Transitioning to Own Bed

I let my son fall asleep in his bed with me there; I'd have to go back and lay with him when he woke up at night. He never got out of bed, so I always had to go to him. Gradually the middle of the night stuff got to be a few seconds of tucking him back in and saying goodnight again (especially if I got there quickly when he woke up). Yes, I fell asleep in his bed a lot, and yes, it took a lot of time, but there wasn't much for tears and he sleeps all night in his own room now. It was worth the work. Good luck!

I'm not a fan of the cry it out solution but have heard that it has worked for some. 1st you need to decide at what level are you ok with. If your ok with him sleeping with you like one of the moms it's no big deal. If you want it to stop I suggest baby steps. It will take patience and time but in the end you'll be happy.
1. Make sure naps are in his bed, even if you have to sleep with him at 1st.
2. Make sure you have a simple bedtime routine. Don't just let him fall asleep on the couch when he finally tires out. Set a bed time and a few simple tasks before bed such as change to pjs, read 2 books in his bed, lights out & sing a song also in his bed.
3. At first you may need to sleep with him, assuming he's in a twin bed or next to him if he's in a crib or toddler bed. If he's not yet in a twin bed this may be a good time to transition. Even if it's just a mattress on the floor.
4. Stick to your plan once you start. His main concern is to be with you not necessarily be in your bed.
5. Once you've got this down start easing away one small step at a time. Maybe leave after he's asleep coming back only if he wakes. Do not then bring him to your bed, stay in his. All kids wake in the night, so do you. Therefore I wouldn't worry about a sleep disorder.
6. Your next step may be to sleep or sit in the room with him but not in his bed.

Lastly don't give in and let him come to your bed even once for a special occasion. He'll test his limits and if he sees wiggle room he'll try even harder. It's going to take time but it will be worth it in the end. Remember it's become part of his routine, a habit, and change can take time. Abrupt changes will elicite screaming and crying. I personally can't handle that. Each child is different and needs guidence through change differently but they all can handle change.

I don't have the perfect answer, but I have been going through the same thing with my 4 and a half year old daughter. She too doesn't sooth very well and never has. I started with a sleep specialist, we found out that she had sleep apnea, after taking her tonsils and adnoids out, she is still waking up in the middle of the night. I would start off with the battle by making him fall asleep in his own room, not in the living room. I know you are probably thinking, "this lady has no idea how much he screems" let me assure you I do, my daughter is and was the same way. I am a single mom so it is more difficult for me, as I have no one to trade off with. Between you and your husband, take turns putting him back in bed, as many times as it takes, it is very hard to do, as you get tired of hearing it, and just want him to fall asleep, but after a few days of knowing you won't give up, he will learn to fall asleep in his own bed. As for staying in bed, I will let you know when I get that one figured out, as I said, my daughter at 4 still does it. I hope this helps! I know how awful it is when your not getting the right amount of sleep either!!!!I have been doing it since the day my daughter was born. Good Luck!!!

K.

I just gave in and let my daughter come in my bed she weened herself at age6 to her own room/bed. For me it wasn't a big deal sleep was all I ultimately cared about. My daughter's big comfort item was her bottle and when I took that away she didn't have or want any other security object except for me her momma.

I have 3 children (8, 4, 1.5). My son (middle), who is 4 does the same thing. He goes to bed in his bed and later between 1-3 comes into our bed. He has slept with us for over a year like this. He says he is scared and feels safe in our bed. I can relate. I was the same way when I was little. I hate to be this way, but who cares if they sleep in your bed. I realize it puts a crimp in things and the child needs to learn independance, but wouldn't you rather have a child that feels safe and secure over scared and crying. My other two children (8 and 1.5) sleep through the night and in their own beds. I truly believe each child is totally unique.

First you need to know that we had this problem ourselves and they do grow out of it! Our son did the same thing for quite a few years and then one night he just started sleeping in his own bed. Our daughter was the one that wouldn't go to sleep in her bed. We just started putting her to bed and read her a story or let her look at books until a certain time ans then the light went out, she had a night light for her room too and that helped. She was told that she had to have everything taken care of before getting into bed, bathroom, snack, drink ect. Every time she got up there was a consequence, like no TV time or some thing like that, whatever your son likes, go from there. But also remember to reward if they do stay there, start with big rewards and then get littler so that he knows that there isn't going to be a reward every night for the next 16 years! Good luck. And if all else fails, remember, they grow out of these things and pick your battles.

try laying down with him in his own room,don't let him fall asleep in the living room first then move him to his room try putting to bed in his room and try playing music or a t.v. on low volume that might make just enough sound for your little guy it might be too quiet for him and that is what wakes him up

I'm a fan of Supernanny. =) She said to start with naps in their own bed and basically let him cry it out. Let him know you love him and will be there for him, but he needs to sleep in his bed. If he gets out, take him back as many times as necessary without any dialog and minimal interaction. Once he gets good with naps, start doing it at night. Or you can go cold turkey to avoid confusion and not allow him back in your bed at all.

As a mom of 7 children, we have experienced that problem a time of two. What worked for us is that the minute they little one comes to bed with you, pick them us and put them back to bed, I at times would lay down in my childs bed with them for a few minutes and rub their back, each night I lessened the time and before long, they quit coming in at night, but it did take about a week. THE KEY IS NOT LETTING THEM STAY IN YOUR BED.

You must have a bedtime ritual...repeatly the same everynight. You have a small snack, you brush your teeth get ready for bed , sit quietly and read a book and explain it is not time to shut the light out and sleep. Upon waking and wanting in parents bed....return him to his own bed and explain this is where you sleep....give a comfort toy or blanket to snuggle with , shut the door and say good night...keep it up for several nights and it will become a way of life, but the parent can't give in and let the child rule them.....a night light or a music background of water falls or birds is sometimes calming to children...Joan