soon, you'll only have one in daycare. It's tough, yes. We've struggled with me working full time, and one or two in daycare. I'm still driving a car that's pretty old, our house isn't as big and new and nice as we might have bought given less budgetary restricions for daycare, we eat some pretty simple meals and we don't go out much. But the fulfillment and completion of our family has been worth every minute. I wouldn't change a thing.

Best of luck!

I think you and your husband should figure out what's most important. Everyone is different in the things they desire. We have chosen children first. We have no idea when we will be able to buy a house. It may be 5-10 yrs for us, but that is what we wanted! I hope that helps!

First thing is really getting your husband to admit if he wants another child or not. Your post seems to say that he is not ready for another one. Having you both on the same side make for less stress in the future.
Second, What are your ages? This may sound like a wierd but it plays into the child. My husband and I had our second child when we were 38. Do the math. We will be 56 when our last kid graduates from High School and in our 60's for college. How old are you willing to be to have this child?
Third, four years is a great age difference (that is what mine are). The older one is able to help and is able to do things for himself (brushing tteeth, bathroom, dressing...).
Fourth ( and really should be first...Pray. Pray together and ask for guidance.
Remember no one ever looked back and wanted to work more. We are a single income family and things are tight. My youngest has Down Syndrome so we face interesting issues there. Fiancially we are in debt and were there when we had the first one, but every year we are better off. In two years we will be completely debt free and will stay that way. We will be able to build a house and buy more land.
Things work out. I you are meant to have another child you will. Timing is relative. I you think about it there is never a "right" time to do anything. Meaning you can always come up with excuses/reasons to put it off.
just my opinion.....

If your child is 4 now and you wait much longer the two will be to far apart to really enjoy each other. To me having children is not just about considering the parents. It's also about the sibling. Children learn alot from having siblings who are close enough in age to play with. I believe you can have them to close, but you can have them to far apart, too. In addition, the longer you wait the longer you have in getting use to independence. Starting over after a child gets into school is much harder. I understand that you are trying to make a good life for your family. If you think about the practicality of it, most people can't really afford children. It's about sacrifice, but I believe they are well worth it. The Bible says in Psalms 127:3-5 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. A quiver hold's the arrows, which a full quiver is about 25 or 30. I am sure that most people don't need that many, but I am surely blessed with my three. May you be the same.

Boy, hot topic and some good responses. You didn't say how old you are, but I would say to go for baby #2 now. You never know how life will change...you could face infertility issues, you or your husband could face health issues. Not to be negative but I have two sets of friends who waited till they got the big house, the advanced degrees etc...and both are facing issues not being able to get pregnate now. Since your son is 4 and almost out of daycare, the cost will remain the same with the new baby. Where as with us, we have two in daycare at the same time. It is expensive, but I consider that a brief period in our lives. With them close in age, they are best of friends. Even though you have changed jobs, you have skills as a florist. You might consider doing that on the side for extra money. When I got married, the florist I used worked out of her home, but offered the same level of professionalism as someone in an expensive storefront. All of that extra money could offset daycare and help with the downpayment. May God Bless you and decision. D.

This is a very personal decision, and a hard one. We just had our second a few months ago. We'd graduated from school 9 months before we got pregnant with her. Amazingly enough, we were able to afford a nice home near where my husband works and moved in 2 months before she came. My oldest is 3 and he absolutely adores his baby sister. I must admit it was hard at first with 2, but now it is so much fun to watch them together, and she's not even crawling yet. If you wait a couple more years there may be other inconvieniences (sp?) to stop you from having a baby then, and the older your first child gets the harder it may be for him to bond with the baby later on. My youngest sister id 10 years younger than me, and I don't know her very well because I was in high school or college most of her growing up years. Now that she's in college, I only really get to know her when we're both at our parents home. Another advatage to #2 is the extra tax break. Your income will probably stay the same, but you WILL get back more on taxes. Just a thought.

