Transitions

Hi,
Is there any way you can start her at daycare one or two days a week now? That way it won''t seem like daycare has anything to do with the baby. I think she is going to feel scared about daycare because its new and different and away from you. That is normal and she will get over it, but to happen at the exact time a new baby arrives, who will be taking her position as baby in the family seems like a lot.
J.

I agree that it would probably be best IF she could start daycare a little before the baby. Having a new baby may be hard enough, it is hard for a child to go from being the baby of the family to being an older sibling. Sometimes, not all the time, there is quite a bit of jealously and acting out. I think (my opinion only) that she may put 2 and 2 together and think she is having to go to daycare now BECAUSE of the baby, like it is the baby's fault she can't be home with mommy. Just something to think about. And if you CAN'T start her in daycare before the baby, just keep reminding her how much you love her and even though there is anothr baby in the family she is STILL your baby too, and kids are very resilant (probably mispelled) GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATS on the latest addition to your family!!

Is there any way that she can start daycare sooner? That way that transtion well be over before the baby comes.
Good luck

Another vote for starting early.

Not only will it stagger the transitions a little bit, but she will enjoy showing off her baby sister to her new friends. It will encourage her pride in being a big sister, and help her adjust to the new environment.

Hi,
You caught my attention because I run a small in home daycare out of my home and I have a son 2.5 yrs and i will be having a baby end of Aug. My son will also go to a preschool program same time I am due. My advice that i have been given and that I am doing is that have your 19 month old help out with setting up stuff for the baby, so that she feels involved. Also, talk with her about daycare and how much fun she'll be having because she'll be making friends. Most daycares are okay and should be that you stop by for maybe an hour for her to get used to the place and familair. Just giving her love and making her feel a part of her sisters arrival will be great. i also have been told that having one small gift (a big sister something) for your daughter when
the baby comes home also will releive any stress. My son has been playing with some rattles and saying that he will teach his baby brother how to use some of the toys. I also have gotten out pictures of when my son first came home from the hospital, and went over the baby thing. Make her feel a part of the whole situation, she'll understand and be prepared more. Hope this helps you. Good Luck!

Is she starting daycare because you are having a baby and you are worried about taking care of 2 little ones? If so, please rethink this. Once she realizes the baby gets to stay at home with Momma and she gets sent away(that is how it will feel to her), you will have big problems. She will resent the baby and then you have really big problems.

If 2 little ones is overwhelming and it can be( mine are 18 months apart), please get help to come into the home like friends or family. If you are returning to work at some time, they both should start daycare together.

I hope this makes sense - sibling rivalry can be tough enough , especially when a new baby comes along. Please don't make it tougher on your 19 month old.

God bless and good luck.

B.

I agree to starting day care earlier -- or that may not be possible, so later ... much later after the baby comes. I would not do it at the same time. I think she will feel like she is being replaced.

My son was 16 months when my daughter was born and also started day care shortly thereafter. We use an in-home daycare and I started taking my son there for "playdates" once a week ahead of time. Once he seemed comfortable, I left for just 15 minutes. That went well, so I felt comfortable leaving him for the whole time after that. I also started leaving him in daycare at our church for an hour on Sundays a few months ahead of time to get him used to the idea that I always come back. He was familiar with the church daycare room because we had been going to playgroup there once a week. I think familiarity with the surroundings helps. I also think telling kids when you'll be back in terms they understand helps -- for me that meant "I'll be back to take you home for lunch" or "I'm just going to the store" (he knew that meant I would be back soon because I would tell him that when I left him with his Dad to run errands". I also told him as often as possible that "mommy (or daddy) always comes back." I used this when his dad went to work, or when I ran out to the store, when he went to church daycare, or stayed home with grandma. I told him even just driving around in the car and at random times. I wasn't sure it was wohe was getting it, but then a few months later when I picked him up from daycare at the health club for the first time he said "mommy alway come back." He now reassures his sister (he's 28 months and she's 11 months) by telling her that when I drop them both off. I'm pretty sure she doesn't get it, but the point is that he does. Good luck! One last thing. Don't give up. There may be some crying at first (which broke my heart), but for my son it only took 2 or 3 times before he felt comfortable with daycare and now he asks to go on days he doesn't have to -- he loves it (most days).
N.

