Trying to Deal with the Thought of Shared Custody

I would also try to call the police (non-emergency) and social services as soon as possible. If you feel you child is in danger when he is with his father, keep talking to authorities until someone listens. Don't give up if one social worker doesn't respond. Also, if he was in Iraq, he may have very serious mental health issues that could negatively affect your children, especially because you mentioned him "shaking" your child. Please find a lawyer as soon as you can and they can advise you. Best to you!

H.-
If it's any consolation, usually the courts favor moms in custody.
Start documenting in writing events- no one can reproduce a journal of events in detail in retrospect. Have a social worker get involved if you're concerned for the kids safety- more documentation for parental rights and care.
They can set up shared supervised visits.
Best of luck
B. J

Take pictures, document everything, keep voice mail messages if anything comes up in them. Talk to a lawyer now and get their advice. Ask for social worker evaluations of his care when the child is with him. Courts do favor mothers and in this case it sounds like you would have a good case for full custody. Good luck and I hope he realizes he is not that interested in having custody if he couldn't even change a diaper. For goodness sakes that is just basic, that poor little kid.

I may be over-reacting but people don't enforce these issues or pay close attention to them until it's too late. Your children are young and so fragile...I say take no chances, it's hard to say what his state could be right now. Maybe when they are older it would be a better idea to share custody, but for now I would just do what you need to do to keep them away and take the steps that the other mothers are suggesting.