In my opinion, IF you BOTH want more children, then now is the time. Houses and portfolios can wait... you only have a limited time frame when you can have children. You have the rest of your life to strive for "things." And definitely pray about all of it!

Wait! Buy your house and save your money! It amazes me how much different having your second child is. Meet some of your financial goals and then think about having baby #2!

I think you should! My husband and I got married Oct. 2006 and got pregnant 2 months later (kinda on purpose but not exactly). We had no house, just a tiny one bedroom apt. and we had no prospects of buying a house. Our son is 3 months old now and we couldn't imagine our lives without him even though things get cramped in this tiny one bedroom. It's just crazy how God has provided for our new family. I just think that there is never really a point in your life where you are "ready" for kids. And I'm sure your 4 year old will be glad if you have a sibling for him that is close enough in age that they can be buddies. Good Luck in your decision and the best advice I can give is leave all the particulars to God and you'll be just fine!

I have to agree with Shelley L., houses and portfolios can wait. Speaking as one whose bigger and nicer house, and portfolio/savings plan has seriously been put on hold, I can say that our oldest daughter put a big stop to those plans right away. She's now 20 months and the light of our lives. I sometimes wonder what I ever did without her! Now our second surprise is due in March, another daughter, and those plans of "in a couple of years when I go back to work we can get a house and start saving" have once again been placed on hold. The point is, I'm 35 and have many more years to buy a house, invest my money, and save for the "things" we want, but I really have limited time to bear children. After the initial shock of discovering I was pregnant again, we are delighted and have accepted that our plans for our financial future can wait. Of course, you will have to make the best decision for your family. You and your husband really need to talk openly and honestly about what you really want as far as children are concerned. Having only one child isn't a bad thing necessarily (I'm married to an only), but having siblings is a unique experience an only will never have(I have 2 sisters). Your child will be fine either way, but what can YOU live with? Good luck, I know this is a tough decision to make.

If you are sure you want another child then go for it!
I was always told....if you wait until you can afford it, you never will. Meaning that as we make more money our life styles and spending habits change and we always find something to spend our money on....Why not a child. BUT, make sure it is what you BOTH want!
Merry Christmas!

Cathy

I just wanted to drop you a little advice. You can always buy a house, but you can't always have a baby. (Please don't take the opportunity for granted) I know from personal experience. My son is 4 and I would love another, but it is probably not going to be possible. If you buy the house and then for some unseen reason couldn't have children later you may resent your husband for putting the house first and making you wait,and you may even resent the house. Children are a gift from God and oh so precious- a house is a dime a dozen. Just some food for thought! Good luck!

If you want another baby, my suggestion is to go for it! If you wait until you feel financially ready, you'll never be ready for another baby. Something else might come up in 2 years that makes you feel not financially ready. If you are physically ready and you want another addition to your family, just do it. Just try to budget other areas of your life to make up the difference. Get a smaller cable selection, eat out less, find fun things to do that don't require spending money to keep from spending on entertainment. There's a lot of ways to reduce your money spending to put that money to better use. If you can do that, put the money you've been spending into a savings for your house. Then you can afford the baby and the house. Dave Ramsey is a great way to help set a budget and learn to manage money. We don't make much money and we've got 2 kids and a great life. We've just learned how to have fun and do things really cheap. I hope this helps! There is no right or wrong thing to do. Trust in God and everything will fall into place. good luck and Merry CHRISTmas!

All the lights on the highway will never be green :)

We went through the same situation. Also, how could I possibly love the 2nd one as much? Now, I couldn't imagine not having my daughter (the 2nd child) She has brought so much more than money or a bigger house could have ever brought. However, parenting is the hardest thing on earth and I would never suggest doing it without having your husband 100% for it. good luck

This is my personal opinion. There will ALWAYS be money issues. There is never a good time to have a baby financially, unless you are independently wealthy. I'd say GO FOR IT. I wouldn't want my kids to be TOO far apart that they would not play together. But, don’t let a decision to have a child now put any kind of tension between you and your husband, you will need his full attention and willingness to help out.

