My daughter turned 3 in June and we decided it was time take away her pacifier. We tried the paci fairy or talking to her about using them as "payment" for a new toy. She wasnt into anything so we took it away cold turkey last Tuesday. She is of course attached to it like every other child. She has been up screaming every night, last night I found her in her closet at 3am screaming. She never asks for it back, my husband says b/c she knows we won't give it to her. She has never been a great sleeper but at least she would go back to sleep now she cries for an hour. She has also been itching like crazy which she does when she is anxious or nervous. She dug her neck and now has scratch marks.
My husband wants to give her paci back...I of course don't b/c we have made it this far. But each day is not getting easier. Help!
Thank you to all who responded...we did not end up giving her paci back. I had a long talk with her, if she wakes up and needs something she comes and gets us before getting all worked up. Things are going much better. We were ready to give it back to her but she seems to do better each day.
Not worth the battle to me. If it is only at night why rush it? I mean I know she is 3 and you feel it it time. But you've taken away something that sooths her. She won't be sucking on a paci in kindergarten. My daughter gave hers up at 2 /12 because it actually did break on it's own. She looked at it and went and threw it away in the trash. But she made the decision she didn't want it anymore. Let you daughter give it up when she is ready.
Some people have found that instead of taking away the paci, they cut a tiny slit in the tip..... then the sucking action doesn't work as well, and the paci is "broken" and the child basically weans themselves... they may keep it in their mouth for a while, but eventually they don't get the satisfaction of the sucking, so they quit.
http://www.babycenter.com/400_how-can-i-get-my-son-to-par...
Wow. Self-mutilation vs. some arbitrary "right" age to be without a pacifier. Give the thing back.
It won't hurt her if you give it back, and then you will all get some sleep. As I always say, she won't be sucking on her paci at high school graduation. You have to decide on whether this is worth your sanity.
You could try giving it back and cutting the tip off. I did that with my 3 year old daughter, and it worked. She was puzzled, but then gave it up on her own.
This behavior should not have lasted this long. She sounds like she really counted on that paci for a huge amount of comfort and stability. You don't say whether she was only using it at night before you took it away. If that is all she was using it, I don't understand taking it away in the first place. Sucking on it only at night is not going to affect her teeth or her speech. If she was sucking it during the day a great deal, then just work on limiting that time. Give it back and explain that it is only for night time.
The paci is nurturing to her and gives her security. She should've been weaned from it and given other forms of nurturing that would build security (extra attention, extra cuddles, etc). Your child is sitting in a closet screaming at 3a.m. She's scratching her neck. Obviously, the loss of her paci is causing a lot of anxiety and fear. She wasn't ready to give it up, and letting her continue in this kind of psychological pain is cruel. Let her have the paci back at night.
Okay, my youngest daughter was a binkie addict (we probably had 30 of them, so many they had their own drawer in the kitchen), so I understand your dilemma. By far the easiest thing to do is cut the tips off of all her binkies and then let her have them. She will be able to hold it and put it in her mouth, just like always, but it will not work anymore! She won't want it because it won't be as satisfying. We did this with my daughter, and it worked like magic. She stood there at her binkie drawer testing each one and then discarding them one by one. Finally she looked up, astonished, and said, "They're ALL broken!" And I looked at her and said, "Oh, that's too bad!" - and she ran off to play, and never wanted one again. I was stunned speechless that it was so easy. Seriously - give it a try. I promise you will be amazed how easy it is if you just cut the tip off of all her binkies, and then let her have them as usual. Good luck!
She is clearly not ready, there has to be a compromise in there somewhere. By now she should have moved past it, your little girls is in clear distress. I would give it back with rules, then slowly over time start placing more rules on when it can or can't be used.
Give it back with the tip snipped....win/win. She'll lose interest pretty quickly.
I think it's time to hand back the paci.
I know you said "we've made it this far", but really-- it does not sound like your daughter is 'making it' at all. She showing you her anxiety behavior...it sounds like she's in complete distress. The pacifier is her security item-- until she has a reasonable substitute or the pacifier comes back, this isn't going to go away.
Personally, this is one I would not be digging my heels in on. A power struggle with a three year old is not going to improve your relationship with her.
Exactly why I would never allow my child to have a paci that long. It's much easier to take it away before a year. My advice: do NOT give it back. Let her pick a new lovey (stuffed animal, blanket, toy, etc).
I dunno for sure what I'd do, but I think I would let her have it for bedtime sake since a week without it hasnt been very positive for any of you. I wouldnt let her have it at any other time tho especially since you've gone without it for an entire week.
Snipping the tip to take away part of the satisfaction might be the way for her to finally lose interest on her own... I'd do that.
So, is it worth it? Do you feel like you are a good mom right now?
