Transgender Child

What is the age of the child? It may make a difference if you are talking elementary school vs. HS. What does the transgender child want to say about it. It is what it is. I hope the child get support from friends but what role are you thinking the school should play in this?

Re: restrooms and locker rooms...I think the child should use the facility of the sex their genatalia show they are...not how they feel. Once a sex change operation takes place then they can switch.

It is so sad that this has to be a "thing." Should there be some big announcement that a kid is left handed or has green eyes? Ugh. We are working hard to teach our children that people are all different- different color skin, different beliefs, and sometimes boys marry boys/girls marry girls or feel like they are a different gender on the inside than they are on the outside. I would consider it an epic parenting fail if my kids had a problem with a transgender child at their school.

You are right- in all likelihood, there will be parents who will be jerks, regardless of the grade level. And kids, too. I think there are some good suggestions below. I don't have any brilliant solutions to add, I just hope we quickly get to a place where this question is no longer necessary.

This child may be mature enough to handle talking about it, but like any other sometimes 'taboo' subjects, it should be thought out carefully. Perhaps addressed first to a counselor who can acknowledge this situation and help guide them on how to open up this secret to the world. While it is cathartic I am sure and somewhat a relief to let the world know,others may not be so mature (especially adults who might have not grown up with accepting this sort of thing) and there could be some unthought of consequences.I encourage first the seeking of help or counseling before unveiling this information just to be prepared.

I agree with the suggestion that the support and guidance of a counselor would be most helpful. You don't say the age of your child, so the maturity of their peer group needs to be taken into consideration as well as the child's own maturity. I think the balance between being transparent/open with peers AND protecting one's person (emotionally especially) is important. Discussing how the child plans to handle various reactions is also important. If I were in that position as a parent, I'd want some support from someone who could help my child hear that these concerns were not just *my* concerns, but reasonable concerns any parent would have for their kid. A neutral third party helping in this way would be instrumental.

You don't say how old the child is. That would be helpful. A friend of my son's has a transgender sibling, and my synagogue has several openly transgender adults (kids in family). The transition is difficult with children because of bullying (LGBT kids are at highest risk), and of course if there is resistance and a lack of acceptance/understanding among adults in the community. My son's friend had a terrible time in high school because the full reason for his distress wasn't talked about, and he didn't transition until college age. Perhaps it would have been easier if it was openly discussed, but he wasn't "there" yet. I really encourage the family of the child to get good counseling before going public, and then to work with the school just as one would with any other issue that needs to be fully integrated. As with anything else, knowledge is power, for all concerned.

ETA: the child should use the rest rooms of the gender where he/she identifies, regardless of surgery. The child can use a stall for privacy so there's no issue, depending on the genitalia involved. The child should not be forced to use the rest room of the misidentified gender. That's cruel to the child and actually far more confusing to the other children. There's no point, for example, for a transgender girl, misidentified as male at birth but who has been living and dressing as a girl for 2 years, to be forced to use the boys bathroom.

I have already talked to my children (age 8 and 10 at the time) about what it means to be transgender. It was covered in the book I got them about sexual health. It is really simple to explain really. I just told them that gender is based off our brains and not just what genitals we may have been born with, and it is none of their business what genitals someone may have, that they should be respectful and treat each person as a person and as the gender they know inside they are even if it does not match the outside. I made sure they understood that they means that people should be treated as their chosen gender, that they should use the right descriptors (her, she, or him, he), and that they person should be allowed to use the bathroom and facilities meant for their chosen gender.

My 14 yo granddaughter came out as transgender this year. The high school she attends is very accepting. When she told the school counselor she wanted to be called by a more masculine name and use masculine pronouns they changed her name and pronoun designation on school records. He has not begun treatment to change her sex. I appreciate the schools acceptance and sensitivity. She continues to use female restrooms perhaps because because she still looks female. I do wonder how this plays out in the legal world.

A note about older kids stating they are transgenderd: a social worker who accepts transgenderism also said that we are having an epidemic of teens who are just coming out with different identies.

I also read that very young children who feel that they were meant to be the opposite sex are taking hormones at their young age and will have surgery while young. I suggest that young children's brains are not developed enough to decide to hormones and having surgery. Good to recognize the feelings and the openness in dressing and acting. I suggest that the feeling of being the opposite sex is complicated with emotion and medical issues.

At 72, I know that knowledge and acceptance is growing tho I suggest we really don't know enough medically to be making major physical changes at young ages. I know gay and lesion men and women. they function well in the bodies in which they were born. What makes one feel that they are transgenderd?

This subject is new to me. For years I've accepted each person in the way they relate with their sexual identity. Right now for me that's enough. My grandaughter says she feels male. I accept that. I do feel confused because the only difference I see in her is her choice of name, male pronouns, and wardrobe. I am learning.

My daughter dressed butch from about age 12 and on and remained hetersexual into adulthood. I don't understand the difference and I'm continuing to learn.

I also suggest that you talk with the school counselor who would be able to know reactions within the school. I have found three private counseling services run by GLBT therapists who are reported to sensitive to the many sides of this issue. I urge you to talk with them about the most sensitive way to handle this.

I would work with your child first. Help them develop a thick skin because not everyone is going to be "good" about this. Your child is still very young and people can be really really horrible. Your child needs to feel secure and safe because they really do have a rock road ahead of them.

I personally never understood "coming out". I just don't think of another's sexual orientation as anyone else's business. I have had friends come out to me and then become very angry that I didn't react the way they thought I should. Who you take to your bed is none of my concern so why tell me about it? How you choose to present yourself to the world is none of my business. Dress as you please and I will treat you the way you present yourself. Why bother to tell me you were not born into the gender in which you are now dressing?

Good luck to you in everything.

The child started dressing opposite gender before kindergarten. And the child wants to announce being transgender in first grade.

This child seems too young for this, but interesting.

If my 1st grader had this child in his class I'd tell him, "____is a ___but ___feels more like a _____ so...just don't worry about it. Don't be mean to anyone. Don't make fun of anyone. It's a natural way some people are. If you see anyone else being mean about it reassure____, go to their side, and tell the teacher about any bullying.." By this time my 1st grade boy would have lost his attention span on the topic though..

As for my third grader, I would tell it like it is to her and she'd be able to understand. My first grader is not so much in tune with psychological stuff...my kindergartner would have no idea what I was saying. She'd understand me, but not the real issue in depth.

I'd personally urge the transgender child to hold off on announcements for a year or two until classmates are more mature. But then maybe it would all be more natural to start earlier when kids have less judgment.....tough one.

Wow, so you are saying that a child at 4 years old decided that they wanted to be the opposite sex? You are saying that at 6 or 7 years old, this child has enough emotional maturity to really know this?

I really find this hard to believe...My advice would be to employ a counselor that deals with these types of issues. I do believe that this child will run into issues with this. From the perspective of the other kids, this child IS whatever sex they were born as. If the child all of the sudden wants to start going into the opposite bathroom, then yeah...the other kids are going to notice and make comment on it.