My son will be 2 in a couple of weeks and he was continually climbing out of his crib and crawling into bed with us. Sometimes we did let him sleep there once he came in if we were really tired - which was probably a mistake, but what's done is done. So we got him a fire truck toddler bed because he LOVES fire trucks. And he was so excited when I was putting it together and when it was done he was loving it. This was just Saturday, so it has only been a few days. But when it came time to go to bed - forget it. He was hysterical. We did not change bedtime routines. We did the exact same thing, same sheets, same blankets, etc - only difference was the bed. Before he could crawl out of the crib, we never had any trouble with bed time. He would lay there and put himself to sleep and wouldn't cry. We can't even get him to lay down in this bed. As soon as we try it he is screaming and getting up. I have tried putting him back in bed without communication (like on Supernanny), I have tried rubbing his back but he usually won't lay down even long enough for me to start that.
Finally, when I am at my wit's end, (by then it is usually 9:30 or so) I walk into my bedroom and ask/beg my husband to take over. We do not see eye to eye on how to do this. I think he needs to learn to stay in bed and go to sleep in his bed. My husband goes in there, makes a pallet on the floor and lays down with the baby until he is asleep and then moves him into his bed. I think this is setting a really bad precedent. He has yet to fall asleep in his new bed.
Then he usualy wakes up several times at night and comes to our room. He knows how to open doors so closing the door (which we do) does nothing to keep him in there. I wouldn't mind him looking at books or playing with stuffed toys in his room or on his bed after we leave the room, but he won't stay in there once we leave the room. How do you keep them in their rooms after bed time?? I am so stressed over this and so exhausted. I don't know what else to do. Any advice is appreciated.
Gate at the door.
Please don't lock him in his room...can't imagine the fear, or sense of hopelessness...
At least with a gate, he can see out, see your room, etc.
I wouldn't worry too much about setting a precedent or creating a bad habit. Routines can be tweaked and habits can be changed. I've always been a fan of finding something that works, using that and tweaking it later.
Our son often (4 times a week?) comes into our bed in the middle of the night. We let him. He likes being close to us. It helps him feel safe and loved. He'll grow out of it. For now, it helps us all get some sleep.
If lying with him and waiting for him to fall asleep and then moving him to his bed works, go for it. As he becomes more comfortable with the situation he'll be able to go to sleep on his own.
The important thing to keep in mind is that if you find something that works, it really is ok to just go with it. If it's not ideally the way you want him to go to sleep you'll tweak it later. Right now, just go with what works.
I agree with you. Once you start something it's harder to stop it and make a new routine. I think you need to tell your son this is his new bed, that he is to sleep there and you will check on him. Put him back in it when he gets out. Put up a gate if you need to so he won't come out of his room. He will learn to stay in it and go to sleep. It will take time, patience on your end and you and your husband on the same page.
All four of my kids were different. They went from go to bed, okay, to reversing door knobs so they couldn't get out. (unlocked as soon as they fell asleep) Well except my one bugger who figured out if he was quiet till he heard me unlock the door and stayed there until we were snug in bed, he could sneak in with a good chance we wouldn't have the energy to put him back....
My point is they are smart little buggers and they know how to get what they want. The key is figuring out what they want and making sure getting up doesn't give them that.
Good news, they all sleep in their beds now....granted the youngest is 11. :p
Figure out your line in the sand and stand firm.
Let your son make a pallet on the floor and sleep there himself once it's bedtime, you or hubby leave him be. He doesn't have to stay in bed, he will eventually. Since he went to sleep on his own before you know he can do it.
As far as keeping him in his room you can 1) put a door knob cover on the knob so he can't open the door (I taped the seams with clear packing tape and he couldn't figure how to pop it off) 2) install a high latch on his door on the outside of it, or 3) lock your bedroom door so he can't come in until he learns your room is your room and he only goes in when you say it's OK. Middle of the night he stays in his room. Comfort him once, then it's time for sleep. Supernanny's method works, yet can take 100 times of doing it a night for a few nights. Whatever you choose stick to it.
Draw your line in the sand, so to speak, and stay consistent. He'll get it!