She's not ready. I can't imagine a child going through this strong of a reaction to this. She still needs it.
My son was an avid binky user. Day and night.
We took his away before he turned 3.
How?
Well we told him that Santa needed it to help the other kids.
Then with him we gathered it all up... put it in a bag to "mail" to Santa.
And that was it.
However, he also had a Lovey that he slept with too.
My son took about 2 days to adjust.
But he didn't tantrum about it, and he did fine.
We let him talk about it... he'd say he missed his binkies etc. and that is was special to him etc. But so that was fine, we allowed him to talk about it. It was his way of adapting and getting out his feelings about it. We told him we understand. But Santa will be happy... he is helping the other kids.
Now the reason we took away his Binky was: because, it was affecting the alignment of his teeth. Both top and bottom. But at that point, it was reversible without any dental work. It took a span of about 6 months to 1 year, for his mouth/teeth to revert back to its original, structure and alignment.
Your girl, is not adjusting well. She seems real stressed by it.
Wow.
Maybe you can allow her to use it, ONLY at night.
As a compromise.
It is up to you if you want to continue or not. If it is over a week or ten days and still she is super stressed I'd consider giving it back. You could limit it to only in bed and only let her have 1. I get itchy skin when I am stressed or very overtired or run down. She probably needs a few good nights of sleep.
It depends on your parenting style. My kids never had pacis past the first few months. My older one was a thumb sucker. Around 3.5 the dentist told him to stop. He was able to move to only at bedtime around 4 and at 6 it's only if he is hurt or sick. Not worth a fight to me. Same with bottles. I switched them to sippies in the daytime between 1 and 2 but the bedtime bottle took a while to go on it's own. Older one gave it up around 2.5 and younger is still giving it up (she is 3 and it is only if requested).
We did the same thing to my DD, she was a couple months past 3yrs old and the last one broke. So, we tried to go without. She was not at all ready, screaming for hours at night and nap. We decided to give it back and let her give it up on her own time. She only uses it to sleep, so we don't think it's a big deal.
I suggest the same for your DD - paci is only for sleeping and then don't sweat it.
Okay, well if this were me, I'd probably continue on a few more days and not give it back. I'm sort of like you, when we make the change, that's it, no going back. The others bring up some good points, but it really isn't good for her to have the paci. Now, if is just at night that she used it, well...that is a little better. My daughter is a thumb sucker. She is 4.5 and has NO interest in stopping this issue. I wasn't really hard core into forcing her to stop (for the reasons a lot of moms issued here in your case) but when her 2 y/o brother started doing it b/c she was doing it, that was the end of it for me! I was hell bent on stopping the behavior. I do still let her suck her thumb at night hoping that she'll wean herself off of that, but I don't know. Anyway, I digress...
Have you tried "bribing" her now?? Maybe say to her hey I've noticed that you haven't been sleeping very well the last few nights. Would you like to go to the store and pick out a new animal/doll/nightlight to help you sleep at night?
It might do the trick since she'll be back in control. I bribed my daughter with a cupcake party. She had to be thumb free (during the day) for a month and then I made her any cupcake out of a fancy book and invited her friends over. It was a huge motivator for her, but she is older than your daughter.
Good luck. I'm not sure what the right thing to do in this situation is, but I still say give it a few more nights.
Go at least a couple more days.
Once your daughter started itching, I can totally understand why you gave the pacifier back. I'm sure I'd have done the same thing just to stop her from harming herself.
In my case, I started doing the "binkie snip" with my two year old daughter. She was so attached to having them that I knew that the "cold turkey" method wouldn't work.
I took a kitchen scissors and cut little bits of the tips away every day. It took less than a week for her to abandon them altogether because they just weren't satisfying anymore. In fact, she threw them in the trash herself. That was something I thought I'd never see!
Every child is different so what worked with mine might not necessarily work for yours.
I hope you find a method that is right for your family!
Good luck. : )
When my 8 year old was 3 we did the exact same thing (take away the paci!) but we did not get the same reaction. My daughter was fine. If she had been acting the way yours is I think I probably would've caved (in all honesty). Before you took it away did she use it all the time or just at night? My daughter stopped using it completely, except at night, around 12 months. I don't know if that makes a difference. I would "unplug her" when she got up and "plug her in" when she went to bed. If your daughter was using it day and night do you think you could now just give it back at night? What she is doing sounds pretty traumatic. Good luck, and I hope you ALL get some sleep soon :)
Did you wean her first? I mean, did she have the pacifier all the time, or did she only have it to go to sleep?
If she was used to having it all the time I think you should at least let her have it at bedtime. Then you can wait a few months and try again. If she only had it at bedtime I would give it a few more days and see how it goes. Also replace that comfort she's used to having with something else, like extra rocking and snuggling with you before bed.