Don't wait until the baby arrives to start day care. She should already be familiar with and comfortable with day care before the baby arrives, so that she enjoys going there and doesn't feel like she is being banished there because of the baby, who she will resent because of it.

I agree with those above re. starting earlier. But by that I don't mean start dropping her off earlier; I mean go *with her* as many times as you can, for an hour or so each time. She really needs to become familiar with the place and get the idea that you think it's fun to be there, that you think it's safe, etc.

Re. transition when the baby arrives, if it were me, actually I'd try to do the opposite of daycare, on a weekly basis: set aside some time when someone else will take care of the baby, and you will spend time with your daughter alone. Take her to the park, to a coffee shop for a cinnamon roll, whatever... and be sure to tell her it's a "big girl thing" not something babies can do.l

The daycare transition is a tough one; my daughter just started in April (just past 2yo). she cried at dropoff for about five weeks, but it lasted only about 2 minutes. Good luck with the daycare and the addition to your family!

Hi there, I have to admit your post caught my attention because you have my daughters name and inital. About your question. The first thing that poped into my head is what everyone has already suggested, to start early. I don't think a 19 month old will corralate starting daycare with a new sibbling so I don't any jealousy will be the problem but just still wanting to be with you. This way you'll be able to comfort her and reasure her with out another. You'll be able to take your time to transition her and let her be the focus. Then by the time baby comes she'll be feeling safe and happy in her new enviroment. So hurry you don't have much time. Congradulations also!

Well, Along with everyone else, I vote for starting your daughter earlier. New siblings can be a tough adjustment on their own, but it will add to your daughters stress and yours to have to deal with a new daycare and a new baby. You may even consider having her go part of the day if the daycare is open to that. I have a few kids that come to care from just 8am-noon.... Has she ever been in care before?

Having two kids is much harder than having one...I think it's exponentially harder, not just double the work. So good for you if you can have your daughter in care that she likes where she can have a stimulating environment and meet friends her age while you give the baby and yourself the time you will need.

As far as the transition, there are some good books out there about being a big sister. Try to keep your daughter involved in helping with the baby and helping you with thing that the baby is too little to do... Kids love to feel important and values by being helpful. Remember that she will probably regress a bit and become more needy of your attention at times too, and give her what she needs. My daughter had short periods when she wanted to be held like a baby and cuddled like a baby. I'm not saying that I did everything perfectly, but we have very little sibling jealousy I think as a result of always trying to be fair and consistent and meet the needs of both kids.

I just noticed that you already have 2 little ones... in that case, I would be ready for the 5 year old to have some feelings about the new baby too!! If you can arrange it with your husband, you might consider planning some special outing for the 5 and 19 mo old so they remember how special they are and don't get lost in the busyness that happens with a new little one!!

Good Luck!!!
Good luck!!

Hi Malia,
I am a preschool teacher and we are dealing with a similar situation with one of our little boys. The difference is that he has been in our program for awhile now but with the arrival of his baby brother he is adding more days at school. Anyway, adjustments can be difficult for children but they are pretty resilient. I would just say to be cautious that she may "regress" to more baby-like behaviors at first. This little boy in our program is attached to blankets and he never used to be before and he also cries more often. I do not have kids yet myself (I am due 8/20) but having worked with young children for 7 years I can tell you that sometimes the transition is harder for parents (in terms of seeing their child crying and having a hard time) so if you are prepared for that then that might help. But it sounds like big sister is excited so you have properly prepared her for the new arrival. Good luck with everything. I am sure she will do fine at school once she gets used to it. Children really blossom and benefit from social interaction with their peers! Oh, and the big thing with children, as I am sure you well know, is to forecast to them what is going to happen "you are going to go to school today." "mommy is going to leave but she will come back." and so forth.