Transition Schedule-- Transitioning

I agree with Kelly, my granddaughter has been in shared custody since she was 4 and she will be 13. They did the 1 week at each house and picked up at school on Fridays. During summer they stayed the same they always picked up on friday. But the routines were different at each home, she adjusted very well. But if you and your ex can talk and be in agreement about a routine I think that would be great. my son's ex would not be inagreement with him and she always did her own thing. This is the first year she(granddaughter) has made a decision that she wants to be with her dad going into middle school, because he is involved in her school and sports and supports her, her mom & step dad don't bring her or come to see her play very often. Her mom is now fighting that she don't want her to be at her dads and only see her every other weekend. So granddaughter is very sad right now until this gets resolved. Anyway, she has done great in school, has good friends at her dads, mom's no friends lives out of the school district. God bless you in getting a routine worked out especially at this young age.

Please do not make leaving a "big deal", if anything build her up for it, don't set her up to miss you.

I have 2 situations, I have dealt with. Both sides of the coin. When my ex and i got a divorce for the first year we shared custody. I would have them for 1 week, he would have them 1 week. He would pick them up at school on Friday and their week with him would begin. I always made a big deal out of them going to dad's house and then when they came home, we would just go right back to our routine. It worked great. They always looked forward to going to dad's and coming home.

Other side of the coin. My step-son has been coming to my house since he was 9 months old. He is almost 11. His mom and grandparents would plan things on the day for him to come here. Buy a new toy, take a day trip, play in the pool. They would do these things right up until time to meet up with dad. When we would pick him up he would be extremely upset and stay that way for most of the weekend. When we finally asked, they told us the truth, that they had done these things. For example, "he was playing his new video game and we said it was time to go to dad's" . They set him up to have a bad time at our house. Not only was it not fair for us, it was horribly not fair for him.

Your little girl will adjust just fine. It is you that may have trouble adjusting. Plan things to keep yourself busy when you are away from her. Don't call her while she is at dad's, just let her have a good time. I promise it will pay off in the long run.

(((hugs)))

Hi M.! My son has been going between his dad's house and my house since he was 1 year old. He is 3 now. He does GREAT! He loves going with his dad and he's always very excited to see me when he gets home. I don't do anything out of the ordinary when he comes home. I try to keep a routine at our house. I know he doesn't have much routine at his dad's (his dad is irresponsible and will not listen to me), so thankfully he's adjusted great! I do try to do special activities with him on my weekends and cook a special breakfast one of those days. However, during the regular week--I keep the same routine. I'm not sure what your custody arrangement is though. My son only goes with his dad every other weekend and on Wednesday evenings. I think if he was gone for a week at a time, it would be hard not to want to do something special to welcome him home. I think cooking a special breakfast in that case would be perfect. And then maybe whatever they wanted for dinner--make it or order it. ?? Good luck! Don't worry, it'll get easier.

I would think that as long as she has consistency at each house, a transition routine isn't necessary, other than telling her it is happening. How long is she at each house? I wonder if making a bigger deal out of the fact that she is going back and forth would make it harder, rather than just a fact of life?