My sister gave me really good advice about this once:

She told me, "C. you will never look back on your life and regret having that second child, it is much more likely you will look back and regret NOT having the second child."

I think if you want to have another, you should go for it! Obviously, your husband should be on board with you. I wouldnt let financial reasons or things like that stand in the way. Family works together. You will always find a way to get through the hard patches.

D.,

Obviously this is a decison between you and your husband but I can tell you from my situation that you just "make it work" with each kid you have. We were struggling financially when we had our daughter 5 years ago and things just worked out (bought what we wanted, no debt, etc.) Then Last November I got pregnant with TRIPLETS and I was totally freaked out (financially planned for 1) - but they are 5.5 months old now and I can tell you - somehow it's all working out. Granted, we aren't saving money like we did but that will come back - but we also aren't charging up credit cards either. We moved into a house twice the size of our old one - and some how (even paying for 3 in childcare and one in afterschool care) it's all worked and we aren't homeless:)

You will never think you have "enough" - in my opinion. Now, if you couldn't afford to feed the one you have - that is another story!

Good luck!

D.,

This is a hard one to answer because there are so many things involved. But my advice is sit down and do some math first. I am not talking about the money. I am talking about projecting what it will be like for you and your family if you had one now as far as how many years apart the kids would be, when will they graduate, who old are you and your husband etc. Write down the pros and cons on a list of having one now and having one in 1 year, 2 years etc. Write down why you want to have a baby. Look at all these things and really think about what you want. I think you should be conscious of your finanacial situation because obviously you want to be able to afford them. But if you wait for that alone you will never have another one. There is never enough money on paper. But when it happens you will do what you have to in order to take care of that precious baby. My son turned 5 today and my other son is almost 15 months. I wanted to have them closer together but my husband wanted to wait because of the finances just as your husband did. I regret this now that I didn't have them closer togther. When my oldest graduates my youngest will just be starting high school. My husband and I will be 50 and 54 when my youngest son graduates from high school. These are the things I would think about. What are you goals for the future? Where do you see yourself at that point and what do you want to do with your life? The money will work itself out, Lord willing. I wish you the best of luck. God bless you and your family.

My husband and I have had many similar conversations. We put off buying our first house when we became pregnant with our sweet daughter. The resolution we kept coming back to is...a child brings a lot more joy than "stuff". In 20 years, it won't matter if it took us 2 years or 10 years to get our first house.
I think its great that you're not demanding another child...that you're heeding your husband's wisdom and respecting his opinion. What a blessing to have a husband who is financially wise.
Now, I'm just offering this next part as what worked for me. No pressure, of course. I began a home-based business with Arbonne International. It is such a blessing in our lives. I quit my job and am able to stay home with Lily (my daughter). It takes about 10-15 hours (sometimes less if I don't have time) a week so you can build the business while still working a full-time job. I've seen it dramatically change so many of my friend's lives (their husbands were actually able to retire...in their 20s)....I'd feel terrible not mentioning it to you. If you're interested in the opportunity, let me know (____@____.com).
WHATEVER you do, I pray you and your husband can come to a decision that you're both comfortable with. Take care! :)

My husband is nine years younger then his brother and my exboyfriend is 11 years younger then his brother and my ex before that had no siblings. They all wished they had siblings close in age to them.

My sister and I are twenty three months apart. My sister waited three years between her children and wished they were a little closer in age. Neither you or she have that option now, of course, but then as they say hind sight is twenty twenty. Neither one of us owned a house or had a portfolio when we got pregnant with our second child. But we decided having the child was more important to us then the house or retirement. Now, we both have homes and although she stuck with the two children, I now have four! And I wouldn't have it any other way.