We put a chain lock on the outside of our daughters door so we can ensure that she does not coke out of her room at night. Now, I hated this and highly doubted it wjuld work but after 15 minutes of her screaming at the door with her little arms reaching out of the 6 inches of space that the chain allows her to open and have, she gave up, got in bed, and went to sleep. I usually wait in my room until I cannot hear the screaming anymore and then abou5. 30. Minutes after that, I go quietly unlock the chain and she stays in bed all night. It's not conventional but it works for us. We still have the baby monitors but since she can actually open the door, but not actually get out, I can hear everything. Plus, I actually feel better about locking her door with the chain lock now because when she started sleepwalking, I had the option to keep her door locked to keep her from getting hurt in the middle of the night or falling down the stAirs. Our method may not be right for everyone but it has certainly worked wonders for us. My husband was completely right when he installed that sliding chain and bolt lock. It keeps her safe, my mind at ease, and out nights much less stressful. Good luck!
We put the plastic door knob cover on the door with my second. He was crawling out of his crib before 18 months. I felt he was safer in his room than allowed to roam the house, which he would do. He transitioned to a toddler bed before the age of two and wouldn't stay in it, I would hear him rattle the door knob and then just get back into bed and fall asleep. So, keeping him contained in his room is what worked for us.
Now at almost 3, the door is just left open and he still occasionally will come into our room, we just bring him right back and put him to bed. The kids sleeping in our bed has just never been something we've been able to do, they don't sleep!
My son loved Thomas, so like you did, I bought him a toddler bed that he loved. But, he would not stay in it. Luckily for me, I had kept the crib set up (and he could not get out of the crib), so when I he got out of bed, I put him back into the crib. And, I told him, if you come out of your room, you have to sleep in the crib. If you want to sleep with Thomas, you have to stay in bed once you go to bed. He got out of bed maybe 2-3 nights and then was fine about staying in.
With my daughter, the issue wasn't getting up out of her toddler bed as much as it was just crying and not wanting to go to bed. And, then she started getting up and wanting that cup of water or go pee or check on me, or whatever. It was infuriating. So, I put a baby gate up at the end of the hallway (so she could still access the bathroom and get water or go potty, but she had to stay in her area of the house). She HATED the gate. In seriously infuriated her. I said, "As long as you come out, the gate will stay up." If you follow the rules, I won't put the gate up. For about a year, I had to put the gate up once a month to reinforce that I was serious. She's five now and totally gets it. I haven't put the gate up in at least a year, if not longer. But, honestly, I'm keeping the gate because I don't want to go backwards at all. After 8 PM is MY time. They need to stay on their side of the house.
Good luck,
L.
He might not be ready yet. Even though he was crawling out of his crib the walls of the crib might have given him a sense of safety and security. My son's crib was the 4 in one so it went from crib to a toddler bed with half a barrier wall with an opening he could crawl out of when he wanted. Does your son's new bed have something like that?
We did the toddler bed at 18 months but he still does not know how to open the door. He just goes down on the bed, I sing 2 songs and leave by 8pm. Same with nap. I think we are lucky.
If he DID figure that out and did not stay, I'd gate off the door or hallway, whichever worked to allow his door to still be shut at night. And I would ignore screaming if that were a problem.
Wanting to be with one's parents at a young age is completely normal. Actually, in most societies (except Western of course), children sleep with or near their parents. Not to be rude, but did you honestly think your son would choose a firetruck over you and your husband? Would you really want him to choose a firetruck over the deep connection you have? You have 2 choices. You can train it out of him or you can work with him and provide a reasonable compromise. No, I don't think laying on the floor with him is a good compromise. At this point, he probably hates the bed and associates it with you leaving. I would ditch the toddler bed (which I don't reccomend to any unless you get one free) and go to a full size bed or a twin at the very least. That way, you or your husband and lay with him in bed properly and his last thoughts before bed with be fillled with kindness and acceptance not annoyance. I am not saying he wont come to your bed at night after you leave his room. At that point you have the choice of letting him stay with you, you staying with him., or trying another sleep training. But take it one step at a time. Let him pick out his own big bed.