S., stay at home mom (and yes, it's difficult financially but way worth it!) to four girls and wife to Paul, who works for an internet service provider.

in the interest of full disclosure, i think you should go for it. sooner rather than later. but that's just me.

if finances are the only concern, then just set a goal and work toward it. "when we are ready" might not ever happen. But "when we have $X in an emergency fund" or when "XX is paid off," that is attainable. figure out what kind of financial situation you would be comfortable with, and then make that happen. cut corners, scrimp and such, and you'll be ready for your baby by your goal date.

another exercise that might be helpful is to come up with the worst case financial scenarios, and then work through ideas on how to overcome them. Once you've decided that you can make it through the worst, which you can, then you might feel better about going ahead.

one note about home ownership-these days, it's not exactly the pinnacle of accomplishment it once was. not exactly a super-duper market. i know this hasn't always been true, but you might financially be better off waiting on the house, kids or not.

i believe children are always, always, always worth whatever we invest in them. but you have to believe that for it to be a good choice for your family.

good luck
A.

D.,

You aren't alone. My husband and I have been banging our heads around trying to decide for us as well. We own a home now, but it it is in old East Dallas (close to White Rock Lake) and there are no good public schools in our neighborhoods. So, we will either keep having to pay for school by sending our kiddos to private school, or move to a better neighborhood. We still want another one, but that will mean struggling for a couple of years with two in daycare. My son is in nursing school, and he hopes to go to physician assistant school or a grad program for aneshesia...and I have a great job that supports us fine for now, but add the second kiddo and that really delays savings or much fun until our first starts school. And even then, we don't know if we will still want to send him to a private school...it is a real issue. What my husband says is that we really didn't have that much money when we had our first (that was a few raises ago for me) and we managed just fine. In fact, we probably bought way more than we needed because we are suckers. Anyway, having a kid, if you really want one and really want a playmate/close sibling for your son now, I would say just do it and then you guys work around the baby. I have discovered that if you try to plan it out too much, it doesn't look good. But if you just do it and force yourselves to work around it, it will be fine. There are some things that will help...like additional tax deductions, etc too so keep that in mind. And most daycares give discounts and priority for siblings. I can't tell you what to do, but we have definitely decided to have another one. Our son will be three in January, so we want one in the next year. It will not be a cakewalk, but if our second is anything like our first, it will be well worth it. We want to be able to provide the things we didn't have growing up to our kids, but I also don't want my son to be an only child. My husband was until the age of eleven or twelve, and he said he would want our son to have a sibling. The money will come, but the opportunity to have another and not look back later in life wishing you had...that is a tough one to answer. But you have to also look at your futures...you and your husbands and your future earning potential etc. As long as you both feel that once they start elementary or Kindergarten that money won't be an issue, I'd say go for it! You are right...we can't predict the future, so who knows what will happen for you guys in the next couple of years. Hope that helps a little (I rambled, I know). Good luck!

I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't. You have to do what is best for you and your family.

The only thing I can add here is that you both should decide if you want another child without adding a time frame into it. If you do, then you should just do it now and work around it. Maybe it will delay things. Maybe it won't. But it would be worth it.

If you're both undecided, or if just one of you is undecided you should wait. Because no matter what the future holds, 2 kids are harder than 1 in alot of ways and if you both aren't on board it can be really stressful on the one who wanted it.

Just my opinion. Good luck.

I don't think you can ever afford to have children. No matter how much money you make you seem to always spend it. Having a house is great, but what good is it if you don't the family you want to put in it. I know you have one son, but if you want more then you just have them. Don't get me wrong if you will not financially be able to care for another then wait. No need to put having a baby stress on top of money stress. Once you both sit down and look at your budget see if you can afford to have two in daycare remembering that you 4 year old will start school soon possibly even before you next born. If it works then you should be able to do it you might have to sacrifice your house for now, but what a wonderful gift you will have a sweet little baby to love for the rest of your life and a sibling for your son. Talk with your husband pray about and an answer will come. Good luck.